my life were paft near you, and, fuch as it is, I would not repine at it.-All you mention remember you, and wish you here.

LETTER LVII.

Dr. SWIFT to Mr. GAY.

Dublin, May 4, 1732.

I Am now as lame as when you writ your letter, and almoft as lame as your letter itself, for want of that limb from my Lady Duchefs, which you promis'd, and without which I wonder how it could limp hither. I am not in a condition to make a true ftep even on Aimfbury Downs, and:I declare that a corporeal falfe ftep is worfe than a political one; nay worse than a thoufand political ones, for which I appeal to Courts and Minifters, who hobble on and profper, without the fenfe of feeling. To talk of riding and walking is infulting me, for I can as foon fly as do either. It is your pride or lazinefs, more than chair-hire, that makes the town expenfive. No honour is loft by walking in the dark; and in the day, you may beckon a black-guard boy under a gfte, near your vifiting-place, (experto crede) fave elevenpence, and get half a crown's worth of health. The worst of my prefent misfortune is, that I eat and drink, and can digeft neither for want of exercife; and, to increate my mifery, the knaves are fure to find me at home, and make huge void spaces in my cellars. I congratulate with you for lofing your Great acquaintance; in fuch a cafe, philofophy teaches that we muft fubmit, and be content with Good ones. I like Lord Cornbury's refufing his penfion, but I demur at his being elected for Oxford; which, I conceive, is wholly changed, and entirely devoted to new principles: fo it appeared to me the two laft times I was there.

I find by the whole caft of your letter, that you are as giddy and as volatile as ever, juft the reverfe of Mr. Pope, who hath always loved a domeftic life from his youth. I was going to with you had fome little place that you could call your own, but, I profefs, I do not know you well enough to contrive any one fyftem of life that would please You pretend to preach up riding and walking to the Duchefs, yet, from my knowledge of you after twenty years, you always joined a violent defire of perpetually

vou.

thifting

fhifting places and company, with a rooted laziness, and an utter impatience of fatigue. A coach and fix horfes is the utmost exercife you can bear, and this only when you can fill it with fuch company as is beft fuited to your tafte, and how glad would you be if it could waft you in the air to avoid jolting? while I, who am fo much later in life, can, or at leaft could, ride 500 miles on a trotting horfe. You mortally hate writing, only because it is the thing you chiefly ought to do; as well to keep up the vogue you have in the world, as to make you eafy in your fortune: you are merciful to every thing but money, your best friend, whom you treat with inhumanity. Be affured, I will hire people to watch all your motions, and to return me a faithful account. Tell me, have you cured your Abfence of mind? can you attend to trifles? can you at Aimfbury write domeftic libels to divert the family and neighbouring fquires for five miles round? or venture fo far on horfeback, without apprehending a ftumble at every step? can you fet the footmen a-laughing as they wait at dinner? and do the Duchefs's women admire your wit? in what esteem are you with the Vicar of the parish? can you play with him at back-gammon? have the farmers found out that you cannot diftinguifh rye from barley, or an oak from a crab-tree? You are fenfible that I know the full extent of your country-fkill is in fishing for Roaches, or Gudgeons at the higheft.

I love to do you good offices with your friends, and therefore defire you will fhow this letter to the Duchefs, to improve her Grace's good opinion of your qualifications, and convince her how useful you are like to be in the family. Her Grace fhall have the honour of my correfpondence again when he goes to Aimfoury. Hear a piece of Irish news, I buried the famous General Meredith's father laft night in my Cathedral; he, was ninetyfix years old fo that Mrs. Pope may live feven years longer. You faw Mr. Pope in health, pray is he generally more healthy than when I was amongst you? I would know how your own health is, and how much wine you drink in a day? My ftint in company is a pint at noon, and half as much at night, but I often dine at home like a hermix, and then I drink little or none at all.. Yet I differ from you, for I would have fociety, if I could get what I like, people of middle understanding, and middie rank. Adicu.

LETTER

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LETTER LVIII.

Dublin, July 10, 1732..

Had your letter by Mr. Ryves a long time after the date, for I fuppofe he ftayed long in the way. I am glad glad you determine upon fomething; there is no writing I efteem more than Fables, nor any thing fo difficult to fucceed in, which however you have done excellently well, and I have often admir'd your happinefs in fuch kind of performances, which I have frequently endeavour'd at in vain. I remember I acted as you feem to hint; I found a Moral first and ftudied for a Fable, but could do nothing that pleased me, and fo left off that fcheme for ever. I remember one, which was to. reprefent what fcoundrels rife in Armies by a long War, wherein I fuppos'd the Lion was engag'd, and having loft all his animals of worth, at laft Sergeant Hog came to be Brigadier, and Corporal Ass a Colonel, etc. I agree with you likewife about getting fomething by the ftage, which, when it fucceeds, is the beft crop for poetry in England: But, pray, take fome new fcheme, quite different from any thing you have already touched. The prefent humour of the players, who hardly (as I was told in London) regard any new play, and your prefent fituation at the Court, are the difficulties to be overcome; but thofe circumftances may have altered (at leaft the former) fince I left you. My fcheme was to pafs a month at Aimsbury, and then to go to Twickenham, and live a winter between that and Dawley, and fometimes at Rifkins, without going to London, where I now can have no occafional lodgings: But I am not yet in any condition for fuch removals. I would fain have you get enough against you grow old, to have two or three fervants about you, and a convenient houfe. It is hard to want thofe fubfidia fenectuti, when a man grows hard to pleafe, and few people care whether he be pleafed or no. I have a large houfe, yet I fhould hardly prevail to find one vifiter, if I were not able to hire him with a bottle of wine fo that, when I am not abroad on horfeback, I generally dine alone, and am thankful, if a friend will pafs the evening with me. I am now with the remainder of my pint before me, and fo here's your health-and the fecond and chief is to my Tunbridge acquaintance, my Lady Duchefs-and I tell you that I fear my Lord Bolingbroke and Mr. Pope (a couple of Philofophers) would starve

