omne quod tetigit fædavit; and it invariably happened that these were the very macula pitched upon, exposed, and ridiculed by reviewers. No man could spread his small stock over a larger surface than Dr Gander; no man be more successful in ingratiating himself with those persons so useful to an enterprising empiric-viz. wealthy fools. He paid constant court to Titmouse, from the first moment he saw him; and took the liberty of calling-unasked the very next day, at his rooms in the Albany. He soon satisfied Titmouse that he-Gander—was a great philosopher, whom it was an advantage and a distinction to be acquainted with. He took my little admiring friend, for instance, to hear him-Gander-deliver a lecture at the Hanover Square Rooms, to a crowd of fashionable ladies and old gentlemen, who greatly applauded all he said, upon a subject equally abstruse, interesting, and instructive; viz. the occult qualities of Triangles. In short, he paid anxious and successful court to Titmouse, and was a very frequent guest at his dinner table. He gave Titmouse, on one of these occasions, an amazing account of the distinction accruing to a member of any of the great learned societies; and, in fact, quite inflamed his little imagination upon the subject-sounding him as to his wish to become a member of some great society, in common with half the dukes, marquesses, earls, and barons in the kingdom-in particular his own august kinsman, the Earl of Dreddlington himself.

“Why-a-'pon my soul-" quoth Titmouse grinning, as he tossed off his tenth glass of champagne, with the bland and voluble doctor-“I—I—shouldn't much dislike a thingumbob or two at the end of my name-what's the figure?"

66

Certainly, I myself, as a zealous lover of science, my dear sir, consider her honours always well bestowed on those eminent in rank and station; though they may not have gone through the drudgery of scientific details, sir, their countenance irradiates the pale cheek of unobtrusive science"

"Ya-a-s, 'pon honour, it certainly does," quoth Titmouse, not exactly, however, comprehending the Doctor's fine figure of speech.

"Now, look you, Mr Titmouse," continued the Doctor, "the greatest society in all England, out and out, is the CREDULOUS

SOCIETY. I happen to have some leetle influence there, through which I have been able, I am happy to say, to introduce several noblemen."

"Have you, by Jove?" cried Titmouse, "what the devil do they do there?"

“Do, my dear sir! They meet for the purpose of-consider the distinguished men that are fellows of that society! It was only the other day that the Duke of Tadcaster told me, (the very day after I had succeeded in getting his Grace elected,) that he was as proud of the letters F.C.S.' added to his name, as he was of his dukedom!"

"By Jove!-No-but-'pon honour bright-did he? Can you get me into it?" enquired Titmouse eagerly.

"I-oh-why-you see, my very dear sir, you're certainly rather young," quoth the Doctor gravely, pausing and rubbing his chin; "if it could be managed, it would be a splendid thing for you-eh ?"

"By jingo, I should think so!" replied Titmouse.

"I think I've been asked by at least a dozen noblemen for my influence, but I've not felt myself warranted

“Oh, well! then in course there's an end of it," interrupted Titmouse with an air of disappointment; "and curse me if ever I cared a pin about it-I see I've not the ghost of a chance."

"I don't know that either," replied the Doctor musingly. His design had been all along to confer sufficient obligation on Titmouse, to induce him to lend the Doctor a sum of four or five hundred pounds, to embark in some wild scheme or other, and also to make Titmouse useful to him for other purposes, from time to time." As you are so young, I am afraid it will be necessary in some sort of way to give you a sort of scientific pretension-ah, by Archimedes ! but I have it !—I have it!— You see, I've a treatise in the press, and nearly ready for publication, upon a particularly profound subject-but, you'll understand me, explained in a perfectly popular manner-in fact, my dear sir, it is a grand discovery of my own, which will in future ages be placed side by side of that of Sir Isaac Newton

"Is he a member of it too?" enquired Titmouse. "No, my dear sir!" quoth the Doctor, slightly staggered: "not bodily; but his spirit is with us! We feel it influencing

VOL. III.

H

all our deliberations; though he died a quarter of a century before we were established! But to return to the discovery I was mentioning; as Sir Isaac discovered the principle of GRAVITATION, (otherwise weight, or heaviness,) so, Mr Titmouse, I have discovered the principle of LIGHTNESS!"

"You don't say so!

Titmouse.

'Pon my life, amazing!" exclaimed Mr

“And equally true, as amazing. As soon as I shall have indicated its tendencies and results, my discovery will effect a revolution in the existing system of physical science."

"Ah! that's what they talked about in the House last night -Revolution. 'Pon my soul, I don't like revolutions thoughFolks fight then-eh ?" exclaimed Titmouse uneasily.

