those regular bon-mots and trite conceits-how often given vent to the same strain of annual waggery, to the same sallies of periodical facetiousness. And let them know, that as they have but little to boast of on the score of novelty, they have as little on that of humour. If, on the repetition of their witticisms, a grin takes possession of the countenances of their auditors, warn them that they mistake not the sneer of ridicule for the smile of approbation, and hint to them, that though, by the respect or diffidence of those at whose expense it pleases them to be merry, they may be secured from being rendered openly ridiculous, they may still be liable and likely to become secretly contemptible. “I am, Sir, your's, &c. &c." The grievance of which my correspondent complains is well worthy of being attended to, nor had it indeed escaped my notice; but he has placed his subject in so proper a light, that to dilate on it further would be totally superfluous. I shall therefore only venture to throw together some observations of a more general kind. It is with men of their wit, as with women of their beauty. Tell a woman she is fair, and she will not be offended that you tell her she is cruel. Tell a man that he is a wit, and if you lay to his charge ill-nature or blasphemy, he will take it as a compliment rather than a reproach. Thus, too, there is no woman but lays some claim to beauty, and no man that will give up his pretensions to wit. In cases of this kind, therefore, where so much depends upon opinion, and where every man thinks himself qualified to be his own judge, there is nothing to a reader so useless as illustration; and nothing to an author so dangerous as definition. Any attempt therefore to decide what true WIT is, must be ineffectual, as not one in a hundred would be content to abide by the decision; it is impossible to rank all mankind under the name of wits, and there is scarce one in a hundred who does not think that he merits the appellation. Hence it is that every one, how little qualified soever, is fond of making a display of his fancied abilities, and generally at the expense of some one to whom he supposes himself infinitely superior. And from this supposition many mistakes arise to those who commence wags with a very small share of wit, and a still smaller of judgment, whose imaginations are by nature unprolific, and whose minds are uncultivated by education. These persons, while they are ringing their rounds on a few dull jests, are apt to mistake the rude and noisy merriment of illiterate jocularity for genuine humour. They often unhappily conceive that those laugh with them, who laugh at them. The sarcasms which every one disdains to answer, they vainly flatter themselves are unanswerable; forgetting, no doubt, that their good things are unworthy the notice of a retort, and below the condescension of criticism. They know not perhaps that the ass, whom the fable represents assuming the playfulness of the lap-dog, is a perfect picture of jocular stupidity; and that, in like manner, that awkward absurdity of waggishness, which they expect should delight, cannot but disgust, and instead of laying claim to admiration, must insure contempt. But, alas! I am aware that mine will prove a successless undertaking; and that, though knighterrant-like, I sally forth to engage with the monsters of witticism and waggery, all my prowess will be inadequate to the achievement of the enterprise. The world will continue as facetious as ever in spite of all I can do; and people will be just as fond of their "little jokes and old stories" as if I had never combated their inclination. Since then I cannot utterly extirpate this unchristian practice, my next endeavour must be to direct it properly, and improve it by some wholesome regulations. And herein shall I imitate his most Christian Majesty, who, by licensing a limited number of brothel-houses, restricted an evil which he never could entirely have suppressed, prevented many of the ill consequences which naturally arise from promiscuous libertinism, and drew moreover from the profits no very inconsiderable revenue; thus, from the folly of individuals, deriving advantage to the community. Equally advantageous to the public, and equally profitable to myself, will be the plan which I have laid down, and on which I have already bestowed some pains to bring to perfection. I propose, if I meet with proper encouragement, making application to parliament for permission to open "A Licensed Warehouse for Wit," and for a patent entitling me to the sole vending and uttering wares of this kind for a certain term of years. For this purpose I have already laid in jokes, jests, witticisms, morceaus, and bon-mots of every kind, to a very considerable amount, well worthy the attention of the public. I have epigrams that want nothing but the sting; conundrums that need nothing but an explanation; rebusses and acrostics that will be complete with the addition of the name only. These being in great request, may be had at an hour's warning. Impromptus will be got ready at a week's notice. For common and vernacular use I have a long list of the most palpable puns in the language, digested in alphabetical order; for these I expect good sale at both the Universities. Jokes of all kinds, ready cut and dry. N.B. Proper allowance made to gentlemen of the law going on circuit; and to all second-hand venders of wit and retailers of repartee, who take large quantities. N.B. Attic Salt in any quantities. No. 8. MONDAY, JANUARY 22, 1787. Majorum primus quisquis fuit ille tuorum Your honour's ancient source JUVENAL. Was a poor shepherd's boy, or something worse. DRYDEN. TURNING over the other day some manuscripts belonging to the Griffin family, I accidentally cast my eyes on a parchment roll, carefully sealed, and irscribed "The Pedigree." Not having before corsidered that I was entitled to any ancestry, I began to feel an increased consequence, as I opened this sacred testimony of my being a son of Adam; and was elated or depressed according to the titles or occupations of my grandfathers from time immemorial. I will not, courteous reader, detain thee with the honourable mention made of my family by bards of old; how, for instance, one of them being inspector of the gardens to a foreign potentate, was overdosed by one Hercules, who in the meanwhile robbed an orchard of certain golden pippins; how, afterwards, upon my ancestor's waking, he claimed them by right of discovery, and, in farther proof of such right, most valiantly did beat his brains about his ears. How another, being appointed guardian of a woollen manufactory, was lulled to sleep by a certain adventurer from across the seas, who by that means stole his golden fleece, (no impeachment on the sagacity or vigilance of my ancestor,) the same spark having previously imposed on a wild and fiery bull who kept a mighty coil, and by putting a yoke on his neck, subjected him to his own convenience. These, reader, I say, I will not detain thee with; but as I propose to make my after reflections on this parchment the subject of this paper, shall proceed to them without farther preamble. Pride, says the old Castilian, is that principle which, from a consciousness of inborn superiority, sets a man above the weakness of human nature; in prosperity enables him to preserve that dignity which his situation demands, and prevents him in adversity from consenting to any thing which might be derogatory to the principles of a man of honour. These, probably, or nearly these, are the ideas not of a patriotic but provincial bigot; but this is far from being a true definition of pride, and not only theoretical supposition, but practical observation, will daily enable us in some measure to controvert this reasoning. In order to reduce our inquiry as near the truth as possible, let us, by placing the arguments of opposite prejudice in. equal balances, suppose, as is generally the case, that a fair and candid decision will lay in the midway be tween them. Pride, says the more polished, and of consequence |