THE MISCELLANEOUS
NEOUS WORKS

OF

OLIVER GOLDSMITH.

The Vicar of Wakefield.

ADVERTISEMENT.

a

lent contriver in housekeeping; though I could never find that we grew richer with all her contrivances.

situated in a fine country, and a good neighbourhood. The year was spent in moral or rural amusements, in visiting our rich neighbours, and relieving such as were poor. We had no revolutions to fear, nor fatigues to undergo; all our adventures were by the fire-side, and all our migrations from the blue bed to the brown.

THERE are a hundred faults in this thing, and hundred things might be said to prove them beauHowever, we loved each other tenderly, and our ties. But it is needless. A book may be amusing fondness increased as we grew old. There was, in with numerous errors, or it may be very dull without fact, nothing that could make us angry with the a single absurdity. The hero of this piece unites in world or each other. We had an elegant house himself the three greatest characters upon earth. He is a priest, a husbandman, and the father of a family. He is drawn as ready to teach, and ready to obey; as simple in affluence, and majestic in adversity. In this age of opulence and refinement, whom can such a character please? Such as are fond of high life, will turn with disdain from the simplicity of his country fire-side. Such as mistake ribaldry for humour, will find no wit in his harmless conversation; and such as have been taught to deride religion, will laugh at one whose chief stores of comfort are drawn from futurity. OLIVER GOLDSMITH,

CHAPTER I.

As we lived near the road, we often had the traveller or stranger visit us to taste our gooseberry wine, for which we had great reputation; and I profess with the veracity of an historian, that I never knew one of them find fault with it. Our cousins too, even to the fortieth remove, all remembered their affinity, without any help from the herald's office, and came very frequently to see us. Some of them did us no great honour by these

The description of the family of Wakefield, in which a kin-claims of kindred; as we had the blind, the maim dred likeness prevails, as well of minds as of persons.

ed, and the halt amongst the number. However, I was ever of opinion, that the honest man who my wife always insisted, that as they were the married and brought up a large family, did more same flesh and blood, they should sit with us at service than he who continued single and only the same table. So that if we had not very rich, talked of a population. From this motive, I had we generally had very happy friends about us; for scarcely taken orders a year, before I began to think this remark will hold good through life, that the seriously of matrimony, and chose my wife, as she poorer the guest, the better pleased he ever is with did her wedding-gown, not for a fine glossy sur- being treated: and as some men gaze with admira. face, but for such qualities as would wear well. tion at the colours of a tulip, or the wings of a but To do her justice, she was a good-natured notable terfly, so I was by nature an admirer of happy hu woman; and as for breeding, there were few coun-man faces. However, when any one of our rela try ladies who could show more. She could read tions was found to be a person of very bad charac any English book without much spelling; but for ter, a troublesome guest, or one we desired to get pickling, preserving, and cookery, none could excel rid of, upon his leaving my house, I ever took care her. She prided herself also upon being an excel-to lend him a riding-coat, or a pair of boots or

sometimes a horse of small value, and I always mention it, had it not been a general topic of had the satisfaction of finding he never came back conversation in the country. Olivia, now about to return them. By this the house was cleared of eighteen, had that luxuriancy of beauty, with which such as we did not like; but never was the family painters generally draw Hebe; open, sprightly, of WAKEFIELD known to turn the traveller or the and commanding. Sophia's features were not so poor dependent out of doors. striking at first, but often did more certain execution; for they were soft, modest and alluring. The one vanquished by a single blow, the other by efforts successfully repeated.

The temper of a woman is generally formed from the turn of her features, at least it was so with my daughters. Olivia wished for many lovers, Sophia to secure one. Olivia was often affected from too great a desire to please. Sophia even re

Thus we lived several years in a state of much happiness, not but that we sometimes had those little rubs which Providence sends to enhance the value of its favours. My orchard was often robbed by school boys, and my wife's custards plundered by the cats or the children. The 'Squire would sometimes fall asleep in the most pathetic parts of my sermon, or his lady return my wife's civilities at church with a mutilated courtesy. But we soon pressed excellence from her fears to offend. The got over the uneasiness caused by such accidents, and usually in three or four days began to wonder how they vexed us.

