Dramatic critics, in order to execute their task with propriety, and

"Be themselves the great fublime they draw," fhould be kept on a very fpare diet, made up chiefly of articles of paftry, particularly what are called puffs, and raifed crufts, which are reckoned proper for the critics. Their drink, the pure element, tasteless and infipid as the originals they defcribe; and all manner of ftrong liquors thould be carefully avoided, not upon aecount of their intoxicating quality, but left the gentlemen after three hours watching for wit and humour, fhould fall asleep.

Writers of political fpeculations may be allowed a greater variety; but as that must depend on the fubject, it is impoffible to lay down specific rules. Bread and fifh are generally given to the minifterial writers, and now and then toads, which they are obferved to-cat with peculiar glee. Gentlemen in oppofition must be allowed a more highly feafoned diet, and plenty of roast meat, when they are about to attack a minifter, or a new bill. Perhaps both parties would be the better now and then to lofe a little blood, of which I obferve even our barrifters have lately found the benefit.

As to thofe who write the hiftories and tranfactions of the watering-places, the manners of the elegantes: and of the young men of fashion, and who prepare the preliminaries of crim. con. for the winter, they ought certainly to be put under a very strict regimen, and confined to panada, water-gruel, or now and then a fall bit of chicken, juft enough to give them ftrength, when they return, to deferibe a rout, and copy the porter's lift. They furely cannot complain of fuch regulations who are fo ftrangely difpofed to make mince-meat of a newspaper.

A

I have thus, Mr. Editor, in these few hafty thoughts, put together, I own, without much method, endeavoured to meet the ideas of our potent enemy, M. Roederer. There is one point indeed which I have not touched upon-namely, the defects of our writers, arifing from our making no use of women but in the parlour; and I waive this, because any regulations we may agree upon on fuch a fubject, had better be included among the fecret articles of the treaty.

Sept. 2.

I am, Sir, your humble fervant,

DIETETIKOS.

ΤΗ HE feptennial plate, given by the freeholders of the county of Middlefex, and run for this year over the old courfe at Brentford, afforded more sport than for near half a century, when it was won by a famous horse of that year, known by the name of Mr. Wilkes's Liberty, got by Struggle, out of Diffipation. Notwithstanding the plate had been long advertifed, two horfes only were entered, and no fport expected, when, on the evening previous to the day of running, a third was announced for entrace at the poft, to the general happiness of the fporting world; and in the morning the following "lift of the terribly terrible high-bred running horfes" was offered in every part of the course:

Mr. Byng's b. b, h. Conftitution-light blue and orange. Mr. Mainwaring's mottled roan h. Magiftrate-blue. Sir Francis Burdett's golden dun, Vox Populi-purple. Previous to the fignal for starting, the clamour in the grand ftand exceeded all former example; the names of the horfes had excited fome fpirit of party, betting became uncommonly high, and in many inftances blows were barely avoided. The ftewards, and

Γ

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BRENTFORD RACES.

their fubordinates, the clerks of the courfe, gave ample teftimony of perfonal fortitude; in the prefervation of order they difplayed much spirit and strict impartiality. Oblique infinuations had been privately circulated, that Vox Populi had been very indifferently trained, that he was unfound, and was defective at bottom; and thefe reports having had fome weight with thofe not in the fecret, betting was two to one Conflitution against the field, three and four to one Magiftrate against Vox; and many bets were made of eight and ten to one, the latter was diftanced the firft heat.-Great fecrecy had been obferved refpecting the riders, till the moment of mounting, when the whifper immediately vibrated through the immenfe crowd, that "Conftitution was rode by Old Attachment;" "Magiftrate, by Secret Influence;" and "Vox Populi, by Abraham Newland."

Upon coming up to the poft, every mind feemed abforbed in a general confternation, a momentary filence of admiration prevailed, and in that moment they ftarted in good ftyle, with every heart elate. Conftitution gently taking the lead, kept it about a length and a half, but evidently not at his rate; Magiftrate Jay pretty well at him, but not at great eafe; Vox Populi, who had ftripped well, and was in much better condition than expected, difplayed a strong and commanding ftroke, but produced no prefent powers of fpeed; each keeping his ground exactly as defcribed.The first heat terminated nearly as they ftarted, Confiitution winning the heat with a canter, without a warm hair; Magiftrate within about four lengths, a little blown; and Vox Populi (by a certain fine in the rider) feeming with difficulty to fave his diftance. Those who had betted their money upon Magistrate, and relied firmly upon the well-known jockeythip of his rider, could not reftrain their feelings upon the occafion, but difplayed evident marks of exultation. "Vox Populi was not thorough bred"-" there was a cross

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in his blood"-" he was already done over"-" he had nearly knocked up"-and there was no doubt but he'd break down, if he ran another heat ;" though it was fuppofed, "if his owner had any prudence, he'd be drawn." But, to the furprife of the party, they all again came to the post, when a malicious fneer efcaped from the rider of Magiftrate, at Abraham Newland, who, however, received it with his usual placidity; and at this moment they started. Conftitution, knowing his own fecurity (from having the foot), lay by, and Magiftrate, willing to afcertain the utmost power of Vox, went off at fpeed; but finding Abraham always clofe at him, and that he had a strong pull in hand, and was better in wind, he flackened his ftroke, and at a distance it was thought Magifirate was tiring apace: this, however, was only a political deception in his rider; for upon Abraham's coming with the nofe of Vox Populi upon Magistrate's flank, his rider croffed, evidently intending a joftle, and it being obferved by the ftewards, was deemed foul, and the heat left undecided. The third heat Conftitution went off at fcore; and it being the determination of his rider to afford all poffible fport to the fpectators, Magiftrate and Vox Populi had no alternative, but to lay as clofe at him as their powers would permit.

In this heat there was remarkably fine running with the two laft, in which great jockeyfhip was difplayed, Conftitution keeping the lead and winning eafy; through its being decided a dead heat (as to the fecond) between the other two, they had to run a clear heat for the ftakes. During the time allowed before starting, opinions ran high, great clamour enfued, and much money was fported; judgment was almoft fufpended upon the ability of the riders; they knew " Influence" was ftaunch, and little " Abraham" was not to be bribed; therefore each made his bets as prompted by fancy, the best judges (even the knowing ones) not knowing

knowing which was to prove the winner. Upon coming to the poft, it being obferved that Vox Populi was above himself, and that Magistrate seemed hollow in the flank, it was thought he was diftreffed in the laft heat; in confequence, the odds varied a little, and before they had run two miles, Vox took the lead a neck. Here Magiftrate lofing his temper made another effort at fpeed; but Vox Populi being better bred, better trained, and in more excellent condition than his opponent, beat him with eafe near a distance. The rider, however, having made a complaint, that Newland did not bring his proper weight to the fcales, it is expected to be laid before the Jockey Club, to be by them decided at their next October meeting. Sept. 2.

T. W.

HINTS TO CANDIDATES FOR PARLIAMENT.

[From the Oracle.]

PLACE yourself on the fummit of perfection; but vilify your opponent as much as poffible.

Get the mob on your fide, by perfuading them your caufe (that is, your wine, porter, ale, &c.) is infinitely fuperior to your adverfary's.

Call the electors who vote for you, free and independent; but thofe who vote against you, the flaves of party.

Infinuate to the electors, that, by voting on your fide, they do themfelves, and not you, a very effential favour.

If your opponent attempt to fpeak, inftruct your partifans to vociferate with all their might, that, if his arguments fhould prove good, they may at least not be heard.

Should a dumb voter come to poll, affert to the

mob,