CHAPTER II.

Extracts from "Diary" from Ordination in December, 1837, to December, 1839.

1837.

"Dec. 17.- Was ordained by the Bishop of Winchester at Farnham Castle, Surrey, as deacon of the Episcopal Church of England. My feelings on this day were much more dull and less warm towards Him, who was counting me faithful by putting me into His ministry, than I might have wished and even expected. Still I felt and do feel grateful, very grateful, for this new mark of God's favour; and upon the whole desire thus privately to inscribe my thanks to Him for four especial favours. 1st. That He hath been pleased to give me some spiritual subjection to Christ's kingdom, some knowledge of the mysteries of godliness; 2ndly. I bless His holy name for giving me the grace of Orders, which I fully feel I have never deserved, and know how unfit I am in many particulars to wear the name and livery of Christ. But my unworthiness may not interfere with God's designs; 3rdly. I am thankful for being put by Providence under so pious and affectionate a prelate as the Bishop of Winchester. May his pious lessons and example be never lost upon me; 4thly. I praise God for putting me, contrary to my warmest hopes, in the very situation I could have wished. The Isle of Wight is well suited from its mildness to my constitution, from its beauty to the enlivenment of my affection for the God of Nature, and from its being a likely spot to induce my father's visits, is indeed an allotment in the land of this earthly Canaan which I ought to be very grateful for.

"The Bishop, on delivering to us our licenses and papers, recommended to our earnest consideration and care 1 Tim. iv. 12. I wanted the lesson, and want it still.

"Dec. 18.-Left Farnham for Southampton. My mind was somewhat impressed by reading 1 Cor. i., and also by the next chapter on the following morning.

"19th.-To Newport. Determined, on the deck of the little vessel that transported us over the Solent sea, to 'know nothing but Jesus Christ and Him crucified.' Fancied I was like Joshua and the Israelites crossing Jordan to Canaan dined with my old friends, Mr. and Mrs. Davies.

"20th.-Read prayers for the first time.

"21st.-Read prayers. Sunday many persons at Gatcombe prayed for me; Lord, may their prayers be heard. Make not futile their petitions nor my labours.

Mr. Davies told me that last

"22nd.-Baptized a child for the first time. Was rather awkward. Lord, regenerate this child in very deed; and sanctify the office to me, the parents, and god-parents of the boy. It was called William Taylor. Shall I meet William Taylor in heaven?

She

"Proposed to my landlady to have family prayers. consented; in the evening, ten o'clock, the time they ap pointed. Wrote a sermon on Where is the blessedness ye spake of?'

"23rd. In the evening read one of Jenks's prayers, which my landlord said was the best he had ever heard.

"24th, Sunday.-Opened Sunday School with some Church prayers. Read morning prayers in the parish

church. Only made one mistake. Bless the Lord O my soul, and all that is within me praise His holy name.' Felt proud because Mr. Worsley praised my articulation in reading. Lord, humble me in mercy, not in Thine anger, lest Thou bring me to nothing. In the afternoon read prayers, and by God's mercy preached my first sermon in Newport Church, from 1 Tim. i. 15: This is a faithful saying, and worthy of all acceptation, that Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners; of whom I am chief.' O God, make it profitable to the souls of Thy people, and not a cause of gloryzing to me. I was nervous before I opened my mouth, but when I did, God gave me strength, and I even used action, so confident was I.

Visited

"26th, St. Stephen's Day.-Read, prayers. some poor people for the first time in this parish. I think I perform this worse than any other part of my duties, because I have not the gift of speech. Perhaps God will make it the most successful part of my ministry, perfecting His strength in my weakness. Amen. So be it.

"Lay awake, partly thinking my lungs were injured by over exertion if so God's will be done. His servants shall hear His voice while I have breath, and if He will, He can literally fulfil His promise to me which saith, 'They that wait on the Lord shall renew their strength.'

"28th, Innocents' Day.-Prayers. First funeral service. Dined with ; had several pleasing religious discussions, especially with a very temperate and pious youth, named Parker, a descendant of Archbishop Wake, Cantuar. A lady praised my sermon on Christmas day, especially the historical parts. As there was not one word of history (except as in every sermon from Gospels), this may well prevent my presumption when persons thoughtlessly, but kindly, flatter anything I do. May I not be high

minded, but fear, and glory only in my infirmities, that the power of the Gospel may be made manifest through my weak preaching.

Walked to Gatcombe Gatcombe for the first Returned to Newport.

"31st, Sunday.-Opened school. with young Parker; preached at time, on Romans vi. 21, 22, 23. Read prayers in the afternoon, and preached the same sermon. Lord make my weak words effectual by Thy mighty Spirit. In the evening went to the new Church, and, ashamed to say, fell asleep in the sermon. May the bad example not serve as a stumbling-block to any one. And now I have come to the end of another year. Lord, if Thou should'st be extreme, how much have I done amiss. How many resolutions and duties have I omitted. Lord, forgive my weak and wavering faith, and accept also my sincerest thanks (I believe them so) for keeping me, through all my weaknesses, in some degree of confidence and hope in Christ all through it; so that I can say of this year (what I have never been able to say before) that I have at no time, notwithstanding my many sins, given up all hope of reformation, and conversion, and glory, through God my Saviour. Bless God."

A.D. 1838.

"January 1st.-I bless God that He has brought me so far, and tremblingly hope for the future. From reading a chapter (on conformity to the world) in Bridges' 'Christian Ministry,' thought I mixed too much in its spirit. My eye is not single enough to Christ in society, and I am often frivolous and worldly, who ought always to shine like a lamp, and to go nowhere except where my burning may be more or less seen. Began Bible. Lord, spiritually unfold and explain to me from it all that shall be necessary for me to know. Attended evening service at St. John's.

"5th.-Received an invitation to a party, which I knew to be a dance. I declined.".

At this period there was cause for anxiety respecting the state of his lungs; he feared an early death, and well knew that over exertion might hasten such an event; but mingled with fear was faith, and a full determination "to spend and be spent" in his Master's service.

"6th.-Cold so bad, could not read prayers. Voice very bad. Lord, if Thou wilt remove me, Thy will be done, for Thy grace hath been given to me to preach among the Gentiles the unsearchable riches of Christ, and when Thou pleasest I am ready to be offered up. Spent the evening by myself, which I bless God much for, being too little alone; and to-morrow is the day peculiarly made by the Lord.

"14th, Sunday.-Morning service at Gatcombe. Preached on the Judgment. O God, quicken it to the souls of Thy people. On my return found a blessed letter from which animated my faith much; in describing deficiencies, it exactly described me. Lord, quicken me, even me also, O my Father.

"15th.-A young woman died suddenly at Gatcombe; the family at Gatcombe House wished me to preach on her death, which by God's blessing I will do. Read with Mr. Davies. I never commune with that pious family without some improvement, and that less than I might or ought.

"19th.-Prayers. Continual doubts whether my ser mons are warm and evangelical enough.

"21st, Sunday.-Preached a sermon on the death of Ann Ralf; very full attendance, as it was known before