The Kiffing-at the corner of the mouth.
The Dabing-upon the nose.

The Coquette upon the lips.

The Languifhing-under the left eye.
The Secret-upon a pimple, &c.

But I fhall engage to inftruct ladies to form a perfect fecret-graph by the arrangement of Patches: a fingle one on a particular spot fhall be an hieroglyphic of no fmall fignificance. By this they fhall form affignations, with the when and the where-they shall break them off, with the why and the wherefore, and exprefs a disappointment without a tear or a ligh.

I am in trong hopes, through patronage, matronage, and mifs-age, to obtain a patent for the Patch, or -Secret-graph.

Miroir Salle.

THE FLAPPER.

NEW MATRIMONIAL PLAN.

A PROVINCIAL publication fays, that a MATRIMONIAL PLAN is proposed to be established throughout every county, city, or town, in England or Wales, under the management of a select number of clergymen, as chaplains to this establishment. Its titles and ftyle are high and fonorous-" A new and. original imperial and royal plan, according to the ufage of the Potentates and fovereign Princes of Europe, as well as in all the polished courts throughout the known world!" being a nuptial fociety, or inftitution for Matrimonial Intercourfe.

The fyftem of this curious, and it fhould feem actually ferious, plan-as far as we can learn-is as follows:-Every perfon, of either fex, who defires to enter into a treaty of marriage, is firft to subscribe a certain fum. All ladies and gentlemen to describe themselves, by real or fictitious names, as they may choose;

choofe; and give a detail of themfelves after the following manner:

First Class. I am 19 years of age, heiress to a freehold estate, in Kent, of 500l. per annum, befides 15,000l. in the funds. Have loft my father, and under middle fize, dark hair and eyes, perfon agreeable, temper lively, religion-that of my future hufband.

a guardian. I am of

--

Second Clafs. I am 32 years of age, a widow, in the glafs line, in London, have three [or no] children. Middle ftature, light complexion, red hair, full made, and am worth 3500l.

Third Clafs.-I am tall and thin, auburn hair, one eye rather brighter than the other, active and converfible, having had a good education, am 24 years old, and live with my father, who can give me 1500/. down, if I marry with his approbation.

The lift of Gentlemen alfo in claffes.

First Class (in inftance), No. 1.-A young gentleman, juft of age, dark eyes and hair, tall and slender, has an estate of 500l. per annum, in New Zealand, befides 20,000l. or rather lefs, in the British funds.

Second Clafs, No. 2.-A gentleman, 40 years of age, a little corpulent, rather of a dark brown complexion, wears a wig, has a place in the Customs, and a fmall eftate in Suffolk, with 750%. in the funds; reaSonably well-tempered, and at times very lively; religion-of his fathers.

Third Clafs.-A Clergyman 30 years of age, dark eyes and hair, robuft and healthy, enjoys three curacies, and keeps a small school, of which he is heartily tired, and wishes for a more active department, and is of a very affectionate disposition.

The fubfcribers to be furnished with a lift of defcriptions, and when one occurs likely to fuit, to fignify the individual would be glad to correfpond with

the

the number in queftion, &c.; and, if mutually approved, the interview may be afterwards arranged.

BOB THE WAITER.

[From the Lady's Monthly Museum.]

You must know that I am a waiter at a Chophouse not many miles from the Royal Exchange, and am over head and ears in love with our cook-maid, Sally. If you knew her, I am fure you would fay I have not a bad tafte; for fhe is a charming creature! Her eyes are as black as floes, her cheeks the colour of roses, and her teeth as white as ivory ;—the loveliest mouth, the sweetest ruby lips, the finest neck! In short, take her from top to toe," you fhall not look upon her like again." But the devil of it is, Mr. Editor, fhe treats my ardent love and adoration with the utmost indifference and contempt. You never was croffed in love, perhaps; if not, I hope you never will be; for, believe me, it is a most terrible thing!-as the poet fays (who, no doubt, was in the fame fituation as myfelf),

"To love, and not be lov'd, is dreadful pain,

When love fincere is treated with disdain!"

