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one another for many years, by their mu- and then, on his return, he is a mighty tual expressions of joy at meeting. They polite, as well as a mighty good kind of both talked together, not with a design of man. If he is to be a lawyer, his being opposing each other, but through eager- such a mighty good kind of man will ness to approve what each other said. I make the attorneys supply him with specaught them frequently crying, “ Yes,” cial pleadings, or bills and answers to together, and“ very true," " You are very draw, as he is sufficiently qualified by his
dear Sir;" and at last, have low genius to be a dray-horse of the law. ing exhausted their favourite topic of, But though he can never hope to be a what news, and the weather, they con- chancellor, or an archbishop, yet, if he is cluded with each begging to have the vast admitted of the medical college in Warpleasure of an agreeable evening with the wick-lane, he will have a good chance to other very soon; but parted without be at the top of their profession, as the naming either time or place.
success of the faculty depends chiefly on I remember, at Westminster, a mighty old women, fanciful and hysterical young good kind of boy, though he was gene- ones, whimsical men, and young chilrally hated by his school-fellows, was the dren; among the generality of whom, darling of the dame where he boarded, as nothing recommends a person so much as by his means she knew who did all the his being a mighty good kind of man. mischief in the house. He always finished I must own, that a good man, and a his exercise before he went to play: you man of sense, certainly should have every could never find a false concord in his thing that this kind of man has : yet, if prose, or a false quality in his verse; and he possesses no more, much is wanting to he made huge amends for the want of sense finish and complete his character. Many and spirit in his compositions, by having are deceived by French paste: it has the very few grammatical errors. If you could lustre and brilliancy of a real diamond, not call him a scholar, you must allow he but the want of hardness, the essential took great pains not to appear a dunce. property of this valuable jewel, discovers At the university he never failed attending the counterfeit
, and shews it to be of no his tutor's lectures, was constant at prayers intrinsic value whatsoever. If the head night and morning, never missed gates, or and the heart are left out in the character the hall at meal-times, was regular in his of any man, you might as well look for a academical exercises, and took pride in perfect beauty in a female face without a appearing, on all occasions, with masters nose, as to expect to find a valuable man of arts, and he was happy, beyond mea- without sensibility and understanding. sure, in being acquainted with some of Butit often happens that these mighty good the heads of houses, who were glad, kind of men are wolves in sheep's cloththrough him, to know what passed among ing; that their want of parts is supplied the under graduates. Though he was by an abundance of cunning, and the not reckoned by the college to be a New- outward behaviour and deportment calton, a Locke, or a Bacon, he was uni- culated to entrap the short-sighted and versally esteemed by the senior part, to unwary. be a mighty good kind of young man ; Where this is not the case, I cannot and this even placid turn of mind has re- help thinking that these kind of men are commended him to no small preferment no better than blanks in the creation : if in the church.
they are not unjust stewards, they are cerWe may observe, when these mighty tainly to be reckoned unprofitable sergood kind of young men come into the vants, and I would recommend, that this world, their attention to appearances and harmless, inoffensive, insipid, mighty externals, beyond which the generality of good kind of man should be married to a people seldom examine, procures them a character of a very different stamp, the much better subsistence, and a more repu. mighty good sort of woman-an account table situation in life, than ever their abi- of whom I shall give you in a day or lities, or their merit, could otherwise enti. two. tle them to. Though they are seldom I
your humble servant, &c. advanced very high, yet, if such a one is
B. Thornton. in orders, he gets a tolerable living, or is $ 109. Character of a mighty good Sort
a appointed tutor to a dunce of quality, or
of Woman. is made companion to him on his travels ; I suppose the female part of my readers
are very impatient to see the character of an untoward boy to sea for education. a mighty good sort of a woman; and But the young ladies are more immedoub:less every mighty good kind of man diately under her eye, and, in the grand is anxious to know what sort of a wife I point of matrimony, the choice or refusal have picked out for him.
