Sir Simper Silly, Mr Flummery, Mr
O'Gibbet, Mr Outlaw, Lord Beetle,
Colonel Quod, &c. &c."

and answer before every committee that sat; all sorts of expensive and troublesome "returns," moved for by any one that chose; he rather contented himself with attending to what went on in the House; and at the close of the session, all the documents in question became the perquisite of his valet, who got a good round sum for them (uncut) as waste paper.

It is not difficult to understand the

Mr Titmouse, at length, thought himself warranted in inviting Lord Bulfinch, the SPEAKER, and LORD FIREBRAND, the Foreign Secretary, all of whom, however, unexpectedly declined, pleading previous engagements. I can hardly, in fairness, give Mr Titmouse the credit of these latter proceedings; which were, in fact, sug-pleasure which my little friend expegested to him, in the first instance, by two or three young wags in the House; who, barring a little difference in the way of bringing up, were every whit as great fools and coxcombs as himself, and equally entitled to the confidence of their favoured constituencies, and of the country, as well calculated for the purpose of practical legislation, and that remodelling of the national institutions of the country, upon which the new House of Commons seemed bent.

Have you, reader, ever given your vote and interest to return a TITMOUSE to Parliament ?

rienced, in dispensing such favours and courtesies, as those of orders for the gallery, and franks, to applicants for them; for all his show of feeling it a "bore" to be asked. "Twas these small matters which, as it were, brought home to him a sense of his dignity, and made him feel the possession of station and authority. I think the following application was more gratifying to him, than any he received :

"T. Tag-rag's best respects to T. Titmouse, Esq. M.P., and begs to say how greatly he will account ye favour of obtaining an order to be Admitted to the Gallery of the House of Commons for to-morrow night, to hear the debate on the Bill for Doing away with the Nuisance of Dustmen's cries of a morning.

"With Mrs T.'s and daughter's respectful compts."

"T. TITMOUSE, ESQ. M.P."

'Twas truly delightful to see the tables of these young gentlemen groaning under daily accumulations of parliamentary documents, containing all sorts of political and statistical information, collected and published with vast labour and expense, for the purpose of informing their powerful intellects upon the business of the country, so that they might come duly prepared to the important discussions in the House, on all questions of domestic and foreign policy. As for Mr Titmouse, he never relished the idea of perusing and studying these troublesome and repulsive documents -page after page, filled with long rows of figures, tables of prices, of exchanges, &c., reports of the evidence, verbatim et literatim, taken in question | 18-."

On receiving this, Titmouse looked out for the finest sheet of glossy extra-superfine gilt Bath post, scented, and in a fine flourishing hand, wrote as follows:

:

"Please To Admit ye Barer To The Galery of The House of Commons.T. TITMOUSE. Wednesday, March 6th,

CHAPTER VL

MR TITMOUSE BECOMES A FELLOW OF THE CREDULOUS SOCIETY, UNDER THE AUSPICES OF DR DIABOLUS GANDER; PERFORMS SCIENTIFIC EXPERIMENTS IN THE STREETS AT NIGHT, AND SAVES THE MINISTRY.

THE reader, who must have been and entertaining to those who did not. startled and delighted by the un- He had a knack of getting hold of obexpectedly rapid progress of Mr scure and starving men of genius and Titmouse in parliamentary life, will science, and secretly availing himself be, doubtless, as much interested by of their labours. He would pay them hearing that corresponding distinc- with comparative liberality to write, tion awaited that astute gentleman in an elegant style, on subjects of in the regions of science and lite- pure and mixed science; but when rature; his pioneer thither being published, the name of Diabolus Ganone who had long enjoyed a cer- der would appear solus, upon the titletain sort of distinction, or rather page; and, to enable the Doctor to do notoriety; successfully combining the this with some comfort to his concharacter and pursuits of scholar and science, he would actually copy out philosopher with those of a man the whole of the manuscript, and of fashion-I mean a DOCTOR DIA- make a few alterations in it. But, BOLUS GANDER. Though upwards of sixty, he found means so effectually to disguise his age, that he would have passed for barely forty. He had himself so strong a predilection for dress, that the moment he saw Titmouse, he conceived a secret respect for that gentleman; and, in fact, the two dressed pretty nearly in the same style. The Doctor passed for a philosopher, in society. He had spent most of his days in drilling youth in the elements of the mathematics; of which he had the same kind and degree of knowledge that is possessed of English literature by an old governess who has spent her life in going over the first part of Lindley Murray's English Grammar with children. Just so much did the Doctor know of the scope, object, and application of the mathematics. His great distinguishing talent was, that of rendering the most abstruse science "popular; "i.e. utterly unintelligible to those who understood science, and very exciting

alas! omne quod tetigit fœdavit; and it invariably happened that these were the very maculee pitched upon, exposed, and ridiculed by reviewers. No man could spread his small stock of acquirement over a larger surface than Dr Gander; no man be more successful in ingratiating himself with those persons so useful to an enterprising empiric-viz. titled and wealthy fools. He paid constant court to Titmouse, from the first moment he saw him; and took the liberty of calling-unasked the next day, at his rooms in the Albany. He soon satisfied Titmouse that his glib visitor was a great philosopher, whom it was an advantage and a distinction to be acquainted with. He took my little admiring friend, for instance, to hear him deliver a lecture at the Hanover Square Rooms, to a crowd of fine ladies and old gentlemen, who greatly applauded all he said, upon a subject equally abstruse, interesting, and instructive-viz. the occult qualities of

--

"By Jove!-No-but-'pon honour bright-did he? Can you really get me into it?" inquired Titmouse eagerly.

