of recovering what I loft, and wish to confult you about rebuilding my houfe: perhaps you may think me a little whimfical, but I wifh to have it rebuilt exactly as it ftood before."

"Very well, Sir, that may be done. I prefumė you have a plan of it."—"Why, no, I can't pofitively fay I have. Indeed there never was any plan of it drawn upon paper; for my ancestors altered and repaired it just as they pleafed. But I have fome notion of it in my head; and confefs I am fo attached to the old building, that I wish to see it replaced ftone for ftone, brick for brick, and beam for beam :—what fay you?"

Truly, Sir, without you can very accurately defcribe it, I am afraid we fhall find great difficulty in executing your purpose. What do you remember of it?"

[Here he enumerated fome parts of the building, which are unneceffary to be repeated.]

"Why, Sir, I muft confefs it would be almoft impoffible to build fuch an edifice as you have described. I fcarcely ever heard of fuch a one. It never could

have been built to last, nor could it afford that comfortable accommodation which would induce a rational man to live in it. Really, Sir, if the mob you mention had not rifen at that time, I do not fee how your manfion could have ftood long. It appears to have been undermined by the addition of the American fir you mention; and you allow that most of the timbers were rotten, and that the roof was extremely ill füpported and ready to fall in."

you

"You have hit the cafe exactly, Mr. Surveyor— have hit the cafe: nobody could defcribe it better. And now what I want is, to have the building restored exactly in fiatu quo, with the old timbers and all thofe rotten materials which you have fo accurately defcribed."

"Good

"Good Heaven! Sir, you can't be ferious? I never heard of fuch a propofition. In this country, Sir, in whatever way a man's house may have been pulled down, in rebuilding it he is always glad to avail himfelf of fuch improvements in the art as may fecure it from fimilar accidents."

"Don't talk to me, of improvements-I hate the very name. I don't know what may be the cafe here; but where I live we have been ruined by improvements; and I'll have none of them."

"Nay, Sir, there may be changes which are no improvements, and there have been innovations in our trade as well as others, and there are ignorant and prefumptuous men who have made a bad use of their opportunities; but we must not argue from the abufe against the use of a thing."

"I don't care; I'll hear of no new-fangled ways of building. I'll have every thing as it was, or else I'll stay where I am, and live upon charity. You can furely be at no lofs to find rotten joists and planks fit for my purpose."

"No doubt, Sir, we have rotten planks and joifts enough, and people that are fond enough of them, and will not allow them to be replaced by found timber; but ftill we don't build new houfes with them. I should be taken for a madman, were I to fet about such a job as yours. You might as well ask me to put the dry rot into a house."

The very thing I want: gad, I am glad you men tioned that. It is one of the things which must be replaced, as well as every thing elfe, good, bad, or indifferent."

"Then, Sir, I am forry I muft decline the honour of your commands on thofe terms. It may be nothing to me how you choose to rebuild your house; but my reputation would be deftroyed, were I, with my experience, to affift you in fo wild a scheme."

"I am forry too, Sir, that you cannot undertake

it; because, befides your acknowledged skill, you have more capital for great undertakings, pay your men better, and can lie longer out of your money than most of your profeffion. I have, indeed, already employed fome perfons, but they are so flow in their motions, that I never could get them within many miles of the fite it is all talk with them. There was last fpring a Ruffian Architect who promised to do the job for me but, although a friend of mine advanced him money, he is about as far from the mark as when he began; and I have been told he is fo crossgrained that nobody can work with him. And fo, Sir, as you decline it, I wish you a very good morning."

You may be fure, Mr. Editor, I was very happy to get rid of this man, who was fitter for Bedlam than any other place, and might have done me the Lord knows what damage, if I had encouraged his mad fchemes. But now comes the denouement. He had not been gone half an hour when in popped a worthy friend of mine, to whom I could not help repeating the particulars of the above conversation, to make him laugh.

