For it's I that intend to demonstrate
The cratur's phenomena strange;
Its functions to set every one straight,
And exhibit their structure and range.
"Now, boys, I beseech, be attentive,
On this Carlingford fasten your eyes,
As I spread it before you so pensive,
Its gape opened wide with surprise;
See that small purple spot in the centre,
That's the heart, which is all on the move;
For though looking as deep as a Mentor,
It is tenderly beating with love.
"The fringes that circle its body,
Which epicures think should be clear'd,
Are the animal's lungs; for 'tis odd, he,
Like a foreigner, breathes through his beard.
And among all its memorabilia,
Than this structure there's none half so queer,
Though Sharpley may say they are cilia,
A wiser contrivance to speer.
"Now these are the facts in the history
Of an oyster I'd on you impress;
I've serv'd them up plain without mystery,
To cook them would just make a mess.
So now boys we'll fetch in the whiskey,
Since the water is hot on the hob,
Whilst we stir up our native so frisky,
By sticking a knife in his gob!
CHARLES DIBDIN the Younger.]
How I love to laugh!
Never was a weeper,
Tho' like a lazy calf,
Have been a mighty sleeper.
Once I got a place,
But lost it the same morning,
'Cause, in my patron's face,
I somehow fell a yawning.
Yea, au, au, tol, lol, yea, au, au.
Then I fell in love,
Hoping to get married,
Tried my nymph to move,
And near my point had carried,
But lost her in a pet,
'Cause, going to kiss one morning,
Just as our lips had met,
Something set me yawning.
Now comes the worst mishap,
Once being shav'd so nice, sir,
I gap'd, and Mr. Strap,
He gave me such a slice, sir,
But all my griefs to tell
Would take a summer's morning,
So mum would be as well,
Lest I should set you yawning.
[Tune-"The Rogue's March,"
THERE ne'er was a name so bandied by fame,
Thro' air, thro' ocean, and through land,
As the one that is wrote upon every bank note,
all must know Abraham Newland!
Oh, Abraham Newland!
Notified Abraham Newland!
I've heard people say, "sham Abraham " you may; But you mustn't sham Abraham Newland.
For fashion or arts, should you seek foreign parts,
It matters not wherever you land,
Jew, Christian, or Greek, the same language they speak,
That's the language of Abraham Newland:
Oh, Abraham Newland!
Wonderful Abraham Newland!
Tho' with compliments cramm'd, you may die and be d-n'd,
If you haven't an Abraham Newland!
The world is inclin'd to think Justice is blind,
But lawyers know well she can view land;
But, Lord, what of that! she'll blink like a bat,
At the sight of an Abraham Newland!
Oh, Abraham Newland!
Magical Abraham Newland!
Tho' Justice, 'tis known, can see thro' a millstone,
She can't see thro' Abraham Newland!
Your patriots who bawl for the good of us all,
Kind souls! here like mushrooms they strew land ;
Tho' loud as they drum, each proves Oratum Mum,
If attack'd by stout Abraham Newland:
Oh, Abraham Newland!
Invincible Abraham Newland!
No argument's found in the world half so sound,
As the logic of Abraham Newland
If a maid of threescore, or a dozen years more,
For a husband should chance to sigh thro' land,
I'm vastly afraid she'd not die an old maid,
If acquainted with Abraham Newland :
Oh, Abraham Newland !
Deluding Abraham Newland!
Tho' crooked and cross, she'd not be at a loss,
Thro' the friendship of Abraham Newland !
Thus for Abraham's smiles we're all practising wiles,
And cheating and chattering through land;
Till Death he pops in,
With his comical grin,
And a night cap for Abraham Newland !
Oh, Abraham Newland!
The bell tolls for Abraham Newland!
For when Death he comes by, you know life's all my
Tasks are got with pain;
He sighs for home in vain ;
But still the thought does cheer,
That Christmas time is near,
And then he may make himself an Actor.
For then to make them gay,
They all get up a play;
And, perfect all by heart,
Each scholar takes a part;
Looking with delight
To the long'd-for, wish'd-for night,
Beginning thus the life of an Actor.
Each relation
This occasion,
Every friend
Must attend;
Good or bad,
Applaud the lad;
Recitation,
Declamation.
Hey down, oh down, derry, derry down,
Beginning thus the life of an Actor.
He leaves school with regret,
And when he home does get,
All wild thoughts to bridle
(As youth should not be idle),
He hears his parent's voice
To trade direct his choice
On the stage of life to be an Actor,
And tho' compelled to go,
His heart is fill'd with woe;
For his master, like a Turk,
Keeps him close to work;
Yet he does contrive it
To act a bit in private,
To keep in the life of an Actor.
Buskin, sock,
Only mock,
Nightly playing
Gets quite gay in ;
Trade neglected,
Gets suspected,
Makes a rout,
And is lock'd out.
Hey down, oh down, derry, derry down; And all for the life of an Actor.
Now open war declared
By master no more sacred;
Heeds not parental grief,
But boldly takes relief;
Cancels his indenture,
Goes to seek adventure,
Commencing thus the life of an Actor
From town to down does roam,
No money and no home;
Finds each sharing scheme
Melting like a dream;
The cup outside may glitter,
But the inside's filled with bitter;
|