the forenoon, and the ftomach, the offending party, is chatifed by ratafie.

That men of magisterial dignity fhould complain of the gout and dropfy is not remarkable, because the city chamber fupplies the means, and the rotundity of an alderman may be ftill an object of envy to a lord; but that their wives fhould be fit fubjects for tremblings, palpitations, and the moft delicate and genteel nervous fymptoms, is not eafily to be accounted for, unless from the causes I have already affigned. True it is, however, that the city has become of late years a very unhealthy place, and at certain feafons of the year great numbers of the inhabitants may be seen on the Kent road, like emigrants, feeking a place of fafety.

I have mentioned the nerves. This I take to be a modern invention, like Caffino, and other fashionable games, which foon extend to the lower claffes of people. Our forefathers either had no nerves, or they lay dormant in the body, without being applied to any valuable purpofc. At prefent the ufes of nerves are many. They afford an excufe for leaving a company fuddenly, or for acquiring the honourable diftinction of a neat fainting fit. They are eminently ufeful in fupporting the reputation of a tragic actress, or in giving an air of amiable diffidence to a young orator. In novels, they heighten the catastrophe; and in pleadings, they fupply the place of argument. Were these, and other effects which I might mention, confined to perfons of fashion who first invented nervous disorders, the faculty only would have had reafon to complain.

Having now, Mr. Olivebranch, explained what Occurs to me on, this fubject, I ought to propose a remedy for this univerfal anarchy of vices and follies; but I am diffident of its fuccefs, and fhall confine myfelf to a brief outline. I would humbly propose, that none but perfons of a certain rank and property fhall,

in all time coming, be allowed to practife the greater vices. The first difficulty in this fcheme is to afcertain the quantum of this property, which is to serve as a qualification. It is not eafy, Sir, to bring order out of confusion. Many perfons will think themselves infulted by being excluded, whatever qualification we fix upon; and fome citizens, I am very fenfible, might think their credit endangered; for, in popular opinion, appearances have great weight. De apparentibus et exiftentibus eadem eft ratio. Talking lately on this fubject with a friend, I propofed the ufual qualifications of a fenator. My friend, who has long filled a feat in this great affembly of the nation, was not pleased with this, and affured me that the fum was too fmall. "A man," added he, " may make a very good member of Parliament, and yet make a very forry figure as a fcoundrel." The remark filenced me, and I give it to you as I received it.

On the other hand, forty, thirty, or even twenty thousand pounds of yearly income are fums too large and fuch a regulation would coop up iniquity in a very narrow compafs: at the fame time we know that three or four thousands per annum is a fum rarely fufficient for the career of a lottery-office keeper. What middle fum, therefore, may be proper, I leave to be determined by fome fpirited legiflator, who may think it worth his while to adopt my plan, and who perhaps may be better able to talk on this part of it. Let me repeat, that justice requires, that only men of property ought to be permitted to act foolishly and viciously, because a great part of mankind have agreed not to be offended with the vices of their fuperiors, but, on the contrary, to flatter and to feed them in every possible

way.

Wit and genius are fo much admired in men of fortune, that a very fcanty portion of either is found to go a prodigious way in raising the character. Although no enthusiastic admirer of fortune myself, I

muft

muft confefs that a good thing has great weight from the mouth of a man worth five thousand a year. I remember once to have been entertained with the bon mots of one of one thousand, but I lost all opinion of them when I was told that this was only an annuity. What can a man save out of an annuity to make him witty. after his death? From a parity of reasoning it is, that we call a drunken fhopkeeper an idle blackguard, while a baronet is a d―d fine fellow when his fenfes are gone; that we reprobate thofe who play deep with dirty cards, but entertain a respect for those who never play twice with the fame pack; and that we consign a petty tradefman to gaol for a debt, but value the man of rank from the number of his creditors.

One remark more I have to trouble you with. Should my plan be adopted, it might be worthy of confideration, whether, in order to feparate plebeian from patrician fins, we fhould not alter the form of our oaths and obligatory ceremonies. I fhall inftance. only one-the ceremony of marriage. It appears to be very ridiculous to expect, that a man who marries for money will be as ftrictly bound by this ceremony as he who marries for love. A new form is certainly wanting for perfons of distinction. The words, till death do us part, if they have any meaning at all, imply that one, at least, of the parties intends to depart this life in four or five weeks. As to the whole train of promises, to have and to hold, love and cherish, &c. they remind me of the oath of allegiance, by which a man swears not to bring in the old Pretender, the young Pretender, or any of his family, and are pretty nearly as obfolete.

To conclude: If perfons of rank and diftinction feel their honour in any degree touched by this trefpass of the vulgar upon their property of vices and follies, and if they can no more preferve an exclufive right to a folly than they can the pattern of a drefs, my advice

3

, to refolve at once to renounce and abjure all fuch practices as tend to level the most dignified with the neaneft of mankind. They will then regain that: espect which rank, and property, and wealth, can at I times command, by being employed to countenance irtue, to banish oppreffion, and to protect merit; and hofe of the lower claffes will foon learn by experience, f precept fhould be neglected, that nothing is fo conemptible as a rivalship in wickedness, and nothing o meritorious as to add, by individual example, to hat aggregate of virtue and industry, which alone can. preserve those bleffings of which neighbouring nations are unhappily deprived.

I am, Reverend Sir,

Your most obedient servant,

C.

I

SIR,

PAROCHIAL FEUDS.

[From the Oracle.]

AM a blacksmith, and refide in the city, where I have by industry acquired a handfome fortune. On the oppofite fide of the ftreet is a church, over the gate of which is curiously carved, and admirably executed, the awful fcene of the refurrection and last judgment. The enemy of man forms a very prominent figure in this piece, and is reprefented defcending with great velocity to feize upon his prey. As this carving is held in high eftimation in our parish, every churchwarden, on coming into office, vies with his predeceffors in ornamenting it. The painter is fure of an annual job, and the taste of the parish officer is exhibited in the colour of the dæmon's coat: one year we behold him attired in green, the next in dark brown. Sometimes he wears muddy white, and at other

times he is clad in copper; but, Sir, this year a very orthodox officer has been chofen, and, in pursuance of annual custom, his first act was to array the devil. This gentleman gave Satan a black coat, to the very great mortification of my workmen, who certainly are not well versed in biblical learning: one of them, more fluent than his companions, and a little better read, contended that it was highly indecorous to give his Satanic majefty a fuit of black." I have fome notion," continued he, "all this is intended as an infult to our trade."" Damn me," replied a young man, who is my apprentice, and nearly out of his time, a fellow of high fpirit, "if I thought so, if I would not break the devil into a thousand pieces." A general confultation was held upon this fubject; and as my men have an idea that they never examine a point half fo well as over the bottle, a pint of gin was ordered, a regular debate enfued, and the ayes were for demolishing the devil. Fortunately for the arts, I happened to make my appearance when the council was about to depute a member to deftroy the dæmon. Surprised at the clamour, the violence, and the irritability of the men, I inquired the caufe, and was inftantly informed; I remonstrated; but was charged with apathy -I was not fo tenacious of the honour of the trade as I ought to be Did I fuppofe they would fuffer fuch an infult to pafs unpunished? I found my authority on this occafion fubverted, and my fhop in a complete ftate of infurrection-I temporized-ordered more gin-reafoned over it, and told the men it would be but fair to demand an explanation. As they proceeded to violence, I offered to procure them one, and promifed, if it fhould be withheld, that I fhould lead them myself on to the charge. This notion was approved, and I was accordingly deputed to wait on the churchwarden, who, I need not inform you, was in a precious quandary on hearing of the danger in which

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