Enter MRS. CAndour, L.

Mrs. Jan. My dear Lady Sneerwell, how have you been this century?- -Mr. Surface, what news do you hear?though indeed it is no matter, for I think one hears nothing else but scandal.

Joseph S. (R.) Just so, indeed, ma'am.

Mrs. C. [Crosses to Maria.] Oh, Maria! child,-what! is the whole affair off between you and Charles ? -His extravagance, I presume-the town talks of nothing else. Maria. (R. c.) I am very sorry, ma'am, the town has so

little to do.

Mrs. C. (L. c.) True, true, child: but there's no stopping people's tongues. I own I was hurt to hear it, as I indeed was to learn, from the same quarter, that your guardian, Sir Peter, and Lady Teazle, have not agreed lately as well as could be wished.

Maria. "Tis strangely impertinent for people to busy themselves so.

Mrs. C. Very true, child :—but what's to be done?-People will talk-there's no preventing it. Why, it was but yesterday I was told that Miss Gadabout had eloped with Sir Filigree Flirt. But, Lord! there's no minding what one hears; though, to be sure, I had this from very good authority.

Maria. Such reports are highly scandalous.

Mrs. C. So they are, child-shameful, shameful! But the world is so censorious, no character escapes.-Lord, now, who would have suspected your friend, Miss Prim, of an indiscretion? Yet such is the ill-nature of people, that they say her uncle stopt her last week, just as she was stepping into the York Mail with her dancing-master.

Muria. I'll answer for't, there are no grounds for that report.

Mrs. C. Ah, no foundation in the world, I dare swear; no more, probably, than for the story circulated last month, of Mrs. Festino's affair with Colonel Cassino;—though, to be sure, that matter was never rightly cleared up.

Joseph S. The licence of invention some people take is monstrous indeed.

Maria. "Tis so,-but, in my opinion, those who report such things are equally culpable.

Mrs. C. To be sure they are; tale-bearers are as bad as the tale-makers-'tis an old observation, and a very true one: but what's to be done, as I said before? how will

you prevent people from talking? To-day, Mrs. Clackitt assured me, Mr. and Mrs. Honeymoon were at last become mere man and wife, like the rest of their acquaintance. She likewise hinted that a certain widow, in the next street, had got rid of her dropsy and recovered her shape in a most surprising manner. And at the same time, Miss Tattle, who was by, affirmed, that Lord Buffalo had discovered his lady at a house of no extraordinary fame; and that Sir Harry Bouquet and Tom Saunter were to measure swords on a similar provocation.-But, Lord, do you think I would report these things?—No, no! tale-bearers, as I said before, are just as bad as the tale-makers.

Joseph S. Ah! Mrs. Candour, if every body had your forbearance and good-nature!

Mrs. C. I confess, Mr. Surface, I cannot bear to hear people attacked behind their backs; and when ugly circumstances come out against our acquaintance, I own I always I love to think the best. [Lady Sneerwell and Maria retire a little up.] By the by, I hope 'tis not true that your brother is absolutely ruined?

Joseph S. I am afraid his circumstances are very bad indeed, ma'am.

Mrs. C. Ah! I heard so-but you must tell him to keep up his spirits; every body almost is in the same wayLord Spindle, Sir Thomas Splint, and Mr. Nickit-all up, I hear, within this week; so if Charles is undone, he'll find half his acquaintance ruined too, and that, you know, is a consolation.

Joseph S. Doubtless, maʼam-a very great one.

Enter SERVANT, L.

-Serv. Mr. Crabtree and Sir Benjamin Backbite.

[Exit Servant. Lady S. So, Maria, you see your lover pursues you; positively you sha'n't escape.

Enter CRABTREE, 1st. and SIR BENJAMIN BACKBITE, 2nd. L

Crab. Lady Sneerwell, I kiss your hand―[Crosses to Mrs. Candour.]—Mrs. Candour, I don't believe you are acquainted with my nephew, Sir Benjamin Backbite? Egad! ma'am, he has a pretty wit, and is a pretty poet, too; isn't he, Lady Sneerwell?

Sir B. (L.) O fie, uncle!

Crab. Nay, egad, it's true; I back him at a rebus or a

charade against the best rhymer in the kingdom. - Has your ladyship heard the epigram he wrote last week on Lady Frizzle's feather catching fire?-Do, Benjamin, repeat it, or the charade you made last night extempore at Mrs. Drowzie's conversazione. Come now ;-your first is the name of a fish, your second a great naval commander, and

Sir B. Uncle, now-pr'ythee

Crab. I'faith, ma'am, 'twould surprise you to hear how ready he is at these things.

Lady S. I wonder, Sir Benjamin, you never publish anything.

Sir B. To say truth, ma'am, 'tis very vulgar to. . print; and as my little productions are mostly satires and lampoons on particular people, I find they circulate more by giving copies in confidence to the friends of the parties. [Crosses to Maria.] However, I have some love elegies, which, when favoured, with this lady's smiles, I mean to give the public.

Crab. 'Fore heaven, maʼam, they'll immortalise you!— you will be handed down to posterity, like Petrarch's Laura, or Waller's Sacharissa.

