wrenched off several knockers in a re- | inquired the magistrate, in so stern a

tone as drew the speaker's attention
to the little transposition of letters
which he had made, in his headlong
haste to detect the falsehood of the de-
linquent; who, finding the dismal
strait to which he was driven, and
feeling really ill, begged for mercy—
which, after a severe rebuke, the pallid
culprit being confronted by seven
knockers lying before him in a row,
all having been taken out of his own
pockets, he obtained, on condition of
his making compensation to the in-
jured parties, who compounded with
him for twelve pounds.* After paying
a couple of pounds to the poor-box,
he was discharged; crawled into a
coach, and, in a pitiable condition,
reached his rooms about one o'clock,
and got into bed in a truly deplorable
state-never once recollecting that, at
that precise hour, he ought to have
been taking the chair of the meeting
of the Association for the Promotion
of Civil and Religious Discord !—As,
however, his misfortunes were, in the
newspapers, assigned, not to "Tittle-
bat Titmouse," but to one
"John
Smith," the exact state of the case
never became known to the worthy
gentlemen who had been so unaccount-
ably deprived of his services; and who,
on inquiry, were told by his fluent
valet, that Mr Titmouse's late hours
at the House, had brought on a slight
and sudden attack of jaundice; on
hearing which, they begged he might
be assured of their respectful sympa-
thy, and hearty wishes for his re-
storation! and tried hard to sound the
valet on the subject of his master's
compensating for his absence by some
donation or subscription; but the
fellow was obtuse, and they were com-
pelled to depart disappointed—and
with no glimpse of a second lunch.

solute and reckless manner, placing them successively in his pocket where, also, his companions contrived, unknown to him, to deposit their spoils -till the weight was such as seriously to increase the difficulty of keeping his balance. When tired of this sport, it was agreed that they should extinguish every lamp they passed. No sooner said than done; and Titmouse volunteered to commence. Assisted by his companions, he clambered up a lamp-post at the corner of St James's Street; and holding with one hand by the bar, while his legs clung round the iron post, with the other hand he opened the window of the lamp; and while in the act of blowing it out, "Watch! watch!" cried the voices of several people rushing round the corner; a rattle was sprung; away scampered his companions in different directions; and after holding on where he was, for a moment or two, in confusion and alarm, down slid poor Titmouse, and dropped into the arms of three accursed watchmen, who had sprung their rattles with all their force, around whom was gathered a little crowd of persons, all roused from sleep by the pulling of their bells, and the noise made in wrenching off their knockers. In a pretty passion they all were, shaking their fists in the face of the captured delinquent, and accompanying him, with menacing gestures, to the watch-house. There having been safely lodged, he was put into a dark cell, where he presently fell asleep; nor did he wake till he was summoned to go off, the next morning, to Bow Street. There he found a host of victims of his overnight's exploits. He stoutly denied having been concerned in despoiling a single door of its knocker! on which a breeches-maker near him, furiously lifted up the prisoner's heavy coat-tails, and exclaimed eagerly "Your worship, your worship! see, more seriously; several late statutes emhe's got his knocket full of pockers! powering the police magistrates to fine the he's got his knocket full of pockers-offenders, and even commit them to the see here, your worship". "What do you mean, sir, by such gibberish ?"

VOL. II.

I should have thought that the foregoing would prove a lesson to Mr

* These offences are now dealt with much

tread-mill. The effect has been to interfere seriously with this species of gentlemanly nocturnal amusement.

L

ground, the blood gushing from his nose in a copious stream. Sir Pumpkin quickly picked him up, shook him, and set him fairly at his man again. Nearer and nearer stumped the old fellow to the devoted "swell," who, evidently "groggy," squared in the most absurd way imaginable for a moment or two, when he received his enemy's "one-two" in his eye, and on his mouth, and again dropped down.

