THE MISERABLE DOG. [From the fame.] "What's more miferable than difcontent?" MR. EDITOR, SHAKSPEARE. ALTHOUGH I have been many years a constant reader of your Magazine, I know not whether any of your correfpondents have ever given us the character of a Moft Miferable Dog, one of those animals who, with an outward figure and appearance like other men, and a decent proportion of underftanding, has, neverthelefs, made war against the whole creation, and has in particular fworn to be difpleased at whatever happens, either on earth, fea, er air. Perhaps your readers in remote parts of the country may not be aware that fuch characters exift. The metropolis, indeed, is the only place where they exift in the highest perfection, because, as it abounds more in perfons and events than any other place, it must confequently afford the highest degree of gratification to him who is determined to find out the greatest poffible number of faults. I am never furprifed when I find that London is the favourite refidence of all oddities. There is no place that affords them fo much liberty and fecurity, or where they can feed their various propenfities fo cheaply; for whether they love or abhor company, they may be more at large or more fecluded here than, perhaps, in any part of his Majefty's dominions. But with refpect to the character mentioned in the beginning of my letter, it is obvious that London is the only place for him. A man whofe pleasure is to find faults, muft neceffarily go where they moft abound, as he who would purchafe a very large flock of any commodity, must go to the most extenlive markets. Although Although I have frequently met with the clafs of moft miferable dogs, I cannot exactly say how numerous they are. Some appear much more perfect in the art of complaining than others, and therefore are a leffer fpecies. Some, for example, may think it enough to mutter and grumble about the affairs they are more immediately interested in, as their trade, the heavy taxes, and bad payments: but in general a truly miserable dog does not ftop here, but takes a wide range through all created objects; and if one day he is venting his fpleen upon a foreign Gazette, you may perhaps the next find him inveighing against a north east wind, or lamenting, in doleful dumps, that the fun does not shine as it used to do in his young days, and that our moons have fallen off very much fince he can remember. With a character of this description, the seasons never fail to be in the wrong. If you watch his opinion for a whole year, you will not be able to catch a fingle day that is made as it ought to be. He can always remember or fuppofe fomething more agreeable and healthy. If you believe him, indeed, the weather is always in extremes. The fun either does not shine at all, or it dazzles with an uncomfortable meridian brightnefs. The air is either too cold, or too hot, and confequently never hits the happy medium. We have either perpetual drought, or a continued deluge of rain; and as to the winds, they appear to have loft all fenfe of conftancy, and are more fickle and variable than ever were known in his time. Indeed the weather-glafs and the weather-cock are perpetual fources of mifery to him, and might long ago have felt the weight of his indignation, if he did not confider them as harmless agents, and not guilty of any intention to offend him by their various changes. If you take one of the miferable dogs into the country, it is only to hear how much worfe every thing is there than than in town; that it is fo hot, there is no shelter from the parching fun; while in town, when the fit is upon him, you are told we are moft uncomfortably fheltered from the leaft breath of fresh air. In your journey, befides, you will find that the inns are all bad, the bills exorbitant. the drivers of carriages infolent, and not a gentleman's house on the road worth looking at; nay, the roads themselves are impaffable, and that for two reafons, which one with another last him the whole year; either they are half filled with water, or fo dry that the duft is intolerable; and, in fhort, nothing pleases as in town. But when you come to town, and exprefs your fatisfaction at any object, you will find, that is, he will tell you, how very inferior every thing is to the same thing in the country; that you are paying pounds for what you may have for fhillings in the country; that every body impofes on you; that you can't go a mile. out of town without the danger of being robbed; nay, that you may be knocked on the head in the next street; that every perfon in a fhop is ready to cheat you, and every boy you meet ready to pick your pocket; and that the whole is fuch a fink of iniquity as no man would live in, who knows the purity and primitive fimplicity of a life in the country. This may appear fomewhat contradictory; but contradiction is fo much the effence of the character I am defcribing, that no miferable dog could exift without being as much at variance with himself and his own opinions, as with thofe of other people. There is no perfon, indeed, that a truly miferable dog fo frequently quarrels with as himself; and it would be a miracle, indeed, if you found one of the fpecies agreeing with himself for two hours together. They agree in nothing but difference, as infidels are humorously faid to believe in all manner of unbelief. Whatever objects are prefented to them are wrong, whether they be works works of nature or art. dens, meats, and drinks, are all worfe than they ought to be, and worfe than a miferable dog has ever feen. But let me not, while I repeat the words fo often, be thought to give them an uncivil name, for it comes from their own lips. Not one of them but exclaims when any calamity befalls him. When, for inftance, a fowl is over-roafted, or a banker stops; when infects devour the vegetables, or a light guinea comes in his way; when the wind blows freth, or the wine tastes of the cork; when beef is at a shilling a pound, or no places to be had for the new play; when his child dies of the small- pox, or his wife has taken a bad fixpence; if he has no umbrella when it rains, or an uncouth preacher mounts the pulpit; if he be fuddenly seized by a fore throat, or a bailiff in all these afflicting circumstances and dreadful perils, his exclamation will be, "Sure I am the most miferable dog alive!" Books, fields, buildings, gar To fuch a character as this, it will not be thought furprising, if politics fhould afford many a rich repaft of complaint. Indeed that fcience, as it is very frequently ftudied, gives great scope for difcontent. Befide other matters, we are always fure of new taxes, and who does not love to complain of them? Nor will it be thought surprising, if one of the fpecies of miferable dogs should generally be, on what is called the oppofition fide, not from any particular attachment to a particular fet of men or of opinions, not from any motives of a disloyal kind, but merely be cause the oppofition fide is that which is most watch ful in making objections, finding faults, and prepar ing cenfures. Upon this account the miferable dog kind generally take part with oppofition, not this o that party, but with the oppofition for the time being I at prefent know a character of this defcription who fupported the oppofition throughout the whole Ameri can can war, and never lived so happily, for that happened to be a continued series of finding fault; but the moment his friends got into power he deserted them, and has performed the fame conftant round of inconftancy in the various changes fince. Indeed to the truly miferable dog, nothing can be more acceptable than the general tenour of oppofition politics, or rather I should fay party politics, where the two parties mutually agree, and lay it down as a rule that neither can be right, or shall be right. Besides, the pleasure a man has in afferting every now and then that his country is ruined, must be a gratification of a very fuperior kind, and peculiarly agreeable to miferable dogs, either individually or collectively. Although from thefe traits in the character of these miferable dogs, it appears that they derive a pleasure from complaint; it has not yet been determined among writers on the fubject, of what kind that pleasure is, nor has it been as yet ranked among the fources of happiness. Nevertheless, it must be admitted fomehow or other into this clafs, for we cannot fuppofe any man poffeffed of common reafon, who would perfift for a long time in any system, directly contradictory to the general notion of happiness, without finding in it a fomething of comfort or fatisfaction, which lies too deep for the penetration of others. This question, therefore, must remain undetermined, unlefs fome one of the fraternity will, in the manner of Rouffeau, and others, publifh his Confeffions, and let us into the fecret of being really happy by being apparently miferable, most pleased when most difcontented, and perfectly contented when every thing goes wrong. Such a difclofure of feelings would undoubtedly be a great curiofity in the hiftory of the human mind; and if there happens to be, as I think there muft, among your numerous readers, one miferable dog, who reads this letter, he may be affured he will gratify |