one entertained me with her vivacity when I was gay, the other with her sense when I was serious. But these qualities were never carried to excess in My children, the offspring of temperance, as either, and I have often seen them exchange chathey were educated without softness, so they were racters, for a whole day together. A suit of mournat once well formed and healthy; my sons hardy ing has transformed my coquette into a prude, and and active, my daughters beautiful and blooming. a new set of ribands has given her younger sister When I stood in the midst of the little circle, which more than natural vivacity. My eldest son George promised to be the supports of my declining age, was bred at Oxford, as I intended him for one I could not avoid repeating the famous story of of the learned professions. My second boy Moses, Count Abensberg, who in Henry Second's progress whom I designed for business, received a sort through Germany, while other courtiers came with of miscellaneous education at home. But it 18 their treasures, brought his thirty-two children, needless to attempt describing the particular cnarand presented them to his sovereign as the most acters of young people that had seen but very little valuable offering he had to bestow. In this man- of the world. In short a family likeness prevailed ner, though I had but six, I considered them as a through all, and properly speaking, they nad but very valuable present made to my country, and con- one character, that of being all equally generous, sequently looked upon it as my debtor. Our eldest credulous, simple, and inoffensive. son was named GEORGE, after his uncle, who left us ten thousand pounds. Our second child, a girl,| I intended to call after her aunt Grissel; but my wife, who during her pregnancy had been reading romances, insisted upon her being called OLIVIA. Family Misfortunes.-The loss of fortune only serves to inIn less than another year we had another daughter, and now I was determined that Grissel should be THE temporal concerns of our family were chiefly her name; but a rich relation taking a fancy to committed to my wife's management; as to the spistand godmother, the girl was, by her directions, ritual, I took them entirely under my own direction. called SOPHIA; so that we had two romantic names The profits of my living, which amounted to but in the family; but I solemnly protest I had no thirty-five pounds a year, I made over to the orhand in it. Moses was our next, and after an in-phans and widows of the clergy of our diocese: terval of twelve years we had two sons more.

CHAPTER II.

crease the pride of the worthy.

for having a fortune of my own, I was careless of

my duty without reward. I also set a resolution of keeping no curate, and of being acquainted with every man in the parish, exhorting the married men to temperance, and the bachelors to matrimony; so that in a few years it was a common saying, that there were three strange wants at Wakefield, a parson wanting pride, young men wanting wives, and ale-houses wanting customers.

It would be fruitless to deny exultation when I temporalities, and felt a secret pleasure in doing saw my little ones about me; but the vanity and the satisfaction of my wife were even greater than mine. When our visiters would say, "Well, upon my word, Mrs. Primrose, you have the finest children in the whole country;"-"Ay, neighbour," she would answer, "they are as Heaven made them, handsome enough if they be good enough; for handsome is that handsome does." And then she would bid the girls hold up their heads; who, to Matrimony was always one of my favourite conceal nothing, were certainly very handsome. topics, and I wrote several sermons to prove its Mere outside is so very trifling a circumstance with happiness: but there was a peculiar tenet which I me, that I should scarcely have remembered to made a point of supporting; for I maintained with

