"You have abfolutely destroyed us by your rail"lery againft Swearing. It was a happy relief for "dullness, and fupplied the want of information

66

upon every fubject. I fwore roundly on the cle"vernefs of your firft number, and had actually prac"tifed anew and choice collection of execrations to 66 come out with the fecond; and when our PRE"SIDENT read it, (a labour by the by, that but "for his unrivaled claims would have coft him hist "place) I fat lounging with one leg carelemfly "thrown over my knee, patting the other, with

my new volley, as I may fay, ready at my fingers ends; but when he had finished, I could not exprefs a fingle fyllable, and have not fwore an "oath fince, without a fheepish kind of consciouf"nefs, that deftroys as it were the plumpness of "utterance; and I verily believe, I fhall be reduced "to the wretched alternative of feigning myself "totally dumb,or be at the pains of acquiring fome knowledge to qualify myself for converfation.

"I was recovering the other day, and beginning to rap out an execration with a tolerable air of "indifference, when a tall fellow tapped me on the "fhoulder, halloo'd Microcofm in my ear, and "making me fpring at least thee feet from the

"ground,

66 ground, whirl'd my abortive oath to fome at

"tendand Spirit, who never let it drop in this

"world, and I hope will never record it in the next, "But, for pity's fake, my dear Greg, don't be too "virtuous, leave us fome vices to revel in; for "at the unmerciful rate you go on, lopping off a "vice or a folly every week, we fhall be the dull"eft feminary in Christendon; we fhall have no"thing to do but ftudy; and I am fadly afraid "it will become fashionable to be attentive, dili❝gent, and healthy; -for why attempt, by "feigned ficknefs, to efcape from fcholaftic "trammels, if it is no longer knowing to fwear, lounge, or in any shape to play the fool?

“Nov. 20, 1786,

"Your's,

OCTAVIUS,"

"Eton, Monday, Nov. 27, 1786,

To the MICROCOSMOPOLITAN,

"DEAR GRIF,

"BEING myself a fincere "admirer of your plan, and being willing, as far "as lay in my power to contribute to its fuccefs, "I have made it my bufinefs to collect the vari"ous obfervations of your fellow-citizens on their

new Cenfor. I shall not detain you with the "( many different conjectures concerning the meaning, and true pronunciation of your title, fuf "fice it, there was not a word beginning with "the fame letter, or any ways resembling it, ei, "ther in fimilarity of found, or an equal number,

of fyllables, to which it was not fuppofed to "have fome reference. Nor was the design itself, "and the concealment which the author affected, "lefs the fubject of investigation. Morality, ri

baldry, politics, poetry, panegyric, and perfonal invective, were by turns hinted at as the "materials of your lucubrations. With regard "to yourself, were I to mention to you all who "were fuppofed to lie hid under the name of "Gregory Griffin, I should seem to impose on your credulity. Neither the vacant levity of the "idler, the folid ftupidity of the blockhead, nor "the harmless infignificance which distinguishes "the lifeless character of the cypher, fecured "them from the imputation of GREGORI "ANISM. Every body's motions were watched "with a ridiculous attention; the hapless being "who was difcovered reading a manufcript of

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σε

'

any kind, gave rife to an immediate fufpicion;

and an unusual diftention of the rifible muscles

at

"at the fight of the Microcofm, effectually "branded him with the name of Authorling. Nay, "even the innocent letters which compofed the

name, (upon the idea of Cabal and Smectymnuus) 66 were adjudged to the rack; and like tortured "criminals, made to confefs more than they knew. "Nor were there wanting fome, who by fhrewd "fhrugs and fly innuendos, fagaciously intimated, "that tho' they faid nothing, they knew what they knew. The beak and claws of the imaginary be

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as

ing, whofe name the author had affumed, were not fuppofed to be given him for nothing. And many, the fummit of whofe ambition before "had been to pafs thro' life with comfortable fe"renity, now began to look upon themselves objects fufficiently dignified for fatirical notice 66 or hoped at least, to be lafhed into importance as the fhadows of more diftinguifhed offenders, "without perfonally feeling the fmart; as the pillorying of his mafter reflects honour on the printer's devil, while he himself remains

"Sanus utrifque

"Auribus.

"His ears uncropped.

"I am, Sir,

"Your fincere well wifher,

"OBSERVATOR,'

No. VII.

OF THE

MICROCOSM.

MONDAY, January 15, 1787.

-Focis,

Ludoque dictus non Sat idoneus.-HORACE.

-Unfit

For Sprightly Jokes, or Sportive Wit.

To GREGORY GRIFFIN, ESQ

SIR,

O difcharge with faithfulness the duties Tof the important office which you have undertaken, you ought in my opinion 'to omit nothing which might be any ways con'ducive to the advantage or improvement of your "fellow-citizens; to the advancement of their welfare, or the fupport of their dignity. Of this

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