while in an evil world. Had fome opportunity alone to day, and found fome freedom in ftudy. O, I long to live to God.

Lord's Day, February 20.-Was fomething perplexed on account of my careleffness; I thought I could not be fuitably concerned about the important work of the day; and fo was restlefs with my eafinefs. Was exceeding infirm again to day, but the Lord strengthened me both in the outward and inward man, fo that preached with fome life and fpirituality, especially in the afternoon, wherein I was enabled to fpeak closely against selfish religion, that loves Christ for his benefits, but not for himself.

[During the next fortnight, it appears that he for the molt part enjoyed much spiritual peace and comfort. In his Diary for this space of time, are expreffed fuch things as thefe; mourning over indwelling fin, and unprofitableness; deadness to the world: longing after God and to live to his glory; heart melting defires after his eternal home; fixed reliance on God for his help; experience of fuch divine affiftance both in the private and public exercises of religion; inward ftrength and courage in the fervice of God; very frequent refreshment, confolation and divine fweetnefs in meditation, prayer, preach ing, and christian converfation. And it appears by his account, that this fpace of time was filled up with great diligence and earneftnefs in ferving God, in ftudy, prayer, meditation, preaching, and private inftructing aud coun-felling.

1

Monday, March 7.-This morning when I arofe, I found my heart go forth after God in longing defires of conformity to him, and in secret prayer found myself sweetly quickened and drawn out in praises to God for all he had done to and for me, and for all my inward trials and diftreffes of late; my heart afcribed glory, glory, glory to the bleffed God! And bid welcome all inward distress again, if God faw meet to exercise me with it; time ap peared but an inch long, and eternity at hand; and I thought I could with patience and cheerfulness bear any thing for the cause of God. For I faw that a moment would bring me to a world of peace and bleffedness ; and my foul, by the ftrength of the Lord, rofe far above this lower world, and all the vain amusements and frightful dif appointments of it. Afterwards, was vifited by fome friends,

:

but loft some sweetnefs by the means. After that, had fome fweet meditation on Gen v. 24. And Enoch walked with God, &c. This was a comfortable day to my foul.

The next day, he seems to have continued in a confiderable degree of fweetnefs and fervency in religion.] Wednesday, March 9. -Endeavoured to commit yfelf and all my concerns to God. Rode fixteen Miles to Mantank,* and had fome inward fweetnefs on the road; but fomething of a flatness and deadness after I came there and had feen the Indians: I withdrew, and endeavoured to pray, but found myself awfully deserted and left, and had an afflicting fenfe of my vilenefs and meannefs. However, I went and preached from Ifai. liii. 1o. Had fome as fistance; and, I trust, something of the divine pretence was among us. In the evening, again I prayed and exhorted among them, after having had a featon alore, wherein I was fo preffed with the blacknefs of my nature, that I thought it was not fit for me to speak fo much as to Indians.

[The next day, he returned to East-Hampton; was exceeding infirm in body through the remaining part of this week; but speaks of affittance and enlargement in fludy and religious exercises, and of inward fweetness and breathing after God.]

Lord's Day, March 13.-At noon, I thought it impoffible for me to preach, by reafon of bodily weakness and deadness; and in the firft prayer, was fo weak that I could hardly ftand; but in fermon, God strengthened me, fo that I fpake near an hour and half with fweet freedom, clearness and fome tender power, from Gen. v. 24. And Enoch walked with Go. I was fweetly aflitted to infist on à close walk with God, and to leave this is my parting advice to God's people here, that they should walk with God. May the God of all grace fucceed my poor labours in this place!

Monday, March 14 In the morning, was very busy in preparing for my journey, and was almoft continually engaged in ejaculatory prayer. About tea, took leave of

*Montauk is the eastern cape or end of Long-fland, then inhabited chiefly by Indians.

the dear people of Eaft-Hampton. My heart grieved and mourned, and rejoiced at the fame time; rode near fifty miles to a port of Brook-Haven, and lodged there, and had refreshing conversation with a chriftian friend

[In two days more he reached New-York; but complains of much desertion and deadness on the road. He itayed one day in New-York, and on Friday went to Mr. Dickinson's at Elizabeth-Town. His.complaints are the fame as on the two preceeding days.]

Saturday, March 19.-Was bitterly diftreffed under a fenfe of my ignorance, darkness and unworthiness; got alone and poured out my complaints to God in the bitternefs of my foul. In the afternoon, rode to Newark, and had fome fweetnefs in converfation with Mr. Burr, and in praying together. O! bleffed be God forever and ever, for any enlivening and quickening.

