the Glass was bought and hung against the Wall: But in a Week's time I was made sensible, by little and little, that the Table was by no means suitable to such a Glass. And a more proper Table being procur'd, my Spouse, who was an excellent Contriver, inform'd me where we might have very handsome Chairs in the Way; and thus by Degrees I found all my old Furniture stow'd up in the Garret, and every thing below alter'd for the better.

Had we stopp'd here, it might have done well enough; but my Wife being entertain'd with Tea by the Good Women she visited, we could do no less than the like when they visited us; and so we got a Tea-Table with all its Appurtenances of China and Silver. Then my Spouse unfortunately overwork'd herself in washing the House, so that we could do no longer without a Maid. Besides this, it happened frequently, that when I came home at One, the Dinner was but just put in the Pot, and my Dear thought really it had been but Eleven: At other Times, when I came at the same Hour, She wondered I would stay so long, for Dinner was ready and had waited for me these two Hours. These Irregularities occasioned by mistaking the Time, convinced me, that it was absolutely necessary to buy a Clock, which my Spouse observ'd was a great Ornament to the Room! And lastly, to my Grief, she was frequently troubled with some Ailment or other, and nothing did her so much Good as Riding; And these Hackney Horses were such wretched ugly Creatures that I bought a very fine. pacing Mare, which cost £20; and hereabouts Affairs have stood for some Months past.

I could see all along, that this Way of Living was utterly inconsistent with my Circumstances, but had not Resolu

tion enough to help it. Till lately, receiving a very severe Dun, which mention'd the next Court, I began in earnest to project Relief. Last Monday, my Dear went over the River to see a Relation and stay a Fortnight, because she could not bear the Heat of the Town. In the Interim I have taken my Turn to make Alterations; viz, I have turn'd away the Maid, Bag and Baggage, (for what should we do with a Maid, who have except my Boy none but ourselves?) I have sold the fine Pacing Mare, and bought a good Milch Cow with £3 of the Money. I have dispos'd of the Tea Table, and put a Spinning-Wheel in its Place, which methinks looks very pretty: Nine empty Canisters I have stuff'd with Flax, and with some of the Money of the Tea-Furniture I have bought a Set of Knitting-Needles; for to tell you a truth, which I would have go no farther, I begin to want Stockings. The stately Clock I have transform'd into an Hour-Glass, by which I have gain'd a good round Sum, and one of the Pieces of the old Looking-Glass, squar'd and fram'd, supplies the Place of the Great One, which I have convey'd into a Closet, where it may possibly remain some Years. In short, the Face of Things is quite changed; and I am mightily pleased when I look at my Hour-Glass. What an Ornament it is to the Room! I have paid my Debts and find Money in my Pocket. I expect my Dame home next Friday, and, as your Paper is taken in at the House where she is, I hope the Reading of this will prepare her Mind for the above surprizing Revolutions. If she can conform to this new Scheme of Living, we shall be the happiest Couple perhaps in the Province, and by the Blessing of God may soon be in thriving Circumstances. I have reserv'd the great Glass, because I know her Heart is set

upon it; I will allow her, when she comes in, to be taken suddenly ill with the Head-ach, the Stomach-ach, Fainting Fits, or whatever other Disorder she may think more proper, and she may retire to Bed as soon as she pleases: But, if I do not find her in perfect Health, both of Body and Mind, the next Morning, away goes the aforesaid Great Glass, with several other Trinkets I have no Occasion for, to the Vendue that very Day. Which is the irrevocable Resolution Of, Sir, Her loving Husband, and

Your very humble Servant,

ANTHONY AFTERWIT.

Postscript. You know we can return to our former Way of Living, when we please, if Dad will be at the Expence of it.

18. LETTER FROM CELIA SINGLE1

MR. GAZETTEER,

I must needs tell you, that some of the Things you print do more Harm than Good; particularly I think so of my Neighbour the Tradesman's Letter, in one of your late Papers, which has broken the Peace of several Families, by causing Difference between Men and their Wives: I shall give you one Instance, of which I was an Eye and Ear Wit

ness.

Happening last Wednesday Morning to be in at Mrs. C-ss's, when her Husband return'd from Market, among other Things which he had bought he show'd her some Balls of Thread. "My Dear," says he, "I like mightily those Stockings, which I yesterday saw Neighbour Afterwit

1 From The Pennsylvania Gazette, July 24, 1732.

knitting for her Husband, of Thread of her own Spinning. I should be glad to have some such stockins myself: I understand that your Maid Mary is a very good Knitter, and seeing this Thread in Market, I have bought it, that the Girl may make a Pair or two for me." Mrs. Careless was just then at the Glass, dressing her Head, and turning about with the Pins in her Mouth, "Lord, Child," says she, "are you crazy? What Time has Mary to knit? Who must do the Work, I wonder, if you set her to Knitting?" "Perhaps, my Dear," says he, "you have a mind to knit 'em yourself; I remember, when I courted you, I once heard you say, that you had learn'd to knit of your Mother." "I knit Stockins for you!" says she; "not I truly! There are poor Women enough in Town, that can knit; if you please, you may employ them." "Well, but my Dear," says he, "you know a penny sav'd is a penny got, A pin a day is a groat a year, every little makes a muckle, and there is neither Sin nor Shame in Knitting a pair of Stockins; why should you express such a mighty Aversion to it? As to poor Women, you know we are not People of Quality, we have no Income to maintain us but what arises from my Labour and Industry: Methinks you should not be at all displeas'd, if you have an Opportunity to get something as well as myself."

"I wonder," says she, "how you can propose such a thing to me; did not you always tell me you would maintain me like a Gentlewoman? If I had married Captain, he would have scorn'd even to mention Knitting of Stockins" 'Prithec," says he, (a little nettled,) "what do you tell me of your Captains? If you could have had him, I suppose you would, or perhaps you did not very well like him. If

I did promise to maintain you like a Gentlewoman, I suppose 'tis time enough for that, when you know how to behave like one; Meanwhile 'tis your Duty to help make me able. How long, d'ye think, I can maintain you at your present Rate of Living?" "Pray," says she, (somewhat fiercely, and dashing the Puff into the Powder-Box,) "don't use me after this Manner, for I assure you I won't bear it. This is the Fruit of your poison Newspapers; there shall come no more here, I promise you." "Bless us," says he, "what an unaccountable thing is this? Must a Tradesman's Daughter, and the Wife of a Tradesman, necessarily and instantly be a Gentlewoman? You had no Portion; I am forc'd to work for a Living; you are too great to do the like; there's the Door, go and live upon your Estate, if you can find it; in short, I don't desire to be troubled w' ye."

What Answer she made, I cannot tell; for, knowing that a Man and his Wife are apt to quarrel more violently when before Strangers, than when by themselves, I got up and went out hastily: But I understood from Mary, who came to me of an Errand in the Evening, that they dined together pretty peaceably, (the Balls of Thread that had caused the Difference being thrown into the Kitchen Fire,) of which I was very glad to hear.

I have several times in your Paper seen severe Reflections upon us Women, for Idleness and Extravagance, but I do not remember to have once seen any such Animadversions upon the Men. If I were dispos'd to be censorious, I could furnish you with Instances enough. I might mention Mr. Billiard, who spends more than he earns at the Green Table, and would have been in Jail long since, were it not for his industrious Wife: Mr. Husslecap, who, often all day long,