Whiston, that it was unlawful for a priest of the moved; and sometimes, with the music master's church of England, after the death of his first assistance, the girls would give us a very agreeable wife, to take a second; or to express it in one word, concert. Walking out, drinking tea, country dances, I valued myself upon being a strict monogamist. and forfeits, shortened the rest of the day, without I was early initiated into this important dispute, the assistance of cards, as I hated all manner of on which so many laborious volumes have been gaming, except backgammon, at which my old written. I published some tracts upon the sub-friend and I sometimes took a two-penny hit. Nor ject myself, which, as they never sold, I have the can I here pass over an ominous circumstance that consolation of thinking were read only by the hap- happened the last time we played together; I only py few. Some of my friends called this my weak wanted to fling a quatre, and yet I threw deuce side; but alas! they had not like me made it the ace five times running. subject of long contemplation. The more I re- Some months were elapsed in this manner, till flected upon it, the more important it appeared. I at last it was thought convenient to fix a day for the even went a step beyond Whiston in displaying my nuptials of the young couple, who seemed earnestprinciples: as he had engraven upon his wife's ly to desire it. During the preparations for the tomb that she was the only wife of William Whis- wedding, I need not describe the busy importance ton; so I wrote a similar epitaph for my wife, of my wife, nor the sly looks of my daughters: though still living, in which I extolled her pru- in fact, my attention was fixed on another object, dence, economy, and obedience till death; and hav- the completing a tract which I intended shortly to ing got it copied fair, with an elegant frame, it publish in defence of my favourite principle. As was placed over the chimney-piece, where it an- I looked upon this as a master-piece, both for arswered several very useful purposes. In admon-gument and style, I could not in the pride of my ishing my wife of her duty to me, and my fidelity heart avoid showing it to my old friend Mr. Wilto her; it inspired her with a passion for fame, and mot, as I made no doubt of receiving his approbaconstantly put her in mind of her end. tion; but not till too late I discovered that he was It was thus, perhaps, from hearing marriage so most violently attached to the contrary opinion, often recommended, that my eldest son, just upon and with good reason; for he was at that time acleaving college, fixed his affections upon the daugh- tually courting a fourth wife. This as may be exter of a neighbouring clergyman, who was a digni-pected, produced a dispute attended with some acritary in the church, and in circumstances to give mony, which threatened to interrupt our intended ner a large fortune. But fortune was her smallest alliance: but the day before that appointed for the accomplishment. Miss ARABELLA WILMOT was ceremony, we agreed to discuss the subject at large. allowed by all (except my two daughters) to It was managed with proper spirit on both be completely pretty. Her youth, health and in-sides: he asserted that I was heterodox, I retorted nocence, were still heightened by a complexion the charge; he replied and I rejoined. In the so transparent, and such a happy sensibility of mean time, while the controversy was hottest, I was look, as even age could not gaze on with in-called out by one of my relations, who with a face difference. As Mr. Wilmot knew that I could of concern, advised me to give up the dispute, at make a very handsome settlement on my son, he least till my son's wedding was over. "How!" was not averse to the match; so both families lived cried I, relinquish the cause of truth, and let him together in all that harmony which generally pre- be a husband, already driven to the very verge of cedes an expected alliance. Being convinced by absurdity. You might as well advise me to give experience that the days of courtship are the up my fortune as my argument." "Your for most happy of our lives, I was willing enough tune," returned my friend, "I am now sorry to in. to lengthen the period; and the various amuse- form you is almost nothing. The merchant in ments which the young couple every day shared in town, in whose hands your money was lodged, has each other's company seemed to increase their pas-gone off to avoid a statute of bankruptcy, and is sion. We were generally awaked in the morning thought not to have left a shilling in the pound. by music, and on fine days rode a hunting. The I was unwilling to shock you or the family with hours between breakfast and dinner the ladies de- the account until after the wedding: but now it voted to dress and study: they usually read a page, may serve to moderate your warmth in the arguand then gazed at themselves in the glass, which ment; for, I suppose your own prudence will enforce even philosophers might own often presented the the necessity of dissembling, at least till your son page of greatest beauty. At dinner my wife took has the young lady's fortune secure."—"Well," the lead; for as she always insisted upon carving returned I, "if what you tell me be true, and if I every thing herself, it being her mother's way, she am to be a beggar, it shall never make me a rascal, gave us upon these occasions the history of every or induce me to disavow my principles. I'll go this dish. When we had dined, to prevent the ladies moment and inform the company of my circumleaving us, I generally ordered the table to be re-stances: and as for the argument, I even here re

tract my former concessions in the old gentleman's mined to send him to town, where his abilities favour, nor will I allow him now to be a husband might contribute to our support and nis own. The in any sense of the expression." separation of friends and families is, perhaps, one

It would be endless to describe the different sen- of the most distressful circumstances attendant on sations of both families when I divulged the news penury. The day soon arrived on which we were of our misfortune: but what others felt was slight to disperse for the first time. My son, after taking to what the lovers appeared to endure. Mr. Wil- leave of his mother and the rest, who mingled their mot, who seemed before sufficiently inclined to tears and their kisses, came to ask a blessing from break off the match, was by this blow soon deter- me. This I gave him from my heart, and which, mined: one virtue he had in perfection, which was prudence, too often the only one that is left us at seventy-two.

