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Das. But don't you see there's great news.-" The following despatch was this day received by"

All. We'll read that afterwards.
Dus. What shall I do?

All. "Whereas a commission of”

Dus. Why, friend Toby, ha, ha, ha!

[Taking hold of the arm that holds the gazette.

All. What's the matter?" Whereas a”

Das. [Interrupting him.] Ha, ha! What the devil! 'Tis all up with you-can't you see without spectacles? Ha, ha! Oh, then, you are dished with the girls, ha, ha!

All. See without them? To be sure I can-just as well without them as with them. Bless your soul, I only use them because they are knowing.

Das. Yes; knowing enough for young men with remarkable strong eyes; but

All. "Whereas"

Das. And then such a quiz of a pair as these! How you would be hoaxed! Now only see what a gig I look in them.

All. First, we'll just look at the bankrupts— "Whereas".

Das. No, no-now see-[Takes the glasses and gazette from Allspice-lets fall the glasses, and, in pretending to pick them up, treads on them, and breaks them.] Zounds! I've broke them.

All. 'Tis of no consequence-they were of no use to me-thank heaven! I don't want them.

Das. But I beg ten thousand pardons. I believe you wished to look over the list of bankrupts-there they begin, you see. [Gives gazette.

All. [Pretending to read.] Oh yes, I see. Das. Any body there particular? Any body there you know?

All. [Looking over the gazette.] Oh, no, no-a few reptiles of retailers, but none of your fine dashers like us.-Ah! they manage their matters too cleverly to let me see them here.

Das. To be sure they do. [Takes the gazette.] There I am, sure enough-what an escape! Well, now the notes-now I touch, or the devil's in't!

All. Yes, here they are. [Takes notes out again.] Stop


Das. [Adroitly snatching them.] Three-four-five. Just the sum. [Putting them into his pocket.

All. Oh dear.-I don't like to part with them! My dear friend, I'm afraid I've given you a thousand short. Let me look at them again, will you?

Das. [Taking them out.] Certainly. No-exactly the [Returning them to his pocket.



Sho. Mr. Caustic, sir, is in a great hurry and in a great passion, and wants to speak to you about Miss Clementina and that gentleman's marriage.

Das. Ha, ha! here's capital luck! Go to him, my dear Toby-let it take place directly. Tell him my affairs are desperate-my love affairs, I mean.

All. Well, I will-I'll say you're a bankrupt in hope. But don't send away all the money to London at once, pray don't.

Das. Certainly not-depend on't, if I can help it, I'll not part with a farthing of it.

All. Oh, thank you, thank you-'tis an enormous sum-I don't know what to think.

Das. What to think!-Think of the profits. Nay, why so dull? Where's your spirit-your life? All. My life! you've got it in your pocket,-so pray take care of it; for, indeed, the loss of it would kill [Exit, R.


Das. Here they are! Oh, there goes Lady Sorrel in a fury. I think she looks as if she were in the gazette -I must be after her.-Well, I've done the old one, however. Bravo, my boy, Dashall! All I say is, you've justified the opinion I always had of you. [Exit, L.

SCENE II.-A Garden and Hothouse.


Lady S. How provoking! I could cry for vexation. Where is that fellow, Dashall, I wonder.

Enter DASHAll, r.

Lady S. (R. C.) So, sir, you've managed matters finely. Das. (c.) I rather think I have.

Lady S. Provoking! to have that gipsy, that Julia Faulkner, in your power, and then to lose her. Das. I could not help it.

Lady S. I believe you could not help running away. Das. Nonsense! Will your talking recover her?


Lady S. Yes, if you'll attend to it. I have a plan, if you are not afraid of her

Das. Dam'me! do you think I am afraid of a


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Lady S. That villain, Tangent, has released her father from prison: but I've a scheme-stay, he's here.

Das. Then I would rather not stay. He's a desperate fighting fellow! [Aside.] I say, step in here till he passes.

Lady S. What! running away again?

Das. 'Sdeath! no.-But my affairs are devilish ticklish. I have not time to quarrel and kill people. Here he comes: if you don't go in, I'll give up Julia. Can't you tell me your plan there as well as here?

Lady S. But, if we should be seen, and my cousin Caustic hear I was shut up with a man, I should be ruined.

Das. Psha! Nobody wants to ruin you. Zounds! only while he passes.

[They retire into the hothouse, R. U. E.

Enter TANGENt, l.

