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ritual insensibility; from disgust of the present life, marked with similar calm complacency as before or from disbelief of a world 10 come; from pre- our parting. I soon observed, indeed, that the ex„umptive delusion, or from unbending pride. Hume pressions of love to the members of the family, aspired to die well; he knew that the eyes of the though quite as powerful, were frequently not so world were turned on the close of his erratic course unconstrained and easy as was habitual to her. with fixed attention; and his utter heartlessness to Sometimes she would receive the winning atten. the claims of this life, his daring skepticism on all tions of the children with a tremor or a tear; and beyond it, his cherished vanity as the leader of a to us there was in her attachment something more false philosophy, combined to fit him for acting well tender and heavenly; but these variations failed to bis part. But his principles carried him too far; supply me with a key to their origin. They had and the example he meant to commend by them has this tendency the less, as Martha appeared to us branded them with indelible disgrace. "They had decidedly better. The rosy hues of health sat taught him that death itself “is only turning the firmer on her cheek, the light of life sparkled fuller current of a few ounces of blood," and that all be in her eye, and she was disposed, by uttering the yond death is oblivion; and they had so paralyzed language of hope, to raise our gratification. Like all the moral perceptions and energies, that he be- her, I was disposed to speak of hope, for circumcame, on his own assumptions, a miserable drivel- siances seemed to warrant it more than they had ler, where he wished to be the extolled philoso- done for some time; but, unlike her, I was not at pher.
all in a state of preparation for these hopes being Philosophy herself, uncertain and feeble as are reversed. her lights, would have taught him to be serious Martha continued in her usual state over the sewhile standing on the verge of existence; but se- cond Sabbath in November; and, though a long riousness might have been construed into sadness; winter was closing in around us, her mind seemed and that the spectators might have no doubt of the to receive no impression from it. On that Sabbath actor's happiness, he proceeded to titter and to trifle. her sister, Mrs. R., happened to be detained by in
To titler and to irifle !—with the silliness of a little disposition, and they passed it together. Martha child that plays with the cockatrice, or smiles on appeared peculiarly to enjoy the day. In the eventhe events which are charged with its ruin! ing they read largely in "Edwards on the Aftec
To Martha death was ever a serious thing. Hope tions." The subjeci was, the evidences of the might change the countenance of this adversary, Christian character; she entered most fully into it, faith might disarm him of his sting; yet the sepa- and spoke with more freedom than she had ever rations which his approach involved, and the mo- done, of the connection of those evidences with her mentous, though blessed consequences by which it personal experience. The subject grew in her was followed, would have cherished any sentiment hands; while she communed with her friend the rather than levity. She had endeavored to fami- fire burned; and, with an eminent unction, she diliarize her thoughts to the event of mortality, and lated on the method of redemption and the glories to associate with it the incomparable promises of of an unseen world. The time sped hastily away; life and immortality; but there was sull one view the family met around her bed; the prayer was ofof it from which her reflections had uniformly re- fered; the evening hymn was sung; and Martha coiled; it was that which presented her wiih final parted from the several members, pronouncing that separation from her family. She had resigned her peace on them which she herself shared so largely. worldly prospects, though to her hopeful and amiable On the following Tuesday I joined the family, mind they were highly interesting; she held her Martha was unwell; she ascribed it to a cold, and personal comforts in a perfectly loose hand to the expressed a hope that in a day or two it would pass will of Providence; life itself she could resign, off. Nevertheless, her animal spirits were more though life still was sweet, and the dew of her than usually affected as the day closed. I spent the youth was upon her ; but how she should freely evening in her chamber, and with playfulness of surrender her family she had hardly dared to thinki remark endeavored to revive them. The least at
This was the point at which she now felt herself | tentions of mine were never lost on so devoted a to be most vulnerable; she was grieved that she sister; and she rose above bodily sensations io exhad so little power to dwell upon it; and she em-ercise those relative sympathies which were now as braced this short interval, in which most of the fa- natural as instinct, and dearer far than life. On mily were away from her, to seek, with greater the Wednesday I left her again for the post of pubhope, to wean her atfections from those she most lie duty; but without the least uneasiness on acardently loved. To a heart that lived in the love count of this variation in her health. of others, this was a severe effort; and it frequently Yet this attack was more serious than I reckoned; disturbed that serenity of mind which was other and Martha, from the first, though unwilling to wise possessed. However, nothing was to be so awaken the fears of others, was disposed to look at much dreaded as the least allowed unreadiness for it in the most solemn light No sooner had her the summons which might so suddenly call her brother departed than her forced spirits left her; away, and she gave herself to the struggle with and finding herself really worse, she expressed her many prayers and tears to Him who was able to mind freely to her sister and Maria, who were condeliver. She was heard in the thing in which she stantly with her.“I have had," she observed, feared, as far as is consistent with our state of many warnings, but this I believe is the summons. frailty. The very exercise, though so painful, I am much induced to think so from this circumbrought its relief; she felt it was well that it was in stance-that I have long been anxious for my mind her heart to have every attachment completely sub- to be prepared for deaih, before it should be perordinated to the love of heaven; and, without lov- mitted to come; and, notwithstanding all my aftlicing her friends the less, she was assisted to asso- tions, I have never felt entirely resigned to it till ciate the love of them more with another state of now; and now I trust I am. But these," she contibeing, and with acquiescence to the divine appoint-nued, seeing her friends affected by her announcemenis, all unknown as they were.
