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me in my weaknesses, and to watch-over me with affectionate forbearance.
A letter received from my dear Mary renewedly endeared her to me, though far remote. How often is she in my thoughts! May she strive to enter the strait gate, and walk in the narrow way that leads to life. This world presents a rough path; yet if, though blundering and often falling, we rise again and journey forwards toward the good land that is ahead, all will be well at last.
11th mo. 9th. I sometimes feel a little hope that the candle of light and Divine consolation may yet shine on my dwelling; but be that as it may, I fervently wish
be crowned with neverending peace. Under this hope, I strive to leave all my cares to Him who knows how to dispose of us, and all his works.
1st mo. 9th, 1820. Gold is tried in the fire, and acceptable men and women, in the furnace of adversity. Under all my afflictions, I try to be passive, and let the heavenly Potter form and mould me into such a vessel as he sees meet. But the vessels in the former temple were to be of beaten gold, and passed under the hammer to make them fit for sacred use. So chastisement is for every one whom the Lord receiveth. Yet with all these views, I often feel as if trodden under foot, and to be cast out; and am ready with the prophet to cry out,“Oh! my leanness! my leanness!” or where he says, “ I am a man of sorrows and acquainted with grief.” But sometimes, even when the billows go almost over my head, I can be cheerful and satisfied.
1st mo. 31st, 1920. My memory is like a vapour;
78ther, ife, som things that I want to write about, if I dont immediately put them on paper, they vanish. So it is, once a man,—twice a child. I feel pretty quiet under all my infirmities. My sands are running low, and I shall soon leave all, whether they leave me or not. I am waiting for my change. I looked for it last night, being attacked with a cramp in my right side. Medicines won't always stop the messenger of death; the old frame must fall ere long. I am now near my eightieth year; and though so weak and feeble, I have got out more to meetings this winter, than for three winters past.
5th mo. 7th. On fourth-day afternoon, I was attacked with a severe pain in my head, neck and shoulders. It was a marvel to me that my senses were not affected, the pain was so great. May I be thankful as I ought to be, that I am preserved in a good degree patient under such a pressure of suffering; though light to what many undergo. I am grateful for the rod and the staff, as leading to mental resignation, and turning the eye toward those scenes which must soon be realized. May I so improve the few remaining fleeting moments, as, when the awful change comes, to be admitted to a happy home in those mansions which are free from sorrow, pain, fears and troubles.
5th month 17th, 1821. I have always wished to be directed aright in my checkered pilgrimage through life, though often much tried with weakness and heavy besetments. In training the innocent lambs given to my charge, I waded along through a difficult path way. When I went to meetings and left
them at home, many a fervent heart-felt intercession, with showers of tears, have I poured out for their best preservation, with my own; under a consciousness that I was as nothing, but a monument of mercy. But the Lord has looked upon me in mercy, and often plucked my feet out of the mire. May his pillar of cloud by day, and of fire by night, continue to be my leader and preserver, till I arrive safely in the promised land, the Canaan of endless rest and peace.
George Dillwyn to George Churchmun.
London, 2d mo. 18th, 1788. Dear friend,—Thy acceptable lines of 9th mo. 23d, last, came to hand in the 11th mo. They reached me at a time when I was low enough to fear I had indeed some how turned aside from the right line of duty, and brought painful sensations upon the minds of thee and other valued brethren. But, as I was not conscious of having wilfully occasioned the embarrassment, I bore my burden as well as I could, with a secret desire that my exercises might at least tend to my own refinement. I had confessed in the second-day morning meeting, when the concern of our friends R. W. and P. B. to visit the continent was before it, that something of the same nature had attended my mind, though I did not see the time for my moving in it to be come; and as there was then an opinion started, that such a concern in a Friend from America, could not with propriety be laid before either that meeting or the Yearly Meeting of London, I entirely gave it up. From this time, my prospect of any further service in the country part of this nation seemed quite closed; and I therefore
concluded, if nothing new occurred by the spring, to return home; judging it far safer to stand still in the mean time, than to run hither and thither at a venture, merely to shake off trouble. But, about five or six weeks ago, the concern again appeared; and a few days after, I received a letter from our friend Sarah Grubb, informing that she had just imparted to the monthly meeting of Clonmell in Ireland, a like engagement, which she had been under ever since our first arrival in England--and that her husband had proposed to accompany her. They have since obtained the concurrence of both the monthly and Quarterly meetings; and are expected to come over to London in a few weeks. This unexpected occurrence, and the probability that if they get along I shall go with them, has induced me to give the morning meeting an intimation of it; not by way of consultation, but that any Friend who so inclined might have an opportunity of conferring with me thereon, as well as that none might suppose I meant to go forth by flight. Hitherto I have not heard any thing against it. My mind feels relieved, quiet, and reconciled to the dispensation through which I have been led; and several valuable friends in the country have written encouragingly. I write to thee thus particularly, that as I trust thou continuest to be interested in my movements, (for the cause-sake) thou may know how it is with me; and that, although my confinement to one spot is almost unprecedented, daily direction within my limits has not been withheld, nor my mind suffered wholly to cast away its confidence.
By a letter from dear John Pemberton, dated the 7th at Kendal, he mentioned thy request to have a particular account of the institution and regulations
of Ackworth school. I have taken some pains, since we came over, to obtain it, and made considerable progress as opportunities of information occurred, not knowing that any thing of the kind was intended for publication: but now, applying on thy behalf, I am told there is a particular account of the several steps taken, the order of the school and regulations of the family, prepared for publication. So that it is probable either John or myself may be able to answer thy request, by the time of our return, if that is ever permitted us. A clergyman, named Jos. Benington, in an Essay on Schools, after mentioning several academies of the dissenters, says, “ But no where have mine eyes been so pleased, and my mind so charmed, as with the Quakers' establishment in the north.Mildness there tempers the severity of discipline; and virtue becomes more amiable by the simplicity of its form; while the mind in the mean time is tutored to the sterner habits of industrious labour. The legislator of Sparta would have viewed the institution with admiration and pleasure. It is only in a society so organized as that of the Quakers, that regulations can be formed which shall exhibit such order-such decency—such decorum." I find that from 18th of 10th mo. 1779, to 23d of 11th mo. 1786, there were nine hundred and eighty-six children admitted; of whom twelve died of the small pox and other disorders. The family have been remarkably favoured with health; and I do not discover that Friends are, in their warmest expectations of its prosperity, at all disappointed. I remain thy friend,