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Som. [Looking at the_table.] ‘No song no supper.' I'll make an endless meal.


Rat. Sir, I have the pleasure of drinking your health.


Som. [Singing.] If a man can die much better with brandy.' [Throws the glass over his head. Rat. Ha! ha ha! That's very well, sir. I must give this queer gentleman his way, or I shall offend him, as Alibi says. [Aside.]

Som. [Taking up a plate.] sonest well.'

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Plate-o! thou reaI'll no more on't-to a nunnery-go [Flings away the plate. Rat. What does he mean? Sir, sir, I am impatient for your instructions. How should I behave?



Som. Be thou familiar, but by no means vulgar.” Rat. Vulgar! Sir, I never am vulgar. That's very impudent. [Aside.]

Som. Do not saw the air too much with your hand, thus; but use all gently'

[Flings one of the candlesticks off the table. Rat. I don't understand him. [Aside.] Depend upon it, sir, I shall be upon my guard, and act with discretion.

Som. Be not too tame, neither; but let your discretion be your tutor-Suit the action to the word-the word to the action."

Rat. Yes, sir. Plague on it! we are interrupted.

Enter SPY.


Spy. I beg pardon, gentlemen. Hem! that is the lady, I suppose, with the pale face. [Aside.] The house is so full, that I am obliged to intrude for half an hour.

Som. [Rises suddenly, and approaches SPY.] 'How now; there's blood upon thy face.'

Spy. Indeed!-Bless me! I don't know how it came there. [Wiping his face. Rat. [To SOMNO.] Dismiss the gentleman as soon as you can, and I'll be with you presently.

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Som. I know my cue without a prompter.'

Rat. Egad, I'll leave them together, and see what my aunt is about. [Exit. Spy. I can't see her hair, on account of that large hat; but I'll watch an opportunity. Eh? a piece of cold fowl. Egad, I'll take a snack. [Sits and eat

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Spy. I beg pardon-I thought it was free for the company.

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Som. Faminé is in thy cheeks

Need and oppression starveth in thy eyes.'

Spy. No, no: I'm not so hungry as all that.

Som. [Taking up the fowl, comes forward, followed by SPY.] Alas, poor Yorick !'

Spy. Poor Yorick !-Why it's a cold fowl.


Som. Murder most foul, as in the best it is-But this most foul'

Spy. Yes; I know it's a fowl.

Som. I knew him well, Horatio

Here hung those lips that I have kiss'd

I know not how oft. Never did I see so young a body with so old a head.'- Think'st thou Alexander look'd o' this fashion o' the earth! and smelt so? Faugh!'' Now get thee to my lady's table, and tell her, Let her paint an inch thick, to this complexion she must come at last.' [Throws away the fonl.

Spy. But, sir-Mr. Oakly--I wish to ask you a few questions. Pray, sir, may I take the liberty to inquire 'where you live?

Som. In a deep cave, dug by no mortal hand.'

Spy. A cave! Then you are some student, some philosopher, I suppose?

Som. A friend to dogs, for they are honest creatures'

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Spy. Egad, you are a strange creature!

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Som. Who nought can boast but a desire to be a


Spy. A soldier! What! to fight for your king?

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Som. Bleed-die for him:-as every true-born loyal subject ought.'

Spy. Bravo! that's very well. Bravo! bravo!

Som. The audience are pleased; they are calling out bravo. Dear! dear! I never met with so much applause before.

Spy. You are a bold enterprising fellow, I see.
Som. What man dare do, I dare.'

Spy. Nay, whoever disputes your courage can have no judgment.

Som. Who's he disputes the judgment of the senate?'

Spy. An assault! What do you mean?
Som. Unmanner'd slave!

and say I send you there.'

[Striking SPY.

Down, down to hell,

[Throws him down.

Spy. Hallo! Murder!

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Som. I tread on haughty Spain-'

Spy. Take off your foot! Murder! Here, Thomas, John, William !

Som. Hold your tongue, I say. I must tread on you, or the effect will be lost. I tread


Thomas. Lord! what's all this noise about? who began it?

