« ՆախորդըՇարունակել »
MEGALANTHROPOGENESIE. divine. 1, who you know am naturally very humane, took it into my head (it never reached my heart, therefore you must forgive me), that I vught to be the father of a great man ; for I had just been reading the Megalanthropogenehe. That book promises that he who has genius, and unites with a woman who has genius too, ihall have a fon worthy of his parents, a son great in the ratio of the united genius of father and mother.
I instantly bethought myself, “l' have genius; for I have composed two fongs, a quatrain, twelve moral epistles, the fourth part of a farce, and a whole conundrum. I am a fuperior being; but my wife, ałas! she is agreeable, virtuous, and handsome-Yes, but The never wrote any thing but letters to her husband never produced any thing but two children, who, though the one is fix, the other seven years old, are by no means prodigies. I must be the father of a great man. This I owe to niy fame as a Poc!iserto my country.” Fool that I was ! I went on deliberately meditating an infidelity, folely for the honour of future times at the expense of my own.
I immediately waited upon a lady distinguished for her knowledge in chemistry and in the Grecian dance,
I entered her apartment with my book in my hand, and said, “ Nature has called me to the performance of a great work, and for that purpose she bas conferred upon me the rare and precious gift of genius, which our fathers of former times have very Iparingly transmitted to us, because they were ignorant of the secrets of the Megalanthropogenesie. For us, Madanie, who are desirous to leave to our children the fole inheritance worthy of a philosopher, and far superior to wealth, which every body despises in this enlightened age. I fay, Madame, it is proper that you and I should combine in this great act of universal philanthropy." The lady replied to my folemn declaration
“O thrice and four times happy the child, to whom my erudite breast shall give fuck! But do you esteem yourself worthy to be the father?"_“ Madame-" "Does it become you to avail yourself of the pretended rights of our sex in making the advances ?"_" It is the homage due to yours." Let us wave these prejudices of custom, and fee whether you are worthy of the honour you claim. You behold that alembic, that retort?" Madanie, I don't understand chemistry.”_" Vile' atom ! Not understand the properties of metals, the qualities of fluids and gas! Can you pretend to combine with wisdom the amalgam of life? Begone! We are not kindred souls ; you are unworthy to co-operate in the great work.”—“ But I have genius; for I have made verses of all sorts of feet." * Make verfes! At least then you should know what measure is best adapted to the Pyrrhic dance?"No.' I know nothing of the matter.' --" Then you must abandon the hope of being the father of a great mán, fince you are unacquainted with the two most perfect sciences of our age-chemistry and dancing.'
[N. B. The wife of the Poetiser, by whom the above letter is communicated to the Paris journalist, fuppresses her husband's concluding apologies. She only states, that he is cured of the frenzy of be. getting great men, has promised to be faithful to her.yi. and to be content with such children as it shalt please God to give him:)
THE. BOND STREET LOUNGERS' WONDERFUL
CURE.. From the Lady's Monthly Museum.] DOCTOR D3 a country physician, lately paid
á visit at an ancient family feat in Wales. "It was the abode of an old couple, whom he had attended E 6.
84 BOND STREET LOUNGERS' WONDERFUL CURE,
none can escape the infirmities of old age.”
threw themselves upon an old settee, with an air of fickness and lassitude.“ Ah! Doctor,” exclaimed the old man, “ there was once a limb for you”-alt this time the elder of the two, in a reclining posture, was tapping bis leg and thigh with a little crooked cane, which he had taken out of his pocket);—“ but come, I must introduce you to your patients.” So faying, he rose, and taking the Doctor by the hand, he brought him over to the setlee, and addressing the young gentlemen, faid, “ My dear boys, this is our old friend, Doctor Dubh, whont you have so often heard us fpeak of.” The young gentlemeu rose, with an air of indifference, and half-averted eyes, and in a whispering, consumptive toņe, of voice, both faid, or seemed to say : “ Sa I va ga fie ya, Plinin ha, Sa, (Sir, I am very glad to see you at Plinlimmon Hall, Sir!)". The Doctor, who kuew something of modern fashions, and smoked two Bond-street loungers of the first figure at the first glance, was a humourist, and answered the bucks in their own way: Gea, I va ma bidg to ya, vaa ma, indem (Gentlemen, I am very much obliged to you ! very much, indeed!)” The old man, who had been straining with outstretched neck and open mouth to catch a word, but in vain, this instant found his deafnefs return, and the old woman feeling a like visitation, they both hobbled
away, keaving the Doctor to prescribe for poor little Bob and Charles. In the conversation that ensued, the Doctor learned that Master Bob was nineteen and Master Charles eighteen years of age ; and that they had come down from London to folicit the performance of their grandfather's promise to buy them. conimissions in the Guards, to which the old gentleman had demurred, afligning the dangers and fatigues of a modern
military life--but the fact was, in their apparently 1 wretched state of health, he thought his money would be only thrown away. This discovery fuggested to
86 BOND STREET LOUNGERS WONDERFUL CURE. the Doctor an immediate and infallible cure for the deafness of the old couple, and the consumptive habit of the two grandfons: he flew to the garden, where he found his old friends lamenting, and aifured them he'would work a complete restoration of family health before he went away. The Doctor inmediately wrote e prescription, leaving it to the old gentleman to be his own apothecary, and make it up, it was to take two purses, and putting a sum of fifty guineas into each, to adminifter them in that state to the fick youths, with special directions to set off next morning for London, and purchase their commiflions.--The old gentleman loft no time. The Doctor and the old lady followed him to the parlour, where the patients were still fitting, and where the old 'man administered the medicine strictly according to his directions. The firft touch of the purfe operated like an electric shock upon the nerves of the impatient youths--the lightness of the purse foon awoke fufpicion, and examination. only confirmed their fears. Da Sa, tha must be some miftu in this(Dear Sir, there must be some mistake in this),” observed the elder of the two. The younger. whiftled Malbrook--the old man ttared-the old lady and the Doctor were impatient for the operation of the curc..." Sdeath, Sir!" exclaimed the elder of the two, after a short interval; “ surely you do not mean. to quiz us?” These words, pronounced in an elevated tone, most diftin&tly and clearly, and with appropriate look and gelture, had the defired effect. The old man,. who neither heard or understood a part of the previous conversation, now heard the youth distinctly, and began to caper and fing through the room ; the old lady also found all her auricular faculties restored in full vigour, and both, returned thanks to the Doctor for their fpeedyand effectual cure.. The grandsons looked astonishment; but how great' must have been their fhame and confufion, when the old gentleman, with