introduce Mr. Faulkland to you; Mr. Faulkland, Mr. Acres.

Faulk. Well, sir, but you was saying that Miss Melville has been so Acres. Sir, I am most heartily glad exceedingly well—what then she has to see you: Sir, I solicit your con- been merry and gay, I suppose ?— nexions. Hey, Jack-what, this is Always in spirits-hey?

Mr. Faulkland, who

Abs. Ay, Bob, Miss Melville's Mr. Faulkland.

Acres. Merry, odds crickets! she has been the bell and spirit of the company wherever she has been-so lively and entertaining! so full of wit and humour!

Faulk. There, Jack, there.-0, by

Acres. Od'so! she and your father can be but just arrived before me -I suppose you have seen them. Ah! Mr. Faulkland, you are indeed a my soul! there is an innate levity in happy man. woman, that nothing can overcome.

Faulk. I have not seen Miss Melville-What! happy, and I away! yet, sir;-I hope she enjoyed full health and spirits in Devonshire? Acres. Never knew her better in my life, sir,—never better. Odds blushes and blooms! she has been as healthy as the German Spa. Faulk. Indeed!-I did hear that she had been a little indisposed.

Acres. False, false, sir-only said to vex you quite the reverse, I assure you.

Faulk. There, Jack, you see she has the advantage of me; I had almost fretted myself ill.

Abs. Have done:-How foolish this is! just now you were only apprehensive for your mistress's spirits. Faulk. Why, Jack, have Ïbeen the joy and spirit of the company? Abs. No indeed, you have not. Faulk. Have I been lively and entertaining?

Abs. O, upon my word, I acquit you. Faulk. Have I been full of wit and humour?

Abs. No, faith, to do you justice, you have been confoundedly stupid indeed.

Abs. Now are you angry with your Acres. What's the matter with the mistress for not having been sick. gentleman?

Faulk. No, no, you misunderstand Abs. He is only expressing his great me:-yet surely a little trifling indis-satisfaction at hearing that Julia has position is not an unnatural conse-been so well and happy-that's all— quence of absence from those we love. hey, Faulkland?

-Now confess-isn't there some- Faulk. Oh! I am rejoiced to hear it thing unkind in this violent, robust,—yes, yes, she has a happy disposiunfeeling health? tion!

Abs. O, it was very unkind of her to be well in your absence to be sure! Acres. Good apartments, Jack.

Acres. That she has indeed. then she is so accomplished-so sweet a voice-so expert at her harpsichord

-such a mistress of flat and sharp, had her sad or sick-yet surely a symsquallante, rumblante, and quive-pathetic heart would have shown itrante!— there was this time month self even in the choice of a song—she -Odds minnums and crotchets might have been temperately healthy, how she did chirup at Mrs. Piano's

Abs. Or, 'Go, gentle gales !'-'Go, gentle gales!'-(sings.)

Acres. Ono!nothing like it.-Odds! now I recollect one of them— 'My heart's my own, my will is free.'(sings.)

and somehow, plaintively gay ;-but she has been dancing too, I doubt not! Acres. What does the gentleman say about dancing?

Abs. He says the lady we speak of dances as well as she sings.

so!

Acres. Ay truly, does she-there was at our last race ballFaulk. Hell and the devil! There! there-I told you so! I told you Oh! she thrives in my absence! Dancing! but her whole feelings have been in opposition with mine! —I have been anxious, silent, pensive, sedentary-my days have been hours of care, my nights of watchfulness.— She has been all health! spirit! laugh! song! dance!-Oh! d—n'd, d-n'd levity!

Abs. For Heaven's sake, Faulkland, don't expose yourself so. Suppose she has danced, what then? - does not the ceremony of society often ob|lige

Faulk.Fool! fool that I am! to fix all Faulk. Well, well, I'll contain my-. my happiness on such a trifler! self-perhaps as you say-for form 'Sdeath! to make herself the pipe and sake.-What, Mr. Acres, you were ballad-monger of a circle! to sooth praising Miss Melville's manner of her light heart with catches and glees! dancing a minuet-hey? -What can you say to this, sir? Abs. Why, that I should be glad to hear my mistress had been so merry,

sir.

