THE MOCK PARSON.

A TALE.

[From the Morning Poft.]

NOT twenty miles from Charing Crofs
Is feen an elevated steeple,

Nigh which all loving, willing people,
(If they have money for the fees)
Ne'er for a Parfon need be at a lofs,
But may get married if they please,
It happen'd in an evil hour

A man came there (no matter whence),
Who, unordain'd, took prieftly pow'r,
To fwindle" Peter of his pence."

༔;

Thus once a wolf, the heathens fabled,
In fleecy garb got to a fold,
And at his leifure was enabled

To prey on mutton young and old.
Could we the fecrets of all folds difclofe,
We ftill might fee fome wolves with greedy jaws.
There many a lifeless corpfe was hurried
To the mock Parfon to be buried;
And numbers flock'd to his fam'd altar,
To tie themselves in Hymen's halter;
Among the reft there came one day'
Young Patrick with his fweetheart Nancy,
And when night came he with her lay-
What follow'd any one may fancy.
The honey moon was not quite fpent,
Ere the mock Parfon was detected,
And all his impious tricks diffected.
Of those he married fome did choose
To tie afresh the flacken'd noofe;
But Pat his bargain did repent,

And to confult a brother Teague
Concerning his unlucky league,
Soon as he heard the story, went.
His brother Teague had loft a wife,

Whom the falfe Priest had lately buried;

The honeft fellow's hapless life

The fcolding vixen long had worried:

F 6

As

As foon as Patrick told the story,
He, with a lamentable figh,
Cried out he was exceeding forry,
"Because," faid he, "I'll tell you why:
You know my wife, my darling jewel!
May'nt in her grave fo quiet lie;
And that, my joy! would be fo cruel. "
Here Patrick flyly took the hint,

And faid, "Why, faith, there's fomething in't;"
Your wife will rife again to teafe you,

Not being buried in a lawful way."

His friend on this look'd pale as lifelefs clay-
But Pat went on and faid, "To ease you,
Suppose I take her when the leaves her tomb,
And you may take my Nancy in her room?"
As forrow foon to joy muft yield,

This made the other wondrous frisky :
The contract then was fign'd and feal'd,
O'er many bumpers of good whisky:
Poor, Pat his joy could fcarcely finother,
That he had over-reach'd the other:"
He wifely thought within himself, a wife,
Once dead, would lead him the moft quiet life.
Long Acre,
1801.

Nov. 23, 1

BARDD CLOFF.

THE DEVIL OUTWITTED.
SLY Beelzebub took all occafions
To try Job's conftancy and patience.
He took his children, took his health,
He took his honour, took his wealth,
His fervants, horfes, oxen, cows
And the Лy Devil did not take his spouse!

But H-n, that brings out good from evil,
And loves to disappoint the Devil,

Had predetermin'd to restore

Twofold all Job had had before,
His fervants, horfes, oxen, cows-

Short-fighed Devil not to take his spouse!

EPIGRAM

SAWNEY Scot and John Bull lately held a debate,
Which experienc'd moft blifs in a conjugal ftate:
Says Sawney, "You Engliflimen revel in riches'.
But too often it happens your wives wear the breeches."
Quoth John, "That misfortune might fall to your fhare,
If the wives among you could find breeches to wear."

DIED

J. B.

ON JEMMY ARMSTRONG, THE SHERIFF'S OFFICER, WHO IN NOVEMBER 1801, AT HI'S VILLA ON TURNHAM GREEN, COMMONLY KNOWN BY THE NAME OF LOCK-UP HALL

ARMSTRONG's arrested! fued, as will be all,
By Old Time's writ, special-original!)
The debt to Nature due to make him pay,
Death, Fate's bum-bailiff, ferv'd him with Ca. Sa.
His doctor to file common
bail d
Not granted, Jemmy puts in bail above.
By Habeas removed from earth to iky,
Before th' eternal Judge he'll justify.

T
C

did move ;

ON A LATE LEGAL PROMOTION.

WHAT now, alas! a Briton's truft is,

J. B.

When Law affimes the place of Justice?

FROM Ellenburgh why fuch prognoftics draw?
Juftice is paramount to Common Liaw, 1997

J. B.

ON A MUSIC AND DANCING MASTER,

WHO DECAMPED WITH THE SUBSCRIPTION MONEY FOR A MUSICAL PUBLICATION."

IS time was quick, his touch was neat,

HIS

Our cafh he nimbly finger'd ;

Alert alike with bands and feet,
His movements have hot linger'd,

Bu

MR. EDITOR,

LONDON CHARITY.

[From the fame.]

AMONG other amiable traits of humanity for which the people of this vaft capital are celebrated, their charity is the most prominent and remarkable. Were a demonftration of this truth required, we need only mention the numerous and capacious afylums for the

ck, the aged, the unfortunate, and the vicious who wish to be reclaimed; but the best criterion of the public fentiments may be obtained from the moft univerfal topic; and that in London, next to money, is the miferies of the poor!

What pathetic orations are daily delivered on this fubject in the coffechoufes, tap-rooms, nay, and the workfhop of the artifan! The gormandizing cit, while he feafts in the tavern, and at once regales his palate with food, and his noftrils with the rich effluvia of roast beef, venifon, and turtle, at intervals lays down his knife and fork, and, with a moft dejected look, expatiates on the farving condition of the poor. When he has vented his fpleen by this evacuation of humanity, he again grafps his blade, like a hero who had paufed to take breath, and with a heavy figh, interrupted by a belch, refumes his hard tafk of devaftation.

The powdered coxcomb, who has fubfifted for years on his credit, and wifhes to appear at once charitable and a man of confequence, rails at monopolifts, fatesmen, war, and other evils, which have been productive of mifery to the poor. Yet this contemptible reptile muft feel confcious that the retailer of matches or ballads is much richer than himself..

In short, every body feems difpofed to sympathize with thofe beings who are denominated the poor, a elafs of the community proverbially wretched, but

which it would puzzle a philofopher to difcover. Afk a vender of fruit, or a green-grocer's wife, who are the poor? and the will tell you with a mild look of felf-complacency, that the believes there are a vast number of that defcription in the parifh of St. Giles; but, thank Heaven, though taxes are high, fhe believes there is nobody in her genteel neighbourhood who can be confidered as poor.

Go to St. Giles's, and you will fee a number of people ragged enough indeed; but if poverty be açcompanied with mifery, there are none of them poor, for, perhaps, a merrier clafs does not exift in this variegated community. Nay, it is very queftionable whether the gaming-tables of the fashionable world, or their masked balls, are productive of more odious depravity than the halfpenny card-parties and fixpenny hops of the lame and blind, who affemble nightly in St. Giles's, to cat, drink, and be merry.

Perhaps this exceffive charity, this feeming fympathy for the miferable, which daily affails our eyes and our ears in every public company, is in reality a kind of intellectual medicine, or detergent of the spleen, which enables men to vent their mutual discontents without any pernicious effect.

Affected charity may be called the conductor which conveys the lightning of the fulminating orator's eloquence to that grand repofitory of dulnefs, the circumambient fumes of tobacco and porter. This happy expedient to relieve the labouring breaft of the patriot, and "purge his bosom of the perilous fuff that weighs upon the heart," is in reality a preventive of innumerable bickerings between individuals who universally fympathize with the miferies of the poor! Thus, as the kings of Europe formerly kept a fool to be the general butt of ridicule, fo the word poor is bandied about in London, difowned by every individual, and rendered the butt of public fympathy.

F 5

SATYRICUS.

A BUCK