accordingly. In purfuance of my theory, I now proceed to the

SYMPTOMS.

The fymptoms of scolding are these: a quick pulse, generally about one hundred beats in a minute; the eyes confiderably inflamed, efpecially in perfons who are fat, or refide near Wapping; a flushing in the face, very often to a great degree; at other times, in the courfe of the fit, the colour goes and comes in a moft furprising manner; an irregular, but violent motion of the hands and arms, and a ftamping with the right foot; the voice exceedingly loud, and as the diforder advances, it becomes hoarfe and inarticulate; and the whole frame is agitated. After these symptoms have continued for fome time, they gradually, and in fome cafes very fuddenly, go off; a plentiful effufion of water comes from the eyes, and the patient is restored to health; but the diforder leaves a confiderable degree of weaknefs, and a peculiar foolishnefs of look, especially if any strangers have been prefent during the fit. The memory too is, I conceive, fomewhat impaired; the patient appears to retain a very imperfect recollection of what paffed, and if put in mind of any circumstances obftinately denies them. These fymptoms, it may be fuppofed, will vary confiderably in different patients, but where they appear at one time, there can be very little doubt of the diforder.

PREDISPOSING CAUSES.

In all difeafes, a knowledge of the predifpofing caufes will be found to affift us in the cure. In the prefent cafe, thefe caufes are, irritability of the vascu lar fyftem, an exaltation of the paffions, and a moderate deficiency of natural temper.

OCCASIONAL CAUSES.

The occafional caufes of fcolding are many. Among them may be enumerated the throwing down of a

china bafon, misplacing a hat, or a pair of gloves, or an umbrella; leaving a door open; over-doing the meat; under-doing the fame; fpilling the foup; letting the fire go out; miftaking the hour, &c. &c. with many others, which I do not think it very necefsary to enumerate, because these causes are so natural, that we cannot prevent them, and because, whatever the occafional caufe of the diforder may be, the fymp. toms are the fame, and the mode of cure the fame.

CURE.

Various remedies have been thought of for this diftemper, but all hitherto of the rough and violent kind, which, therefore, if they remove the fymptoms for the prefent, leave a greater difpofition toward the diforder than before. Among thefe the common people frequently prescribe the application of an oak-ftick, a horse-whip, or a leather strap or belt, which, however, are all liable to the objection I have just stated. Others have recommended argumentation; but this, like inoculation, will not produce the defired effect, unless the patient be in fome degree prepared to receive it. Some have advised a perfect filence in all perfons who are near the patient; but I must say that, whereever I have seen this tried, it has rather heightened the disorder, by bringing on fits. The fame thing may be faid of obedience, or letting the patient have her own way. This is precisely like giving drink in a dropfical cafe, or curing a burning fever by throwing in great quantities of brandy.

As the chief intention of this paper was to prove that scolding is a disease, and not a fault, I shall not enlarge much on the mode of cure; because the moment my theory is adopted, every perfon will be able to treat the disorder fecundum artem. I fhall mention, however, the following prescription, which I never found to fail, if properly administered:

Take

1

II.

But hark! the portals found, and pacing forth,
With steps, alas! too flow,

The College Gyps, of high illuftrious worth,
With all the dishes in long order go.
In the midft, a form divine,
Appears the fam'd Sirloin;

And foon with plums and glory crown'd,
Almighty Pudding sheds its sweets around.

Heard ye the din of dinner bray?

Knife to fork, and fork to knife;

Unnumber'd heroes in the glorious strife,

Through fish, flesh, pies, and puddings, cut their destin'd way.

See beneath the mighty blade,

Gor'd with many a ghaftly wound,

Low the fam'd Sirloin is laid,

And finks in many a gulf profound.
Arife, arife, ye fons of glory,
Pies and puddings stand before ye;
See the ghofts of hungry bellies
Point at yonder ftand of jellies:
While fuch dainties are befide ye,
Snatch the goods the Gods provide ye:
Mighty rulers of this state,

Snatch before it is too late:

For fwift as thought the Puddings, Jellies, Pies,
Contract their giant bulks, and fhrink to pigmy fize.

IV.

From the table now retreating,
All around the fire they meet,
And with wine, the fons of eating
Crown at length their mighty treat:
Triumphant Plenty's rofy graces

Sparkle in their jolly faces;

And mirth and cheerfulness are seen
In each countenance ferene.

Fill high the sparkling glass,
And drink th' accuftom'd toast;
Drink deep ye mighty host,

And let the bottle pafs.

A:

D

Begin, begin the jovial ftrain,
Fill, fill the mystic bowl,

And drink, and drink, and drink again,
For drinking fires the foul.

But foon, too foon, with one accord they reel,
Each on his feat begins to nod,
All-conquering Bacchus' power they feel,

And pour libations to the jolly God.
At length, with dinner and with wine opprefs'd,
Down in the chairs they fink, and give themselves to reft.

A PARODY.

HENCE loathed Sophocles,

Of Lecturer and blackest Tutor born,

In Lecture-room forlorn,

'Mongft horrid Quizzes, Bloods, and Bucks unholy;
Find out fome uncouth cell,

Where pallid Study fpreads his midnight wings,
And difmal ditties fings:

There 'midft unmellow'd fouls with fapless brain
Compofe thy fober train,-

And in the mind of reading Quizzes dwell.
But come thou Pleasure fair and free,
In college clept Good Company,
And by fome heart-eafing Mirth,
Whom lovely Leisure at a birth,
With two fifter Graces more,
To eafy-hearted Freedom bore;
Or whether, as fome fager fing,
The jolly God, each Pleasure's fpring,
Bacchus, who the vintner teafing,
When he caught him clusters fqueezing,
There in cafks both large and round,
With hoops, to keep each crevice found,
Thee first produc'd, thou foe to care,
So buxom, blithe, and debonair;
Hafte thee, Wine, and bring with thee
Jeft and youthful Jollity;

Come,

Come, infpiring all night long,
Toafts and Tales, and am'rous Song,
Such as with good Bacchus fare,
And love a heart at ease from care;
Sport that wrinkled Care derides,
And Laughter holding both his fides.
Come, and trip it as you go
On the light fantastic toe;

And in thy fulness bring with thee,
The charm of fong, fweet Melody;
And if I give thee honour due,
Mirth, admit me of thy crew,
To live with Wine, and live with thee,
In unreproved pleasure free:

To fee the morn with radiance bright
Expel the fhades of live-long night,.
Lying on the moisten'd floor
Till the Gyp unfolds the door:
Then to reel in fpite of forrow,
And at the lodging bid good-morrow;
In the lovely Bridge-street plac'd,
Or Castle-end by Ladies grac'd.

IN

WASHING-WEEK *.

BY A SEAMAN.

N this, dear George, we both agree,
(You bred in camp-I bred at fea,)
That cleanliness is oft

A curfed plague about a house,
And always met our warm abuse
When boys with Mrs. Croft.
But, to the beggar and the king,
Clean linen 's a reviving thing,

Though both thofe plagues don't reach ;
The beggar ftrips at jocund morn
In fome clear ftream, and on the thorn
Spreads out his rags to bleach.

*See vol. i. p. 366.

The