Thou man of crazy care and ceaseless sigh,
Still under bleak Misfortune's blasting eye;
Doomed to that sorest task of man alive—
To make three guineas do the work of five;
Laugh in Misfortune's face the beldam witch!
Say, you'll be merry, though you can't be rich.
Thou other man of care, the wretch in love,
Who long with jiltish arts and airs hast strove;
Who, as the boughs all temptingly project,

Or, where the beetling cliff o'erhangs the deep, Peerest to meditate the healing leap:

Wouldst thou be cured, thou silly, moping elf! Laugh at her follies- laugh e'en at thyself: Learn to despise those frowns now so terrific, And love a kinder- that's your grand specific.

To sum up all, be merry, I advise,

And as we're merry, may we still be wise.

ET. 37.] EPISTLE TO COLLECTOR MITCHELL. 197

TO COLLECTOR MITCHELL.

It was probably at the end of the year that the poet addressed a short unceremonious rhymed epistle to worthy Collector Mitchell, alluding to a want of ready money, which he desired his friend to remedy by the temporary advance of a guinea, and also speaking of his illness as leaving him with resolutions of more careful conduct in future.

FRIEND of the Poet, tried and leal,
Wha, wanting thee, might beg or steal;
Alake, alake, the meikle deil

Wi' a' his witches

Are at it, skelpin' jig and reel,
In my poor pouches!

I modestly fu' fain wad hint it,

That one-pound-one, I sairly want it;
If wi' the hizzie down ye sent it,

It would be kind;

footing briskly

servant-girl

And while my heart wi' life-blood dunted, throbbed I'd bear't in mind.

So may the auld year gang out moaning
To see the new come laden, groaning,

Wi' double plenty o'er the loanin,1
To thee and thine:

Domestic peace and comforts crowning
The hale design.

POSTSCRIPT.

Ye've heard this while how I've been licket,

And by fell death was nearly nicket;
Grim loon! he got me by the fecket,
And sair me sheuk;

But by guid-luck I lap a wicket,
And turned a neuk.

But by that health, I've got a share o't,
And by that life, I'm promised mair o't,
My hale and weel I'll tak a care o't,
A tentier way;

Then farewell folly, hide and hair o't,

For ance and aye!

cut off waistcoat

more heedful

1 An opening between fields of corn, near or leading to the homestead, left uncultivated for the sake of driving the cattle homewards. Here the cows are frequently milked.

ET. 37.]

THE DEAN OF FACULTY.

199

THE DEAN OF FACULTY,

A BALLAD.

The present was a season of national distress, in consequence of a failure of the late harvest. Discontents, meetings, and mobbings alarmed the ministry, and towards the close of the year, it was conceived that some additional restrictions upon the expression of public sentiment were necessary: hence the celebrated sedition-bill of that period. The broken remains of the Whig party were greatly exasperated by the measure, and amongst the various expressions of adverse sentiment in Scotland, none attracted more attention than a public meeting which took place at the Circus- now Adelphi Theatre — in Edinburgh, where the Honorable Henry Erskine, Dean of the Faculty of Advocates, presided. The Tory majority of the Scottish bar, seeing their chief thus engaged, as they said, in "agitating the giddy and ignorant multitude, and cherishing such humors and dispositions as directly tend to overturn the laws," resolved, at the approaching annual election to the deanship, to oppose Mr. Erskine's reappointment. On the 12th of January, 1796, the election took place, when Mr. Dundas, the Lord Advocate, was preferred to honest Harry by a majority of 123 against 38 votes. It was not likely that Burns would hear of the degradation of his friend and ancient patron with tranquil feelings,

or remain quite silent on the occasion. He privately circulated the following effusion referring to the con

test.

DIRE was the hate at old Harlaw,
That Scot to Scot did carry;
And dire the discord Langside saw,
For beauteous hapless Mary;
But Scot with Scot ne'er met so hot,
Or were more in fury seen, Sir,

Than 'twixt Hal and Bob for the famous job -
Who should be Faculty's Dean, Sir.

This Hal for genius, wit, and lore,
Among the first was numbered;
But pious Bob, 'mid learning's store,
Commandment tenth remembered.
Yet simple Bob the victory got,

And won his heart's desire ;

Which shews that Heaven can boil the pot,

Though the devil

in the fire.

Squire Hal besides had in this case

Pretensions rather brassy,

For talents to deserve a place

Are qualifications saucy;

So their worships of the Faculty,

Quite sick of merit's rudeness,

Chose one who should owe it all, d'ye see,

To their gratis grace and goodness.