"He's drunk-he can't fight no more than a baby; I won't stand agin him any more," quoth the fair and stout-hearted old waterman. "It warn't any o' my seeking; but if he thought to come it over an old cripple like me

Titmouse, and restrain him, for some time, from yielding to his cursed propensity to drink. Yet was it other wise-and I shall tell the matter exactly as it happened. Within a fortnight after the mischance which I have been describing, Titmouse dined with the members of a sort of pugilistic club, which met every fortnight, for the purpose of settling matters connected with the "ring." On the present occasion there had been a full muster, for they had to arrange the preliminaries for a grand contest for the championship of England-to which Titmouse's master, Mr Billy Bully, aspired. Titmouse had scarcely ever enjoyed himself more than on that exciting occasion; and, confident "Bravo! bravo!" cried his comof his man, had backed his favourite, rades. "Come along, old chappretty freely. Towards eleven o'clock, come along," said one; "if I don't he found the room somewhat close-give you a jolly quartern, may I stick and it was not to be wondered at, here without a fare all this blessed when you considered the numbers with whom it was stuffed, and the dreadful quantity of hard ale, harder port-wine, and poisonous gin-andwater, which the little wretch had swallowed since sitting down to dinner. About the hour I have named, however, he, Sir Pumpkin Puppy, and one or two others, all with cigars in their mouths, sallied forth to walk about town, in search of sport. I have hardly patience to write it—but positively they had not proceeded half-way down the Haymarket when they got into a downright row; and egged on by his companions, and especially inwardly instigated by the devil himself, Titmouse, after grossly insulting a little one-eyed, one-legged, bald-headed old waterman attached to the coach-stand there, challenged him to fight, and forthwith flung away his cigar, and threw himself into boxing attitude, amidst the jeers and laughter of the spectators-who, however, formed a sort of ring in a trice. At it they went, instanter. Titmouse squared about with a sort of disdainful showiness-in the midst of which he suddenly received a nasty teaser on his nose and shoulder, from his active, hardy, and experienced antagonist, which brought our senator to the

night;" and the speaker led off the victor to the public-house opposite, while Titmouse's friends carried him away, nearly insensible, to a tavern a few doors off. Having given directions that he should be forthwith taken to a bedroom and washed, they ordered broiled bones and mulled claret for themselves. After about an hour and a half's nap, Titmouse, who probably had benefited rather than suffered from his blood-letting, rejoined his friends, and called for a cigar and a glass of cold brandy-and-water; having had which, they set off homeward: he reaching his rooms about one o'clock, with a black eye, a swol len nose and mouth, thick and indistinct speech, and unsteady step; in fact, in a much worse pickle than he had as yet exhibited to his valet, who told him, while preparing for him a glass of brandy and soda-water, that no fewer than five messengers had been at his rooms. While he was yet speaking, a thundering knock was heard at the outer-door, and on its being opened, in rushed, breathlessly, Mr Phelim O'Doodle.

"Titmouse!-Titmouse! Och, murther and thunder, where are ye? Where have ye been, wid ye?" he gasped

"When-a-hen-on-water-swins

Too-ra-laddy--
Too-ra-lad-lad-lad"-

drowsily sung Titmouse-it being part of a song he had heard thrice encored that evening after dinner-at the same time staggering towards O'Doodle..

"Och, botheration take your too-ralady! Come, fait-by the Powers clap your hat on, and button your coat, and off to the House-immediately or it's all up with us, an' out we go every unhappy mother's son of us-an' the bastely Tories 'll be in. Come! come !-off wid ye, I say! I've a coach at the door ".

"I-(hiccup)-I sha'n't-can't'pon my life"

syllable they said could be heard, in order to get a chance of their three missing men coming up. If none of them came, ministers would be exactly even with their opponents; in which case they were much afraid that the country would expect them to resign. Up the stairs and into the lobby came O'Doodle, breathlessly, with his prize.

"Och, my dear O'Doodle!-Titmouse, ye little drunken divil, where have ye been ?" commenced Mr O'Gibbet, on whom O'Doodle stumbled suddenly.

"Thank Heaven! How fortunate!" exclaimed Mr Flummery, both he and O'Gibbet in a state of intense anxiety and great excitement.

