T

CHAPTER III.

ON THE MISTAKES MADE BY CERTAIN YOUNGER SONS, IN THE TREATMENT AND MANAGEMENT OF THEIR DUNS.

AS

these pages are

intended not only

to amuse, but to instruct the ris

ing generation, I shall in this chapter point out certain errors into which inexperienced Detrimentals are apt to fall, relatively to the behaviour and demeanour proper to be observed towards Duns. A Dun is too often considered by rash tyros as a vulgar

and disagreeable nuisance, who must be kept off by bullying and haughtiness. This is a great, a very great mistake. To the experienced Detrimental, the pleasure of skilfully managing his formidable adversary, almost atones for the little inconveniences incident to the complaint of Dun-o-phobia.

The Dun is an animal which may be led, but will not be driven; a delicate hand, and an oily tongue, are indispensable in his management; and no Younger Son, who knows really what he is about, will run the risk of infuriating by rough treatment the capricious visitor, who may, by politeness and discriminating flattery, be rendered docile as a lady's palfrey. In my own experience-and it is by no means a limited one-I have seen the most miraculous changes effected in a Dun, by the exercise of adroitness and patience. Oh, Detrimental! pause before you attempt to ride the high horse over your unpleasant but necessary besieger. Recollect, that after all, you do owe the man

money-perhaps, a good deal; recollect, how long he has waited for it, and how long he has still to wait; and do not, by a rash impetuosity, turn the might-be ally into the certain foe. We do not live now in feudal times, when the haughty baron could with impunity throw from his castle tower the impudent varlet who should dare to ask him for money; and even the Hibernian method of making a bailiff swallow his own writs, would be sadly out of place in these degenerate, namby-pamby, and milk-and-water days. Recollect, too, unfeeling youth, the enjoyments you have derived through the instru mentality of that despised being before you. Is he a tailor? reflect that it was to the exquisite cut of his coat that you owed the fascinating glance which the beautiful Lady Mary vouchsafed you the other evening. Is he a wine merchant? let your heart soften at the remembrance of the luscious burgundy with which his cellars have supplied your epicurean palate. Is he a tobacconist? oh! remember

all the fairy visions evoked by the fumes of his Regalias, Panatellas, and Cabanas-all the weary hours soothed by his blessed narcotic. Remember these things, and smile upon your Dun. The creature is a man-whatever you may think-and, like other men, is to be led by affability and flattery: nay, by proper management, this very visit, at which you are so indignant, may be made the medium of fresh advantages to you; and the Dun who came for money, may go away rejoicing in a fresh order. We know that Lovelaces who are paying court to the lawful spouse of another, always begin operations by making that other their friend; and these are the tactics I recommend to you, Detrimentals, in your dealings with your creditors: you are not sighing for the Dun's wife, but you are sighing for the pleasant articles which he dispenses; and surely, if you would attain them, you must worm yourselves into the confidence and esteem of their possessor; if you wish for the golden fruit, you

must first send to sleep, with a honied sop, the dragon, whose watchfulness protects it. Nothing is to be done in this world—at least by Younger Sons-without labour, either of mind or body. If you were not in the man's books, you would not be annoyed by his being in your rooms: your own hands have brewed the black draught you have got to swallow; your own imprudence has strewed the thorny bed which you have got to lie on. What is the use, then, of kicking against the thorns, or of making faces at the physic? Is it not wiser to attempt converting the one into a draught of nectar, and the other into a bed of rose-leaves? This may be effected by prudence and discernment, but wo to you if you give way to irritation. The worm will turn if trodden upon; and the Dun, though he may seem humble as that despised reptile, can turn with still more deadly effect; and remember, that when he turns, you are apt to be turned also-into Denman's Priory. Be advised, then, in time, and