ment, are only my impressions, and I may be Little did I think, on returning to my sister's em- wrong;” and then she enlarged on the foundation braces in the opening of October, what had been of hope which the gospel furnished in the time of the exercises of her mind; nor was there any thing dissolution, with a rich confidence in iis sufficiency. to suggest them to my thoughts. Her spirit was “What,” she said in conclusion, with peculiar earfilled with joy at our ineeting, and her mind was nestness, “what could philosophy and all the expe
dients of philosophy do for me now? To a dying prepare to die; after all, the circumstances are so sinner, they are less than nothing and vanity!" www and so trying !"
The remainder of the day was spent under the “O that I could give the views I now have to most solemn and interesting impressions. Two or others! Those views which a death-bed furnishes, three favorite chapters in Mrs. More's " Practical of the nature of personal piety-of the awfulness Piery” were read, and became food for conversa- of eternity—of the importance of salvation by Jetion; and at her particular request they sang, as sus Christ-and of the value of religion in early part of the evening devotions, Simeon's hymn, in life—especially in early life! Dr. Watts's version.
"Oil is most important for the work to be begun Thursday and Friday were looked to for the in our early days, before we are brought into the signs of amendment, but Martha became woise; conflict of death! Religion, if really found on a and so much were the family alarmed, that on the dying bed, must have so much to contend with that evening of the latter day it was thought needful to is quite uncongenial with itself-such pride, such send a messenger to me. It was late before the passion, such self-will, such habits of evil-as must tidings reached me; but I could not suffer myself make it very awful! The mind must be often in to lose any time in departing for Cheshunt. The terrible doubt and darkness !--If it is not so, it night itself was a memorable one. The rain fell must be by an extraordinary act of grace, whích, in sudden torrents to the ground; the sheet light- though it may occur, we have no right to expect. ning, though so far in the year, gleamed over the “I trust I know in whom I have believed; but all gloomy heavens, and made the darkness sensible; that I have known and experienced of the Saviour's the rains had fallen so copiously that the waters grace, I have sometimes found only just enough to vere flowing like a river over the roads 10 si- sustain and encourage me! Last night the agonies prising extent and depth, and with such velocity as, of the body were so great as, for a time, to affect at one period, effectually to resist our progress. the mind-my feet seemed quivering as I stood on However, our cattle were good, our errand was the brink of Jordan! but the Lord strengthened urgent, and we persevered, and were successful. me! Blessed be his name !-I know him-he will All that night were not so favored. A horse and not forsake me-he will be with me in the swellings his rider who passed us, were swept away by the of Jordan!" current which' we overcame, and quickly pe- On observing my distress, she readily changed rished.
