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Some are good, and let dearly ; while some, 'tis well
known, Are so dear, and so bad, they are best let alone.-Will Waddle, whose temper was studious and lonely, Hired lodgings that took Single Gentlemen only ; But Will was so fat he appeared like a tun : Or like two Single Gentlemen rolled into one. He entered his rooms, and to bed he retreated : But all night long he felt severed and heated; And though heavy to weigh, as a score of fat sheep, He was not, by any means, heavy to sleep.-. Next night, 'twas the same !—and the next ! and the next! He perspired like an ox; he was nervous, and vexed. Week passed after week, till, by weekly succession, His weakly condition was past all expression.In six months his acquaintance began much to doubt him; For his skin like a lady's loose gown, hung about him! So he sent for a doctor, and cried, like a ninny, “ I've lost many pounds--Inake me well-there's a
guinea.” The Doctor looked wise :-"A slow fever," he said : Prescribed sudorifics and going to bed- Sudorifics in bed!" exclaimed Will, " are humbugs! I've enough of them there, without paying for drugs!" Will kicked out the Doctor :-but, when ill indeed, E'en dismissing the Doctor, don't always succeed; So calling bis host, he said—“Sir, do you know, I'm the fat Single Gentleman, six months ago? “ Look ye, landlord, I think,” argued Will with a grin, " That with honest intentions you first took me in : But froin the first night—and to say it I'm boldI've been so very hot, that I'm sure I've caught cold !" Quoth the landlord—“ Till now I ne'er bad a dispute: I've let lodgings ten years I'm a baker to boot ;
In airing your sheets, Sir, my wife is no sloven; And your bed is immediately over my oven.” “ The oven !!!"-says Will ;-says the host,“ Why this
passion ? In that excellent bed died three people of fashion ! Why so crusty, good Sir?”_" Zounds!” cried Will in a
taking, 66 Who would not be crusty, with a half a year's baking ?"
CXXX. THE FAT ACTOR AND THE RUSTIC.--New Monthly
Of an unbounded stomach, Shakspeare says,
But had he seen a player in our days
This actor's belt surrounds,
Of our odd fishes
Although his wishes
He found himself at Lille one afternoon,
Out of the town he took a stroll,
With sight of streams, and trees, and snowy fleeces,
Until the moon began to shine,
Pulled out his watch, and cried—“Past nine;
Stumping along with might and main;
And, though 'tis plain
(Those who had seen him would confess it) he
Marched well for one of such obesity.
He puffed and blew along the road,
When in his path he met a clown
Returning from the town.
“ Get in!” replied the hesitating loon,
“A load of hay went in this afternoon.”
THE OLD CHEESE, OR THE HUSBAND ONLY FIT TO BE
Say Slouch could hardly call his own;
His friends thought this was a tyrannic rule,
He said, “that the next Tuesday noon would show
, And on his knees does his rash act disclose, And prays dear Sukey—that, one day, at least, He might appear as master of the feast.
“I'll grant your wish,” cries Sue," that you may see "Twere wisdom to be governed still by me.”
The guests upon the day appointed, came; Each hearty farmer and his simpering dame.
65 Ho, Sue !" cries Slouch,“ why dost thou not appear? " Are these thy manners when Aunt Snap is here ?"
“I pardon ask,” says Sue; " I'd not offend "Any my dear invites; much less his friend."
Slouch by his kinsman Gruffy had been taught
enough ;"66 The bacon's rusty;
“ And the fowls are tough;— 66 The veal's all
“the butter's turned to oil ;" " And thus I buy good food for sluts to spoil!"
“We are the only Slouches ever sat “ Down to a pudding without plums or fat.”—
Why must old pigeons, and they stale be drest “When there's so many squab ones in the nest ?” “ This wine is sour;" —the cider, thick and stale, “And worse than any thing, except the ale.”
Sue, all this while, many excuses made; Some things she own'd; at other times she laid The fault on chance; but oftener on the maid. Then cheese was brought. Says Slouch, " This e’en
sball roll; “I'm sure 'tis hard enough to make a bowl.” “ This is skimm’d milk; and therefore it shall go ;" And this, because 'tis Suffolk, follow too.”
But now Sue's patience did begin to waste; Nor longer could dissimulation last.
“Pray let me rise,” says she," my dear!-I'll find 6 A cheese, perhaps, may be to Lovey's mind !"
Then in an entry standing close, where he
“I'll try, my Joy !" she cried, “ if I can please “My dearest with a taste of his Old Cheese!"
Slouch, turning round, saw his wife’s vigorous hand Wielding her oaken sapling of command. He knew the twang. - Is't the Old Cheese?
dear! "No need, no need of cheese,” cries Slouch, “I'll swear: “ I think I've dined as well as my Lord Mayor !"
THE MARCH TO MOSCOW.
Bonaparte he would set out