example was immediately followed by all the rest, under the sanction of that good old saying.

He had many useful rules which he threw into rhime for the more easy recollection of them. One of them I remember was a direction to those who ride together through the water:

When through the water you do ride,
Keep very close, or very wide.

Another related to the decanting of wine:
First rack slow, and then rack quick,

Then rack slow till you come to the thick. In a conversation with Dr. Ellwood, the doctor happened to speak of some one, as a fine old gentleman; what, said Swift, have you kept company with me these twenty years, and have not the common sense to know that there is no such thing as a fine old gentleman; because, if the persons to whom that title is given, had been possessed either of a mind or body worth a farthing, they would have worn them out before they arrived at that age.

-,

while with the who was con"Well, Will,

Dining one day at Mr. B's, his son, the present Mr. B, then very young, was sent into the parlour after dinner to pay his compliments to the dean. His mother, lady B- had always kept him drest in the nicest manner. After drinking a glass of wine, and staying a little company, he returned to his father, fined to his chamber with the gout, "what did the dean say to you?" "I heard him say, "as I was leaving the room, Enfant gáté'." His father laughed, and told it lady Betty. This came round to the dean before he left the house; who said upon it-"What a confounded blockhead was

“I‚

"I, to think there could be fuch a thing as a spoiled "child who had not learned French."

In the pursuit of the bagatelle, he often descended to puerilities. Passing, some time in the country, where Dan Jackson was one of the company (he whose long nose furnished a subject for several humorous copies of verses to be found in Vol. VII. p. 215 and fol.) Swift used to try many practical jokes on him. One day he pretended to lay hold of a creeper on Dan's neck, and put himself in the posture of cracking it on the table with his thumb nail, at the same time making a noise similar to it with the joint of his finger; a common schoolboy's trick. He had served him in this manner more than once, when Dan resolved to be prepared for him if he ever attempted it again. With this view he procured a louse of the largest size he could get, and stopping it up in a quill, kept it in his pocket. It was not long before Swift repeated the trick; when Dan Jackson took an opportunity, while the dean was looking another way, of unstopping the quill, and dropping the louse just before him, calling out Mr. dean-Mr. dean-you have missed killing it this time, there it is crawling just before you. This turned, the laugh against Swift, and put an end to that and some other of his pranks, as he found Dan was not so patient a butt as he had taken him for, and knew how to retaliate with advantage.

Among other jeux d'efprit, he was fond of punning, and used to say that none disliked it but those who could not make one. The old lord Pembroke was a remarkable punster, and when lord lieutenant of Ireland, delighted much in Swift's company on that account. One day being at the castle

Castle when a learned physician was reading a long lecture to his excellency on the nature and qualities of bees, calling them on every occasion, a nation, and a commonwealth; "Yes, my lord," said Swift,

they are a very ancient nation; you know, my lord, Moses takes notice of them; he numbers the Hi"vites among those nations which Joshua was appointed to conquer."

Lord Pembroke had brought over with him, as his first chaplain, one Dr. Mills, a man remarkable for a large Roman nose, against whom Swift had taken a particular dislike. After dining one day with a private party at the castle, of which Mills was one, Swift began to rail at the lord lieutenants of Ireland for bringing over such blockheads for chaplains as they usually did. Lord Pembroke said, that censure could not be applied to him, as his first chaplain present had been a professor at Oxford, and was accounted an excellent scholar. "He a scholar!" said Swift; "I dare say he does not know how to construe a line of Virgil." Lord Pembroke, who expected some sport from this, took part with his chaplain, saying, "he

66

was sure there was no passage in Virgil which " he could not perfectly explain." "Let the book "be brought," said Swift. Accordingly a Virgil was sent for, and Swift opening the book, pitched upon the following line. Romanos rerum dominos gentemque togatam. Mills immediately translated it very properly in the usual way. There," says Swift, "I knew he could not do it-he has not construed one word of it right." "Why, pray how would you construe it?" "Thus-Romanos-you've a Ro"man nose-rerum-you're a rare rum-dominosVOL. I.

F F

"damn

"damn your nose-gentemque togatam, and the whole "race of chaplains." Swift then took up his hat and walked off, leaving lord Pembroke and the rest of the party laughing heartily at the droll scene which had just passed.

Now I am upon the subject of his punning, cannot refrain from mentioning an excellent one which he made at my father's, in a happy application of one of Virgil's lines. It happened that a lady whisking about her long train, which was then the fashion, threw down and broke a fine Cremona fiddle belonging to him; upon which Swift cried

out

Mantua va misera nimium vicina Cremona !

Once in the country he was making inquiries about a gentleman in the neighbourhood, with whom the others did not seem to associate, and asked the reason of it. They said he was a very stupid fellow. Swift some time after, in one of his rides, overtook him, and entered into conversation with him by praising his horse, saying, among other things, that he carried a very fine tail; to which the gentleman replied, " and yours carries the best "head in Ireland." The dean, on his return, related this as a very clever saying, and wondered how they could account the author of it stupid. One of the company, when he next saw the gentleman, told him how much the dean was pleased with what he had said to him. "Why, what was it," said the other?" You told him that his horse carried the "best head in Ireland." "And so he does," replied the gentleman (utterly unconscious of his having said a good thing)" I think I never saw a horse "with a finer forehead."

When

When George Faulkner the printer returned from London, where he had been soliciting subscriptions for his edition of the dean's works, he went to pay his respects to him, dressed in a laced waistcoat, a bag wig, and other fopperies. Swift received him with all the ceremony that he would show to a perfect stranger. Pray, Sir, what are your com"mands with me?" "I thought it my duty to wait "on you immediately on my arrival from London." Pray, Sir, who are you?" " George Faulkner the

printer." "You George Faulkner the printer! why, "thou art the most impudent barefaced impostor I "ever heard of. George Faulkner is a sober sedate "citizen, and would never trick himself out in lace, "and other fopperies. Get about your business, and "thank your stars that I do not send you to the house "of correction." Poor George hobbled away as fast as he could, and having changed his apparel, returned immediately to the deanery. Swift, on seeing him, went up to him with great cordiality, shook him familiarly by the hand, saying, "My good friend,

George, I am heartily glad to see you safe returned. "Here was an impudent fellow in a laced waistcoat, "who would feign have passed for you; but I soon "sent him packing with a flea in his ear."

He could not bear to have any lies told him, which he never failed to detect; and when the party endeavoured to palliate them, his usual expression was-" Come, come, don't attempt to darn

your cobwebs." It was a saying of his, that an excuse was worse than a lie, because an excuse was a lie guarded.

There was a violent quarrel between the dean and sergeant Bettesworth, which for some time made