whispered which was afterwards to be read. We might also have an opportunity of knowing whether those sketches which appear to so much advantage in mirth and joke, would appear equally striking in black and white.

I own there are objections which may be started on this occasion. It may, in the first place, be said that the good Doctor who invented this mode of conversation was compelled to it from his deafness, and that those whose ears are perfect have no more occasion to speak through pen and ink than those whose sight is perfect have to look through spectacles. But this objection attaches only to the origin of the scheme: no doubt, every friend of the learned Doctor regretted his want of hearing; but I cannot help thinking that he was led to improve his infirmity into a very great blessing, by reducing his visitor's intelligence to book, and, as it were, making every culprit sign his examination; and he would have considered his deafness as an honour, had he foreseen that a PROJECTOR was to arise, who should convert it into a scheme for ameliorating, repairing, and refining the conversation of polite companies in all future generations.

It may again be objected, that written conversation would be insufferably tedious, and

however necessary to a deaf man, surely none but a deaf man would think of extending the practice in any case, far less of bringing it into general use. This objection has an air of plausibility, and perhaps some foundation in fact; but I cannot avoid remarking on the wording of it. It is said it would make conversation tedious. This forms a very accurate distinction; for a conversation may be long, without being tedious, and as conversations are in general carried on, in the orchestra style, by a full band, it must be allowed there are sufficient variety of sounds, and depths of intonation, to prevent their appearing tedious. But the case is different where one of the instruments has consequence enough to be intrusted with a solo part, I will, therefore, endeavour to compound this matter by establishing certain rules, which will prevent the time of the company being too much engrossed in writing. It is pleasant to think that some visitors set a value on their time, and only wonderful where they can find such a quantity of it in the course of a day.

I would then humbly propose, that this new mode of conversation shall be attempted only by slow degrees, for some years from the present date. This delay, among other uses, will enable the parties who have, perhaps, too much

neglected the art of penmanship, to acquire a facility in writing easily, intelligibly, and with proper spaces between their words, and proper attention to the privileges of commas and semicolons. Some benefit would also arise in the

way of spelling, which might not be unornamental; and by frequently telling a story in this way, they would very soon find it improve their hand wonderfully, and that without any injury to the story. This part of the difficulty being removed, I would propose the experiment to be tried, first, with those who are particularly liable to fits of the gossip. If these be very violent, and appear to the company outrageous and dangerous, it may be necessary to pen and ink.

call for

If any person, hearing of a marriage concluded, or a marriage intended, between any of their acquaintance, should break out in such intelligence, as the following: "Bless me! what do

t

you think, Miss Tomkins is going to be married to Mr. Jenkyns !—La! I can't see what he could see in her,—a tall awkward girl-you remember her at Brighton last year with her father such large features, and such a gait— Nay, for matter of that, I think they are wellmatched; Tom Jenkyns is a pert, sneering coxcomb; and as to his riches, I have my doubts

about that; to-be-sure, his father left him a capital trade, and he affects to keep little company, but I am told there is a good deal of his paper about.-Nay, and what is she? Lord! I remember her father when he kept a little broker's shop; but now, forsooth, he dashes away, and Miss, I dare say, will be an heiress, ha! ha! he!" Whenever it comes to this, it is high time to call for pen and ink.

When any London lady or gentleman condescends to pay a visit to their relations in the country, and entertain them with an account of their grandeur and consequence in London, interlarded with frequent notices of their intimacy with My Lord and Sir John, their repartees with peers, and frolicks with members of Parliament; it may be convenient, for the sake of impressing these things more deeply on the minds of their country cousins, to call for pen and ink.

In all cases of disputes and quarrels, when any lady or gentleman think they are conferring a very great obligation on a company by telling their own story in their own way: In all cases

of

persons returning from their travels, whether to foreign parts or watering-places, and becoming each the hero of his tale: In all accounts of conversations which passed a few

nights before," when I said to Sir John, and Sir John said to me; when I answered the Baronet, and the Baronet had not a word to say for himself; when he attempted to confute me, and I struck him dumb," &c.: In all these, and similar instances of egotism, we ought, for sundry useful and important purposes, to lose no time in calling for pen and ink.

Restrictions like these, I hope, will serve to remove the chief objection which can be formed against this new mode of conversation; and, that removed, all lesser objections may be dispensed with, upon the ground that every human contrivance must have some portion of imperfection. If any lady, for example, curious in the elegance of her tea equipage, should complain of a want of harmony in her apparatus, and that tea and ink, goose-quills and silver spoons, can never appear elegant parts of an elegant whole; I would remind her of the improvements lately introduced in every branch of cabinet furniture, of the rich paintings, gildings, and enamellings, of the most vulgar articles of use; and ask her whether Bond-street could not furnish her with a writing apparatus, in the Grecian form, of "superlative beauty," which would match with any set of tea-equipage whatever? But this cannot for a moment be