THE TOBIAS CORRESPOndence. No. II. FROM NESTOR GOOSEQUILL, Esq., TO TOBIAS FLIMSY. DEAR TOBIAS, I have received your letter of the 6th, in which you acknowledge the receipt of mine of the 1st ult. I am happy to find that you approve of all the arrangements I have made on your behalf, and can truly appreciate your good nature, when you say that you will not again put me to any trouble with respect to your pecuniary affairs. Do not, however, spare me, for I shall be always ready to perform the same services in the same style. I have nothing remarkable of a private nature to communicate. I am going on pretty much as usual, and have not felt any ill effects from the failure of the Manchester Bank. Take my advice, never invest your money in any joint-stock concern; but I believe it is needless to give you the caution, as I rather think that you are altogether adverse to the system of employing bankers at all, preferring to keep your capital ready at hand, which is prudent. As to speculations, I can only say at present that steam seems going down, and that we may expect a blow-up on the rail. roads. This atmospheric pressure, they say, is to succeed; and it probably will be the means of raising the wind. Speaking as a matter of business, it would appear as if not only the carriages, but the project itself, is to get on by puffing, which is all as it should be. But I shall not meddle with such matters here. Still, Tobias, you keep an unaccountable silence as to your locality, or the politics of your journal. I have gone to Peel's every week, and read all the provincials with as much care as if they were so many epistles of Pascal; but I do not see a trace of your hand. In several papers, indeed, I recognised something of your usual style, as-"The Paris papers of the 15th have been received, but their contents are of no importance. Interesting extracts will be found in another column;" or, "Too much praise cannot be bestowed upon our estimable fellow-citizen, Timothy Wiggins, Esq., for his illustrious exertions in the cause of anti-snufftaking. It has met with its reward in the unanimous approba tion of a highly respectable meeting of tobacco-chewers, who have presented him with a quid pouch.-See advertisement in first page;' or, "The rains of last week, having succeeded in wetting the ground, have been followed by much fair weather, which has dried it again-a circumstance never recollected by the oldest inhabitant," &c. &c. But these are not distinctive marks; for as I am not the oldest inhabitant, and therefore, unlike that often cited individual, can recollect something, (he never does,)—I have a strong remembrance of having read many specimens of this style of composition written by various hands, and scattered through many quarters. Of yourself, I repeat it with Sir Walter Scott, nought distinct I see." 66 The only question you beg me to attend to is, that of the persecution of the Jews in Damascus. I must reiterate my complaint, viz.-I do not know on which side you are to write. I hardly think it can be in favour of persecuting; at least openly, for that is against what people call "the spirit of the age." I see, however, in the Times, that a gentleman who signs himself " an Egyptian," does boldly take the bull by the horns, as if he were one of the magi garlanding Apis. He thinks the Damascus authorities right, and that torture is a very proper and authentic manner of coming at the truth. This may, perhaps, arise out of the old feud between the Egyptians and the Israelites; and the correspondent of the Times may follow the politics of his ancestor Pharaoh, who loved not Joseph: but between you and me, Tobias, this dweller of the land of Nilus is an out-and-out kind of writer, who looks at a thing in the face. He'd make an inestimable editor of a thorough-going newspaper in rough times, and I think ought to emigrate to the model republic, there to start a Lynch Gazette. But here it will hardly do. There may be some particular spot in England where it would fit, but I do not know of any. The thing persecution we know flourishes, but the word persecution must not be mentioned; and as your business is not with things, but words, you of course are wholly against persecuting any body in general, however correct your party may deem it to be when employed against their opponents in particular. The obvious side to take is in favour of the Jews. I must not affront you, Tobias, by suggesting what is to be said in this case. All the old and venerable battery of rhetoric and argumentation are there ready at hand, piled up like so many bombshells or balls in a besieged battery ready to explode. Two or three have been perhaps damaged by over-use; but it takes a great deal to ruin an original ly well-constructed projectile of force. I mean 1. March of mind. 2. Nineteenth century. 3. Ignorance of past ages. 4. Intelligence of the presentwith a few more of these long-known raw materials for leading articles. You cannot exactly do without them; but use them sparingly. There is an old saying, that you must not spur a free horse to death-and these high-mettled racers have been sadly ridden. But then there remain, 5. Antiquated prejudice. 6. Want of knowledge of the law of evidence. 7. Waste of material in oppression. 