depends solely upon her. One gentleman The mighty good sort of woman is civil is too young, another too old; one will without good-breeding, kind without run out his fortune, another has too litgood-nature, friendly without affection, tle; one is a professed rake, another a sly and devout without religion. She wishes sinner; and she frequently tells the girl, to be thought every thing she is not, and " "Tis time enough to marry yet," till at would have others looked upon to be every last there is nobody will have her. But thing she really is. If you will take her the most favourite occupation of a mighty word, she detests scandal from her heart: good sort of woman is, the superintendyet, if a young lady happens to be talked ence of the servants: she protests, there is of as being too gay, with a significant not a good one to be got; the men are shrug of her shoulders, and a shake of her idle, and thieves, and the maids are sluts, head, she confesses, “ It is too true, and and good-for-nothing hussies. In her " the whole town says the same thing.' own family, she takes care to separate the She is the most compassionate creature men from the maids at night, by the living, and is ever pitying one person, and whole height of the house; these are sorry for another. She is a great dealer lodged in the garret, while John takes up in buts, and ifs, and half sentences, and his roosting-place in the kitchen, or is does more mischief with a may be, and I'll stuffed into the turn-up seat in the passay no more, than she could do by speak- sage, close to the street-door. She rises ing out. She confirms the truth of any at five in the summer, and at day-light story more by her sears and doubts, than in the winter, to detect them in giving if she had given proof positive; though away broken victuals, coals, candles, &c. she always concludes with a “ Let us and her own footman is employed the hope otherwise."
whole morning in carrying letters of inOne principal business of a mighty formation to the masters and mistresses, good sort of woman is the regulation of wherever she sees, or rather imagines, families; and she extends a visitatorial this to be practised. She has caused many power over all her acquaintance. She is a man-servant to lose his place for rompthe umpire in all differences between man ing in the kitchen, and many a maid has and wife, which she is sure to foment and been turned away, upon her account, for increase by pretending to settle them; and dressing at the men, as she calls it, looking her great impartiality and regard for both out at the window, or standing at the leads her always to side with one against street-door, in a summer's evening. I the other. She has a most penetrating am acquainted with three maiden-sisters, and discerning eye into the faults of the all mighty good sort of women, who, to family, and takes care to pry into all their prevent any ill consequences, will not secrels, that she may reveal them. If a keep a footman at all; and it is at the man happens to stay out too late in the risk of their place, that the maids have any evening, she is sure to rate him hand- comers after them, nor will, on any acsomely the next time she sees him, and count, a brother or a male cousin be suftakes special care to tell hiin, in the hear- fered to visit them. ing of his wife, what a bad husband he A distinguishing mark of a mighty is: or if the lady goes to Ranelagh, or is good sort of a woman is, her extraordinary engaged in a party at cards, she will keep pretensions to religion: she never misses the poor
husband company, that he might church twice a-day, in order to take nonot be dull, and entertains him all the tice of those who are absent; and she is while with the imperfections of his wife. always lamenting the decay of piety in She has also the entire disposal of the these days. With some of them, the good children in her own hands, and can dis- Dr. Whitfield, or the good Dr. Romaine, inherit them, provide for them, marry is ever in their mouths : and they look them, or confine them to a state of celi- upon the whole bench of bishops to be bacy, just as she pleases ; she fixes the very Jews in comparison of these saints. lad's pocket-mouey at school, and allow- The mighty good sort of woman is also ance at the university ; and has sent many very charitable in outward appearance,
for, though she would not relieve a family it is a wonder if the giddy girls, her sisters, in the utmost distress, she deals out her are not married before her, which she halfpence to every common beggar, parti- would look upon as the greatest mortificularly at the church door; and she is cation that could happen to her. Among eternally soliciting other people to contri- the mighty good sort of women in wedbute to this or that public charity, though lock, we must not reckon the tame domes. she herself will not give sixpence to any tic animal, who thinks it her duty to take one of them. An universal benevolence care of her house, and be obliging to her is another characteristic of a mighty good husband. On the contrary, she is neglisort of woman, which renders her (as gent of her home affairs, and studies to strange as it may seem) of a most unfor recommend herself more abroad than in giving temper. Heaven knows, she bears her own house. If she pays a regular round nobody any ill-will; but if a tradesman of visits, if she behaves decently at the has disobliged her, the honestest man in card-table, if she is ready to come into all the world becomes the most arrant any party of pleasure, if she pays no rerogue; and she cannot rest till she has gard to her husband, and puts her children persuaded all her acquaintance to turn him out to nurse, she is not a good wife, or a off as well as herself. Every one is with good mother, perhaps ; but she is—a her “ The best creature in the universe,” mighty good sort of woman. while they are intimate ; but upon any As 1 disposed of the mighty good kind slight difference "Ob—she was vastly of man in marriage, it may be expected, “mistaken in the person ;-she thought that I should find out a proper match also “ them good sort of bodies—but-she for the mighty good kind of woman. To " has done with them :-other people tell you my opinion then—if she is old, I “ will find them out as well as her would give her to a young rake, being the “ self: that's all the harm she wishes character she loves best at her heart :-or, “ them.”
