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ACT II.

SCENE I-A Tavern.

BOMBAST, TRUNCHEON, and SPANGLE, sitting at a table; bottles and glasses before them.

TRIO

Go search thro' the world, you'll find nothing that's drol

ler;

Of all the gay lives is the life of a stroller!

The fam'd Billy Shakspeare was surely to us kin,
For he was a lad of the Sock and the Buskin!

Then drink to the sons of good humour and whim ;
Care is a mumper,

So each fill a bumper;

A bumper, my hearties, quite up to the brim!

Bomb. Ha ha! ha! how merrily we live! Jack Spangle, give us a toast.

Spang. I must rosin first. [Drinks and fills again.] Here's the stage that goes without wheels; and may it never want inside passengers!

Bomb. Well said, my old Lad o'the Castle !-But now, gentlemen, we'll to business. Sir Marmaduke Metaphor has appointed me acting manager during the representation of his tragedy to-morrow evening. You, Mr. Truncheon, are to perform the part of a staff-officer.

Trunch. A sort of constable, I suppose.

Bomb. Pshaw! Thou wert not wont to be so dull, good Tyrrel. No; a military officer, a noble grand-one General Hoscophoscorhinoribidi.

Span. And who am I to be?

Bomb. You, Jack, are to personate what the Romans call a Flamen.

Span. And make a flaming speech; eh! Mr. Bombast ? Bomb. But come, Brother Truncheon, give us a spice o. your quality. Speak the speech,-attitudinize. [Truncheon throws himself into a ridiculous_posture.] My dear fellow, don't moralize with your hands in your breeches pockets 'tis a custom more honour'd in the breach than the observance.

:

Trunch. Will that do? Assuming a different attitude. Bomb. Too much in the tea-pot style. Never pour out your soul in that position; nor swing your arms and legs,

Suit the action to the word.

like the sails of a windmill.
Very well. Now fire away, General !
Trunch. [repeating.] Ah! what is man?

A pancake toss'd in Fortune's frying-pan.
Bomb. A little more fire to frying-pan.

Trunch. A pancake toss'd in fortune's frying-pan!

[with energy.

A target meant for sport :—his heart the bull's eye.

Bomb. There you've hit it!

Trunch. A patch-work piece.

Bomb. [Truncheon pulls out his handkerchief.] Patchwork, indeed

Trunch. All pride and linsey woolsey!

Bomb. Excellent well! You'll soon be perfect; but hark ye, gentlemen, not a word about the new tragedy. Sir Marmaduke intends to give his father-in-law, Sir Timothy, an agreeable surprise. Let me see when shall we three meet again? To-night at six ;- and to-morrow we'll e'en to't, like French falconers.

Trunch. Agreed

Courage, my friends! Come, Billy, boy! come, Jack! At least we'll die with harness on our back!

[Exeunt Truncheon and Spangle, R. Bomb. That's more than I'll undertake to answer for! folks may complain of our loose habits, but if mine are not tight enough, there's no bracing in buttons! What an exquisite fit? Yet Flora says that I'm a gentleman of the last edition, and that I write verses, like my master, for my own amusement, and nobody else's! Ah! she hasn' half the taste of my old flame, Miss Barbara Bluffenwig, the comical spinster of Leighton Buzzard!

AIR.-BOMBAST.

(TUNE-"A master I have.")

The lass that I courted was formal and shy,
Harum, scarum, jig:

The lass that I lov'd, as a quaker was sly,
Harum scarum, jig:

The lass that I lov'd had a cast in her eye,
I swore she was pretty, but could'nt tell why,
With my sighing, dying,

Crocodile crying.

Ranting, tearing,

Swaggering, swearing,

Harum. scarum, jig.

So sweetly she sung, that she rival'd the lark:
Harum, scarum, jig :

So sweetly she sung like an owl in the dark :
Harum, scarum, jig :

So sweetly she sung, that she kindled the spark
Of love in the breast of an old parish-clerk,
With her quivering, quaking,
Shivering, shaking,
Tuning, quavering,

Swooning, wavering,

Harum, scarum, jig

Her form it was slim, and her figure was tight,
Harum, scarum, jig!

Her pretty turn'd ancle, it ravish'd me quite,
Harum, scarum, jig!

She'd caper and frisk it from morning till night,
Tho' her left leg was shorter by far than her right;
With her rumbling, tumbling,

Galloping, grumbling;

O such a dancer!

