One day, They brewed a secret of a fine financial sort; It related to Appointments, to a Man and a Report. 'Twas almost worth the keeping [only seven people knew it], And Gunne rose up to seek the truth and patiently ensue it. It was a Viceroy's Secret, but-perhaps the wine was redPerhaps an Aged Councillor had lost his aged headPerhaps Delilah's eyes were bright-Delilah's whispers sweet The Aged Member told her what 'twere treason to repeat. Ulysses went a-riding, and they talked of love and flowers; Ulysses went a-calling, and he called for several hours; The summer sun was setting, and the summer air was still, told! Next morn, a startled Empire learnt the all-important news; Next week, the Aged Councillor was shaking in his shoes; Next month, I met Delilah and she did not show the least Hesitation in affirming that Ulysses was a 'beast.' We have another Viceroy now, those days are dead and done Of Delilah Aberyswith and most mean Ulysses Gunne! A LEGEND OF THE FOREIGN OFFICE R This is the reason why Rustum Beg, Drinketh the 'simpkin' and brandy peg, Vexeth a Government, tender and kind, USTUM BEG of Kolazai-slightly backward Lusted for a C. S. I.—so began to sanitate. Built a Gaol and Hospital-nearly built a City drain— Till his faithful subjects all thought their ruler was in sane. Strange departures made he then-yea, Departments stranger still, Half a dozen Englishmen helped the Rajah with a will. Talked of noble aims and high, hinted of a future fine For the State of Kolazai, on a strictly Western line. Rajah Rustum held his peace; lowered octroi dues a half; Organised a State Police; purified the Civil Staff; Cut temptations of the flesh-also cut the Bakhshi's pay; Roused his Secretariat to a fine Mahratta fury, crown. Then the Birthday honours came. Sad to state and sad to see, Stood against the Rajah's name nothing more than C. I. E.! Things were lively for a week in the State of Kolazai, Even now the people speak of that time regretfully How he disendowed the Gaol-stopped at once the City drain; Turned to beauty fair and frail-got his senses back again; Doubled taxes, cesses, all; cleared away each new-built thana; Turned the two-lakh Hospital into a superb Zenana; Heaped upon the Bakhshi Sahib wealth and honours manifold; Clad himself in Eastern garb-squeezed his people as of old. Happy, happy Kolazai! Never more will Rustum Beg Play to catch the Viceroy's eye. He prefers the 'simp kin' peg. THE STORY OF URIAH 'Now there were two men in one city; the one rich, and the other poor.' ACK BARRETT went to Quetta On three-fourths his monthly screw. Jack Barrett died at Quetta Ere the next month's pay he drew. Jack Barrett went to Quetta, He didn't understand The reason of his transfer From the pleasant mountain-land: The season was September, And it killed him out of hand. Jack Barrett went to Quetta Jack Barrett's bones at Quetta But I shouldn't be astonished And, when the Last Great Bugle Call When the last grim joke is entered I shouldn't like to be the man, |