Faulk. Nay, nay, nay-I'm not sorry that she has been happy-no, no, I am glad of that-I would not have

Acres.0, I dare insure her for that— but what I was going to speak of was her country-dancing:-Odds swimmings! she has such an air with her! Faulk. Now disappointment on her! defend this, Absolute; why don't you defend this?-Country-dances! jigs

and reels! am I to blame now? A Acres. The gentleman wa'n't angry minuet I could have forgiven-at my praising his mistress, was he?

I should not have minded that- Abs. A little jealous, I believe, Bob. I say I should not have regarded a Acres. You don't say so? Ha! ha! minuet-but country-dances! jealous of me-that's a good joke. Z-ds! had she made one in a cotil- Abs. There's nothing strange in that, lion-I believe I could have forgiven Bob; let me tell you, that sprightly even that—but to be monkey-led grace and insinuating manner of for a night! to run the gaunt-yours will do some mischief among let through a string of amorous palm-the girls here.

ing puppies!-to show paces like Acres. Ah! you joke-ha! ha! misa managed filly!-O Jack, there ne-chief-ha! ha! but you know I am ver can be but one man in the world, not my own property, my dear Lydia whom a truly modest and delicate has forestalled nie. She could never woman ought to pair with in a coun-abide me in the country, because I try-dance; and even then, the rest of used to dress so badly-but odds the couples should be her great uncles frogs and tambours! I sha'n't take and aunts! matters so here now ancient maAbs. Ay, to be sure!-grandfathers dam has no voice in it—I'll make my and grandmothers! old clothes know who's master-I Faulk. If there be but one vicious shall straightway cashier the huntmind in the set, 'twill spread like a ing-frock-and render my leather contagion the action of their pulse breeches incapable-My hair has beats to the lascivious movement of been in training some time. the jig their quivering,warmbreath- Abs. Indeed!

ed sighs impregnate the very air-Acres. Ay-and tho'ff the side curls the atmosphere becomes electrical are a little restive, my hind-part to love, and each amorous spark darts takes it very kindly.

pray,

through every link of the chain!-I Abs. O, you'll polish, I doubt not. must leave you-I own I am some- Acres. Absolutely I propose sowhat flurried—and that confounded then if I can find out this Ensign Belooby has perceived it. [Going. verley, odds triggers and flints! I'll Abs. Nay, but stay, Faulkland, and make him know the difference o't. thank Mr. Acres for his good news. Abs. Spoke like a man-but Bob, I observe you have got an odd [Exit FAULKLAND. kind of a new method of swearingAbs. Ha! ha! ha! poor Faulkland Acres. Ha! ha! you've taken notice five minutes since-nothing on earth of it-'tis genteel, isn't it?-I didn't could give him a moment's unea-invent it myself though; but a comsiness!' mander in our militia-agreat scho

Faulk. D-n his news!

"

lar, I assure you-says that there is Now for a parental lecture-I hope no meaning in the common oaths, and he has heard nothing of the business that nothing but their antiquitymakes that has brought me here--I wish the them respectable; - because, he gout had held him fast in Devonshire, says, the ancients would never stick with all my soul! to an oath or two, but would say, by Jove! or by Bacchus! or by Mars! or by

Enter Sir ANTHONY,

Venus! or by Pallas! according to the Sir, I am delighted to see you here; sentimentt-so that to swear with and looking so well! your sudden propriety, says my little major, the arrival at Bath made me apprehensive 'oath should be an echo to the sense;' for your health. and this we call the oath referential, or sentimental swearing-ha! ha!ha! 'tis genteel, isn't it?

Abs, Very genteel, and very new indeed and I dare say will supplant all other figures of imprecation. Acres. Ay, ay, the best terms will grow obsolete Damns have had their day.