Triangles. In short, he was indefatigable in his attentions to Titmouse, and was a frequent guest at his dinnertable. He gave Titmouse, on one of these occasions, an amazing account "I-oh-why-you see, my dear of the distinction accruing to a mem- sir, you're certainly rather young, ber of any of the great learned so- quoth the Doctor gravely, pausing cieties; and, in fact, quite inflamed his and rubbing his chin; "if it could be little imagination upon the subject-managed, it would be a splendid thing sounding him as to his wish to become for you, wouldn't it?" a member of some great society, in common with half the dukes, marquesses, earls, and barons in the kingdom-in particular his own august | kinsman, the Earl of Dreddlington, himself.

"By jingo, I should think so!" replied Titmouse.

"I think I've been asked by at least a dozen noblemen for my influence, but I've not felt myself warranted "

Why-a-'pon my soul-" quoth "Oh, well! then in course there's Titmouse simpering, as he tossed off an end of it," interrupted Titmouse his tenth glass of champagne with the with an air of disappointment; "and bland and voluble Doctor-"I-I-cuss me if ever I cared a pin about 'pon my life-shouldn't much dislike it I see I've not the ghost of a a thingumbob or two at the end of my name-but what's the figure?"

chance."

"I don't know that either," replied the Doctor musingly. His design had been all along to confer sufficient obligation on _Titmouse, to induce him to lend the Doctor a sum of four or five hundred pounds, to embark in some wild scheme or other, and also to make Titmouse useful to

Certainly, I myself, as a zealous lover of science, my dear sir, consider her honours always well bestowed on those eminent in rank and station; though they may not have gone through the drudgery of scientific details, sir, their countenance irradiates the pale cheek of unobtrusive sci-him for other purposes, from time to

ence

“Ya—a—s, 'pon honour, I should think so!" quoth Titmouse, not exactly, however, comprehending the Doctor's fine figure of speech.

"Now, you see, my dear Mr Titmouse," continued the Doctor, "the greatest society in all England, out and out, is the CREDULOUS SOCIETY. I happen to have some leetle influence there; through which I have been able, I am happy to say, to introduce several noblemen."

“Have you, by Jove?" cried Titmouse; "but what the devil do they do when they're there?"

time." As you are so young," continued the Doctor, "I am afraid it will be necessary, in some sort of way, to give you a kind of scientific pretension-ah, by Archimedes! but I have it!—I have it !-You see, I've a treatise in the press, and nearly ready for publication, upon a particularly profound subject-but, you'll understand me, explained in a perfectly popular manner-in fact, my dear sir, it is a grand discovery of my own, which will in future ages be placed side by side of that of Sir Isaac Newton'

"Is he a member of it too?" inquired Titmouse.

"Do, my dear sir! They meet for "No, my dear sir!" quoth the the purpose of-consider the distin- Doctor, slightly staggered: "not guished men that are fellows of that bodily; but his spirit is with us! We society! It was only the other day feel it influencing all our deliberathat the duke of Tadcaster told me, tions; though he died a quarter of a (the day after I had succeeded in get-century before we were established! ting his Grace elected), that he was as But to return to the discovery I was proud of the letters 'F.C.S.,' added to mentioning; as Sir Isaac discovered his name, as he was of his dukedom!" the principle of GRAVITATION, other.

from the reader) by sheer intoxication; | Religious Discord waited upon him, and again by his being unable to re- at his apartments in the Albany, to turn in time from Croydon, where he solicit him, in flattering and complihad been attending a grand prize-mentary terms, to preside at their next fight, being the backer of one of the annual meeting, at the Stonemasons' principal ruffians, Billy Bully, his Hall: and, after some modest expresboxing-master. On the fourth even- sions of distrust, as to his fitness for ing, however, having dined with the so distinguished a post, he yielded to Earl of Dreddlington, he drove with their obsequious entreaties. He orderhis lordship to the Society's apart- ed in, while they were with him, a ments, was formally introduced, and substantial lunch, of which they parsolemnly admitted; from which mo- took with infinite relish; and having ment he was entitled to have his done ample justice to his pork-pies, name stand thus:ale, and spirits, the worthy gentlemen withdrew, charmed with the intelligence and affability of their distinguished host, and anticipating that they should have in Mr Titmouse,