CAPT. A. So much thought bodes me no good. [Aside.] So grave Lydia !

LYD. Sir !

CAPT. A. So! 'egad! I thought as much! That d—'nd monosyllable has froze me? [ Aside. ] What, Lydia, now that we are as happy in our friends' consent as in our mutual vows.

LYD. Friends' consent, indeed!

[Peevishly.

CAPT. A. Come, come, we must lay aside some of our romance; a little wealth and comfort may be endured after all. And for your fortune, the lawyers shall make such settlements as

LYD. Lawyers! I hate lawyers!

CAPT. A. Nay then we will not wait for their lingering forms, but instantly procure the license, and— LYD. The license! I hate licenses !

entreat

CAPT. A. O, my love be not so unkind-thus let me [Kneeling. LYD. Pshaw what signifies kneeling, when you know I must have you!

CAPT. A. [Rising. ] Nay, madam, there shall be no constraint upon your inclinations, I promise you. If I have lost your heart, I resign the rest. 'Gad I must try what a little spirit will do.

[Aside.

-

LYD. [Rising.] Then, sir, let me tell you, the interest you had there was acquired by a mean, unmanly imposition, and deserves the punishment of fraud.What, you have been treating me like a child!—humouring my romance; and laughing, I suppose, at your success!

CAPT. A. You wrong me, Lydia, you wrong meonly hear

LYD. So, while I fondly imagined we were deceiving my relations, and flattered myself that I should outwit and incense them all-behold, my hopes are to be crushed at once, by my aunt's consent and approbation -and I am myself the only dupe at last! [Walking about in a heat. ]-But here, sir, here is the picture-Beverley's picture! [Taking a Miniature from her bosom ]—

which I have worn, night and day, in spite of threats and entreaties!—There, sir, [Flings it to him. ]—and be assured, I throw the original from my heart as easily.

CAPT. A. Nay, nay, ma'am, we will not differ as to that-here-[Taking out a Picture. ]—here is Miss Lydia Languish. What a difference !—ay, there is the heavenly assenting smile, that first gave soul and spirit to my hopes!-those are the lips which sealed a vow, as yet scarce dry in Cupid's calendar!—and there the half-resentful blush, that would have checked the ardour of my thanks. Well, all that's past; all over indeed! There, madam, in beauty, that copy is not equal to you, but in my mind, its merit over the original, in being still the same, is such-that-I'll put it in my pocket. [Puts it up again

LYD. [ Softening. ] 'Tis your own doing, sir-I, I, I suppose you are perfectly satisfied.

CAPT. A. Oh, most certainly: sure now, this is much better than being in love! ha! ha! ha!-there's some spirit in this! What signifies breaking some scores of solemn promises; all that's of no consequence, you know. To be sure people will say, that miss didn't know her own mind-but never mind that: or, perhaps, they may be ill-natured enough to hint, that the gentleman grew tired of the lady, and forsook her-but don't let that fret you.

LYD. There's no bearing this insolence!

[ Bursts into tears.

Enter MRS. MALAPROP and SIR ANTHONY, R.

MRS. M. [ Entering.] Come, we must interrupt your billing and cooing awhile.

LYD. This is worse than your treachery and deceit, you are ingrate!

SIK ANTH. What the devil's the matter now! Z-ds! Mrs. Malaprop, this in the oddest billing and cooing ever heard! but what the deuce is the meaning of it? I'm quite astonished!

CAPT. A. Ask the lady, sir.

MRS. M. Oh, mercy! I'm quite analys'd, for my part! Why, Lydia, what is the reason of this? LYD. Ask the gentleman, ma'am.

SIR ANTI. Z-ds! I shall be in a frenzy! Why, Jack , you are not come out to be any one else are you?

MRS M. Ay, sir, there's no more trick, is there?— you are not, like Cerberus, three gentlemen at once are you?

CAPT. A. You'll not let me speak-I say the lady can account for this much better than I can.

LYD. Ma'am, you once commanded me never to think of Beverley again; there is the man-I now obey you : for, from this moment, I renounce him for ever.

[Exit, R. MRS. M. O mercy and miracles! what a turn here is ! Why sure, Captain, you haven't behaved disrespectfully to my niece?