the course of her remarks, and, with a mixture of There was something in the character of the confidence and tenderness, continued—“What a night that agreed with my feelings; and which, mercy that we have lived together so happily-that while it harmonized with them, strengthened them. we have understood each other so well-chat we I reached the cottage in alarm, and hastened to the have had such opportunities of forming an affection well known chamber of the sufferer. She had which will never be broken-no, brother, never be fallen into sleep-this was a comfort to me. But in broken! I feel assured that our love shall be cona few days, a few hours, what an alteration! The tinued and perfected in heaven. We shall only be blooin had faded from her cheek; pain was busy separated as for a moinent-and then--then we shall on her countenance; in her sleep she was still a meet before the throne never to part!" Her thoughts sufferer. It was an affecting sighi! I turned from dwelt upon the assurance with delight. it to her window. The waning moon looked trou
"O how little have I done for the cause of my bled through the watery clouds; the dying winds Saviour! I did hope my life would have been were moaning in the naked trees; the faded leaves spared to be useful to others: but Jehovah has apwere now and then rustling to the ground; the dis- pointed otherwise, and I bow to his will! I cannot tant clock was telling out the last hour of time. now serve him by my life; I pray that I may yet "Every thing," I thought, "yes, every thing speaks do it by my death. O that my death may be made of death!"
eminenily useful—that it may constrain many to The following morning brought no relief to our work while it is called to-day—that it may quicken fears. The medical attendant, though unwilling to many to thoughtfulness and prayer! give us uneasiness, could not encourage hope. I And, perhaps, in that world to which I am hastened to Martha's side, seeking and yet dreading going, I may be useful as well as happy. I shall an interview. We met in silence, and exchanged be, my Saviour says, as the angels in heaven; and looks and embraces. Suffering as she was, she they are all ministering spirits sent forth to minisarose on her pillows to receive me, and seemed al- ter to the heirs of salvation. Dear brother !" said most dead to the sense of pain in the intentness of she, touched by the thought, "perhaps, perhaps it the mind.
may still be my privilege to hover about your ways, I inquired how she had passed the night.
to contribute in some mode or other to your com. "I have had," she replied, a wretched night." fort and your usefulness. When I am gone, O do "That night," I observed, " is now gone." not think of me as afar off, but as near to you, as
“Yes, gone for ever, and the Lord has helped watching over you, as soon to join again for ever!" me. He is righteous and good, and will, I trust, be “O my dear, dear brother, do not weep-do not with me to the end !"
weep-that will break my heart! If you knew all "O brother!" she continued, with a look of pe- I have suffered, you would eirnestly pray for my culiar earnestness, "thať is a beautiful prayer: dismissal – indeed you would. I would not advert
Most merciful Saviour, suffer us not, at our last to any thing that should give you a moment's pain; hour, for any pains of death, to fall from thee!'” but I am desirous that you should know that I am
This allusion to her personal state shook my com- happy-yes, notwithstanding all I suffer—that ? mand over my feelings; and to avoid disturbing am happy--that religion makes me so-that God ber serenity at such a crisis, I retired to a distant does support me. This will be a comfort to you at a part of the room. It was evident, however, that future time. she was desirons of discharging her thoughts while "O all of you should join with me in praising the she could ; and, unfitted as I was for the trial, I ne- Saviour! I have been so afraid of dishonoring cessarily obeyed her bidding, and returned to her him-I hope he has kept me from this! Blessed be side.
his name!--so good-so kind-infinitely faithful-10 "O brother!" she said, "it is so different to be me, the meanest and the least in his family! 0 hold death near us and at a distanceso very dif. God! O my God!" ferent! The longes: life, I now find, is too short to I was fearful that she would suffer from exertion
and motioned her to take rest. She took the hand | his thoughts—"But, I say, mamma, if heaven is that was extended towards her, and pressing it to such a happy place, why do people groan in going her lips, remained silent, but evidently in mental to heaven!" prayer.