14. Code Justinian. Code any-thing, in short-for on them you may flourish away with indiscriminate impunity. Observe, it is always liberal to praise the Code Napoleon, because he was the enemy of the country, and had about as much to do with the making of the code as you had. You may quote the celebrated saying, that Napoleon will descend to posterity with his cinq codes in his hand-and as for Justinian or Theodosius, why, Tobias, in referring to them, you display a very inordinate degree of learning, that cannot fail to raise you in the eyes of your readers, who will rashly take it for granted that you know something beyond the names of legislators to whose labours you so confidently refer. Believe me, it is a fetch of warrant. The other side requires more cleverness and caution-yet it is not so hard to do after all. As I have already suggested, you must abuse persecution. But then, being Chartist, you may say " Pretty humbug to talk of compassionating the Jews of Damascus, when we have, in our own native land, Feargus O'Connor, obliged to lie on an iron bed too short and too narrow for him, in a fireless cell of stone-a John Crabtree, in sad pickle, (not Peregrine Pickle,) under the superintendence of a governor harder than oak-tree, obliged to sit, from six in the morning until six in the evening, on a bench with visage erect, so as to afford to the steeled jailers perpetual power of contemplating his countenance, thereby vilely, and, to the confusion of prosody, parodying the line of Ovid ;— "Os homini sublime dedit, turnkeyosque videre." If a Tory, you can exclaim against the horrors of the New Poor-Law, enacted not against murdering Jews, but hungry Christians, who, because they are hungry, are sentenced to starve (quote John Walter ;)--if a Whig, there is Mr Shiel ready for you with a cargo of cruelties exerted upon unhappy Ireland; and, as a case somewhat in point, he can cite that of Father Nicholas Sheehy, hanged in his own country some seventy or eighty years ago for murder. Hanged against all evidence, for there were a dozen credible witnesses; men who, if they were alive now, would be subjected to the persecution of the scorpion bill against perjury-ready to swear to any alibi (or as the elder Mr Weller, who very justly esteemed this plea the most valuable species of defence, would call it, a alleybi) that was required and, in fact, two or three of them did swear that his reverence was sleeping at the same moment in two or three different parts of the country. Mr Shiel will not forget to illustrate this case in the manner of all liberal Irish historians, by stating how heavenly vengeance failed not to visit this crime with exemplary wrath-most of the jury, and all of the witnesses who displayed so shame less a regard for the obligation of an oath, having been murdered in the course of the next twelve months, a circumstance so difficult to be accounted for in such a county as Tipperary, that we are obliged to call in divine aid as the only dignus vindex that can explain so singular an occurrence. For my part, Tobias, I have long since ceased to have any opinions at all; and I don't care a farthing for Count Ratti-Menton, only that I rather like his name. (I was thinking the other day, as I passed Chin-Grant in Bond Street, if he ever quitted his party, that Ratti-Menton would not make a bad nickname for him, and I place it accordingly at the service of Theodore Hook;) but still I am not so sure that the Jews do not eat us Christians. I know they have had many a nibble at some friends of ours, Tobias, who shall be nameless. And when I reflect upon some matters, I cannot help being of opinion that those lawyers who date the com. mencement of legal memory from the first year of Richard I., have selected a year honourably and usefully distinguished by a great act of justice, worthy of affording a grand epoch in the history of law and equity; and I feel there is one act of his brother King John, that should procure for him more favour than he generally enjoys in history. When I think of it, I almost half forgive him for sign ing Magna Charta. I shall not allude to it more particularly; but may remark that Frank Baring would be excessively delighted, if he were allowed to subject Rothschild to the same sort of dental surgery that contributed so much to the replenishment of the exchequer of John. If we had him, Tobias, would we leave him a grinder? I rather think not. So much for this. I should not have written on the subject at all but for your request-I mean, not written upon it especially, but left it as a casual paragraph to come under the grand general head of humbug. When we see Moses Montefiore going out as ambassador, and Hodges of Alexandria acting as mediator, we may be pretty sure that it does come under that capacious category. But do not say this by any means; for, in the first place, it will get you a name for illiberality without any corresponding profit-a thing always to be avoided; and, in the next place, it may hinder you from having a bill done at "sheventy-foive per shent" by an indignant Israelite-to say nothing of its consequences to you at the hands of those to whom it is probable you will be consigned, when the bill, if discounted, will be in due course dishonoured. Let me resume my dictionary. By referring to my last, which I suppose you have had framed and glazed, and hung over the mantel-shelf of your office; or, if that process be too expensive, duly wafered thereunto-you will find that I broke off at the interesting topic of VII. FINANCE.