"Och, off wid ye!-isn't it mad 'In with him!-in with him!-by that Mr O'Gibbet is wid ye?"- Jove, they're clearing the gallery! "He's one eye-aha! and one leg-gasped Mr Flummery, while he rushed Too-ra-laddy," hiccuped Mr Titmouse. into the House, to make the way clear "Devil burn me if I don't tie for O'Doodle and O'Gibbet, who were ye hand an' foot together!" cried literally carrying in Titmouse between O'Doodle impetuously. "What the them. devil have ye been about wid that black eye o' yours, and-but I'll spake about it in the coach. Off wid ye! Isn't time worth a hundred pounds a minute

Within a minute or two's time O'Doodle had got him safely into the coach, and down to St Stephen's they rattled at top speed. There was going on, indeed, a desperate fight—a final trial of strength between ministers and the opposition, on a vote of want of confidence; and a division expected every minute. Prodigious had been the efforts of both parties-the whip unprecedented. Lord Bulfinch had, early in the evening, explicitly stated that ministers would resign unless they gained a majority; and, to their infinite vexation and astonishment, three of their stanch adherents-Titmouse being one-were missing just at the critical moment. The opposition had been more fortunate; every man of theirs had come up-and, knowing the number of noses,' they were shouting tremendously, vide! divide divide!"—while, on the other hand, ministers were putting up men, one after another, to speak against time, though not one

"Di

"Sir! Mr Flummery!" gasped O'Doodle-"ye won't forget what I have done to-night, will ye?"

"No, no-honour! In with you! In with you! A moment and all's lost." They reached, however, the House in safety, Mr O'Gibbet waving his hand in triumph.

"Oh, ye droll little divil! where have you been hiding?" he hastily whispered, as he deposited the insensible Titmouse on the nearest bench, and sat beside him. Mr O'Gibbet took off his hat, and wiped his reeking head and face. Merciful powers! what a triumph!-and in the very nick of time. Titmouse had saved the ministry! Tremendous was now the uproar in the House, almost every one present shouting," Divide!-divide!" "Strangers, withdraw," cried the Speaker.

Then, at it they went, with an air of tumultuous and irrepressible excitement; but, through Titmouse, the ministers triumphed. The numbers were announced

seat, having received the appointment of sub-inspector of political caricatures in Ireland, with a salary of six hundred pounds a-year for life. But-uno avulso, non deficit alter Aureus!-His place in the House was immediately filled up by his brother, Mr Trigger O'Doodle, who kept a shooting gallery in Dublin. Profuse were Phelim's thanks to Mr O'Gibbet, when that gentleman announced to him his good fortune, exclaiming, at the same time, with a sly wink and smile

On which glorious and decisive result, the government were not forgotten. there burst forth vociferous cheering A few days afterwards he vacated his on the ministerial side of the House, and vehement counter-cheering on the opposition side, which lasted for several minutes. The noise, indeed, was so prodigious, that it almost roused Titmouse from the sort of stupor into which he had sunk. Mr O'Doodle accompanied him home; and, after drinking a couple of tumblers of whisky-and-water with him, took his departure caring nothing that he had left Titmouse on the floor, in a state of dangerous insensibility; from which, however, in due time he recovered, but was confined to his bed, by a violent bilious attack, for nearly a week. Mr O'Doodle's services to

"Ye see what it is to rinder service to the state-aha! Aisy, aisy! softly, say I. Isn't that the way to get along?"

CHAPTER VII.

LADY CECILIA IS MARRIED TO MR TITMOUSE; AND THE EARL ENTERS, UNDER MR GAMMON'S AUSPICES, ON AN ADVENTUROUS CAREER. AN AFFECTING LETTER OF LADY CECILIA TITMOUSE.

THE injuries which Mr Titmouse had received in his encounter with the waterman, more particularly his black eye, prevented him from making his appearance in public, or at Lord Dreddlington's, or in the House, for several days after he had recovered from the bilious attack of which I have spoken. His non-attendance at the House, however, signified little, since both parties had been so thoroughly exhausted by their late trial of strength, as to require, for some time, rest and quietness, to enable them to resume the public business of the country, which consisted of each member looking keenly after his own individual interests. As soon as his eye, having passed through the stages of black, blue, green, and yellow, was fairly convalescent, the first place to which he ventured out, was his new

residence in Park Lane; which, having been taken for him, under the superintendence of the Earl of Dreddlington and Mr Gammon, some month or two before, was now rapidly being furnished, in order to be in readiness to receive his lady and himself, very shortly after his marriage-his parliamentary duties not admitting of a prolonged absence from town. The former event had, as usual, been already prematurely announced in the newspapers several times, as on the eve of taking place.

