Thus, the artless songs I sing And shall be for evermore! ARMY HEADQUARTERS Old is the song that I sing Old as my unpaid bills Old as the chicken that kitmutgars1 bring Men at dâk-bungalows-old as the Hills. HASUERUS JENKINS of the "Operatic Own," AH Was dowered with a tenor voice of super-Santley tone. His views on equitation were, perhaps, a trifle queer. He had no seat worth mentioning, but oh! he had an ear. He clubbed his wretched company a dozen times a day; He took two months at Simla when the year was at the spring, And underneath the deodars eternally did sing. He warbled like a bul-bul but particularly at She controlled a humble husband, who, in turn, controlled at Where Cornelia Agrippina's human singing-birds were kept From April to October on a plump retaining-fee, Supplied, of course, per mensem, by the Indian Treasury. Cornelia used to sing with him, and Jenkins used to play; He praised unblushingly her notes, for he was false as they; So when the winds of April turned the budding roses brown, Cornelia told her husband:-"Tom, you mustn't send him down." They haled him from his regiment, which didn't much regret him; They found for him an office-stool, and on that stool they set him To play with maps and catalogues three idle hours a day, And draw his plump retaining-fee-which means his double pay. Now, ever after dinner, when the coffee-cups are brought, And, thanks to fair Cornelia, his fame hath waxen great, STUDY OF AN ELEVATION, IN INDIAN INK This ditty is a string of lies. But-how the deuce did Gubbins rise? POTIPHAR GUBBINS, C. E., And I muse in my bed on the reasons that led Potiphar Gubbins, C.E., Is seven years junior to Me; Each bridge that he makes either buckles or breaks, And his work is as rough as he. Potiphar Gubbins, C.E., Is coarse as a chimpanzee; And I can't understand why you gave him your hand, Potiphar Gubbins, C.E., Is dear to the Powers that Be; For They bow and They smile in an affable style, Potiphar Gubbins, C.E., Is certain as certain can be Of a highly paid post which is claimed by a host Careless and lazy is he, What is the spell that you manage so well, Lovely Mehitabel Lee, Should I have riz to what Potiphar is, DELILAH We have another Viceroy now, those days are dead and done DELILAH ABERYSWITH was a lady-not too youngWith a perfect taste in dresses and a badly-bitted tongue, With a thirst for information, and a greater thirst for praise, And a little house in Simla in the Prehistoric Days. By reason of her marriage to a gentleman in power, She patronised extensively a man, Ulysses Gunne, He praised her "queenly beauty" first; and. later on, he hinted At the "vastness of her intellect" with compliment unstinted. He went with her a-riding, and his love for her was such That he lent her all his horses and-she galled them very much. One day, THEY brewed a secret of a fine financial sort; It related to Appointments, to a Man and a Report. 'Twas almost worth the keeping,-only seven people knew it And Gunne rose up to seek the truth and patiently ensue it. It was a Viceroy's Secret, but perhaps the wine was red— Perhaps an Aged Councillor had lost his aged headPerhaps Delilah's eyes were bright-Delilah's whispers sweet The Aged Member told her what 'twere treason to repeat. Ulysses went a-riding, and they talked of love and flowers; Ulysses went a-calling, and he called for several hours; Ulysses went a-waltzing, and Delilah helped him danceUlysses let the waltzes go, and waited for his chance. The summer sun was setting, and the summer air was still, Next morn, a startled Empire learnt the all-important news; Next week, the Aged Councillor was shaking in his shoes. Next month, I met Delilah and she did not show the least Hesitation in affirming that Ulysses was a “beast.” We have another Viceroy now, those days are dead and done Of, Delilah Aberyswith and most mean Ulysses Gunne! A LEGEND OF THE FOREIGN OFFICE This is the reason why Rustum Beg, Rajah of Kolazai, Drinketh the "simpkin"1 and brandy peg, Vexeth a Government, tender and kind, RUSTUM BEG of Kolazai-slightly backward Native State Lusted for a C. S. I.2-so began to sanitate. Built a Gaol and Hospital-nearly built a City drain-Till his faithful subjects all thought their ruler was insane. Strange departures made he then-yea, Departments stranger still: Half a dozen Englishmen helped the Rajah with a will, 'Champagne. 'The order of the Star of India. |