"Make me laugh!" faid he; "why, my dear Sir, don't you perceive that this madman, as you call him, has been bantering you all this while, and that this pretty story about his houfe, and his old timbers, and his rotten planks, is neither more nor less than a joke upon the ancien regime of France, which those Counts, Marquiffes, and Ex-Jefuits you dined with at Hampstead the other day, are perpetually contending for?"

I was fo confounded, Mr. Editor, at being thus tricked, that I had not one word to fay; nor will I fay one word more, unless that I am

Your most obedient and

Very humble fervant,

Dec. 28, 1799.

PETER PILASTER?

THE

THE

THE FEAST OF FOOLS.

[From the Monthly Magazine.]

HE following pieces are tranflated from a work, entitled, "Memoires pour fervir à l'Hiftoire de la Fête des Fous, qui ce faifoit autres Fois dans plufieurs Eglifes, par M. du Tilliot à Lausanne et à Genéve, ́ quarto, 1741." They relate to a fubject which has excited confiderable inquiry among men of literature and antiquaries, and may therefore afford fatisfaction to various perfons who may not have happened to have feen the work from which they are taken. Indeed it appears from many ancient records, that though during the barbarous ages the dramatic art was funken and degraded to the moft vulgar, ignorant, and offenfive buffooneries, it never was entirely loft.

The Feaft of Affes ; a folemn piece of buffoonery, confifting of a proceffion of the prophets and perfons, facred and profane, who had foretold the coming of Chrift. Balaam rode firft on his afs: after him the prophets, Ifaiah, Zachariah, and the Holy Elizabeth, John the Baptift, Simeon, the Erythrean Sibyl, Virgil, Nebuchadnezzar, with Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego, and the fiery furnace. Quitting the cloister, the proceffion entered the church, and ftopped between two rows of people, fuppofed to be one Jews, the other Gentiles, to whom the chanters addreffed themfelves, They then called forth the prophets who had mentioned the Meffiah. Queftions and answers were repeated, confifting of verfes from the Old Teftament on this fubject; the fiery furnace was exhibited; Nebuchadnezzar made a fpeech; the Sibyl afterward did the fame; then came the prophets, and all in chorus fung a mottet, which ended the ceremony.

The

The Feaft of Fools; or, in fome places, called the Feast of Innocents; or, the Feast of drunken Deacons, Deans, and Priefts; is fuppofed to have been in imitation of the Saturnalia of the ancients, and of great antiquity. A Bishop or Archbishop of Fools was elected in the cathedrals, and confecrated with numberless buffooneries; in which spirit he folemnly beftowed his benediction on the people; and in churches that depended on the holy fee, a Pope of Fools was chofen, with burlesque ornaments and ceremonies, in imitation of the real Pope. On thefe occafions the clergy affifted at divine service, in masquerade and pantomime dreffes; fome with caricature mafks, others with daubed faces to excite terror or laughter. Mafs being over, they ran, leaped, danced, tumbled, and ftripped themfelves almost naked; after which they were wheeled about the streets in barrows, and indulged in all the whims that imagination could fuggeft: fome acting the buffoon, others dreffing like women, or affuming the moft monstrous forms. They even fang obfcene as well as fatirical fongs, and played at dice on the altar, while the Prieft was celebrating mafs; and fo highly were their follies and antics in vogue, that thofe who withed to discountenance these practices were regarded as worthy of excommunication.They fometimes thaved their chief, in honour of whom the feaft was fuppofed to be made; and Vicars gamboled before him, fome holding lanterns, with ridiculous and even obfcene figures and imagery, and playing on fifes, drums, tongs, poker, &c. Sometimes they led an afs in proceffion, ornamented with a Prieft's cope, and finging, "Ho, ho, good Sir Afs, &c." from a rubric compofed for the purpose. These festivals were not only held on the continent, but most probably in England; for, about the year 1530, in an inventory of the church of York, a fmall mitre and a