The following morning she expected would bring Soon she turned a look of concern on me, and said, her parents. She desired, but dreaded it. She was "Brother, there is one thing-Maria—" but she was earnest in prayer, that she and they might be sup100 much exhausted to explain. It was not necessary: ported in the meeting. They arrived. I did what I understood at once that she would have referred I could so to prepare and guard them for the inter10 the distress, which would arise to her devoted view, that Martha's mind might be as little discomyoung friend by this visitation, and implored my posed as possible. But who or what shall prepare kindness and protection in her favor. Accustomed a devoted parent to look on a devoted child in such as she was to read her brother's countenance, she circumstances, for the first time, with tranquillity ? saw there, troubled as it was, a reply to her anxious Her fond mother first hastened to her presence request, which gave her satisfaction. Her eyes with fixed purposes of suppressing her feelings while smiled upon me; she covered my hand with kisses; there; but scarcely had her affeciionate eye glanced and sunk down on her couch, faintly saying, “My on her changed countenance before her sorrows dear brother, my dear brother, thou hast been pre- overcame her, and she fled from her chamber to cious to me-precious to me!"
weep at liberty, exclaiming, “It's a lost case! O it Later in ihe day, she disposed of every thing is a lost case! my child! my child!" that belonged to her, naming distinctly most of Her venerable father followed. He stood before her young friends, and putting aside, with her own her in speechless misery. An effort was made to hand, some token of friendship, or dictating some speak, but his longue clave to the roof of his mouth, affectionate message which might make a useful and the lips quivered with excitement. She seized impression. This was done with the greatest calm- his hand and saluted it, and broke the silence which ness, and designedly in my absence; and when she it was so hard to endure. “Father, my dear father! observed that her sister and Maria were affected It has pleased the Great Disposer of all events, that by it, she looked on them with inexpressible sweet- you should commit my spirit to his hands. It is ness, and said, “But mind, I am doing all this only well! Lay it not to heart
, father! It is the will in case I llo not get better."
of God! and his will is good and wise! I shall be Then came the children of our family whom she taken the earlier from a world of sin and misery. so much loved, but from whom it was now neces- We are both, I trust, bound to one place, and it matsary for her to separate. The youngest still an in- ters very little, father, which of us arrive first. I fani, was expressly a miniature likeness of herself, shall be waiting to welcome you to the habitation with the only, bui affecting difference, that the one of God, and our separation will be but for a mowas the opening, the other the fading flower. The ment- a moment, or eternity's forgot!' My dearlitile creature, quite insensible to the occasion, est father, do not fret! we must not fret! Come, laughed, and cooed, and shook its tiny hand, as it let us lake our harps from the willows, and to the was accustomed to do on retiring to its rest.' She praise of grace divine bid every string-every pressed il warmly to her bosom, and then forced it string-yes, every string awake!" from lier emüraces for ever.
Her father still stood before her with features The second child approached her with similar burthened with wo; he could not at once overcome playfulness; but when he found that she was not the shock he had received. Martha was moved able to return it, concern gathered on his features, by it. as he observed, " Aunt Martha poorly.”—“Yes, iny "Father!" she said. dear,” she replied ; "aunt Martha poorly—but soon He turned a troubled look upon her. be better.” She embraced him; put her hand upon "Could you pray with me, dearest father!" him, and breathed out her blessing.
He shook his head in speechless agony. Andrew, who had received so much of her care, She saw that she had asked too much at this stood at her bedside somewhat alarmed, and scarce moment, and that he would best recover himself by ly knowing why. She was anxious to prevent his retiring from her chamber. receiving any unpleasant impression from the idea As her father left the room her mind was in the of death. “ Andrew, my dear little Annew," she act of worship, as if to regain the composure which said, “ I love you very much; but I am going away had been shaken, and which she feared to lose, from you for a while; God is pleased to take me to waiting as she was for the hourly appearance of her heaven, that happy place above the bright blue, Saviour. sky. And, perhaps, I may still know how my An- Now," she said, alluding to these interviews new behaves; and if he is good and kind, it will with her family, "the bitterness of death is past ! please me, and when he dies God will take him to Lord, I have waited for thy salvation! “Now, Lord, heaven, that happy place, and then we shall live lettest thou thy servant depart in peace, for mine together for ever.' She closed her eyes, folded her eyes have seen thy salvation.'." Her thoughts were hands, and earnestly prayed—“O my Saviour! en- soon restored to rest on their chosen centre, and lighten his understanding, draw his affections to they were evidently wrapped in joyful anticipatioas thyself
, make him useful to thee, and the joy of his of eternal blessedness! "O heaven, heaven, heaparents !"
