transmit to me, through your channel, an exact account of the same, with a schedule of the property as it stood when it came into their hands, the alterations, additions, and repairs it has undergone, in order that the beauty of the original may be restored, and the right owner re-instated in the same, together with the fame, honour, and reputation thereunto belonging. Upon these terms only, of sincere repentance and full restitution, can I be prevailed upon not to expose the offenders to public indignation, and pass sentence of perpetual dulness and profound silence whenever they open their mouths. At the same time I shall hope, for the better completing of my work in point of accuracy, that all the real authors and legal proprietors of good things, if alive, or their heirs, executors and assigns, if dead, shall lay before me the particulars of their property as originally established. I shall not take up more of your time, Mr. Projector, than in adding, that I hope for your assistance in this great work, and that you will occasionally give me a description of any stray joke, any worn-out bon mot, or illegible repartee that fall in your Antiquaries should help one-another; and if you have yourself been injured in the tender point which is the subject of this letter, way. may you may depend on every redress that can be offered by ANDREW ANECDOTE." pu My correspondent's letter regards a species of injury which certainly deserves some redress; but I question whether he has exactly hit upon the proper way to deter future offenders, although it may be a very good scheme for nishing past offences, committed by those who are otherwise out of his reach. Instead, however, of saying any thing on this subject which concerns myself, I shall only remark, for the benefit of my young readers, that the love of wit is very dangerous, and, like the love of money, may tempt a man to take very dishonest means to possess it. I would have them to remember also, that honesty is an abstract principle, which cannot bend to the apparent insignificance of the article. We all know that the law punishes a thief who steals a scraper from a door, as well as him who carries off the plate and jewels within the house; and when I see a man who, hard pressed by poverty of wit, filches his neighbour's joke, and passes it for his own, I am strongly inclined to suspect that the same man, if he had neither money nor credit, would steal a coat or a pair of shoes rather than appear ungenteel in company. But my correspondent has noticed only one crime which results from coveting our neighbour's jokes or his jests, his bon mots or his stories. It is true, that robbery is the immediate consequence; but I appeal to any man, who has listened much to the conversation in coffee-houses, or common rooms, who is much in social parties, or grand feasts, whether he has not heard of murder also being committed. My experience on this subject is of such a serious nature, that I am unwilling to pursue it any farther, and shock the feelings of my readers, especially at the close of a paper, when I wish to part in good-humour; but, whatever may be the consequence, I am in duty bound to add, that what was formerly said of French highwaymen may be justly applied to dishonest wits, namely, that to escape detection, their robberies are always accompanied by murder. THE PROJECTOR. No 38. "And if the boy have not a woman's gift An onion will do well for such a shift; "ALTHOUGH I cannot deny the importance of many of those subjects with which your papers have been filled, in a general way, I cannot at the same time disguise my sentiments, that you seem to write for those quiet and domestic sort of beings who read and think, rather than for persons in genteel and bustling life. For example, you have hitherto taken very little notice of public pleasures and amusements, which, in the opinion of many gay and well-dressed people, are the only things worthy of attention This neglect of yours, Sir, may be passed over in times when the public mind is peaceable and tranquil; but such writings will not be tolerated in those storms and tempests which sometimes happen, and derange the accustomed order of fashionable life. On such occasions it becomes you to accommodate yourself to existing circumstances, and write, not what will please yourself, but what the publick will read. I have, therefore, taken the first opportunity during the present hurricane at Drury-lane and Covent-garden, excited by the appearance of the young Roscius, to give you fair warning, that we will neither read, hear, nor think about any paper, conversation, or business, which is not wholly occupied in depicting the transcendant merits of this most wonderful phænomenon, whose playing is, if I may venture to make a pun on so serious a subject, a very lusus naturæ.-So, Sir, a truce with your morals, and your manners, and all your other Projects, if you wish to be read, and to retain the esteem of, Sir, your humble servant, "THEATRICUS." Although I am not disposed to attend to advice delivered in the authoritative style used by my new Correspondent THEATRICUS, yet I am not insensible that if it is not the duty it is the |