- his licenfe, with a catalogue of fuch oaths, execrations, and exclamations, as fhall be judged most suitable to his rank, abilities, &c. Thefe alone he shall be entitled to pronounce, while a heavy penalty shall be the confequence of his exceeding them. Thus, the proper diftinctions and gradations of fociety fhall be marked even in its vices; and we fhall no longer have a duke or a chancellor thundering out the vulgar curfes of a waggoner; or hear lifped from the mouth of a furdy ploughman, well-buttered blafphemies, ftolen, through the medium of the footboy, from his master's table.

"That there may be always a proper fupply to anfwer the confumption, I would have it ordered, that all matters of colleges, tutors, &c. at Oxford and Cambridge, thall from time to time make returns of all thofe youths that are (in the common meaning) good for nothing. Of thefe, the Board fhall felect fuch as feem to have talents for the compofition of oaths, who fhall be employed, in an academy to be built for the purpose, in repairing, renewing, polishing, and inventing thofe effential requifites to focial mirth, to found argument, and to every fpecies of polite converfation. Much affiftance in this way may be expected from thofe gentlemen of the army who have fworn themfelves into reputation for courage. As to the ftudies neceffary for this occupation, any book of divinity will furnith matter for a thoufand happy blafphemies. I have even known a young man of genius turn his Catechifm to a very good account in this way. But as the public has no right to expect that the labours of thefe men fhould be gratuitous, I would have the works of each fecured to him, by exclufive patent, for a certain time, before they are thrown into the common stock.

"For gentlemen of the navy and army, there might be compiled a fet of fefquipedalian exclamations, none

of

of which must confift of less than three fyllables; and here by the by I can't help remarking, that as the lan-guage of oaths is extenfive enough to fill a dictionary, I don't know why it fhould not be held confiderable enough to have a grammar of its own, the arrangements of which might help to regulate the diftribution I have propofed. Who knows, under due management, how fufceptible it might be found of poetical fublimity? The profody of oaths would be no very difficult thing to adjuft, as the great variety and enlargement which this bold language has of late years received, afford us words of all forts of measures, as thus:

Spondæus
Pyrrhichius
Trochæus

Jambus

Moloffis

Dactylus

Amphimacer

Amphibrachys u
Anapæftus

d-n me.

dem me.
d-n it.
be d-ned.
d-nation...
d-nable.
d-n it all.

Oh! d-n it.
d-ble d-n.
claffical knowledge,

For the fupport of literature and all graduates of the universities fhall be allowed to curfe and fwear ad libitum in Latin, Greek, or Hebrew, together with the free ufe of all the names that they may find registered in Boyle's Pantheon, of which, with a little application, they may form combinationsof curfes, in endlefs variety, and suited to every emer. gency.

"Any perfon who can produce undoubted evidence. of his never having been detected in forming a propo fition or drawing a conclufion, who can be warranted reafon proof, and can make affidavit that he never has been convinced, fhall have am unlimited credit at the treafury of the inftitution; for, without oaths, it is not likely that he will pafs for a man of humour or pleasantry;

L 5

pleasantry; but it is fitting he should pay for them at an advanced rate, fince they will be to him the only fubftitute for wit or knowledge, for good fenfe or good breeding.

"Profeffed ftory-tellers fhould alfo be fupplied liberally, as fo much of their fuccefs depends on the happy felection and arrangement of thefe expletives; and fcarcely a man of anecdote but would fail in the effect of his good things, if they were not judiciously seasoned with fome of this literary Cayenne.

"No man who can blush at a falfehood, or who can fit out a fermon, or who is not afhamed to be ferious, or who does not fill bumpers, or compose fentiments-in fhort, nobody convicted by a jury of good and true fwearers, of being an odd fellow, thall be furnished on any terms; and if he fwear, it is at his peril. Such cowardly Chriftians fwear with fe ill a grace, that they bring difcredit to the caufe.

"Pharo and hazard tables, race-meetings, boxingfchools, &c. &c. may have a license to any extent.

"This, my dear friend, is the sketch of a plan, which, with your affiftance and the public approba tion, I hope foon to make more perfect. I defign alfo, in aid of the great defign, fhortly to publish a volume, which I fhall entitle, The Complete Curfer, or Every Man his own Swearer, and fhall be happy, with his permiffion, to dedicate it to Mr. Olivebranch, as a fmall proof of the real pleafure I feel in fubfcribing myfelf his.

"Obliged friend,

6.6.

2

ON

ON THE EQUALIZATION OF FOLLIES AND

SIR,

DISEASES.

[From the fame.]

A PROJECTOR, in your paper of

fhows an inclination to render the practice of urfing and fwearing an object of revenue. Certain it s, that in a time of public diftrefs no tax can be fo productive as that which is laid upon the effects of ill-humour; and I have more than once thought, that, in the best of times, a per-centage upon grumbling would be no cause of complaint. Scme years ago, I drew up a plan of a fimilar kind with that of Mr. Projector's, and had the honour to fubmit it to the approbation of his Majefty's Minifters, although, for fome reafon or other, I have not heard of it fince. The gratitude of great perfons is very feldom extended to men of a fcheming turn. I do not, indeed, mean to blame Administration for the neglect of my plan : perhaps the moment they faw how exceedingly comprehenfive it was, including all defcriptions of men, and confequently amazingly productive, they might think it was too great a resource for ordinary occafions, and ought to be referved for fome very trying time, to operate as a grand stroke in appalling the courage of hoftile nations, by convincing them that our revenue may be increased, both in thought, WORD, and deed. But whatever may be their reafons for keeping back an affair of this kind, I am convinced they are not to be cenfured for any breach of confidence towards me. I therefore do not infinuate, in the most diftant or indirect manner, that Mr. Projector has availed himfelf of a fight of my plan in the Treasury-office. F believe he would find that a very difficult matter, there being at least one more reafon than ordinary why

they would not let him come at it. No, Sir; on the contrary, I behold in him, as in myfelf, an unceafing anxiety for the public good; and this muft of course prefent to his mind every poffible scheme that can tend to diminish the burdens of the state, and render even our vices an object of national advantage. Nothing is fo certain as that two perfons may hit upon the fame plan, although the law of priority can affign the merit only to one. Often, Sir, when I am convulfed with laughter at the wit of a modern comedy, and applaud the author for his humorous things, it diftreffes me to think that his great-grandfathers laughed at the fame jokes from the mouth of Joe Miller or Ben Jonfon. Often when thofe original repofitories, the Magazines, give us a fine piece of poetry, never before publifhed, I am vexed to find it in an old folio in my library, embrowned by the oblivious duft of antiquity.

But let all rivalship between us ceafe. I propofed my tax to be in the form of a licenfe, fubject to the excife laws; and I propofed it in a time of peace, when fwearing and every other neceffary as well as luxury of life, bore a great price, and the people were as able to pay, as they were willing to incur the penalty; and although I then conceived (with your correfpondent the Projector) that oaths and curfes fhould be declared to be the property of the nation, it was fuggested to me that they were not precifely that fpecies of property which arifes from the best efforts of our induftry and genius; and that, in enumerating to a ftranger the various fources of our revenue, a real well-wisher to his country might perhaps with to drop this new fpecies of finking fund. But objections to great plans are endlefs. I am now convinced, that, if my plan had been adopted, this property would have been confiderably leffened, and perhaps fome evils, of which we now complain, might have been prevented: but let

that