if she is mighty young, mighty handsome, As the mighty good sort of women dif- mighty rich as well as a mighty good sort fer from each other, according to their age of woman, I will marry her myself, as I and situation in life, I shall endeavour to am unfortunately a bachelor. point out their several marks by which we Your very humble servant, &c. may distinguish them. And first, for the
B. Thornton. most common character :- If she happens § 110. On the affected strangeness of some to be of that neutral sex, an old maid,
Men of Quality. you may find her out by her prim look,
Sir, her formal gesture, and the sea-saw mo- As you are a mighty good kind of man, tion of her head in conversation. Though and seem willing to set your press to any a most rigid Protestant, her religion subject whereby the vices or follies of savours very much of the Roman Catho- your countrymen may be corrected or lic, as she holds that almost every one amended, I beg leave to offer you the folmust be damned except herself. But the lowing remarks on the extraordinary yet leaven that runs mostly through her whole common behaviour of some part of our composition, is a detestation of that odious nobility towards their sometimes intimate, creature, man, whom she affects to loathe though inferior acquaintance. as much as some people do a rat or a toad; It is no less common than extraordiand this affectation she cloaks under a
nary, to meet a nobleman in London, who pretence of a love of God, at a time of stares you full in the face, and seems life when it must be supposed, that she quite a stranger to it; with whom you can love nobody, or rather nobody loves have spent the preceding summer at Harher. If the mighty good sort of body is wich or Brighthelmstone ; with whom you young
and unmarried, besides the usual have often dined; who bas often singled tokens, you may know her by her quar- you out and taken you under bis arm to relling with her brothers, thwarting her accompany him with a tête-à-tête walk; sisters, snapping her father, and over-rul- who has accosted you all the summer, ing her mother, though it is ten to one she by your surname, but, in the winter, does is the favourite of both. All her acquaint- not remember either your name, or any ances cry her up as a mighty discreet kind feature in your face. of body; and as she affects an indifference for the men, though not a total antipathy, such right honourable behaviour, at first
I shall not attempt to describe the pain
meeting, gives to a man of sensibility and another, not at all--for which loss I do sentiment, nor the contempt he must con- not at all find myself the worse. ceive for such ennobled beings. Another I am your humble servant, class of these right honourable intimates
B. Thornton. are indeed so far condescending, as to submit to own you a little, if it be in a corner
On the Arrogance of younger
Brothers of Quality. of the street; or even in the Park, if it be at a distance from any real good company.
SIR, Their porters will even let you into their
Though it is commonly said, that pride houses, if my lord has no company; and, and contempt for inferiors are strongly imthey themselves will receive you very civil- planted in the breasts of our nobility, it ly, but will shun you a few hours after, at must be allowed, that their politeness and court as a pick-pocket (though you be a good-breeding render it, in general, imman of good sense, good family, and good perceptible; and, as one may well say, character, for having no other blemish He that has pride, not shewing that he's proud, than that your modesty or diffidence per- Let me not know it, he's not proud at all. haps has occasioned your being a long one may also affirm, with truth, of the Britime in the army, without attaining the tish nobility, that he who has nu pride at rank of a general, or at the law, without all cannot shew less than they do. They being called within the bar. I could re- treat the meanest subject with the greatest cite many instances of this kind of polite affability, and take pains to make every high-breeding, that every man of little person they converse with forget the disstation, who has been a quality-broker, tance that there is between him and them. has often experienced; but I'shall wave As the younger brothers and other near that, and conclude by shewing you, how relations of the nobility have the same certainly to avoid such contempt, and education and the same examples ever beeven decoy his lordship out of his walk fore their eyes, one might expect to see to take notice of you, who would not in them the same affable behaviour, the have known you had you continued in his. same politeness. But, strange as it is,
The method is this: suppose we see my nothing is more different than the bebalord coming towards Spring-garden, un- haviour of my lord, and my lord's brother. der Marlborough garden-walk; instead of The latter you generally see proud, insomeeting him, approach so near only, that lent, and over bearing, as if he possessed you are certain, from the convexity of his all the wealth and honour of the family. eye (for they are all very near-sighted) One might imagine from his behaviour, that he sees you, and that he is certain you that the pride of the family, like the estates see and know him. This done, walk de- in some boroughs, always descended to liberately to the other side of the Mall, the younger brother. I have known one and my life for it, his lordship either trots of these young noblemen, with no other over to you, or calls you by your surname, fortune than this younger brother's inheto him. His pride is alarmed; he cannot ritance, above marrying a rich merchant's conceive the reason, why one, he has all daughter, because he could not disgrace along considered would be proud of the himself with a plebeian alliance; and least mark of