feldom as poffible; but when to mention them is unavoidable, you must spread over them as much as you can lay on of oUR genuine varnish, with which you can be plentifully fupplied by our daily prints. It is inconceivable what a prodigious effect this has. Rapine, devastation, and maffacre appear meritoriousThe great, philofophic end, liberty and equality, fanctifies the means, Viewed through this medium, men, I mean anti-jacobin men, appear as unrefined metals, and require and receive from US much purgation before they arrive at the ftate of purity. It is true that the quantity is thus confiderably diminished; but the quality, you know, is all in all. N. B. Be not too explicit in your explanation of liberty and equality. Second, Let the abufe of the government of your country be unceafing. Endeavour by every means to excite difcontent, which is the hopeful germ of revolu tion. Din the ears of the people with their rights, but never mention their duties. Tell them that their rulers have duties which they totally neglect, but no rights at all. Affure them that they, the governed, fhould be governors-that, instead of subjects, they fhould be fovereign. Be attentive to fupport the cause of fedition and rebellion. Let the robberies, the murders, the number lefs enormities of rebels, be afcribed to the divine effervefcence of liberty, and to the infufferable goadings of oppreffion. Let the punishment of these crimes be reprefented as acts of the most tyrannical defpotifm against suffering innocence. If a rebel at the gallows dies hard, exalt him into a hero, who expires confcious of the goodnefs of his caufe-If he cuts his own throat, or fhoots himself in prifon, laud his truly Roman end. When treasonable confpiracies are carrying on, boldly deny their existence, though in doing fo you give the lie to both Houses of Parliament. Never fail to brand the difcoverers of traitors with the most opprobrious names, though the foolish law of the land has made it criminal to conceal treason. When rebellion appears open-faced, exprefs your doubts to which fide rebellion is to be afcribed; whether the people have rebelled against government, or government against the people. Third, As to the department of religion, it is filled with fuch confpicuous ability, and fuch unremitting perfeverance, by the Morning Chronicle, that little on that head will be left for you to perform. But, if you can overcome that ridiculous fqueamishnefs which marks your party, your inferior labours (for in that department the prefent occupant must ever be fuperior) will be gratefully received. With due attention to the above rules, and with a fteady perfiftence, we have no doubts of at last destroying that object of our deteftation, focial order; and of establishing our own new order of things in its room. Some difficulties we forefee, and have provided against. OUR fovereign the people, whom we have lately fo flattered and cajoled, may probably, when we have overturned the prefent government, infift on appearing perfonally on Salisbury Plain, to exercife the regal functions; and may, peradventure, be rather furprised and difpleafed on finding that, though invefted with Sovereignty, the fubjects are wanting. But wE of the Directory (I am to be one) will, by that time, have taken our measures, and will have ready a fufficient number of well-armed, active citizens, to reprefs any felf important vagaries of OUR fovereign. He fhall be fovereign, but we will be viceroys over him. True, this will coft fome blood; but that, you know, is a mere revolutionary cafualty, not worth mentioning. The guillotine, a few republican baptifms, and Lyons mitraillades, will fettle the business à la Françaife. What a glorious prospect! Does not your bofom glow Do you not feel all the ardour of a convert? Be fo-I will then fubfcribe myself your friend and brother, A JACOBIN, Prefident of the Committee of Profelytism. ODD TRANSFORMATIONS. [From the Morning Chronicle.] "In nova fert animus mutatas dicere formas." MR. EDITOR, Ovid. IN that beft of all English claffics, the Spectator, Sir Roger de Coverley is made to say that, "upon his courting the perverfe widow, he had difpofed of three hundred acres in a diamond ring, and that upon her wedding-day fhe should have carried on her head fifty of the talleft oaks upon his estate. He would alfo have given a coalpit to keep her in clean linen-would have allowed her a windmill for her fans—and have presented her once in three years with the fhearing of his sheep for her under-petticoats." Such, Sir, were the transformations in the days of landed property and of country gentlemen.