Gemini, Cancer,

Harum, scarum, jig!

[Exit, L.

SCENE IL-An Apartment in Sir Timothy Testy's House.

Enter MARIA and CAPTAIN Wing'em, r.

Mar. You surprise me! Mrs. Dunstable a party in our plot!

Capt. Yes, captivated by the martial dress and address of Corporal Jeremy, she has consented to forward our plans, provided the aforesaid Corporal Jeremy, bachelor, do take the said Dorothy Dunstable, spinster, to be his wedded wife.

Mar. His wife! O monstrous !-And does the old woman absolutely intend to run away?

Capt. Run, she cannot; hobble, she will!-but we must be on the alert. A post-chaise will be at the garden gate at dusk this evening, with four of the prettiest bloods-

Mar. And do you really expect me to gallop off with

them?

Capt. Certainly not. You are merely to take your seat in the chaise, and let them gallop off with you.

Mur. And what will the town-the newspapers-say of us?

Capt. The Sun may, probably, cast some reflections; and the Times exclaim" O Tempora, O Mores!" but Bell's Messenger will pardon the Belle's Stratagem; and the Weekly Dispatch will give us credit for ours, depend upon't.

Mar. We shall make a charming subject for a paragraph!

W

T

Capt. Admirable ! "Yesterday, eloped with Captain the lovely and all-accomplished Miss Maria The happy couple immediately set off for Scotland, where they intend to pass the honey-moon, the Captain having a romantic castle beautifully situated on the banks of the Ayr."

Mar. In the air! ha ha! ha! You military gentlemen are famous for building castles in that quarter,

Enter FLORA, L. in haste.

Flo. Now, miss, now is the time, to play off our scheme upon Sir Marmaduke. Your father has sent him to try his fortune with you himself: his countenance is of prodigious length, and portends a set speech and a laboured compliment.

Mar. I shall never have courage to perform my part!

Flo. Never fear: I'll prompt you.-Captain, please to step into the next room,-we shall have rare sport! [Capt, Wing'em goes into an adjoining room at the back of the stage, which opens with folding doors.] Here comes our Demosthenes.

Enter SIR MARMADUKE METAPHOR, cautiously. MARIA and FLORA retire up the Stage, and continue conversing, pretending not to see him, L.

Sir M. Sir Timothy told ine not to be too precipitate. Fair and softly, she's a divine creature!

Mar. I think, Flora, I must obey my father, and marry Sir Marmaduke.

Sir M. So she begins to mollify.

Mar. He's a ridiculous object, to be sure!

Sir M. That's not quite so civil.

Flo. Therefore, Miss, the fittest person in the world to be made a tool of.

Sir M. Thank'e, Flora! Egad, the devil wants no abler deputy than a waiting maid.

Mar. [Turning round] As I live, here is the very gentleman himself! Sir Knight, I'm yours.

Sir M. Not yet, thank heaven!

Mar. I suppose you have come to break your mind to

me.

Sir M. Break my head, if I do! Any other time, madam, will do as well.

Mar. Where's your gallantry, sir? There is no time like the present.

Sir M. She's vastly importunate!

Mar. Speak : I'm all attention.

Sir M. She's determined to come to the point. To be sure, miss, I might have come with some such intention ; but

:

Mar. No long speeches, I beg. The matter is soon settled for my wishes are extremely moderate, though there are certain indispensables; such as pearls, diamonds, new plate once a year, a fine equipage, two sets of horses, my coach, curricle, vis-a-vis, &c. which one cannot do without!

Sir M. A glorious inventory!

Flo. Then, sir, my lady must have a fine house, and furniture fit for a duchess. If she loses five hundred guineas at play, you must not lose your temper; but, to please her, you must cut down your timber, demolish your old house, banish all your acquaintance, and burn your manuscripts.

Sir M. Burn my manuscripts!

Mar. In a word, you must supply my wants and bear with my ill humours. I will see whom I please, go where I please, spend what I please, and stay abroad when I please!

Flo. You forget, miss, the opera box, with an engagement to Signora Squalini. You must know, Sir Marmaduke, that I've a great penchant for music myself,—the iano, the soprano, the falsetto. I'll hum you a tune.

Sir M. I think they are humming me all the time. Confound her sopranos!

AIR.-FLORA.

Sir Knight, when he a wooing came, stood staring like a

statue

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