Lord's Day, March 20.-- Preached in the forenoon : God gave me fome affiftance and sweetness, and enabled me to fpeak with real tenderness, love and imparti-lity. In the evening preached again; and of a truth God was pleased to affift a poor worm. Bleffed be God, I was enabled to fpeak with life, power, and paffionate defire of the edification of God's people, and with fome power to finners. In the evening, I felt fomething spiritual and watchful, left my heart fhould by any means be drawn away from God. O, when fhall I come to that bleffed world, where every power of my foul will be inceffantly and eternally wound up, in heavenly employments and enjoyments, to the highest degree?

[On Monday he went to Woodbridge, where he speaks of his being with a number of minifters; and the remainder of this week and the greater part of the next he fpeat in a journey to Stockbridge.]

*Thefe minifters where the Correfpondents, who now met at Woodbridge, and gave Mr. Brainderd new directions, and inftead of fending him to the Indians at the Forks of Delaware, as before intended, they ordered him to go to a number of Indians, at Kaunaumeek, a place in the province of New York, in the woods between Stockbridge and Albany.

PART V.

From his first beginning to inftruct the Indians ar Kaunaumech, to his Ordination.

Friday, April 1, 1743.-I rode to Kaunaumeek, near twenty miles from Stockbridge, where the Indians live, with whom I am concerned, and there lodged on a little heap of straw: Was greatly exercised with inward trials and diftreffes all day; and in the evening, my heart was funk, and I feemed to have no God to go to. O that God would help me!

[ The next five days, he was for the most part in a dejected depreffed ftate of mind, and fometimes extremely fo.j

Friday, April 7.-Appeared to myself exceeding ignorant, weak, helpless, and unworthy, and altogether une qual to my work. It feemed to me, I thould never do any fervice, or have any fuccefs among the Indians. My foul was weary of my life: I longed for death beyond measure. When I thought of any godly foul departed, my foul was ready to envy him his privilege, thinking, O when will my turn come! Muft it be years first! But I know those ardent defires at this and other times, rose partly from want of refignation to God under all miferies; and fo were but impatience. Towards night I had, I think, the exercise of faith in prayer, and fome affistance in writing. O that God would keep me near him!

Friday April 8-Was exceedingly preffed under a sense of my pride. felfithness, bitterness, and party fpirit in times paft, while I attempted to promote the caufe of God: It's vile nature and dreadful confequences appeared in fuch odious colours to me, that my very heart was pained: I faw how poor fouls ftumbled over it into everlasting des~ truction, that I was conftrained to make that prayer in the bitterness of my foul, O Lord, deliver me from blood guilti nefs. 1 faw my defert of hell on this account. My foul was full of inward anguish and shame before God, that I had spent fo much time in conversation tending only to promote a party fpirit. O, I faw I had not fuitably pri

zed mortification, felf-denial, refignation under all adverfities, meeknefs, love, candour, and holiness of heart and life: And this day was almost wholly spent in fuch bitter and foul afflicting reflections on my palt frames and conduct. Of late I have thought much of having the king: dom of Chrift advanced in the word; but now I faw I had enough to do within myfelf. The Lord be merciful to me a finner, and wash my foul.

Saturday, April 9.- Remained much in the fame fate as yesterday; excepting that the sense of my vileness was not fo quick and acute.

Lord's Day April 10.-Rofe early in the morning, and walked out, and fpent confiderable time in the woods, in prayer and meditation. Preached to the Indians both forenoon and afternoon. They behaved foberly in general: Two or three in particular, appeared under fome re ligious concern; with whom I difcourfed privately; and one told me, her heart had cried ever fince he heard me preach first.

[The two next days he complains of much defertion, and manifests a great fenfe of guilt and ftupidity.]

Wednesday, April 13.-My heart was overwhelmed within me I verily thought I was the meaneft, vilest, most helplefs, guilty, ignorant, benighted creature living. And yet I knew what God had done for my foul, at the fame time. Though fometimes I was affaulted with damping doubts and fears, whether it was poffibie for fuch a wretch as to be in a state of grace.

Saturday, April 16-Still in the depths of diftrefs. In the afternoon, preached to my people; but was more dif couraged with them than before; feared that nothing would ever be done for them to any happy effect. I retired and poured out my foul to God for mercy; but without any fenfible relief. Soon after came an Irishman and a Dutchman, with a defign, as they said, to hear me preach the next day; but none can tell how I felt to hear their protane talk. O,I longed that fome dear christian knew my diftrefs. I got into a kind of hovel, and there groaned out my complaint to God; and withal felt more. fenfible gratitude to God, that he had made me to differ from thefe men, as I knew through grace he had.