the same time, we may venture to intimate in the politest manner possible, that the Lectures are sometimes depreciated in value by the absence of the nobler-half of Creation: we have sat through a long Discourse on Optics when there was scarcely a Lady in the Theatre! Now what we ask-dashing our pen into the paper by way of emphasis what is the use of having eyes, and understanding the laws of vision, unless there be something worth looking at? We respectfully submit these views to the consideration of the fair dames who have the entrée of the Institution. We speak with great warmth, because we must confess that at the last public meeting of the class we were deeply by a certain charming creature of the angelic order with a (**) bonnet, (**) eyes, enchanting lips, and a countenance of the most deadly fascinations. [This however is strictly private and confidential.] * GERMAN ELOCUTION CLASS. We have expatiated so largely upon the subject of the English Class that we must not devote much of our space to those established for recitation in foreign languages. These merit particular consideration as well as particular eulogium. We shall therefore simply lay before our readers a Bill of Fare at the German Class, assuring them that nothing can be more delightful than to hear that stubborn language ground into harmony by English lips : German Elocution Class. Wiegenlied Das Eselsgeschrei (Lullaby) (The Braying of the Donkey) Anon. Herwegh. The irregular verbs saufen and pfeifen (to tipple and whistle) Adelung. (The Categories) Kant. Die Kategorien Ueber den richtigen Gebrauch "Rowland's Macassar Oil" (Touching the proper use of Rowland's Macassar Oil) Rowland. THE CHINESE ELOCUTION CLASS Is not yet established. The same may be said of the Japanese Class. Before we speak of the Italian Troop, we shall beg to call the attention of our readers to one of the most curious phenomenon we have discovered in our travels through the Institution. Those individuals who have penetrated as far into the interior as Room No. 4, will have observed a remarkable column planted in the centre of the apartment. This is THE MYSTERIOUS PILLAR. It is perfectly plain in its appearance; at least we have not been able to detect any sculpture or hieroglyphics upon its surface although we once devoted several minutes to a careful inspection. The extraordinary position which it occupies, and the absence of all tradition respecting its use and origin, have excited the curiosity of several members to such a degree that various hypotheses have been framed to account for its existence. The original theory which dates almost as far back as the commencement of 1840 we believe, assumed that its object was simply to sustain the roof of the chamber, but it is needless to say that the progress of Discovery, and the gradual diffu sion of knowledge throughout the Institutional Empire, soon dissipated a theory which was very palpably contradicted by the existence of much larger rooms, such as the Library and Reading-Room, without any support from columns. Another Hypothesis was accordingly put forth by an antiquarian member asserting that the mysterious Pillar was erected in an age of cruelty-now happily vanished-for the purpose of chaining refractory members until their tasks were perfected. But as there are no fetters attached to it, nor any sign that such has ever been the case, this doctrine is considered too speculative it has therefore been displaced by what may be termed the reigning theory; viz.-that the only use of the column is similar to that of a cattle-post in a field, or in other words, that the students of German and Italian Literature may refresh themselves in the course of their arduous studies, by a little gentle attrition when necessary. We do not adopt these opinions; on the contrary, we highly disapprove of the last. We have speculated a long time upon the subject, having compared this pillar with most others of any celebrity, beginning at the Nelson Monument, and passing by those of Pompey, Hercules, &c., until we reached in our Investigations the earliest recorded specimens-those of Enoch-erected as our readers well know, to preserve the learning of the ancient world in case a deluge or conflagration should happen as predicted. We are unwilling, however, to encumber the question with any conjectures of our own, but most humbly suggest to the Government-of the Institution we mean-that a prize should be offered for the best essay upon the subject, and that the Archives of the establishment should be consulted, as there may probably be some documents extant which will tend to dissipate the mystery attaching to this curious column. It is not a Runic memorial we are certain. We are equally confident that it holds no relationship to the Round Towers of Ireland. THE ITALIAN REPUBLIC. In the same apartment where the mysterious pillar rears its venerable head, the traveller may discover an interesting little Italian Colony-at least on Tuesday evenings. We regret very much that the lamented Sismondi was not acquainted with this Anglicized branch of the great fraternity whose history he has so learned described. How skilfully would he have traced its rise and progresshow admirably would he have explained its polity and literature! We have not the pen or the learning of a Botta or Muratori, and must therefore present our readers with a mere report of what we heard on one occasion when we were present. "What Canto? It is the 40th Chapter of Silvio Pell-No, Tasso, 10th Stanza. It was announced in the Times this morning. Now, Gentlemen-horrid murder at Islington-Will you begin to-shake the table-Allor gridava, then he cried-what o'clock is it Mr. B? Oh qual polvere, oh what a dust-kicked up, is understood I suppose?