Enter FAG,

Fag. Sir, there is a gentleman below desires to see you-Shall I show him into the parlour?

Sir Anth. Very apprehensive, I dare say, Jack.-What, you are recruiting here, hey?

I

Abs. Yes, sir, I am on duty. Sir Anth. Well, Jack, I am glad to see you,though I did not expect it, for was going to write to you on alittle matter of business.-Jack, I have been considering that I grow old and infirm,and shall probably not trouble you long.

Abs. Pardon me, sir, I never saw you look more strong and hearty; and pray frequently that you may continue so.

I

Abs. Ay-you may. Acres. Well, I must be gone→→→ Abs. Stay; who is it, Fag? Sir Anth. I hope your prayers inay Fag. Your father, sir, be heard, with all my heart, Well Abs. You puppy, why didn't you then, Jack, I have been considering show him up directly? [Exit FAG. that I am so strong and hearty, I may Acres. You have business with Sir continue to plague you a long time. Anthony. I expect a message from Now, Jack, I am sensible that the Mrs. Malaprop at my lodgings-income of your commission, and have sent also to my dear friend Sir what I have hitherto allowed you, is Lucius O'Trigger.-Adieu, Jack, we but a small pittance for a lad of your must meet at night, when you shall spirit.

give me a dozen bumpers to little Abs. Sir, you are very good. Lydia.

Abs. That I will with all my heart. [Exit ACRES.

Sir Anth. And it is my wish, while yet I live, to have my boy make some figure in the world. I have resolved,

therefore, to fix you at once in a noble have the estate, you must take it with independence. the live stock on it, as it stands. Abs. Sir, your kindness overpow- Abs, If my happiness is to be the ers me—such generosity makes the price, I must beg leave to decline the gratitude of reason more lively than purchase.-Pray, sir,who is the lady? the sensations even of filial affection. Sir Anth. What's that to you, sir? Sir Anth. I am glad you are so sen- -Come, give me your promise to sible of my attention-and you shall love, and to marry her directly. be master of a large estate in a few Abs. Sure, sir, this is not very weeks. reasonable, to summon my affections for a lady I know nothing of!

Abs. Let my future life, sir, speak my gratitude; I cannot express the sense I have of your munificence.Yet, sir, I presume you would not wish me to quit the army?

Sir Anth. O, that shall be as your wife chooses.

Abs. My wife, sir!

Sir Anth. Ay, ay, settle that bet-
ween you-settle that between you.
Abs. A wife, sir, did you say?
Sir Anth. Ay, a wife-why, did not

Sir Anth. I am sure, sir, 'tis more unreasonable in you to object to a lady you know nothing of

Abs. Then, sir, I must tell you plainly, that my inclinations are fixed on another-my heart is engaged to an angel.

--

Sir Anth. Then pray let it send an excuse. It is very sorry-but business prevents its waiting on her. Abs. But my vows are pledged to

her.

I mention her before? Abs. Not a word of her, sir. Sir Anth. Odd so I mustn't for- Sir Anth, Let her foreclose, Jack; let her foreclose; they are not worth get her though.-Yes, Jack, the independence I was talking of is by a redeeming; besides, you have the marriage the fortune is saddled angel's vows in exchange, I suppose; so there can be no loss there. with a wife - but I Abs. You must excuse me, sir, if I tell you, once for all, that in this point cannot obey you.

makes no difference.

suppose

that

Abs. Sir! Sir!-you amaze me! Sir Anth. Why, what the devil's the matter with the fool? Just now you were all gratitude and duty.

I

Sir Anth. Hark'ce, Jack; -I have heard you for some time with patience I have been cool-quite cool; Abs. I was, sir,-you talked to me but take careyou know I am of independence and a fortune, but compliance itself when I am not not a word of a wife.

thwarted;

no one more easily led
own way;
my

Sir Anth. Why-what difference when I have does that make? Odds life, sir! if you don't put me in a phrensy.

-but