CHAPTER VII.

ON THE CONDUCT PROPER TO BE OBSERVED TOWARDS FATHERS, AND ELDER BROTHERS; WHEREIN ALSO ARE INCIDENTALLY TREATED OF WEALTHY SPINSTER AUNTS, RICH BACHELOR UNCLES, AND NEPHEWS WHO ARE HEIRS TO LARGE ESTATES.

LTHOUGH this work professes to be a treatise upon the Nature and Management of "Duns," I need, I am sure, make no excuse for the title and subjects of the present

chapter, relating as it does to personages who are connected, some intimately and nearly, others more remotely, with those unhappy souffre douleurs-the Younger Sons of England. Indeed, fathers are clearly the origin and sole cause of those Duns who infest unhappy Detrimentals. This must at once be acknowledged, when we reflect, that if the father were not a father, he would have no son; and that if the son did not exist, he could not be dunned; ergo, the father, in giving life to more than one son, entails upon the younger, not the family estates, or a share in them, but all the plagues and miseries of Dunhood-Q. E. D.

I fear this simple reflection does not often occur to the minds of "Governors," who are too apt to dwell minutely upon the duties of sons to them, leaving out of sight the fact, that whatever a Younger Son may "owe" to his father, he probably "owes" a devilish deal more to his tailor, which last debt would not, nay could not, have been incurred, had the first

never existed.

The "authors of our being" are the "authors" also of our bills; they bring us into the world naked, and yet grumble when they are asked to pay for the clothes which we are compelled to wear out of respect to public morals, decency, and the police. Let us analyze for a moment the exact nature of the relation existing between the "Governor" and his "Detrimental." The "Governor" in his youth probably, or in his maturer years, or perhaps even in his decrepitude, is struck by some pretty face, some well-turned leg, or some tempting ankle. He makes love to the possessor of these advantages; if a "good match," she probably accepts him. Presents are poured in, settlements are drawn, the clergyman ties the knot, a champagne breakfast is provided, the happy pair set off in a chaise and four, andfirst my elder brother, and then unfortunate I, are produced!

Now, I would humbly ask, where is the advantage to me in all this? Why am I called out from

my painless non-existence into a world of wo, trials, and single knocks? What offence have I, can I, have committed, that from a state of vacuum and chaos, I should be forced by the volition of two unreflecting beings into an existence whose dawn is the cradle, and whose setting will probably be—the Queen's Bench?

Were it possible that a Younger Son could, previously to his entering upon existence, see

unrolled before him, as in a map, the

chequered course of trial and annoyance which that existence will pursue-could he contemplate the roses of life, side by side with its thorns, the Dun in fearful proximity to the drawing-room, the lawyer's letter lying cheek by jowl with the billet-doux-could he see all this, and did he still, in the plenitude of his presumption, exclaim, "I will take my chance-I will taste the bitter with the sweet”then indeed, his lot would be one most merited. But nothing of this sort takes place; he comes

for

into the world, not indeed against his will, he has no will, but without a voice in the matter which is so important to himself. It is the fashion to be disgusted and annoyed at a crying child; but for my part, a blubbering infant always excites my compassion. I fancy it is weeping, by some strange instinct, over the futurity of trouble which awaits it, and that its eyes are haunted by visions of shadowy and mysterious beings, which it cannot yet understand, but still recoils from-the visions of its future-Duns! But I am getting too metaphysical and pathetic: let us leave the child, and return to the "Governor."

Governors, then, are indissolubly connected with the subject of Dun-hood, and I therefore must give my readers a few hints as to the proper conduct to be observed by them towards their estimable paternities. Here again, as with regard to Duns, I would say, let your method be one of gentleness. The "Governor” is an important item in the Detrimental's list of