SIR ANTH. Ha! ha! ba!-ha! ha! ha!-now I see itHa! ha! ha!-now I see it-you have been too lively, Jack.

CAPT. A. Nay, sir, upon my word

SIR ANTH. Come, no lying, Jack-I'm sure 'twas so. Come no excuses, Jack; why, your father, you rogue, was so before you; the blood of the Absolutes was always impatient.

CAPT. A. By all that's good, sir

SIR ANTH. Z-ds! say no more, I tell you-Mrs. Malaprop shall make your peace. You must make his peace, Mrs. Malaprop; you must tell her, 'tis Jack's way-tell her, 'tis all our ways—it runs in the blood of our family! Come away, Jack, ha! ha! ha! Mrs. Malaprop-a young villain ! [Pushes him out, L. MRS. M. Oh, Sir Anthony! O, fie, Captain!

[Exeunt, R.

SIR L. I wonder where this Captain Absolute hides himself. Upon my conscience these officers are always in one's way in love affairs; I remember I might have married Lady Dorothy Carmine, if it had not been for a little rogue of a major, who ran away with her before she could get a sight of me! And I wonder too what it is the ladies can see in them to be so fond of them-unless it be a touch of the old serpent in them, that makes the little creatures be caught, like vipers, with a bit of red cloth. Hah, isn't this the Captain coming?-'faith, it is! There is a probability of succeeding about that fellow, that is mighty provoking! who the devil is he talking to? [Retires, R.

Enter CAPTAIN ABSOLUTE, L.

CAPT. A. To what fine purpose have I been plotting! a noble reward for all my schemes, upon my soul! a little gipsy! I did not think her romance could have made her so d-n'd absurd either. 'Sdeath, I never was in a worse humour in my life! I could cut my own throat, or any other person's, with the greatest pleasure in the world!

SIR L. O, 'faith! I'm in the luck of it, I never would have found him in a sweeter temper for my purpose-to be sure I'm just come in the nick! now to enter into conversation with him, and so quarrel genteelly. [Aside. Advances to CAPT. ABSOLUTE,] With regard to that matter, Captain, I must beg leave to differ in opinion with you.

CAPT. A. Upon my word, then, you must be a very subtle disputant because, sir, I happened just then to be giving no opinion at all.

SIR L. That's no reason; for give me leave to tell you, a man may think an untruth as well as speak one.

CAPT. A. Very true, sir; but if a man never utters his

thoughts, I should think they might stand a chance of escaping controversy.

SIR L. Then, sir, you differ in opinion with me, which amounts to the same thing.

CAPT. A. Hark ye, Sir Lucius, if I had not before known you to be a gentleman, upon my soul, I should not have discovered it at this interview; for, what you can drive at, unless you mean to quarrel with me, I cannot conceive!

SIR L. I humbly thank you, sir, for the quickness of your apprehension-[Bowing.] you have named the very thing I would be at.

CAPT. A. Very well, sir-I shall certainly not baulk your inclinations--but I should be glad if you would please to explain your motives.

SIR L. Pray, sir, be easy-the quarrel is a very pretty quarrel, as it stands--we should only spoil it by trying to explain it. However, your memory is very short- -or you could not have forgot an affront you passed on me within this week. So, no more, but name your time and place.

CAPT. A. Well, sir, since you are so bent on it, the sooner the better; let it be this evening-here by the Spring Gardens. We shall scarcely be interrupted.

SIR L. 'Faith! that same interruption, in affairs of this nature, shows very great ill-breeding. I don't know what's the reason, but in England, if a thing of this kind gets wind, people make such a pother, that a gentleman if it's can never fight in peace and quietness. However, the same to you, Captain, I should take it as a particular kindness, if you'd let us meet in King's Mead-fields, as a little business will call me there about six o'clock, and E may despatch both matters at once.

CAPT. A. 'Tis the same to me exactly. A little after six, then, we will discuss this matter more seriously.

SIR L. If you please, sir; there will be very pretty small-sword light, though it won't do for a long shot. So that matter's settled; and my mind's at ease.

[Exit, R.