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THE MOCK PARSON,

A TALE.

[From the Morning Poft.] NOT

twenty miles from Charing Cross

Is seen an elevated steeple,

Nigh which all loving, willing people, (If they have money for the fees) Ne'er for à Parfon need be at a loss,

But may get married if they please,

It happen'd in an evil hour
A man came there (no matter whence),

Who, unordain'd, took priestly pow'r,
To swindle Peter of his pence.
Thus once a wolf, the heathens fabled,

In fleecy garb got to a fold,
And at his leisure was enabled

To prey on mutton young and old.
Could we the secrets of all folds disclose,
We still might see some wolves with greedy jaws.
There many a lifeless corpse was hurried
To the mock Parson to be buried ;
And numbers flock'd to'his fain'' altar,
* To tie themselves in Hymen's halter ;.

Among the reft there came ove day
Young Patrick with his sweetheart Nancy,

And when night came he with her lay-
What follow'd any one may fancy.
The honeymoon was not quite spent,

Ere the mock Parsơn was detected,

And all his impious tricks diffected.
Of those he married fome did choose
To tie afresh the slacken'd noose;
But Pat his bargain did repent,

And to consult a brother Teague

Concerning his unlucky icague, Soon as he heard the story, went. His brother Teague had loft a wife,

Whom the false Prieit had lately buried; The honest fellow's haple's life "-". The scolding vixen long had worried :

108

THE DEVIL OUTWITTED. As soon as Patrick told the story,

He, with a lamentable figh, Cried out he was exceeding forry, “ Because," said he, " I'll tell you why :

You know my wife, my darling jewel!

May'nt in her grave so quiet lie;
And that, my joy! would be fo cruel.”
Here Patrick flyly took the hint,
And said, “Why, faith, there's fomething in't;"
" Your wife will rise again to tease you,

Not being buried in a lawful evay.

His friend on this look'd pale as lifeless clay-
But Pat went on and said, " To ease you,
Suppose I take her when Me leaves her tomb,
And you may take my Nancy in her room?"
As sorrow soon to joy must yield,

This made the other woudrous frisky :
The contract then was fign’d and leald,

O'er many bumpers of good whitky :
Poor Pat his joy could scarcely finother,
That he had over-reach'd the other,:
He wisely thought within himself, a wife,
Once dead, would lead him the most quiet life.
Long Acre,

BARV'D Cior. Nov. 23, 1801.

THE DEVIL OUTWITTED,
SLY Beelzebub took all occasions

To try Job's conftancy and patience.
He took his children, took his health,
He took his honour, took his wealth,
His servants, horses, oxen, cows
And the fly Devil did not take his spouse !
But H

-n, that brings ont good from evil,
And loves to disappoint the Devil,
Had predetermin'd to restore
Twofold all sob had had before,
His servants, horses, oxen, cows
Short-fig bed Devil not to take his spouse!

1. Εστησε. EPIGRAM.

EPIGRAMI. ' ' !! SAWNEY Scot and John Bull dately held a debate,

Which experienc's most bliss in a conjugal ffate : Says Sawney, '“ You Engliflimen revel in richess. But too often it happens your wives wear the breeches." Quoth John, “ That misfortune might fall to your share, It the wives among you could find breeches to wear.”

J. B.

DIED

IN

H. EPITAPH; , ., ON JEMMY ARMSTRONG, THE SHERIFF'S OFFICER, WHO

NOVEMBER 1801, AT HIS VILLA ON TURN.
HAM GREEN, COMMONLY KNOWN BY THE NAME OF
LOCK-UP HALL.in
ARMSTRONG's arrested! fued, as will be all,

By Old Time’s writ, Special-original!
The debt to Nature due to make him pay,
Death, Fate's bum-bailiff, ferv'ahim with Ca. Sa.
His doctor to file common, bail qid move;
Not granted, Jemmy puts in bail above.
By Habeas remov'd from earth to tky,
Before th' eternal Judge heill juftify.

J.B.

ON A LATE LEGAL PROMOTION.
WHAT now, alas! a Britan's trust is,
When Law assumes the place of Justice ?

Antwer.
FROM Elenburgb why such prognostics draw ?
Justice is paramount to Common Law. ITT J. B.

A MUSICAL

ON A MUSIC AND DANCING MASTER,
WHO DECAMPED WITH THE SUBSCRIPTION.MONEY FOR

PUBLICATION.
HIS
IS time was quick, his touch was 'noat

Our cash he nimbly finger'd;
Alert alike with bands and feet,
His movements have not linger'd,

But

( 104 )

LONDON CHARITY.'

[From the same.] MR. EDITOR, AMONG other amiable traits of humanity for which

the people of this vast capital are celebrated, their sharity is the most prominent and remarkable. Were a demonftration of this truth required, we need only mention the numerous and capacious asylunis for the fack, the aged, the unfortunate, and the vicious who wish to be reclaimed; but the best criterion of the public fentiments may be obtained from the most univerfal topic; and that in London, next to money, is the miseries of the poor !

What pathetic orations are daily delivered on this subject in the coffeehouses, tap-rooms, nay, and the workshop of the artisan! The gormandizing cit, while he feasts in the tavern, and at once regales his palatę with food, and his nostrils with the rich effluvia of roast beef, venison, and turtle, at intervals lays down his knife and fork, and, with a most dejected look, expatiates on the farving condition of the poor. When he bas vented bis spleen by this evacuation of humanity, he again grasps his blade, like a hero who hade pansed to take breath, and with a heavy figh, interrupted by a belch, resumes his hard talk of deyaftation.

The powdered corçomb, who has subsisted for years on his credit, and wishes to appear at once charitable and a man of consequence, rails at monopolists, katesmen, war, and other evils, which have been productive of misery to the poor.' Yet this contemptible reptile muít feel conscious that the retailer of matches or hallads is inuch richer than himself.

In short, every body seems disposed to sypipathize with those beings who are denominated the poor, a elass of the community proverbially wretched, but

which it would puzglę a philosopher to difcover. Alk a vender of fruit, or a green-grocer's wife, who are the poor and she will tell you with a mild look of self-complacency, that she believes there are a vast number of that description in the parish of St. Giles; but, thank Heaven, though taxes are high, she believes there is nobody in her genteel neighbourhood who can be considered as poor.

Go to St. Giles's, and you will fee a number of people ragged enough indeed; but if poverty be accompanied with mifery, there are none of them poor, for, perhaps, a 'merrier class does not exift in this variegated community. Nay, it is very questionable whether the gaming-tables of the fashionable world, or their maiked balls, are productive of more odious depravity than the halfpenny card-parties and fixpenny hops of the lame and blind, who affenable nightly in St. Giles's, to eat, drink, and be merry.

Perhaps this exceflive charity, this feeming fympathy for the miserable, which daily affails our eyes and our cars in every public :company, is in reality a kind of intellectual medicine, or detergent of the Spleen, which enables men to vent their inutual difcontents without any pernicious effect.

Affected charity may be called the conductor which conveys the lightning of the fulminating orator's eloquence to that grand repository of dulnefs, the circumambient fumes of tobacco and porter. This happy expedient to relieve the labouring breast of the patriot, and“ purge his bosom of the perilous fuff that weighs upon the heart," is in reality a preventive of innumexable bickerings between individuals who universally sympathize with the miseries of the poor! Thus, as the kings of Europe formerly kept a fool to be the general butt of ridicule, so the word poor is bandied about in London, disowned by every individual, and rendered the butt of public sympathy.

SATYRICUS.

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