-In our happier æra we meet with many that are equally remarkable, efpecially fince men in trade (or their wives, which is precifely the fame thing) determined to vie with men of rank in their routs and affemblies, and empty their warehoufes that their drawing-rooms may be full. Hence thofe fingular changes upon goods in tranfitu from Thames Street to Piccadilly. Not only are fugar-hog fheads (as hinted in your Thursday's paper) converted into green peas, but even the Greenland fifbery fupplies fome of our genteel tables with cucumbers and afparagus. Very fine peaches have been raised from Ruffia tallow, and, by one of thofe fingular viciffitudes for which there is no accounting, we have early grapes from from port wine; and I am told that the company at a late very fashionable rout fat, like the Lord Chancellor, upon woolpacks! - It was formerly a boaft to eat off plate; but, in the fingular revolution of vanity, we fometimes eat off lead, fometimes tin, and fometimes iron! The eatables themfelves are fubject to as extraordinary metamorphofes. I have feen a tureen of most expenfive and highly seasoned Soup made of raw cotton; and I was lately prefent where the pier-glasses and silver candlesticks were of the finest Spanish cochineal, and the rooms were lighted with broadcloth! Nay, my neighbour, Alderman Chuckle, extends this principle a little farther, having a most spacious country house constructed entirely of bifcuits, and intended to rival Mr. Latitat, on the other fide of the road, who has a fimilar house built of parchment, in which a common eye cannot fee a fingle flaw. The Alderman is no lefs whimsical in his treats, although a moft hofpitable landlord; his champagne and burgundy, pofitively the beft I ever tafted, are nothing but malt and hops; and he has his ices from a baker's oven at Wapping! Addison somewhere fays, that, when he contemplates a great feast, he fancies he fees gouts, fevers, and dropfies lurking among the dishes. My fancy, on a fimilar occafion, roves far beyond the precincts of Pandora's box, and fees that our ftews, fricaffees, foups, &c. &c. are nothing but raw fugars, filk-worms, pepper, and logwood, feafoned fometimes with Virginia tobacco, and garnished with Jefuits' bark! On a leffer fcale, I meet with transformations that Ovid never dreamt of :-fometimes I take pot luck on a commission of bankruptcy; fometimes I am afked to cut up an arbitration; and fometimes I have felt the effects of a full meal of affidavits! It was but a few days ago that my worthy friend Jack Stocks sent me a note, asking my company to dine upon a delicious transfer! No man, indeed, carves a premium neater. But the moft fingular character in my circle is a very worthy friend, who has built a pretty box in Surry upon hatbands and fearfs, and pofitively entertains his friends on dead bodies! The fame economy regulates the whole of his proceedings.-He gave a month's bill of mortality as a portion to one of his daughters, and would have probably given more if the young gentleman had not endeavoured to fcrew him down; and he had fettled two churchyards upon his wife, if the should furvive him! Next to this, perhaps, may be reckoned those gentlemen who furnish their houfes with afthmas, and can entertain upon plate made entirely of nervous affections -who drink the most expensive French wines out of pillboxes and vials, and are fuperbly dreffed in fcorbutic habits! But fuch may appear trifling, compared to the metamorphic power of two gentlemen whom I could mention, who entertain his Majefty's Ministers upon cheese-parings, and light up the most extenfive fuite of rooms with nothing but candles' ends. I am, Sir, yours, &c. AN OBSERVER. IMITATIONS! IMITATIONS!! FASHIONABLE IMITATIONS *!!! [From the Morning Herald.] MRS. SWIPES'S ROUT, IN RAM ALLEY. AMONG the most elegant and convivial parties the metropolis has to boast of the prefent feafon, we must rank last night's affembly at the amiable Mrs. * This appears to be a plagiarism from fome leading articles refpecting the FASHIONABLE WORLD in a daily print. Swipes's. |