I have made love to her a thousand different ways, and compared her to a thousand different goddeffes; fuch as Venus, Diana, Penelope, Cleopatra, and all the rest of them; but to no purpose.

My head is fo full of her at times, that my master thinks I am going out of my mind; for if a gentleman calls for a mutton chop, I bring him a pork grifkin; a veal cutlet for a beak steak, &c.; and when afked for the reckoning, I make another fixpennyworth; with various other mistakes, equally extravagant.

Now,

Now, Sir, if you will but ftand my friend, I have great hopes that my cares will foon be at an end; for our houfe-maid told me, laft Tuesday fe'nnight, that Sally will have nothing to fay to me, unless I write fome poetry upon her, and put it in your Museum. My head, to be fure, was never cut out for poetry; but the hopes of obtaining fo rich a prize determined me to fry what I could do; fo at it I went directly; and, to tell you the truth, I fcarcely had a wink of fleep till I had finished the under-written, which I did not accomplish till last night at twelve o'clock.

So, God bless you, Mr. Editor, infert it as foon as ever you can; and if it has the defired effect, as I hope to be faved I will treat you with a beef fteak, mutton chop, veal cutlet, or any thing in the world you like. better. Pray do not fail: if you do, Heaven knows whether you will not have to answer for the death of poor

July 15, 1799.

To SALLY, at the

BOB the Waiter.

Chop-houfe.

DEAR Sally-emblem of thy Chop houfe ware,
As Broth reviving, and as White Bread fair;
As Small Beer grateful, and as Pepper strong,
As Beef Steaks tender, as fresh Hot Hearts young
As fharp as Knife, and piercing as a Fork;
Soft as new Butter, white as fairest Pork;
Sweet as young Mutton, brifk as Bottled Beer,
Smooth as is Oil, juicy as Cucumber,

And bright as Cruet, void of Vinegar.

Oh, Sally! could I turn and shift my Love
With the fame skill that you your Steak can move,
My Heart thus cook'd, might prove a Chop-house feast,
And you alone fhould be the welcome guest.

But, deareft Sal, the flames that you impart,
Like Chop on Gridiron, broil my tender heart,
Which, if thy kindly helping band ben't nigh,
Muft, like an untarn'd Chop, hifs, burn, and fry;
And muft, at leaft, thou fcorcher of my foul,
Shrink, and become an undistinguish'd coal!

}

REASONS

REASONS FOR GOING TO MARGATE.

[From the fame.]

Margate, Aug. 23. HAVING a little fpare time, I left London for this place."Ah!" faid I, leaning out at my window, in view of the Promenade, that it fhould come to this! What pity that mankind, instead of endeavouring to leffen the number of their real evils, fhould industriously be increafing the catalogue of them, by adding fictitious ones! This Margate is faid to be a place of health, and they are fick people who are faid to vifit it; yet, of all the crowd who now range before my eyes, how few know for what purpose they are come! How few are come for any purpose at all!

"One would think," continued I, growing still graver, "that the human heart fometimes felt, that the human mind fometimes thought, that human kind were not at all times affes. One would think, that the experience of yesterday might admonish them today; that the leffons of to-day might be a sharp comment upon the morrow. Yet it is not the cafe. The experience of yesterday, and of to-day, and of every day, ferves only to this purpose,-it becomes a load upon our backs; and, to drop or forget the burden, we plunge into new pursuits.

"At the leaft, this fame scheme of exoneration is but a forry one. If, on walking upon yon narrow and clogged path between the two hedges, in my way to yonder ftile, a thorn pricks me in the foot, my fkin is lacerated by brambles, or a ferpent winds himself round my ankle; if all or any of these misfortunes befall me, the d-l's in it if I walk there again tomorrow, or in any villanous place like it. Shall I not, think you, inake all the speed I can to yon smooth and level way, which gradually afcends the hill without tiring me; where no thorn will prick me, no

bramble