ven!” she exclaimed, “O the moment that will The last act of departure from the room was ab- succeed to death!" rupt. It was too painful for any of us quietly to Her pains increasing on her, she repeated the witness; and, by the eruotion that played about following lines, to which she was partial, wach a Martha's lips, I saw that the scene was too trying most gentle and resigned voice: to be protracted. The interview had fixed itself on the mind of our
I wonld not contend with thy will,
Whatever that will may decree eldest child. He remained silent and thoughtful for the residue of the evening. There was an as
But O may each trial I feel
Unite me more firmly to Thee! surance of happiness, and an appearance to the contrary, which perplexed him. “As his mother was
'Tis better to suffer and die attending him to his sleeping room, he heard his
Beneath thy compassionate rod aunt groan under a paroxysm of pain, which urged Than find my enjoyments run high, him to an inquiry that revealed the coinplexion of
But never have Thee for my God
Her mother had now resumed her post at her hold on her. It was well for me that, at such a side for the night; and Maria, on the other hand, moment, she was not actually removed! was at her request reading and singing alternately. Providence had appointed, that if Martha was to These exercises were continued till, wearisomeness die "a harpy death, it should owe nothing of its gaining an ascendency even over pain, she fell into happiness to the slightness of bodily suffering, or the a temporary repose.
free action of untried graces. Her fortitude, her patience, her faith were to be exercised to the very
uttermost; and it was to be shown that they were CHAPTER XXIV.
separate from, and could triumph over, the body's
deepest distress. CLOSING SCENES. 1821.
Contrary to all expectation, the fever which It will have been apparent, that none of our fa- :hreatened the instant danger abated considerably mily were at all prepared to expect the event which in its violence. Ready as we were to catch at the I am recording but my sister-and that she was in a shadow of amendment, hope partially revived, and wonderful stale of preparation. An hour that osten our minds fell from the intensity of fear into the steals insensibly on the wisest and the best, was not fluctuations of suspense. How did we wait for the allowed to surprise her. She was, indeed, a wise regular arrivals of the medical attendant! How virgin ; she neither slumbered nor slept; her hopes did we hang upon his lips for the few words he was were all awake; her oil was in her lamp, and it to utter as words of life and death! How were we was trimmed, lighted, and burning brightly. driven to and fro by the impulses of hope and fear,
I had always considered Martha remarkably in as the symptoms of discase rose or subsided ! habitual readiness for an exchange of worlds, and However, this interval, though full of suffering, the later advances in her Christian character, had afforded our afflicted family time for prayer and disposed me to think it would nobly meet such a reflection ; exercises which, if they were desirable irial; but all that I had admitted on the subject to all, I felt to be most necessary to myself. was far outdone by the reality. The first impres- The variations which brought to us something of sion I received in my interview with her can never hope, afforded Martha only disappointment. She be lost; it is one of ihose recollections which, how- had been standing as on an eminence, beholding ever distant in time, will still be near to conscious- the unclouded prospects of her fair inheritance, ness. Though, in so short an interval, her flesh and she would willingly, like Moses, have died had actually sunk, her very person struck me as of there; but it was the will of her heavenly Leader greater size than it had previously attained. But that yet again she should descend into the valley, the effect was produced by an enlargement of mind, where, through the infirmities of the flesh, her not of body. Such superiority to life, such eleva- prospects would often be beclouded, and sometimes tion of soul, such unclouded faith, such living eclipsed. To this will she devoutedly submitted. nope, such a sense of the presence of heaven and In exaltation her mind had remained sober; in her eternity, while it was consoling to the uttermost, depression it remained confident; the body might was really oppressive by its sublimity. In her up- Auctuate, but the soul continued fully fixed on God, ward flight I felt that she already left me far be- fully expectant of that hour which though hid hind; she was surrounded by a light and glory den from her knowledge, was present to her watchwhich I could not reach; she was welcoming an fulness. event which overwhelmed me in distress; her very To preserve this simplicity of attention undisturbed love and tenderness to me, had more of angelic as much as possible, she declined seeing any friends condescension than of human srailty about them; she except the members of her family, and one or two seemed to be standing at the very gates of heaven, as familiar as they ; while she entertained a most expecting each moment they might be thrown open, grateful sense of the sympathy and kindness the and the hands of ministering, spirits might usher whole neighborhood was disposed to manifest.-her to the presence of her Lord.
