Asp. [Advancing, L.] "Whilome in Albin's isle there dwelt a youth,

"Who ue in virtue's ways did take delight,
"But spent his days in riot-—”

Vin. Damn poetry!-I hate it. The Muses and I have parted.

Asp. I did not know you had ever met-ha! ha!

Vin. Spare me, Aspic-your mirth is oppressive.Where's Damper?

Asp. Looking for you, to be his partner in a pas de deux. Vin. Sir, my father's misfortunes

Asp. What the devil have you got in your head now? Your father is certainly oppressed with the singular misfortune of having £50,000 in that strong box.

Vin. What explain.

Asp. Your mother-in-law averred it, and your father unequivocally assented to it.

Vin. Huzza! Dear Aspic, the fire of Prometheus never gave such animation to his clay, as thy words have kindled

here.

Asp. Why, the Galvanic spark tickled old Damper in the same way; for he capered like a cart-horse in a curvette, or my Lord Clubby in a cotilion, ha ha!

Vin. Fifty-thousand pounds!—I'm all essence, spirit— the world's at my feet!

Asp. Then kick it along, my boy!

Vin. Enchanting Rosine !—lovely as the morning beam, Yet pure as the fountain that reflects its ray.

Asp. Damn poetry!-I hate it, ha! ha!

Vin. Gentle as the zephyr, yet blithe as the leaf that dances in its eddy.

Asp. Mercy, mercy! Come, come-over a venison chop and a batch of champaign we'll plan operations. That's the time for the projection of vigorous measures.

Vin. True; for what the devil would become of the country, if it were not for the cabinet dinuers! There, our importations are discussed over the turtle, and the home supplies accompany the English sir-loin-the loaves and fishes naturally introduce the debates-and parliamentary speeches are mixed with the whipped syllabub-colonial produce is handed in with the coffee-in a glass of Constantia they double the Cape of Good Hope-and settle the India-trade over a cup of souchong. [Exeunt, R.

END OF ACT 1.

ACT II.

SCENE I.-An Apartment in Tantivy-Hall.

Enter SIR GUY STANCH and JERRY, R.

Sir G. Mr. Aspic not yet arrived ? Ser. No, sir; but Somerset has been home some time. [Exit, R. Sir G. Poor Mr. Aspic, ha, ha! can't take a five-barred gate; there's a precious education for you :—yet I dare say in London he's reckoned a clever fellow.

Enter ASPIC, R.

Welcome, sir, to Tantivy-hall! Why, Somerset and you did not agree?

Asp. No; I ventured to debate the right of way, which at the hedge produced a division.

Sir G. And left you in a minority.

Asp. Left me in a ditch; but we'll let that subject stand over sine die, without my asking leave to sit again. Where's your accomplished daughter?

Sir G. Within, there-[Enter Jerry, R.] Where's Nell? Ser. My young lady is gone botanizing, I think she said.

[Exit, R.

Sir G. Botauizing! Ah! Mr. Aspic, 'tis a melancholy thing to have children wiser,.than ourselves. — I'm a miserable father. If I happen to say 'tis a star-light night, I must run the gauntlet of the zodiac; and then “ O, fie, Sir Guy! that's an anachronism-I'm shocked, papa, at that solecism." So what between the isms and the ologies, curse me if I can open my mouth in comfort-[Ellen sings without, do, re, mi, fa, sol, la, si.]-There again, she used to enliven my heart with singing "A southerly wind and a cloudy sky," but now she goes about sol-faing, like a parish clerk.

Enter ELLEN R.

Come hither, Nell! I present you to Mr. Aspic. Who is --who is what the devil are you? Asp. Who is anxious to be ranked of the accomplished Miss Stanch

among the admirers

[Ellen bows ceremoniously.

Sir G. What! have you been gathering a posy?

Ell. Selecting some pleasing specimens of the bellis hortensis, nigella cerulio, narcissus latifolius.

Sir G. What a lying old rascal, French, the gardener, is, for he always told me they were batchelor's buttous, the devil in a bush, and daffy down dillys !

Asp. Observe, Sir Guy, with what grace she unshawls herself. [Ellen, in a picturesque way, unrobes herself of her shawl, and carelessly drops it on a chair.] Divine !—I shall expire!

Sir G. Shall you, though-no, don't;-[To Ellen.] and you think that vastly clever. Now, miss, I'll shew you how your grandmother did it-[Folds it neatly, pins it, and lays it smooth on a chair.]-There; and if the old fashion is not worth an hundred of the new one, may blank days be my portion to the end of the season!

Ell. Indeed, Sir Guy, you should abstain from hunting in the morning, the plants then give out carbon.

Sir G. What do I care what they give out !-Damu carbon-talk to me of carbon !

Suck. [Without.] Uncle, where are you?

Ell. Ah!-the voice of dear cousin Suckling-
Sir G. And what's cousin Suckling to you?

Ell. Every thing ;-my early friend-my playmate.

Sir G. But I mean to couple you with another playmate -Vincent Templeton!

Ell. Sol, fa, de, ra!