-no, io veggo, I see-it was in the Reading Room to-nightper l'aria stesa through the stesa air-what does stesa mean?-what a draught there is from that window-it means stretched, extended, according to Baretti-oh come par che splende-oh how-par from parere?-why do these poets clip their words so?-they say because Ministers had such a majority last night-Su susu, o cittadini-dear me what was Susan doing at Jerusalem ?-oh I see, Come, come ye citizens will you put up the gas a little, please-citizens, let each arm himself, s'armi ciascun, and the walls ascend, e i muri ascenda -Gia presente e il nemico, the enemy is already at hand-he opened the door just now-Areta signed il libro? There is alcuna musica nel teatro to-night.-Avete inteso il Signor Buckingham.-When does he lecture?-Ecco il nemico è qui-behold the enemy is here -I have not seen him since last month, he has left the Institution I hear." And thus lightly did these merry-hearted prattlers trip through the glorious pages of the Gerusalemme Liberata. Happy, happy Republic, whose Motto is "Liberty, Equality, and lasbella lingua!" Happier still, that thou hast found so courteous and worthy a Doge-no, president we mean-as the illustrissimo Signor M MOUNTAIN SCENERY. We will now have a touch of the Picturesque. We will suppose the visitor has courageously resolved to make the ascent of the staircase into the Olympian Regions of the Institution, where the gods speak French. When he has surmounted the difficulties which he will probably encounter in his journey, and safely reached the summit he will doubtless be much fatigued. The directors have therefore munificently provided a dilapidated chair for his accommodation. The Site (of the chair) has been chosen with great judgment, as it enables the traveller to enjoy the best view of the wonderful Spectacle to be seen from this Alpine Elevation. [Bye-the-bye we may take the liberty of suggesting here to the authorities that if one of those articles were fixed in each corner of the staircase the tedium of the ascent would be greatly alleviated.] Well-you look downwards (over the bannister) to the very floor of the building. It is a magnificent hole-fully equal to the shaft of any coal-mine in Northumberland. The depth is enormous as may be proved by permitting your chapeau to fall from your head and counting the number of seconds which must elapse ere it reaches the ground. A still better proof may be found if you choose to run down after it, as the number of steps multiplied by the height of each will give you the altitude according to the following Algebraic formula, wherein s represents the number of steps and the height of each : x = 8 xh. The staircase winds round and round to the pavement; members are seen ascending and descending continually; others are leaning over the banisters in the most imposing attitudes; and occasionally a picturesque group of chatterers may be observed in high debate upon the merits of a walking-stick; whilst far beneath you the gas-lights are playing like lightning, and explosions (of laughter) burst upon the ear like thunder rolling through the strata of air at your feet. The Scene is also rendered more imposing by the little glass-craters which are constantly casting up a vivid flame, similar to that of carburetted hydrogen gas, as if from a pair of burning mountains in the depth below. You need not go out of the Institution for Mountain Scenery. This view may challenge comparison with anything and everything in either hemisphere of the globe. Repeat Shakspeare's Sonnet about the Samphire gatherer fifty times, and then do us the favour to rise and proceed along the passage, first casting a glance at the gorgeous panorama of tiles and chimneys which would be visible through the window on the left if it were noon. You will then arrive at the chamber of THE FRENCH CLASS. Here it is that this illustrious body holds its Seances, and deliberates upon the "projets de loi," relative to the admission or rejection of an accent or preposition. The President of the Chamber is a highly talented Gentleman, whose merits demand a loftier eulogium than we are worthy of offering; but as some proof of his superior qualities, we may refer to one honourable trait which we believe was never yet known to exist in any other Frenchman from the time of the foundation of the Monarchy by Clovis, to the siecle of Louis Philippe; he can actually speak for a full half-hour, and that most eloquently too, without once uttering the terrible monosylyble "France!" However improbable this may appear to those who are