"I am speaking of something quite different, my dear Titmouse," said Dr Gander, with a slight appearance of pique ; "but to proceed with what I had intended. Since I have been sitting here, my dear sir, it has occurred to me that I have an excellent opportunity of evincing my sense of your kindness towards me, and my appreciation of your distinguished position—Sir, I intend to DEDICATE my work to you!”

“Sir, you're amazing kind—most uncommon polite!" quoth Titmouse, who had not the slightest notion of what a “dedication" meant. Within a week or two's time, sure enough appeared a handsome octavo volume, beautifully printed and splendidly bound, entitled,

"RESEARCHES into Physical Science, with a view to the Establishment of a NEW PRINCIPLE

LIGHTNESS.

BY

DIABOLUS GANDER, ESQUIRE,

LL.D.; F.C.S.; Q.U.A.K.; G.Ö.S.; Secretary of the Empirical Society; Corresponding Member of the Leipzic Lunatic Society; Vice-President of the Peripatetic Gastronomic Association; and Member of Seventeen Philosophical and Literary Societies in Kamschatka, Madagascar, Tartary, and Little Britain; &c. &c. &c."

And it bore the following "Dedication"

"TO TITTLEBAT TITMOUSE, ESQUIRE, M.P.,
&c. &c. &c.,

This volume is respectfully inscribed,
by his obedient, obliged,

faithful humble servant,

DIABOLUS GANDER."

The work being vigorously pushed, and systematically puffed in all directions, of course brought the honoured name of Mr Titmouse a good deal before the scientific public; and about three weeks afterwards might have been seen the following "Testimonial," suspended against the screen of the public room of the Credulous Society, in support of Mr Titmouse's pretensions to be elected into it :

“TESTIMONIAL.—We, the undersigned, Fellows of the CREDULOUS SOCIETY, hereby certify that, from our personal knowledge of TITTLEBAT TITMOUSE, ESQUIRE, M.P., we believe him to be a gentleman greatly attached to credulous science, and equally capable and desirous of promoting its interests; and, as such, deserving of being elected a fellow of the Credulous Society.

“DREDDLINGTON.

"TANTALLAN.

"WOODEN SPOON.

"FLIMSY CROTCHET.

"DIABOLUS GANDER.

"PERIWINKLE PARALLELOGRAM.

"PLACID NOODLE."

The above distinguished names were procured by Dr Gander ; and thereupon the election of Mr Titmouse became almost a matter of certainty-especially as, on the appointed day, Dr Gander procured the attendance of some amiable old gentlemen, fellows of the Society, who believed the Doctor to be all he pretended to be. The above testimonial having been read from the chair, Mr Titmouse was balloted for, and declared elected unanimously a Fellow of the Credulous Society. He was prevented from attending on the ensuing meeting by a great debate, and an expected early division: then, (I regret to say,) by sheer intoxication; and again by his being unable to return in time from

Croydon, where he had been attending a grand prize-fight, being the backer of one of the principal ruffians, Billy Bully, his boxingmaster. On the fourth evening, however, having dined with the Earl of Dreddlington, he drove with his lordship to the Society's apartments, was formally introduced, and solemnly admitted; from which time the proudest moment of his life—he was entitled to have his name stand thus :—

"TITTLEBAT TITMOUSE, ESQ., M.P., F.C.S."

-And heaven knows how much higher he might not have immediately mounted, in the scale of social distinction, but that he came to a very sudden rupture with his "guide, philosopher, and friend," Dr Gander, who, on at length venturing to make his longmeditated application to Titmouse for a temporary loan, to enable him, Dr Gander, to prosecute some extensive philosophical experiments-[i. e., inter nos, on public credulity]-was unhesitatingly refused by Titmouse; who, on being pressed by the Doctor, abused him in no very choice terms-and finally ordered him out of the room! He quitted the presence of his ungrateful protégé with disgust, and in despair-nor without reason; for that very night he received a propulsion towards the Fleet Prison, which suggested to his philosophical mind several ingenious reflections concerning the attraction of repulsion. There he lay for three months, till he sent for the creditor who had deposited him there, and who had been his bookseller and publisher; and the Doctor so dazzled him by the outline of a certain literary speculation to be called THE GANDER GALLERY-that his credulous creditor relented, and set his ingenious and enterprising debtor once more at large.

But to return to Mr Titmouse. It was not long after his election into the Credulous Society, that a deputation from the committee of the Society for the Promotion of Civil and Religious Discord waited upon him at his apartments in the Albany, to solicit him, in terms the most flattering and complimentary, to preside at their next annual meeting at the Stonemasons' Hall; and, after some modest expressions of distrust as to his fitness for so distinguished a post, he yielded to their anxious entreaties. He ordered in, while they were with him, a very substantial lunch, of which they partook with infinite relish; and having done ample