Sir G. Now, that's to drive me mad. Go to your room. Ell. I prefer the grove.

Sir G. Why you forget the plants give out carbon. Asp. Charming Ellen! [Apart to her.]-will obedience to a father's harsh rule

Ell. Oh, sir, don't be alarmed!-ha! ha!-The ladies in the lowest class are quite perfect in the exceptions to the rule of paternal obedience-ha! ha!-Receive, Sir Guy, the homage of my duty. [Crosses, L.

Sir G. Don't Sir Guy me, you hussy! or I'll knock you down. Au't I your own affectionate father?

Ell. [Aside.]-If I can't outwit you, my dear papa, I've been to Mis. Polish for very little purpose. Sol, fa![Exit, L.

Suck. [Without.] See, if I don't tell uncle.

Sir G. There's another plague.-I sent this ward and nephew to Parson Porker, to get a solid, substantial education; but he seems to have studied nothing but Mrs. Glass's cookery.

с

Enter SUCKLING, L. U. E.

Suc. [He crosses, c.] Oh, here's uncle!-Why, uncle, that's not Ellen!

Asp. An ingenious discovery!-Sir, your remark does credit to your penetration, my name being Aspic.

Suck. And if you go to that, my name's Boniface Suckling, esquire. That's a Lunnoner !-Why, uncle, compared with he, you're as old-fashioned as a tansey pudding!—Sir, I never was in Lunnon.

Asp. Then, sir, you have yet to behold a large city, composed of buildings of various descriptions, which are occupied by their respective inhabitants.

Suck. No, sure!-wonderful!

Asp. I think you would shine there-you have a very fashionable stare, and a fine upright person.

Suck. Yes, straight as a spit, an't I!-Ah! but then, don't be shocked at my telling the truth-consider, I have never been in Lunnon; you must know, I don't think I am flourishing and saucy enough.-You see I am a plain

man.

Asp. Very-ha! ha!

Suck. That's saucy enough, however.

[Retires.

Sir G. [To Aspic.] I wish you could make something of him-see, how he blushes now! your company would cure him of that; and then, as to assurance, there again you could help him-and, in return, if the use of my studAsp. Oh, sir!

Sir G. Or, if any of my drafts would be acceptable— Asp. [With alacrity.] My dear Sir, drafts did you say? Sir G. Yes, if you'll accept any of my draft-houndsAsp. [Aside.] Damn your hounds! [Comes, c.]—Come hither, Bonny! Shut your mouth and open your ears, my plump one!-Instead of the Olympics of the ancient Greeks, you must study the mystic games of the moderns. To the groves of Academus you must prefer the pavà of Bond-street. Your jurisprudence may be limited to the annuity act and the game laws, and your zoology to the racer and bull-dog; these, with an energetic devotion of mind and body to waltzing, and a close attention to business-that is, to Newmarket and the clubs-constitute the essence and vitality of a first-rate modern education. Suck. Dang it! how he knocks the words about! Sir G. And, do you hear, burn your cookery books. Asp. Oh, uo! culinary criticism is in high request. He

shall deliver the axioms of Apicius, with the accuracy of Euclid-only his gout must be made piquant and recherchès.

Sir G. Must it! well, I'll order it to be made so.

Suck. [Crosses, R.] I see what they are at; they want to make me a genius: but it wont do-not such a fool as that, neither :-So I'll go to Ellen!-You must know, I'm in love with her.

Asp. Indeed! and does she return your passion?

Suck. Why, that follows as naturally as brandy follows pig-he he! So, I'll go and talk to her. [Crosses, c.

Sir G. You talk to her! Lord help you!-She's all up among the stars! A little almanack learning is very well; such as "thirty days has September ;" or to know when the dog-days begin, or when Saint Swithin falls.

Suck. Or Pancake Tuesday.

Sir G. But she can't tell how much flannel will make a poor child a potticoat, or enumerate the ingredients of a hunting pudding.

Suck. I can.

Sir G. I dare say. But I've provided her a husband think no more of her. Come along, Mr. Aspic.

; so

Asp. Good bye, Bonny! [Exeunt Sir Guy and Aspic, L. Suck. Now there's behaviour from an uncle to his own natural nephew: he supposes I've no spirit; but the moment I come to years of discretion I'll play the very devil -see if I don't.

Ell. [Peeping, L. U. E.] Bonny! cousin Bonny.

[Crosses, R. Suck. Eh! where! what! Why, Ellen! Lud a mercy, you skim about like a swallow in spring, and look as pretty as the primsose it hovers over, and I'm sure you be as

welcome.

Ell. Thank you, Bonny.

Suck. Ah! when you left me, Parson Porker said I looked as pale as a parsnip; so I took a little mulled wine

Ell. You're just the same, Bonny.

[Sighs.

Suck. Am I? I'm so glad at that. I was fearful there might be some alteration; and then who knows but the fervency of your affection

Ell. My affection!-I'm sure I never told you——

Suck. Told me! no: but don't you remember-I love my love with a B, because he's bonny-he! he! Bless me, how elegant and tasty you are!