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One day, They brewed a secret of a fine financial sort; It related to Appointments, to a Man and a Report. 'Twas almost worth the keeping [only seven people knew it],

And Gunne rose up to seek the truth and patiently ensue it.

It was a Viceroy's Secret, but-perhaps the wine was redPerhaps an Aged Councillor had lost his aged headPerhaps Delilah's eyes were bright-Delilah's whispers

sweet

The Aged Member told her what 'twere treason to repeat. Ulysses went a-riding, and they talked of love and flowers;

Ulysses went a-calling, and he called for several hours;
Ulysses went a-waltzing, and Delilah helped him dance-
Ulysses let the waltzes go, and waited for his chance.

The summer sun was setting, and the summer air was still,
The couple went a-walking in the shade of Summer Hill,
The wasteful sunset faded out in turkis-green and gold,
Ulysses pleaded softly, and
that bad Delilah

told!

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Next morn, a startled Empire learnt the all-important

news;

Next week, the Aged Councillor was shaking in his shoes; Next month, I met Delilah and she did not show the least Hesitation in affirming that Ulysses was a 'beast.'

We have another Viceroy now, those days are dead and done

Of Delilah Aberyswith and most mean Ulysses Gunne!

A LEGEND OF THE FOREIGN OFFICE

R

This is the reason why Rustum Beg,
Rajah of Kolazai,

Drinketh the 'simpkin' and brandy peg,
Maketh the money to fly,

Vexeth a Government, tender and kind,
Also-but this is a detail-blind.

USTUM BEG of Kolazai-slightly backward
Native State-

Lusted for a C. S. I.—so began to sanitate.

Built a Gaol and Hospital-nearly built a City drain— Till his faithful subjects all thought their ruler was in

sane.

Strange departures made he then-yea, Departments stranger still,

Half a dozen Englishmen helped the Rajah with a will. Talked of noble aims and high, hinted of a future fine For the State of Kolazai, on a strictly Western line.

Rajah Rustum held his peace; lowered octroi dues a half;

Organised a State Police; purified the Civil Staff;
Settled cess and tax afresh in a very liberal way;

Cut temptations of the flesh-also cut the Bakhshi's

pay;

Roused his Secretariat to a fine Mahratta fury,
By a Hookum hinting at supervision of dasturi;
Turned the State of Kolazai very nearly upside-down;
When the end of May was nigh waited his achievement

crown.

Then the Birthday honours came. Sad to state and sad to see,

Stood against the Rajah's name nothing more than C. I. E.!

Things were lively for a week in the State of Kolazai, Even now the people speak of that time regretfully

How he disendowed the Gaol-stopped at once the City drain;

Turned to beauty fair and frail-got his senses back again;

Doubled taxes, cesses, all; cleared away each new-built thana;

Turned the two-lakh Hospital into a superb Zenana;

Heaped upon the Bakhshi Sahib wealth and honours manifold;

Clad himself in Eastern garb-squeezed his people as of old.

Happy, happy Kolazai! Never more will Rustum Beg Play to catch the Viceroy's eye. He prefers the 'simp

kin' peg.

THE STORY OF URIAH

'Now there were two men in one city; the one rich, and the other poor.'

ACK BARRETT went to Quetta
Because they told him to.
He left his wife at Simla

On three-fourths his monthly screw.

Jack Barrett died at Quetta

Ere the next month's pay he drew.

Jack Barrett went to Quetta,

He didn't understand

The reason of his transfer

From the pleasant mountain-land:

The season was September,

And it killed him out of hand.

Jack Barrett went to Quetta
And there gave up the ghost:
Attempting two men's duty
In that very healthy post;
And Mrs. Barrett mourned for him
Five lively months at most.

Jack Barrett's bones at Quetta
Enjoy profound repose;

But I shouldn't be astonished
If now his spirit knows
The reason of his transfer
From the Himalayan snows.

And, when the Last Great Bugle Call
Adown the Hurnai throbs,

When the last grim joke is entered
In the big black Book of Jobs,
And Quetta graveyards give again
Their victims to the air,

I shouldn't like to be the man,
Who sent Jack Barrett there.

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