Som. 'Twas I'-'I hated, I despised, and I destroy'd,' [Standing in a posture of exultation. Thomas. [Staring at SoмNo.] As I live, it is the gentleman's servant in one of his dreaming-fits. I forgot to lock his chamber door, as his master desired me. Spy. A dreaming fit!-a mad fit, I think-So, so, this is not the lady in disguise, then? [Aside.] Thomas. Egad, I'll run for a basin of water. soon waken him.



Som. I never played with such a wretch in my life; and now-[Takes off the coat, and throws it with the hat and cane on the stage]-now, I say, the manager may get some one else to finish the character, for I won't. When I perform Zanga again, I must have a more respectable Alonzo. Hey for Hackney-chassee for Hammersmith-slide down for Chelsea-cross over to Battersea-figure into Stockwell-promenade to Nottingham-boree to London Bridge, and cast down to Bow-'

[Exit, dancing like Bokitt in the Son in Law.' Spy. [Solus.] The gentleman has very pleasan dreams; but I never liked those who sleep with their

eyes open.

Enter ALIBI, sneezing, and rubbing his eyes.

Alibi. O Lord! I have just escaped being murdered. Eh? my coat and bat--that's lucky. [Puts them on. Oh, Mr. Spy, we may be off-the lady is in her proper dress now. She's married, and her husband has thrown his box of damn'd blackguard snuff in my eyes. Ouns! how they smart! I'm almost blind! [Standing where SOMNO was.]

Enter THOMAS, with a basin of water.

Thomas. There, my lad-that will make you open

your eyes, I warrant me! [Throws the water into ALI

BI's face.]

Alibi. Hallo! what is that for? [Taking off his hat, and wiping his face.]

Spy. Ha! ha! ha!

Thomas. Oh dear! Mr. Alibi, with his hair powdered

Spy. Yes, Thomas, you are witness.

Alibi. Powdered! what do you mean? [Walks up to a looking-glass.] Damnation! you have all been playing tricks upon me. Get out, you scoundrel!

[Drives THOMAS off. Enter SIR PATRICK MAGUIRE, SOPHIA, in woman's clothes, 'SQUIRE Rattlepate, and MRS. DECORUM.

Sir P. Ha! ha! ha! So, 'Squire, you have been discoursing, I find, with my servant in his sleep; but he is a more honourable character than the fellow Mr. Alibi intended to introduce to you.-Oh, here comes Somno, awake at last.

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Enter SOMNO and JORUM.

Jor. Ha ha ha! I have given him such a shaking, sir, that I soon brought him to himself.

Som. Egad, landlord, you must not shake your wine in that manner. Oh, sir, I have had such comical dreams! I thought I had dressed your honour's hairI thought I was acting with the greatest applause, before a crowded and delighted audience.

Alibi. Then I suppose it was you who powdered me, when I was dozing in the arm-chair?

Som. I dare say it was. I knew I should give you a dressing when I was asleep.

Mrs D. I think, Mr. Alibi, you have been served very right; and I trust you'll never show your face in my house again.

Jor. Nor in mine, I hope.

Rat. And, Mr. Alibi, I sha'n't want your assistance now; for Sir Patrick Maguire, who, I find, is the baronet that was treating with Mr. Wealthy, has been so kind as to resign all his pretensions to the mansion in my favour.

Alibi. Very well. I have been prettily used, I think. My eyes almost closed with th.. gentleman's snuff, and then a basin of water thrown into my face by an impudent waiter, to make me open them again.

Sir P. Ha! ha! ha. S re, you defied me to raise my foot against you but you see I did-Lundyfoot!

Sophia. Come, Sir Patrick, we must be all friendsand poor Somno-we should not blame him, but laugh at him.

Som. That, madam, is all I desire: let me behold my friends with smiling countenances, and my dream of having met with great applause will be realized. Then Somno may venture to come forward, and say, Ladies and gentlemen, born for your use, I live but to oblige you;' and, with your permission, the SLEEP-WALKER will endeavour to entertain you on a future night.

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