:

me,

me, for even of port wine I fhould require half a pint a day, and as much at night, and you are growing as bad, unless your Duke and Duchefs have mended you. Your cholic is owing to intemperance of the philofophical kind; you eat without care, and if you drink lefs than I, you drink too little. But your inattention I cannot pardon, because I imagined the caufe was removed, for I thought it lay in your forty millions of fchemes by Court-hopes and Court-fears. Yet Mr. Pope has the fame defect, and it is of all others the most mortal to converfation; neither is my Lord Bolingbroke untinged with it all for want of my rule, Vive la bagatele! but the Doctor is the king of inattention. What a vexatious life fhould I lead among you? If the Duchefs be a reveufe, I will never come to Aimfbury; or, if I do, I will run away from you both, to one of her women, and the steward and chaplain.

Madam,

I mention'd fomething to Mr. Gay of a Tunbridge acquaintance, whom we forget of course when we return to town, and yet I am affured that if they meet again next fummer, they have a better title to refume their conmerce. Thus I look on my right of correfponding with your Grace to be better eftablifhed upon your return to Aimsbury; and I fhall at this time defcend to forget, or at leaft fufpend my refentments of your neglect all the time you were in London. I ftill keep in my heart, that Mr. Gay had no fooner turned his back than you left the place in his letter void which he had commanded you to fill: though your guilt confounded you fo far, that you wanted presence of mind to blot out the laft line, where that command stared you in the face. But it is my miffortune to quarrel with all my acquaintance, and always come by the worft; and Fortune is ever againft me, but never fo much as by purfuing me out of mere partiality to your Grace, for which you are to anfwer. By your connivance, the hath pleased, by a ftumble on the ftairs, to give me a lameness that fix months have not been able perfectly to cure and thus I am prevented from revenging myself by continuing a month at Aimsbury, and breeding confufion in your Grace's family. No difappointment through my whole life hath been fo vexatious by many degrees; and God knows whether I fhall ever live to fee the invifible Lady to whom I was obliged for fo many favours, and whom I never beheld fince the was a bratt in VOL. IV. hanging

Z z

hanging fleeves. I am, and fhall be ever, with the greateft respect and gratitude, Madam, your Grace's moft obedient, and moft humble, etc.

LETTER LIX.

Dublin, Aug. 12, 1732.

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of

Know not what to fay to the account of your ftewardfhip, and it is monftrous to me that the South-fea fhould pay half their debts at one clap. But 1 will fend for the. money when you put me into the way, for I fhall want it. here, my affairs being in a bad condition by the miferies of the kingdom, and my own private fortune being whol ly embroiled, and worfe than ever; fo that I fhall foon petition the Duchefs, as an object of charity, to lend me three or four thousand pounds to keep up my dignity. My one hundred pounds will buy me fix hogheads of wine, which will fupport me a year; provifa frugis in annum Copia. Horace defired no more; for I will conftrue frugis to be wine. You are young enough to get fome lucky hint, which must come by chance, and it fhall be a thing of importance, quod et hunc in annum vivat et in plures, and you fhall not finifh it in hafte, and it fhall be diverting, and ufefully fatirical, and the Duchefs fhall be your critic; and betwixt you and me, I do not find fhe will grow weary you till this time feven years. I had lately an offer to change for an English living, which is juft too fhort by 300l. a year; and that must be made up out of the Duchefs's pin-money before I can confent. I want to be Minifter of Aimsbury, Dawley, Twickenham, Rifkins, and Prebendary of Weftminfter, elfe I will not ftir a ftep, but content myself with making the Duchefs miferable three months next fummer. But I keep ill company: 1 mean the Duchefs and you, who are both out of favour; and fo I find am I, by a few verfes wherein Pope and you have your parts. You hear Dr. D-y has got a wife with 1600!.. a year; I, who am his governor, cannot take one under. two thoufand; I wish you would enquire of fuch a one in your neighbourhood. See what it is to write godly books! I profefs I envy you above all men in England; you want nothing but three thousand pounds more, to keep you in plenty when your friends grow weary of you. Το prevent which laft evil at Aimsbury, you must learn to domineer and be peevish, to find fault with their victuals and drink, to chide and direct the fervants, with fome other leffons,