CHAPTER III.

added to five guineas, was all the patrimony 1 had now to bestow. "You are going, my boy," cried I, "to London on foot, in the manner Hooker, your great ancestor, travelled there before you. Take from me the same horse that was given him by the good Bishop Jewel, this staff, and this book too, it will be your comfort on the way: these two lines in it are worth a million, 'I have been young, and now am old; yet never saw I the righteous man forsaken, or his seed begging their bread.' Let this be your consolation as you travel on. Go, my boy; whatever be thy fortune, let me see thee

A Migration.—The fortunate circumstances of our lives are generally found at last to be of our own procuring. THE only hope of our family now was, that the report of our misfortune might be malicious or premature; but a letter from my agent in town soon came with a confirmation of every particular. The once a-year; still keep a good heart, and farewell." loss of fortune to myself alone would have been trifling; the only uneasiness I felt was for my family, who were to be humble without an education to render them callous to contempt.

As he was possessed of integrity and honour, I was under no apprehensions from throwing him naked into the amphitheatre of life; for 1 knew he would act a good part, whether vanquished or victorious. Near a fortnight had passed before I attempted His departure only prepared the way for our to restrain their affliction; for premature consola- own, which arrived a few days afterwards. The tion is but the remembrance of sorrow. During leaving a neighhourhood in which we had enjoyed this interval, my thoughts were employed on some so many hours of tranquillity, was not without a future means of supporting them; and at last a tear which scarcely fortitude itself could suppress. small cure of fifteen pounds a year was offered me Besides, a journey of seventy miles to a family that in a distant neighbourhood, where I could still en- had hitherto never been above ten from home, filled joy my principles without molestation. With this us with apprehension; and the cries of the poor, proposal I joyfully closed, having determined to who followed us for some miles, contributed to inincrease my salary by managing a little farm. crease it. The first day's journey brought us in Having taken this resolution, my next care was safety within thirty miles of our future retreat, to get together the wrecks of my fortune; and, all and we put up for the night at an obscure inn in a debts collected and paid, out of fourteen thousand village by the way. When we were shown a room, pounds we had but four hundred remaining. My I desired the landlord, in my usual way, to let us chief attention, therefore, was now to bring down have his company, with which he complied, as the pride of my family to their circumstances; for I what he drank would increase the bill next mornwell knew that aspiring beggary is wretchedness ing. He knew, however, the whole neighbouritself. "You can not be ignorant, my children," hood to which I was removing, particularly 'Squire cried I, "that no prudence of ours could have pre- THORNHILL, who was to be my landlord, and who vented our late misfortune; but prudence may do lived within a few miles of the place. This gentlemuch in disappointing its effects. We are now man he described as one who desired to know little poor, my fondlings, and wisdom bids us conform more of the world than its pleasures, being particuto our humble situation. Let us then, without re-larly remarkable for his attachment to the fair sex. pining, give up those splendours with which num-He observed that no virtue was able to resist his bers are wretched, and seek in humbler circum-arts and assiduity, and that scarcely a farmer's stances that peace with which all may be happy. daughter within ten miles round, but what had The poor live pleasantly without our help, why found him successful and faithless. Though this then should not we learn to live without theirs? account gave me some pain, it had a very different No, my children, let us from this moment give up effect upon my daughters, whose features seemed all pretensions to gentility; we have still enough to brighten with the expectation of an approaching left for happiness if we are wise, and let us draw triumph; nor was my wife less pleased and confiupon content for the deficiencies of fortune." dent of their allurements and virtue. While our As my eldest son was bred a scholar, I deter-thoughts were thus emploved the hostess entered