She improved her hours, as her state allowed, in It was a great source of lamentation, that I was devotional reading and singing, frequently atnot in a state of mind, more congenial to her own tempting to join in part of a hymn; and if her at this period. But, while I had often thought anx- thoughts were at liberty to pass from herself to the iously and seriously of Martha's indisposition, I world, it was exclusively on their accustomed errands had always shunned anticipating a fatal termination; of benevolence. The following quotations from and this sudden change in her situation fell on me her conversation about this time, are illustrations to like a thunderstroke from heaven. I was called to the point. yield unexpectedly an object, which had entwined Alluding to the delay in heç anticipated removal, itself about the heart by innumerable ties, and I "This,” she said, "is' mysterious: I had hoped it could not do it. The want of resignation to the would be otherwise; but it is right. If I am kept event, unfitted me for giving the devoted sufferer here, it is for some good end. Perhaps it is that I what assistance I might in her mortal struggle. I may be more useful. Pray that my death may felt that I ought to read with her, to unite with her be useful, and that patience may have its perfect in prayer, to speak to her the words of comfort, and work." to animate her in conquering every thing that held She named some young friends who had shown her to earth and life; but no-I could not do it.- her kind attentions, with great affection, and said, She was obliged to seek all this from other lips than " Eliza, I have particularly to request you will her brother's: and I was sadly displeased with my: write to them, and let them know my condition.self. The more I saw of her excellence, the less I Tell them that they have been much on my mind could exercise of submission; the more slender and in my prayers for months past. Assure them the ties by which I held her, the more tenacious that, in all I have suffered, I have felt more was the grasp. My earthly sorrows appeared al- powerfully than ever the value, the necessity of real most to profane her presence; and that I might not religion; and urge them, in the strongest terms, to wound á peace which I was not qualified to confirm, flee from the world and its vanities, and devote I frequenily retired from her chamber and all hu- themselves early, decidedly to the Saviour." man intercourse, into the garden ; maintaining, as “Give my Christian regards to the students, and I unconsciously paced its paths, great strife of spi- tell them to persevere amid all discouragements, sit, sincerely desirous, I hope, to give her up to the and to carry the gospel, the pure gospel, wherever hand of Proviilence, and yet unable to loose my they can. Let them be prudent, but let them feur nothing-except it be şin--remembering that they greatest honor to bear whatever thou shalt see will be extensively either a savor of life unto life, or fit to lay upon me!" of death unto death. Tell them to think, always O iny weariness, my restlessness ! How I long to think, of the infinite value of an immortal soul.” to get home! I thought my heavenly Father would
“Give, brother,” she said to me, "my dying love have taken me home ere this but it is otherwise. to the teachers of the Sabbath-school, and tell them O my God, may I remain here to strengthen the I now think with pleasure of my engagements with faith of those around me—to glorify thee by my them in instructing the ignorani and the poor; that a keen anguish!, That is what I desire--yes, that is dying bed makes these services appear not less, but what I desire-to gratify thee !" more important and interesting; and that I hope, " Maria, read to me-read some chapters and since my efforts were so quickly ended, they will some prayers, and sing; I want all the help i can be anxious to supply my lack of service. Give my get now; I cannot even think for myself." The love also to all the young people, and assure them Scriptures and prayer at the end of Doddridge's that, whatever their hearts may say, or their com- Rise and Progress were read, and afterward the panions suggest, there is nothing like early piety:- 230 Psalm. She took up the language of the 4th
am thankful for many, many things, but chiefly for verse—“I will fear no evil; no why should I fear ? this. They wish to be happy; but tell them from Thou art with me, and wilt comfort me but it is me, that no life can be happy but as it is spent in a dark valley-yet I will fear no evil !" Communion with God and devotedness to him."