his countenance, should rather chose to give his hand to a lady avoid taking an even chance for so great Betty or a lady Charlotte, with nothing an honour as a bow or a nod. But I but her title for her portion. would not be understood, that his lord- I know a younger brother in a noble ship is not much offended at you, though family, who, twelve years ago, was so rehe make you a visit the next day, and gardless of his birth, as to desire my lord never did before, in order to drop you for his father to send him to a merchant's ever after, lest you should him. This is counting-house for his education ; but, not conjecture, but what I have often though he has now one of the best houses put in practice with success, if any success of business of any in Leghorn, and is alit is to be so noticed, and, as a further ready able to buy his father's estate, his proof of it, I do assure you, I had once brothers and sisters will not acknowledge the honour of being sometimes known to him as a relation, and do not scruple to and by, several lords, and lost all their deny his being their brother, at the exfriendship, because I would not let them pence of their lady-mother's reputation. know me at one time very intimately, at It always raises my mirth to hear with wbat contempt these younger brothers of honour of his lordly breech, another is quality speak of persons in the three learn- indulged with the favour of raising his leg. ed professions, even those at the top of To any gentleman who drinks to this roan each. The bench of bishops are never of fashion, he is his most obedient humble distinguished by them with any higher servant, without bending his body, or look. appellation, than—those parsons : and ing to see who does him this honour. If when they speak of the judges, and those any person even under the degree of a who hold the first places in the courts of knight speaks to him, he will condescend justice to a gentleinan at the bar, they to say Yes or No; but he is as likely as say-your lawyers : and the doctors He- Sir Francis Wronghead to say the one berden, Addington, and Askew, are, in their when he should say the other. If I pregenteel dialect called—these physical peo- sume to talk about any change in the miple. Trade is such a disgrace, that there nistry before him, he discovers great suris no difference with them between the prize at my ignorance, and wonders that highest and lowest that are concerned we, at this end of the town, should differ so in it; they rank the greatest merchants much from the people about Grosvenoramong common tradesmen, as they can square. We are absolutely, according to see no difference between a counting him, as little alike as if we were not of the house and a chandler's shop. They think same species; and I find, it is as much imthe run of their father's or their brother's possible for us to know what passes at kitchen, a more genteel means of sub- court, as if we lived at Rotherhitbe or sistence than what is afforded by any Wapping. I have very frequent opportunicalling or occupation whatsoever, except ties of contemplating the different treatthe army or the navy; as if nobody was ment I receive from him and his elder deserving enough of the honour to cut brother. My lord, from whom I have a Frenchman's throat but persons of the received many favours, behaves to me as first rank and distinction.
if he was the person obliged ; while his As I live so far from the polite end of lordship’s brother, who has conferred do the town as Bedford-row, I undergo much favour on me but borrowing my money, decent raillery on that account, whenever which he never intends to pay, behaves I have the honour of a visit from one of as if he was the creditor, and the debt these younger brothers of quality: he was a forlorn one. wonders who makes my wigs, my clothes, The insolence which is so much comand my liveries; he praises the furniture plained of among nobleman's servants, is of my house, and allows my equipage to not difficult to account for: ignorance, be handsome : but declares he discovers idleness, high-living, and a consciousness more of expense than taste in either ; he of the dignity of the noble person they can discover that Hallat is not my up- serve, added to the example of my lord's holsterer, and that my chariot was not brother, whom they find no less depenmade by Butler : in short, I find he dent in the family than themselves, will thinks one might as well compare the naturally make them arrogant and proud. Banqueting-house at Whitehall with the But this conduct in the younger brother Mansion house for elegance, as to look must for ever remain unaccountable. I for that in Bedford-Row, which can only have been endeavouring to solve this phebe found about St. James's. He will not nomenon to myself, ever since the followtouch any thing at my table but a piece ing occurrence happened to me. of mutton : he is so cloyed with made When I came to settle in town, about dishes, that a plain joint is a rarity; my five-and-twenty-years ago, I was strongly claret too, though it comes from Messrs. recommended to a noble peer, who proBrown ond Whiteford, and no otherwisemised to assist me. On my arrival I waitdiffers from my lord's than in being bought ed upon his lordship, and was told by the for ready money, is put by for my port. porter, with an air of great indifference,
Though he politely hobs or nobs with my that he was not at home; and I was very wife, he does it as if I had married my near receiving the door in my face, when cook; and she is further mortified with I was going to acquaint this civil person, seeing her carpet treated with as little ce- that I had a letter in my pocket for his remony as if it was an oil-cloth. If, after lord: upon my producing it, he said I dinner, one of her damask chairs has the might leave it; and immediately snatched