better," quoth the Doctor; " but pray, friend, haft not thou fome joke?""No joke indeed," replies the Apothecary, "but a very ferious matter: thou haft attended friend Ephraim thefe three days, and ordered him no medicine. I cannot live at this rate in my own houfe, and I muft therefore live in thine." The Doctor took the hint, and prefcribed handfomely for the benefit of his friend Ephraim, and his friend Leech the Apothecary. AN ANOTHER. N eminent phyfician, who is equally the difcipfe of Plutus and Efculapius, and very remarkablefor continuing his vifits to his rich patients, after he has turned their diforders out of doors, attended a lady of fome celebrity in the world of wit, for three months after her recovery, and regularly taid with her till he received his difmifling fee of five guineas. Weary of his expenfive devoirs, and concluding that to leffen the fee would be to lofe the vifitor, the ventured to give him four guineas, at the conclufion of his next call. He looked anxiously in his hand; then on the carpet, and ftood fome time in evident embarraffment, Have you loft any thing?" inquired the lady very kindly. "Why, Madam, I thought I had dropped a guinea." It is only a miftake in the perfon, Sir," rejoined the fair patient: "it is I who have dropped the guinea." The Doctor of courfe dropped his vifits. SURGICAL BON-MOT. T is well known that the veterans who prefide at the examinations of Surgeons, queftion minutely those who wish to become qualified. After anfwering very fatisfactorily to the numerous inquiries made, you young gentleman was afked, if he wished to give his patient a profuse perspiration, what he would prefcribe. He mentioned many diaphoretic medicines in case the first failed, and had fome hopes that he fhould pass with credit; but the unmerciful queftion thus continued: "Pray, Sir, fuppofe none of those fucceeded, what step would you take next?"-" Why, Sir," rejoined the enraged and haraffed young Efculapius, "I would fend him here to be examined; and if that would not give him a fwcat, I do not know what would." MR. AN ELECTIONEERING ANECDOTE. R. Coote, an ancestor of the late Lord Bellamont, adopted the following method to carry his election. for the county of Cavan, in Ireland. Oppofed by two gentlemen, leagued in intereft, and who had been repeatedly returned to Parliament for that county, Mr. Coote, on mounting the huftings, placed four bags before him, each containing a thoufand guineas. After thanking the first that voted for him for his fuffrage, he faid, "Pray, friend, how many miles are you from home?""Five, your Honour."" Then there are five guineas to carry you home." A fecond. voter-" How many miles, Sir, are you from home??? "Ten, Si"-"There are ten guineas to bear the expenfe of your journey." The news inftantly ran like wild-fire; in fhort, before two bags were thus expended, the election was hollow in favour of Mr. Coote. As this gentleman made no canvafs previous to the election, nor fo much as afked a fingle voter for his fuffrage, no law, then in being, could bring the manoeuvre under the defcription of bribery and corruption. REPARTEE REPARTEE CASES. REPORTED BY HUMPHREY WAGSTAFF, ESQ [From the Morning Herald.] Quidquid præcipies, efto brevis ! "Brevity is the foul of wit." CASE I. Law v. Phyfic. HOR. Scene of Action-A Coffee-room. Attorney. DOCTOR! you and I must be nearly of an age; we were schoolfellows, I remember, in the hard frost of 1739. Doctor. Perhaps fo; but, thank Heaven! parity of years is the only refemblance between us. Att. Ay, you always affected fingularity; but you are an antique, notwithstanding. Dr. Old enough, I grant, to have outlived all the valuable part of my acquaintance. Att. Outlive them! no wonder, Tom!-they were your patients. Dr. True, Ned; feveral of them were fo-but their cafes were incurable; their whole vital substance having been exhausted by the drains of the law. Att. What, no fubftance left to fee the Doctor? defperate cafes indeed! Dr. Yet not to defperate as cafes in the hands of a Pettyfogger. Att. In the hands of a Quack, you mean. Dr. I do mean fo-a law-quack. Att. (paufing.) Dr. Where are your wits, Ned?-quick, quickbar studying! Verdict for the Defendant-But Law hath fince moved for a new trial, on the ground that the Doctor was prompted by a gentleman in the box behind him. -Rule granted by the company. CASE CASE II. New Trial. Law v. Phyfic. Scene of Action-A Coffee-room. Attorney. Waiter! keep that box clear behind the Doctor-no prompting in this cafe. Doctor. Do you mean prompting of witnesses before they go into court? Att. Put on your fpectacles, Doctor! you don't fee my meaning. Dr. Many fad fpectacles in the Old Bailey have seen it with a vengeance. Att. Did they tell you fo, when you bought their ftolen bodies for diffection? Dr. As an old acquaintance, I will give double price for yours, when Juftice overtakes you. Att. Death will fend you a capias firft, Tom. Dr. Then Justice will be flow towards you, Ned. Att. (paufing.) Dr. You are entering a demur, I perceive. Att. No, Tom; but I am wondering where the Devil you got all your affurance. Dr. From the reflection of your modefy. Att. Hem! Waiter, bring me a glafs of brandy! Dr. Let me preferibe bitters with it. Att. You'd give me opium. Dr. Not the leaft occafion-you have plenty of that drug conflitutionally. Att. (tudying a reply.) Dr. Waiter, bring my friend a Prompter ! Verdict, a fecond time, for the Defendant. CASE ITI. Critic v. Author.. Scene of Action-A Bookfeller's Shop.. Critic. I am reading you, Mr. Author!-a very voluminous work, Sir! Author. Yes, Sir; the subject is fomewhat weightv. Crit. Very heavy, indeed (winking at the Bookseller) -eh, Mr. Bookfeller! Bookfeller. Sells well, Sir. Crit. Ay, fplendid bindings and ornamental engravings are very attractive. Auth. I did not know before, Sir, that you were a Critic on book-binding. Crit. Always-when the outfide is more luminous than the infide. my Auth. You are blind then, I perceive, to the light work throws on the moral virtues. Crit. By no means-particularly on the virtue of patience. I have almoft waded through your whole work without refting; and, what is more wonderful, without fleeping. Auth. I am apprehenfive, Sir, that the Greek and Hebrew quotations fomewhat incommoded your progrefs. Crit. O no! I always fkip over thofe mattersour literary body has learned men for the refpective languages, arts, and fciences. Auth. I am glad to fee, Sir, that you not only poffefs the virtue of patience, but of modesty, in not ranking yourself with the learned Critics. Crit. We have our feveral departments, Sir-mine is Auth. That of Fly-catcher, I fufpect, to fome one of the periodical Reviews. Crit. "Fly-catcher!-Fly-catcher!" Auth. Hunter after redundancies-falfe moods and tenfes-and-0 wonderful difcovery-Incorrect punc-. tuations! Crit. Sir!-I meant to have expanded your fame. ficient |