Sir B. Yes, madam, I think you will like them, when you shall see them on a beautiful quarto page, where a neat rivulet of text shall murmur through a meadow of margin. -'Fore Gad they will be the most elegant things of their kind!

Crab. [Crossing to Mrs. Candour.] But, ladies, that's true -have you heard the news?

Mrs. C. What, sir, do you mean the report of

Crab. No, ma'am, that's not it-Miss Nicely is going to be married to her own footman.

Mrs. C. Impossible!

Crab. Ask Sir Benjamin.

Sir B. "Tis very true, ma'am; every thing is fixed, and the wedding liveries bespoke.

Crab. Yes and they do say there were very pressing reasous for it.

Lady S. (L.) Why, I have heard something of this hefore.

Mrs. C. (L. c.) It can't be and I wonder any one should believe such a story, of so prudent a lady as Miss Nicely.

Sir B. (R. C.) O lud! ma'am, that's the very reason 'twas believed at once. She has always been so cautious

and so reserved, that every body was sure there was some reason for it at bottom.

Mrs. C. Why, to be sure, a tale of scandal is as fatal to the credit of a prudent lady of her stamp, as a fever is generally to those of the strongest constitutions. But there is a sort of puny sickly reputation, that is always ailing, yet will outlive the robuster characters of a hundred prudes.

Sir B. True, madam,-there are valetudinarians in reputation as well as constitution; who, being conscious of their weak part, avoid the least breath of air, and supply their want of stamina by care and circumspection..

Mrs. C. Well, but this may be all a mistake. You know, Sir Benjamin, very trifling circumstances often give rise to the most injurious tales.

Crab. That they do, I'll be sworn, ma'am.-Did you ever hear how Miss Piper came to lose her lover and her character last summer at Tunbridge?-Sir Benjamin, you remember it?

Sir B. Oh, to be sure the most whimsical circum

stance.

Lady S. How was it, pray?

Crab. Why, one evening, at Mrs. Ponto's assembly, the conversation happened to turn on the breeding Nova Scotia sheep in this country. Says a young lady in company, I have known instances of it-for Miss Letitia Piper, a first cousin of mine, had a Nova Scotia sheep that produced her twins.-What! cries the lady dowager Dundizzy (who you know is as deaf as a post), has Miss Piper had twins? This mistake, as you may imagine, threw the whole company into a fit of laughter. However, 'twas the next day every where reported, and in a few days believed by the whole town, that Miss Letitia Piper had actually been brought to bed of a fine boy and a girl; and in less than a week there were some people who could name the father, and the farm-house where the babies were put to

nurse.

Lady S. Strange, indeed!

Crab. Matter of fact, I assure you.-[Crosses to Surface.]-0 lud! Mr. Surface, pray is it true that your uncle, Sir Oliver, is coming home?

Joseph S. (R.) Not that I know of, indeed, sir.

Crab. [L. of Joseph.] He has been in the East Indies a long time. You can scarcely remember him, I believe?— Sad comfort whenever he returns, to hear how your brother has gone on!

Joseph S. Charles has been imprudent, sir, to be sure; but I hope no busy people have already prejudiced Sir Oliver against him. He may reform.

:

Sir B. To be sure he may for my part, I never believed him to be so utterly void of principle as people say; and though he has lost all his friends, I am told nobody is better spoken of by the Jews.

Crab. That's true, egad, nephew. If the Old Jewry was a ward, I believe Charles would be an alderman :-no man more popular there, 'fore Gad! I hear he pays as many annuities as the Irish tontine; and that whenever he is sick, they have prayers for the recovery of his health in all the synagogues.

Sir B. Yet no man lives in greater splendour. They tell me, when he entertains his friends he will sit down to dinner with a dozen of his own securities; have a score of tradesmen waiting in the antechamber, and an officer behind every guest's chair.

Joseph S. This may be entertainment to you, gentlemen, but you pay very little regard to the feelings of a brother. Maria. Their malice is intolerable. [Crosses, L.] Lady Sneerwell, I must wish you a good morning: I'm not very well. [Exit Maria, L. Mrs. C. O dear! she changes colour very much. Lady S. Do, Mrs. Candour, follow her your assistance.

she may want

Mrs. C. That I will, with all my soul, ma'am.-Poor dear girl, who knows what her situation may be!

[Exit Mrs. Candour, L. Lady S. "Twas nothing but that she could not bear to hear Charles reflected on, notwithstanding their difference.

Sir B. The young lady's penchant is obvious.

Crab. But, Benjamin, you must not give up the pursuit for that: follow her, and put her into good humour. Repeat her some of your own verses. Come, I'll assist you.

Sir B. [Crosses to Surface.] Mr. Surface, I did not mean to hurt you; but depend on't your brother is utterly undone. [Crosses, L. Crab. [Crosses to Surface. O lud, aye! undone as ever man was.-Can't raise a guinea!

[Crosses, L.

Sir B. [Crosses to Surface.] And every thing sold, I'm old, that was moveable.

[Crosses, L.

Crab. [Crosses, c.] I have seen one that was at his house. Not a thing left but some empty bottles that were