that discount of human nature called a taylor!-by the dignity of Mars! could you bear it,

"When you might his quietus make

By a bare bodkin ?"

I am afraid, my dear Tom, that I have made this letter longer than you will have leifure to read, efpecially as you are going into a fervice where you muft accomplish actions, and not mind words. Í hasten, therefore, to clofe with remarking, that the fourth great branch of your duty is, "When you approach a place, to drive every thing before you." I fhall dwell the lefs on this fubject, as you must be convinced that it is effential to your progrefs to overcome all obstacles, and infpire a proper terror in all beholders. I would not have you, therefore, to regard fuch trifles as cornfields, farmers' yards, broad-wheeled waggons, detachments of gleaners or hop-pickers. The military road has, time out of mind, been a deviation from the highway, though apparently leading to it.

I have now offered you a few hints on fome of the moft material parts of your fervice. Time will not permit me to enlarge upon all of them, and you know enough naturally to render that unneceffary. I have faid nothing, for instance, on gaming, because you may foon be inoculated in that disorder, if you have it not the natural way. I have likewife faid nothing of betting; but, by the way, I would not have you bet upon fuch things as battles abroad, and fea-fights; for thefe are generally fo artfully mifreprefented by both parties, that it becomes as difficult to know who gained the bet, as who gained the battle. No, I would have your bets turn on objects more within your infpection and more important-fuch as the race of a pair of maggots from a filbert-the colour of your landlady's ftockings-two to one that Kate Matchlock has twins

-three

-three to two that Corporal Filch is hanged before Christmas-five to one you don't produce a man who can repeat the Lord's Prayer, &c. &c. Thefe are not only important in themselves, but equally fo as affording materials for rational and improving converfation.

One thing yet remains, which it would be unpardonable to pass by. I fuppofe you have already been looking for it, and guefs I mean "an affair of honour," alias duelling, alias pinking a man. This would require a treatise instead of a letter, and therefore I muft be brief, and confine myfelf principally to one topic-the causes of duelling. Now, as no challenge can be refufed, I hope that you will felect fuch caufes as may appear dignified and becoming your character, fuch as the fleetnefs of a horfe, or the flightiness of a woman. I mean no difrepect to either of these perfonages by claffing them together, but I am vindicated in my arrangement from a confideration of the causes of above a hundred duels, which have happened in my time, and which puzzle me very much to find where the feat of honour really is. I am not, however, afraid of your personal danger in the affair of duelling: independent of your good temper, I am of opinion. that duelling will very foon be banished from the army. It is impoflible that gentlemen of the army can continue a fashion which has been po luted by the lowest mechanics, who now talk of their honour as formerly they used to talk of their honefty; who load their piftol's oftener than they difcharge their debts, and are more ambitious of a character behind Montague House, than on the Royal Exchange.

I will now take my leave, my dear Tom, wishing you health and happinefs, and a glorious retreat to the mansions of peace, when the "dogs of war” fhall be again chained: when you fhall pare down your fpontoon to a walking-ftick, fhoot nothing but par

tridges

tridges with your fufil, and beat your sword into a carving-knife.

I am, dear Tom, yours fincerely,

CHRISTOPHER CARBONADE, Late Major of the Brentford Militia.

IMPROVEMENTS MUCH WANTED IN THE METROPOLIS :

BEING A FEW USEFUL HINTS TO SUCH GENTLEMEN AS

WALK THE STREETS, FREQUENT THE THEATRES,

OR GO TO COFFEE-HOUSES.

SUCH gentlemen as carry fmall canes, ought to put them in an horizontal pofition, under their right arm, taking efpecial care that the ferule end, which must be carried behind them, be fufficiently dirty. This with a jerk in the gait, and a frequent whisk, as if to look about them, will prevent the crowd of bufy troublesome people, who infest the public streets, from preffing too clofe.

If a short man carries an umbrella, let him lift it no higher than the eyes of the overgrown monsters who are frequently walking the streets. By this means he will prevent their coming fo near as to splash him; at leaft, if they do, it will be at the hazard of their

eyes.

Such gentlemen as write their letters in coffee-houses, fhould endeavour to get two or three of the newspapers of the day to put under their paper; this will prevent the table foiling their letter or their ruffle; and as to the impatience of those who wait for them-that is not the bufinefs of a gentleman to inquire about.

If you fee the coffee-room crowded, endeavour to fix yourself at the corner of a table in such a manner

that

that you prevent any one paffing you to get feated in any other part of the bench; or, if that cannot conveniently be done, put one or both of your legs at full length upon the feat, lean back and whistle, or pick your teeth. This will show your confequence.

If you walk the streets, always wear boots and fpurs; I fay Spurs, because it is three to one but they catch the apron or petticoat of any woman who is paffing you; and if the is young and handfome, you may make a low bow, and afk her pardon in a graceful degagee way, and by this means form an agreeable connexion. The fame rule will hold good when you go to the play-houfe; befides, if your boots are fufficiently dirty, you prevent people incommoding you by preffing too close.

Whenever you call a hackney-coach, take care the fellow ftops his horfes in fuch a manner as to interfect a croffing. This will naturally occafion a number of people to ftop, and give you an opportunity of thowing your perfon and your importance at the fame time.

IMPORTANT MEDICAL COMMUNICATION ON THE DISEASE OF SCOLDING.

FROM the days of the Spectator to the present time, periodical writers have indulged in invectives against scolding, from an evident misconception of the true nature, principles, and practice of fcolding. Nay, our ancestors were more to blame, becaufe they went farther, and, confidering scolding as a crime, invented a punishment for it. Much light has never been thrown upon the fubject; but as I have made it my particular study for the last five-and-thirty years, that is, ever fince I entered into the happy ftate of matri

mony,

mony, I hope I fhall have it in my power to difpel the darkness of ignorant and perfecuting times, and contribute fomething to eradicate thofe unreasonable prejudices, which many gentlemen of our own days entertain against fcolding.

The theory of fcolding has been grossly mistaken. That which is a disease has been confidered as a fault; whereas, in fact, fcolding is a disease, principally of the lungs; and when the noxious matter has been long pent up, it affects the organs of fpeech in a very extraordinary manner, and is discharged with a violence which, while it relieves the patients, tends very much to disturb and frighten the beholders, or perfons that happen to be within hearing.

Such is my theory of fcolding; and if we examine all the appearances which it prefents in different families, we fhall find that they will all confirm this doctrine. It is, therefore, the greatest cruelty, and the greateft ignorance, to confider it as a crime. A perfon may as well be confined in jail for a fever, or transported for the gout, as punished for fcolding, which is, to all intents and purposes, a disease arifing from the causes already mentioned.

Nor is it only a difeafe of itself, but it is alfo, when improperly treated, the cause of many other diforders. Neglected fcoldings have often produced fits, of which a remarkable inftance may be found in a treatise written by Dr. Colman, entitled, The Jealous Wife, in the fourth chapter, or act, as he calls it, of that celebrated work. On the other hand, where the fcolding matter has been long pent up, without any vent, I have little doubt that it inay, bring on confumptions of the lungs, and thofe dreadful hyfterical diforders which, if not speedily fatal, at least embitter the lives of many worthy members of fociety. All these evils might have been averted, if the faculty had confidered fcolding in the light of a difeafe, and had treated it

accord