Her friend remarked, “ A Christian has compaThis comparative suspension of acute suffering ratively little to fear.” continued only for a few days; and, while it lasted, “Ah, my dear,” she replied quickly, “That is like the pause between two opposing powers, neither because you do not know what it is to die. Death of which is victorious, it was ominous of more fixed at the very best, is an awful thing, and nature and fatal conflict. Disease and death were resisted shudders at it. But," lifting her eyes to heaven, by a fine constitution, in the very verdure and ener- " I will fear no evil; Thou art indeed with me gy of life; but, alas! the power of nature to resist Thou wilt bring me safely through!" was in this case only an awful capacity to endure
“O my Saviour," she prayed in strong agony, the utmost portion of anguish. Her inward foes "Thou art full of compassion ? Take me from this fixed on the vital parts, and the struggle continued state of suffering, or give me patience to wait and and increased day after day, night after night, till bear it!" it became even dreadful! Unceasing restlessness,
It was remarked, " That it was a great blessing delirious pain, deathlike sickness, writhing convul- rather to desire death than to dread it." sions, by turns and together, shook the whole frame "Ah," she replied, "there is my danger! I fear with unspeakable violence. But it must not be I may desire it too much, and so become impatient. dwelt upon even in a distant recollection! It is suf- I would not wish for any thing, only that God may ficient to say, that such were the agonies at the be_glorified in my suffering, or in my dying." crisis of this attack, that for eight-and-forty hours
From this time she was not heard to utter one no sleep could be secured to the tormented sufferer, desire for her deliverance, however submissively; by the freest administration of the most potent only that faith and patience might be granted. opiates !
O pray for me-pray for me, that I may trust If it was painfully astonishing to behold what the in God-simply trust in him. There is nothing body could suffer and yet live, it was divinely great like a simple dependance on the Saviour as a sinand edifying to see how the spirit could sustain it. ner—nothing but a sinner !" The storm, dreadtul as it was, was limited to the
“I never before felt the meaning of those words grosser elements of her nature; beyond them all which the Saviour uttered, 'My soul is exceeding sorwas still clear and tranquil. The mind might oc- rowful even unto death. Ah, exceeding sorrowful, casionally be obscured by bodily suffering, or be and very heavy. I never before saw its meaningwildered by the illusions of bodily senses, or shut sorrowful and very heavy: I understand it, but I up and hidden amid bodily infirmities; but when it cannot tell you anything about it-very heavy!" appeared it was still the same mind-placid, con- “And we feel,” I said, " my dear, all the benefit fiding-alive, indeed, to a sense of suffering, yet of the Saviour's sorrows. superior to all that oppressed it. Her own language Su oppressive were his sorrows," she continued wili give the best representation, though it is broken still dwelling on the words, “ that it was necessary and uttered at intervals.
to send an angel from heaven to strengthen him.” “O Eliza,” she said to her sister, “I never thought
And," I observed," they are all ministering it would come to this-so helpless-so inanimate spirits to the heirs of salvation." such pain!"
“Yes, they are !" she replied with earnestness, On being asked if she was happy, “ Yes,” she Brother! notwithstanding 'all my affliction, I am
dwelling on it for some time, and then continuing : replied, " I am in exquisite pain, but free from care happy. I have no wants--no fears! I had, indeed, and alarm.”
a hard struggle to give up life without having done "I hope," her sister remarked, " we shall meet in something more for my Saviour. I wished, had it heaven. "O yes !" she replied, " and soon !-It been his will, to live to be useful ; but now his will will not do to cast away our confidence, nor to be is my will. My soul doth magnify the Lord, and tussed to and fro with every wind and wave. "I have been praying,” she said, “that, if it were it is enough-quite enough!
rejoice, yea, exceedingly rejoice, in his salvation ! the Lord's will, he would cut short my suffering, thou thy servant depart in peace, for mine eyes have
'Now, Lord, lettest and take me to himself; nevertheless, not my will, beheld thy salvation !'”. but his be done. If God is glorified, that is every thing."
“O brother, my soul is in bitterness--such pain !
But the Lord is righteous-he is good.” “O this is a bitter cup-a bitter cup! Thou, O “ Yes, my dear, good when he gives, supremely Lord, art righteous and true. Thou art my rock, good.” there is no unrighteousness in thee. In faithfulness Nor less," she replied, taking up the words ; and in love hast thou afflicted me !"
nor less when he denies." .“ O this is trying, very trying! Förbid, my Sa- “And yet,” she continued, " it is mysterious, is viour, that, through these pains, I should for a mo- it not? To think how easily dear Miss Weybridge ment dishonor thee! and let'me esteem it my I was dismissed ; just walking across the room, and