-Here, Tobias, it is only to be expected that your knowledge is extremely limited. I do not say that it is not a subject which has occasioned you considerable thought at innumerable periods of your life; but you have looked at it, I suspect, in somewhat personal a light, and, in point of date, principally connected it with considerations of Saturday. Write upon it, however, you must, in spite of that lack of knowledge-but be not downcast. You are not in a worse predicament than nine out of ten chancellors of the exchequer. The most flashy among them all of our timehis name was George Canning-took the office with a candid declaration that he never could master a sum in long division. He did not live long enough to give us an opportunity of judging of his financial merits; but I have no doubt that the conclusion of his career would have verified all the hopes that might have been anticipated from this opening declaration. The last of the party, we see, has been rewarded by a peerage and a pension for leaving the exchequer bankrupt, and keeping the money market in a perpetual state of fever and fluctuation. There is no need, therefore, of your being afraid. Who knows but that, if the French system of rewarding literary men with titles and decorations, as the Quarterly Review recommends, were to be introduced among us, that your exertions in this line might be rewarded as well as those of Rice-that as he is called Lord Mounteagle, in honour perhaps of his illustrious countryman Daniel O'Rourke; so might you be styled and titled Lord Mountgander, in honour of that illustrious instrument supplied to you from the pinion of the guardian bird of Rome, wherewith your tribe enlightens the nations? It is hard to make finance what the young ladies call "interesting;" but for a good solid plumpudding article, few things do better. It is a plain question of IN and our-nothing more. I know there are people who pretend to treat it impartially; but that is only pretence. Good pretence, I admit, and occasionally practised by all parties. It is very well to begin an article by saying, "The finances of this great empire should never be suf. fered to become a party question. It is a question which concerns all, no matter what may be the denominations of party, or the nicknames of faction, which they may assume. The figures of arithmetic can have nothing to do with our political dissensions. Looking upon the financial state of the country in this impartial light, and feeling upon this point at least no trace of party bias, it gives us”. Now, all this looks as calm as the summing up of a judge, but be not deceived; for the very next words show whether the writer is catering for the ins or the outs. Let me continue - -"feeling upon this point, at least, no trace of party bias, it gives us great pleasure to announce, that the returns of the quarter's revenue, just published, are highly satisfactory." This is for the ins for the outs" feeling upon this point, at least, no trace of party bias, it gives us no pleasure to announce that the returns of the quarter's revenue, just published, are highly unsatisfactory." This, be it remarked, may be said of the self-same returns, without the slightest want of veracity. For to the man who is in, no matter how unprosperous the general return may be, as his own peculiar salary is safe, his satisfaction is sincere'; and no matter how cheering in its universal aspect, yet, as the revenue yields nothing to him who is out, there is equal sincerity in his expression of discon tent. Thus considered, the matter is as casy as A, B, C. The official writer has nothing to do but to insist on the general wealth of the country, and it must be an unlucky return indeed, which does not afford him some details of gratification. If short on the year, it may have a surplus on the quarter. If deficient in both, why, it can hardly be deficient in every item. Customs have gone back-but look at Excise. Both have diminished-but then observe stamps; and so forth. At all events, in the most desperate case you can compare it with some other year in the past twenty-taking of course the worst—and assigning the safest reasons for the choice. Then there can be always a palliating cause. The crop was bad-the weather was wet-any thing of that kind-or else the judicious measures of the ministry in reducing taxation had occasioned a temporary depression, from which, however, the energies of the country, now that they have been relieved of the load so iniquitously laid upon them by the late administration, will speedily recover- or the relations with China, or Tombuctoo, or the Man-inthe-Moon, having been interrupted, had occasioned a diminished importa. tion of rhubarb, or niggers, or moonshine, which had, of course, affected the revenue in a serious degree—or, in fact, any thing you like. Next year you may always promise will be better-if it be, you can triumphantly quote your prediction when the due time comes; if otherwise, as nobody will remember any thing about it, you may just go on as if you had said quite the