The courtship went on easily and smoothly. Neither of them seemed anxious for the other's society, though they contrived to evince, in the presence of third persons, a decent degree of gratification at meeting. He did all which he was instructed it was necessary for a man of fashion to do.

execrable vulgarity. Nothing, however, seemed capable of effecting any material change in the man, although his continued intercourse with refined society could hardly fail to produce some advantageous alteration in his manners. As for anything further, Tittlebat Titmouse remained the same vulgar, heartless, presumptuous, ignorant creature he had ever been: for, saith the Wise Man, though thou shouldest bray a fool in a mortar among wheat, with a pestle, yet will not his foolishness depart from him.

He attended her and the Earl to the opera repeatedly, as also to other places of fashionable resort: he had danced with her occasionally; but, to tell the truth, it was only at the vehement instance of the Earl her father, that she ever consented to stand up with one whose person, whose car riage, whose motions were so ineffably vulgar and ridiculous as those of Mr Titmouse-her affianced husband. He had several times made her rather expensive presents of jewellery, and would have purchased for her a great stock of clothing, of which he justly I perceive in the Lady Cecilia no considered himself an excellent judge, qualities to excite respect or affecif she would have permitted it. He tion; yet I pity her from my soul had, moreover, been a constant guest when I contemplate her coming union at the Earl's table, where he was with Titmouse. One thing I know, under greater restraint than anywhere that as soon as ever she had bound else. Of such indiscretions and ec- herself irrevocably to him, she began centricities as I have just been re- to think of at least fifty men, whom cording, the Earl and Lady Cecilia she had ever spurned, but whom then knew, or were properly supposed to she would have welcomed with all the know, nothing. "Twas not for them ardour and affection of which her cold to have their eyes upon him while nature was susceptible. As she had sowing his wild oats-so thought the never been conspicuous for animation, Earl; who, however, had frequent oc- vivacity, or energy, the gloom which casion for congratulating himself in more and more frequently overshadowrespect of Mr Titmouse's political ce- ed her, whenever her thoughts turnlebrity, and also the marks of distinc- ed towards Mr Titmouse, attracted tion conferred upon him, in the lite- scarce any one's attention. There rary and scientific world, of which the were those, however, who could have Earl was himself so distinguished an spoken of her mental disquietude at ornament. Titmouse had presented the approach of her cheerless nuptials copies, gorgeously bound, of Dr Gan--I mean her maid Annette, and Miss der's Treatise on Lightness, both to Macspleuchan. To say that she loaththe Earl and the Lady Cecilia; and ed the bare idea of her union with the flattering dedication to Titmouse, Titmouse-his person, manners, and by Dr Gander, really operated not a character-would not perhaps be exlittle in his favour with his future actly correct, since she had not the lady. What effect might have been requisite strength of character; but produced upon her ladyship, had she she contemplated her future lord and been apprised of the fact, that the master with mingled feelings of apaforesaid dedication had appeared in prehension, dislike, and disgust. She only twenty copies, having been can- generally fled for support to the comcelled directly Dr Gander had ascer- fortable notion of fate, which, she contained the futility of his expectations ceived, had assigned her such a husfrom Titmouse, I do not know; but I band. Heaven had denied poor Lady believe she never was informed of that Cecilia all power of contemplating the circumstance. As far as her future future; of anticipating consequences; lord's dress went, she had contrived, of reflecting upon the step she was through the interference of the Earl about to take. Miss Macspleuchan, and Mr Gammon, for whom she had however, did so for her; but, being conceived a singular respect, to abate placed in a situation of delicacy and a little of its fantastic absurdity-its difficulty, acted with cautious reserve,