Tan. (c.) That infernal_hornpipe has completely ruined me with my uncle. But, be that as it may, if she will consent, Julia Faulkner shall be mine, though this spade were my only portion. And why not this spade? What can more nobly employ the exertion of man than improving the blessings Providence has sent him? I can fancy myself seated at my cottage fire, with my Julia and thirteen children,-the equal serenity of the scene harmonizing with the tranquil uniformity of my disposition. Happy employment! There we see the art of man even giving climate. [Pointing to the hothouse.] Eh! I thought I caught a glimpse of that hypocrite, Lady Sorrel, endeavouring to conceal herself-I suppose a hothouse suits the warmth of her disposition; if so, she shall have it hot enough.-[Aloud.] Confound the carelessness of these rascally gardeners, leaving doors and windows open!-Cold as an ice-bouse.[Locks door.] The grapes will be sour; and I know there's a fine old sensitive plant within, that can't bear being exposed-I'll bring things forward. [During this he puts up the glass, opens the flues, and blows the fire.] Zounds! My uncle, and as furious as when I left him.

I must be off.-I presume your ladyship begins to feel rather warm and comfortable. [Exit, L. U. E.


Cau. Come, sir, despatch-let me get rid of this business. Where's this Dashall and your daughter? I must be gone-I would not stay in this infernal town

All. True; there's no making a splash here. I must reside in a place suited to my elegant ideas. London's the shop for me.

Cau. But, zounds! where's your daughter?

All. How kind of you to regard my Cleme!

Cau. I regard her! Sir, she is a lady I particularly dislike. Do you think I give her thirty thousand pounds because No, sir, I do it to revenge myself on that thoughtless, profligate, tormenting nephew, that has teazed, has made me mad-but where is she? Oh, she comes-heyday! what, in tears?

Enter CLEMENTINA, R., weeping, holding a Gazette in her hand; and Officer.

All. What's the matter, Cleme?

Cle. Now, this is extremely disagreeable.

All. What makes my dear daughter unhappy? Nothing serious, I hope. None of the spoons lost, eh? Cle. Spoons? Don't talk to me of spoons. My fortune is lost-my husband is lost; this man is come to take him away. Mr. Dashall is a bankrupt.

All. What?

Cle. His name is in the Gazette.

All. Where? where? Oh! will any body lend me a pair of spectacles?

Cau. Are you short-sighted?

All. Oh, very, I've a notion.

Cle. Ah! [Pointing to his name in the gazette.] there he is!

All. Where is he? [Jumping round and seizing Caustic.] He's a villain!

Cau. I thought he was your friend-the man that cropp'd you.

All. (c.) Yes, he has cropped me, with the devil to it -cropped me of five thousand pounds.

Cuu. Five thousand pounds! what was he to do with it? All. To buy tippets.

Cau. Tippets!

All. Ay, and bosom-friends. What had I to do with

bosom-friends? Damn all friends! I was once happy and friendless. Eh! I left him here. I hope he is not gone to make a splash with my dear money-I hope he's in the garden. Mr. Dashall-Mr. Dashall! I want to speak to you, Mr. Dashall. Come here, will you, my dear friend? I only want to speak to you. Oh, if I could but fasten on him-I want to give you another thousand pounds; I do, indeed. Oh, the infernal villain! My excellent friend, don't hide yourself?

[Goes up the stage, looking about. Cau. Everlasting, everlasting disappointment! Will nobody have thirty thousand pounds?

Cle. Mr. Caustic, pray, sir, don't be in such a hurry. If you will but have the kindness to wait till to-morrow, I dare say I can get somebody to marry me.

Cau. I would not stay an hour. Will nobody have thirty thousand pounds?

All. I will; give it to me.

Cau. But on the terms

All. Any terms.

Cau. Will you marry?

All. Any body.

[Running forward.

Cle. You marry, pa? Too ridiculous, a vast deal. All. Hold your tongue, hussy. I feel I shall be miserable without money, so I may as well marry and be miserable with it.

Cle. Dear Mr. Caustic, only wait till to-morrow. I'll ask every body to have me. Oh, do! Lud! I shall be under such a style of obligation.

Cau. Psha

Cle. I'll make it a principle to please. Oh do!
Cau. I won't.

Cle. Won't you? Then you are an old wretch-a brute ; and I hope, pa, if you marry, you'll be a brute: and [To Caustic.] I vow I wish your gout may return, and shoot up into your withered head in such a style—yes, you may laugh-[Sobbing.] but to be utterly ruined is extremely disagreeable. [Exit L., weeping.

All. Oh, he's gone!

Cau. Friend Toby, a lucky thought-I've hit upon a wife for you. What say you to your visitor, my cousin

Lady Sorrel? She's virtuous.

All. I've my doubts.

Cau. Oh fie! no, she's extremely correct-correct even to appearances; her good conduct defies suspicion.

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