contrary. As to the other case-if the returns be really favour able, there need be no end of your vapouring. You must boldly swear that the happy result was altogether attributable to the superhuman wis dom and the incredible integrity of the First Lord of the Treasury, the Chancellor of the Exchequer, and their admirable colleagues, -even though these ever to be honoured functionaries had no more to do with it than a potentate whom I have just mentioned, viz., the Man-in-the- Moon, Equally easy is the other side, and far more popular. You can have no difficulty here whatever. In good years, or bad years, or middling years, it is all the same. Disguise themselves as they will, still, Tobias, taxes are bitter things! There is here an endless diversity of grumbling in store. Is the revenue prosperous? Good the rest, they are too paltry and insig◄ nificant to be allowed for a moment to become impediments in the revenue of a mighty empire. God! you will exclaim, what a sub- vate business, and shamefully disproject of exultation that nearly fifty portioned. Why should a poor man millions of money have been merci. be called upon to pay a shilling upon lessly extracted from the industry of his bill for £10, while the rich man an oppressed people! Is it unpros. has only to pay a pound upon his bill perous? Why, there you have the for £5000?-the tax, in the case of the game all before you. Mismanage- poor, being the two-hundredth part of ment, corruption, ignorance, iniquity, the sum, and in the case of the rich on the part of the government-po- only the five-thousandth. Cobbett, I verty, ruin, distress, on the part of the think, it was who first discovered this people. Be always especially pathetic argument; and Lord Althorp, (then when there is a deficiency in the Excise. Chancellor of the Exchequer,) looking You can say, “Does not that little as sagacious as one of his own prizeline, EXCISE-deficiency on the year, oxen, assured the honourable member £764,843 9: 11-that little row for Oldham that he did not know of technical figures-speak volumes what reply to make. There is encou of misery? How many firesides does ragement for you, Tobias, to write. it not denote rendered desolate-how You see that ignorance is no clog many comforts abridged-how many upon financial argument. Post-office small luxuries utterly denied?-the-but read Rowland Hill-and as for widow and the orphan," and so forth. Shiel used to be a very good hand at this kind of work until he got a place; of course, now that he is Vice-President of the Board of Trade, it would be improper for him to indulge in such language. I have long observed that we all like to be told that we are going to destruction. It suits the national taste and habit of growling. Then, as for details, you never can be at a loss. Admit at once candidly-candid ly, for it will not cost you any thingthat taxation is necessary in general; and that being done, you can fire away at every item. Customs are contrary to principle, as tending to banish commerce from our shores. Excise, iniquitous in itself, as directly pressing upon the inheritance and necessities of the people, is rendered still more detestable by its inquisitorial mode of collection. Who can say that an Englishman's house is his castle, when it is liable to be invaded night and day by the domiciliary visits of the hireling gauger? Taxes, cruel, oppressive, weighing on the humbler classes with unequal pressure-imposed in war, continued, contrary to promise, in peace-the very light of heaven, &c. [You can be always particularly strong upon the window-tax; draw a picture of "a widowed mother watching in maternal agony over the sick-bed of her lovely boy, gasping in the agonies of typhus in a hot room, where the merciless hand of the tax-gatherer has closed the only avenue of air"-if I do not mistake, O'Connell had something of this kind once.] Stamps, a shameful clog on transactions of pri NO. CCXCVIII. VOL. XLVIII. To this your ministerial antagonists may reply,-"How, then, in the name of Mammon, Lord High Treasurer of the Court of Pandemonium, is the revenue to be raised? You say that there should be taxation, but you object to every source by which it can possibly be raised." Your answer is at hand. You have your enemy on the hip. "It is no business of ours to assist the degraded and imbecile cabinet, which has brought the country into so much misery and ruin, by devising new modes of fiscal oppression for the farther harassing of this unfortunate and deluded nation. It will be full time to ask us this question when we enjoy the rank and pocket the salary of chancellor of the exchequer;" and as the chances of your attaining that office, Tobias, are of the slenderest order, you, by this means, will baffle the enquiry of your opponents till the coming of the Cocklicranes, and the consequent re-establishment of King Picrockle on the throne of the Dipsodes, lost to him by his listening to the vainglorious counsels of his three rash captains, and the indomitable valour of Frere Jehan des Entomeures, which some interpret "Friar John of the Chopping Knives," and others "Friar John of the Funnels." So far for finance. I have omitted all mention of the national debt, for that is a plain case. On one side it is an incubus on the country. It was |