the room to inform her husband, that the strange "That," cried he, pointing to a very magnificent gentleman, who had been two days in the house, house which stood at some distance, "belongs to wanted money, and could not satisfy them for his Mr. Thornhill, a young gentleman who enjoys a reckoning. "Want money!" replied the host, large fortune, though entirely dependent on the "that must be impossible; for it was no later than will of his uncle, Sir William Thornhill, a gentleyesterday he paid three guineas to our beadle to man who, content with a little himself, permits his spare an old broken soldier that was to be whipped nephew to enjoy the rest, and chiefly resides in through the town for dog-stealing." The hostess, town." "What!” cried I, "is my young landlord however, still persisting in her first assertion, he then the nephew of a man, whose virtues, genewas preparing to leave the room, swearing that he rosity, and singularities are so universally known? would be satisfied one way or another, when I beg- I have heard Sir William Thornhill represented ged the landlord would introduce me to a stranger as one of the most generous yet whimsical men in of so much charity as he described. With this he the kingdom; a man of consummate benevolence."complied, showing in a gentleman who seemed to "Something, perhaps, too much so," replied Mr. be about thirty, dressed in clothes that once were Burchell, "at least he carried benevolence to an laced. His person was well formed, and his face excess when young; for his passions were then marked with the lines of thinking. He had some- strong, and as they were all upon the side of vir. thing short and dry in his address, and seemed not tue, they led it up to a romantic extreme. He ear

to understand ceremony, or to despise it. Upon ly began to aim at the qualifications of the soldier the landlord's leaving the room, I could not avoid and scholar; was soon distinguished in the army, expressing my concern to the stranger at seeing and had some reputation among men of learning. a gentleman in such circumstances, and offered Adulation ever follows the ambitious; for such alone him my purse to satisfy the present demand. "I receive most pleasure from flattery. He was surtake it with all my heart, sir,” replied he, "and am rounded with crowds, who showed him only one glad that a late oversight, in giving what money I side of their character: so that he began to lose a had about me, has shown me that there are still regard for private interest in universal sympathy. some men like you. I must, however, previously He loved all mankind; for fortune prevented him entreat being informed of the name and residence from knowing that there were rascals. Physicians of my benefactor, in order to repay him as soon as tell us of a disorder, in which the whole body is so possible." In this I satisfied him fully, not only exquisitely sensible that the slightest touch gives mentioning my name and late misfortunes, but the pain: what some have thus suffered in their perplace to which I was going to remove. This," sons, this gentleman felt in his mind. The slightest cried he, "happens still more luckily than I hoped distress, whether real or fictitious, touched him to for, as I am going the same way myself, having the quick, and his soul laboured under a sickly senbeen detained here two days by the floods, which I sibility of the miseries of others. Thus disposed hope by to-morrow will be found passable." I tes- to relieve, it will be easily conjectured he found tified the pleasure I should have in his company, numbers disposed to solicit; his profusions began and my wife and daughters joining in entreaty, he to impair his fortune, but not his good-nature; that, was prevailed upon to stay supper. The stranger's indeed, was seen to increase as the other seemed to conversation, which was at once pleasing and in- decay: he grew improvident as he grew poor; and structive, induced me to wish for a continuance of though he talked like a man of sense, his actions it; but it was now high time to retire and take re- were those of a fool. Still, however, being surfreshment against the fatigues of the following day. rounded with importunity, and no longer able to The next morning we all set forward together: satisfy every request that was made him, instead of my family on horseback, while Mr. BURCHELL, our money he gave promises. They were all he had new companion, walked along the foot-path by the to bestow, and he had not resolution enough to road-side, observing with a smile, that as we were give any man pain by a denial. By this he drew ill mounted, he would be too generous to attempt round him crowds of dependents, whom he was sure leaving us behind. As the floods were not yet to disappoint, yet he wished to relieve. These subsided, we were obliged to hire a guide, who trot-hung upon him for a time, and left him with meritted on before, Mr. Burchell and I bringing up the ed reproaches and contempt. But in proportion

rear.

We lightened the fatigues of the road with as he became contemptible to others, he became philosophical disputes, which he seemed to under- despicable to himself. His mind had leaned upon stand perfectly. But what surprised me most was, their adulation, and that support taken away, he that though he was a money-borrower, he defend- could find no pleasure in the applause of his heart ed his opinions with as much obstinacy as if he which he had never learned to reverence. The had been my patron. He now and then also in-world now began to wear a different aspect; the formed me to whom the different seats belonged flattery of his friends began to dwindle into simpl that lay in our view as we travelled the road. approbation. Approbation soon took the more