acquainted with French human Nature, we beg to assert, in the most solemn manner, that it is a fact, which may be corroborated by any individual who will take his watch and himself into the Upper Chamber on the evening of a Discussion. Nay, so satisfied are we of his unrivalled abstemiousness on a topic which forms the staple of every Gallican harangue from the Exordium to the Peroration, that we will assert his power of maintaining a discourse of two or three hours duration without once allowing this glorified monosyllable to escape. Bossuet could not have sung half a dozen staves about Purgatory without trumpetting forth something about "la belle France. Under the directions of this gentleman the members of the class have discovered, if not a royal, yet a pleasant route through the intricacies of Grammar, and the Mazes of the Dictionary de l'Academie Française, into the primrose fields of modern Romance. Many, who have been taught to lisp in the tongue of Fenelon and St. Pierre in this very chamber, are no doubt deeply engaged in the study of Psychology, under the auspices of Monsieur-Madame George Sand, or in researches into the Nature of the Sublime and Beautiful, under the guidance of the illustrious Victor Hugo. Who, indeed, would not trot over a flinty pavement of pronouns and irregular verbs, and bid defiance to that abominable subjunctive mood when the Guide is so competent, and his method so gentle and encouraging? Should a toll-gate suddenly present itself, the professor does not whip his pupils onward, according to the ancient and approved fashion of teaching hic, hæc, hoc; but skilfully throws out some joke or witticism; then the boys laugh, and dashing with all their strength against the obstacle, pursue their journey with as much hilarity as if they were children engaged in a bird-nesting expedition! No ferule is used. Indeed we have not been able to discover any engine of punishment attached to the class. It is conducted upon the voluntary system—that is, you may learn or let it alone as you please. We must not omit to call the attention of our readers to the Book in which are deposited the signatures of the members of the class. This is a precious relic. A more interesting Collection of Autographs, perhaps, does not exist anywhere. What was the "Golden Book" of Venice, we ask, with a thrill of patriotic and institutional pride, to this plain weather-beaten volume, with its simple parchment back and timestained paper, wherein the thoughtful inquirer may trace the characters which are penned by the future aldermen and prince-merchants of the first City in the World. Does not the prophetic eye discover, amongst those vast nebulæ of blots, the pot-hooks of some who shall hereafter be greeted as the most illustrious of the Common Councilmen of Farringdon Without? Does it not discern in the very centre of a mass of flourishes the name of him who shall become tenant of the Lord Mayor's Coach for the year 18-? We earnestly supplicate the Directors of the Institution to adopt some more satisfactory measures for the preservation of these valuable Books. Posterity, you know, Gentlemen, requires it at your hands! PHILOSOPHICAL CLASS. We have been recently apprised of the existence of a Scientific Association in the subterranean Regions of the Institution. The Visitor as he leaves the French Class Room will find a short and easy route to it over the banisters; but this mode of travelling we cannot recommend. We have not ourselves fully explored this territory, and must therefore lay before our readers a letter addressed to us by an enterprising friend, to whom we had written on the subject: "MY DEAR SIR, "Reading Room, Sofa, No. 3, "Saturday Evening, 26 m. past 9. "I have just returned from my perilous expedition. I am so fatigued and alarmed that I can scarcely hold my pencil: nevertheless I shall attempt to give you the information you require. I left the Reading Room at 6 minutes past 9, taking no other weapon than my walking stick. The weather was fine when I set out; but as there had been some showers during the day, I deemed it prudent to take my cloak also in case a storm should happen. The wind was S. E. During my passage, I hailed several individuals bound for the library. I descended to the foot of the staircase, and found myself in a dull damp cave. It threw a chill upon my spirits. On looking around me, however, I spied a kind of door in the further corner: over it there was an inscription, which by the aid of my telescope, I discovered to be "Philosophical Class."-(I have made a facsimile for you.) I must confess (entre nous) that I felt rather timorous when I laid my hand upon the door. I summoned up all my fortitude, however, and grasping the stick firmly in my hand I opened it. Never shall I forget the startling spectacle which I then witnessed. I stood upon the summit of a flight of steps; the room was but dimly lighted by a faint sulphureous flame emitted by some combustible which seemed to be a lucifer match. This sickly light enabled me to discern several ghastly forms waving to and fro beneath me: a confused murmur of sounds broke on the ear: then there arose a voice |