A SLAWKENBERGIAN FRAGMENT. -JUN [From the Morning Herald.] UNIUS told the Publifher, who queftioned him as he left the letter, he had dipped his pen in gall-was going to lash the fatellites, and should continue invifible, to raise a national alarm. The Publifher looked over the manufcript-never faw fuch a fatire in his life. -I have trimmed them feverely, quoth Junius. -So flipping his pen into the loop of a black riband at his button-hole, where an inkhorn was hung, he put his hand in his pocket, courteously touching his hat with his left hand, as he extended his right-he put half a crown into the Publisher's hand, and paffed on. It grieves me, faid the Publisher, fpeaking to a little dirty Printer's Devil, that fo acute a writer should have loft his penfion-he must be ftarved without one; and there is not a grandee will affift him in all Gotham. -I never had one, replied Junius, looking back on the Publisher, and putting his hand to his pen, as he fpoke. I fcribble with it, continued he, thus-flourishing the Chancellor of the Exchequer's name, on purpose to prove my independence. - It is well worth your acute letter, replied the Pub. lisher. It is not worth a baubee, faid the Printer's Devil; -'t is common trash. As I am a true scribe-except that is fix times as fevere 't is a paragraph, said the Publifher, like the editor's. 'T will not be printed, faid the Devil. By Alphabeta, faid the Publisher, 't will be printed in Roman. What I What a pity it is, faid the Devil, we cannot both of us read it! A short time after this difpute was maintained by the Publisher and the Devil, the fame point was debated between a learned Judge and an uninfluenced Jury. 'Tis a libel, faid the Lord Chief Justice, 'tis a rank libel. 'Tis not, faid the twelve Plebeians. 'Tis all fire and gunpowder, faid the Chief Juftice; I fmell the smoke. 'Tis common fense, said the Plebeians, and we will believe it. He fhall be unmasked, faid the Lord Chief Juftice, and I will unmask him. I have made a vow to St. Stephen this day, faid Junius, that my mask shall not be dropped till-Here he fufpended his voice, and fplit his pen Till when? faid the Chief Juftice, hastily. I will never be discovered, faid he, mending the pen, till that hour What hour? faid the Chief Juftice. Never!-Never! faid Junius, till I am gotFor Heaven's fake, into what PLACE? faid the Chief Justice. Junius burnt his pen without writing a word. -In a few years the whole land of Gatham was in an uproar.-Perhaps Junius was difcovered.-The embargo was just taken off the hoys, to invite the world to the Isle of Thanet-no foul in Type Street cared for it-the Change was like a bear-garden-authors, editors, politicians, compofitors, running here and there-fetting up this paragraph-ftriking down thatout of one printing-houfe into another. Did you hear it? did you hear it? oh! did you hear it?-Who heard it? who believes it? for mercy's fake, WHO KNOWS IT? Alack Alack-a-day, that I had written a book about itthat I had one to write about it!-Oh! that I had been the brother of Samfon, and the weapon to flay the Philiftines!-Would I had been a judge, a juryman, a publifher, a little dirty printer's devil! was the cry Gotham. in Junius had got perched upon the top of the pineal gland of their brains, and made fuch rousing work in their fancies, that, to a fapient face, a dull and fententious delivery, "I could a tale unfold"-the mafs bent in filent adoration-they worshipped the irradiated mortal poffeffing fupernatural intelligence, furpaffing the Gygean ring, or ne plus ultra-the philofopher's ftone. The universities of Gotham-the procacious politicians the laity of Paternofter-the Grubean mendicants the Chroniclites and the order of Britonites wandered from comma to colon, from colon to exclamation-a single speech-a fecretaryfhip-a noble lord-a number 45-like an ignis fatuus, led them aftray-they looked pale, and fhivered amidst their wandering-Junius had worn a fuit of broad-cloth manufactured from the best Spanish wool-every one swore to rival Adam until they found his vesture to caft lots for. The acute order of dunciadean critics, that fmell an author by his ifs and ands, acted the wifer partthey put on a frieze great coat, and boasted perspicuity. In all my circumlocutory epiftles have I, Slawkenbergius, tied down every line to the puff pofitive, and while I play with the curiofity of the Gothamites, at the expense of their pocket, to please the idle vapours of their brain, it will be found that Junius fo runs in their heads that the Gothamites cannot follow their bufinefs. VOL. III. Alas! Alas! alas! continued Slawkenbergius, Junius is not the first political writer, nor will he be the last, that NOT ABOVE ONE PERSON KNOWS ANY THING ABOUT. AGUE-CHEEK. THE COURTIER'S SOLILOQUY. DAZZLED with the falfe luftre of ambition, I quitted too precipitately my little walk in life, in hopes of fhining among the great. By executing every minifterial commiffion with which I was charged, with the most fervile fidelity, however difagreeable it was to my tafte, however repugnant to my confcience, I raised myself, by hafty ftrides, from obfcurity to fplendour. By never framing the slightest objections to the commands of my defpotic fuperiors, by always receiving them with humility, and obeying them with fwiftnefs, I have fixed myself in a magnificent fituation. I have acquired honours and riches, and should derive no fmall happiness from the envy which I excite among thousands lefs fuccefsful in the world, did I not feel myself defpised by many of the moft refpectable men in the nation, whofe contempt is the more mortifying to me, as I am confcious of deferving it. In vain do my friends, (my flatterers rather fhould I fay, for how can we, with any propriety, call thofe our friends who ftudiously endeavour to hide us from ourselves?) in vain do they beftow on my principles and my parts the moft exalted encomiums; in vain would they make me believe that I am a capital pillar of the British conftitution: fick of the fawning crew furrounding me from morning to night, I begin to naufeate their grofs, their furfeiting adulation. My gains, indeed, have been confiderable fince I have been a patient perfevering drudge in the minifterial 4 terial road; confiderable too have been my lathes. What have I gained? A riband and a penfion. What have I loft? My character and my peace. MESSIER Currado, of Naples, had a fervant named Chinchillo, who one night, to treat his mistress, cut off the leg of a crane which was roasting for his master's fupper, who thereupon afked him what was become of the crane's other leg. Chinchillo immediately fwore that cranes had but one leg. The next morning, as he was riding behind his master, he made him, in order to convince him he was right, observe several cranes at rooft upon one leg; but his master shouting, they put down the other leg; whereupon Chinchillo perceiving that his master was angry, cried out, "How lucky it was that you did not shout laft night, for your crane would have put down the other leg, and have flown away as thefe did, and your fupper would have gone too."-Currado laughed, and Chinchillo escaped. ABSTRACT OF A BUDGET. [From the Morning Herald.] TAX on Transfer of Property.-An Act for encou raging the extenfion of commerce, by rendering the tranfmutation of its objects more cheap, easy, and univerfal. Ditto on Bills of Exchange.-An A&t for promoting the more frequent circulatton of cash. Ditto on Deeds.-An Act for encouraging the transacting of deeds in the night, and the more effectually to prevent their seeing the light. I 2 Ditto |