Tang. Has he that knavery? but has he put in bail above, canst tell?

Second Suit.

not.

That I can assure your worship he has

Tang. Why, then, thy best course shall be to lay out more money, take out a procedendo, and bring down the cause and him with a vengeance.

Second Suit. Then he will come indeed.

Tang. As for the other party, let the audita querela alone: take me out a special supplicavit, which will cost you enough, and then you pepper him. For the first party after the procedendo you'll get costs; the cause being found, you'll have a judgment; nunc pro tunc, you'll get a venire facias to warn your jury, a decem tales to fill up the number, and a capias utlegatum for your execution.

Second Suit. I thank you, my learned counsel."

Phoenix then enters, telling Tangle he knew him "in octavo of the dukę, but still in law :

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Tang. Still in law? I had not breathed else now; 'tis very marrow, very manna to me to be in law; I'd been dead ere this else. I have found such sweet pleasure in the vexation of others, that I could wish my years over and over again, to see that fellow a beggar, that bawling knave a gentleman, a matter brought e'en to a judgment to-day, as far as e'er 'twas to begin again tomorrow. O raptures! here's a writ of demur, there a procedendo, here a sursurrara, there a capiendo, tricks, delays, money-laws!

Phoenix. Is it possible, old lad?

Tang. I have been a term-trotter myself any time these five and forty years, a goodly time and a gra

cious; in which space I ha' been at least sixteen times beggared, and got up again; and in the mire again, that I have stunk again, and yet got up again.

Pho.

And so clean and handsome now?

Tang. You see it apparently; I cannot hide it from you: nay, more, in felici hora be it spoken; you see I'm old, yet have I at this present nine and twenty suits in law !

Tang. And all not worth forty shillings.

Pha. May it be believed?

Tang. The pleasure of a man is all.

Pho. An old fellow, and such a stinger!

Tang. A stake pulled out of my hedge, there's one; I was well beaten, I remember, that's two; I took one abed with my wife again her will, that's three; I was called cuckold for my labour, that's four; I took another abed again, that's five; then one called me wittol, that's six; he killed my dog for barking, seven; my maid-servant was knocked at that time, eight; my wife miscarried with a push, nine; et sic de cæteris. I have so vexed and beggared the whole parish with process, subpoenas, and such-like molestations, they are not able to spare so much money from a term as would set up a new weathercock the church wardens are fain to go to law with the poor's money.

Pha. Fie, fie!

Tang. And I so fetch up all the men every termtime, that 'tis impossible to be at civil cuckoldry within ourselves, unless the whole country rise upon our wives.

Pho. An excellent stratagem; but of all I most won

der at the continual substance of thy wit, that having had so many suits in law from time to time, thou hast still money to relieve 'em.

Tang. Why do you so much wonder at that? Why, this is my course: my mare and I come up some five days before a term.

Pho. A good decorum !

Tang. Here I lodge, as you see, amongst inns and places of most receipt

Pha. Very wittily.

Tang. By which advantage I dive into countrymen's causes; furnish em' with knavish counsel, little to their profit; buzzing into their ears that course, this writ, that office, this ultimum refugium; as you know I have words enow for the purpose.

Pho.

Tang.

Enow a' conscience, i' faith.

Enow a' law, no matter for conscience. For which busy and laborious sweating courtesy, they choose but feed me with money, by which I maintain mine own suits; hoh, hoh, hoh! Another special trick I have, nobody must know it, — which is, to prefer most of these men to one attorney, whom I affect best, to answer which kindness of mine he will sweat the better in my cause, and do them the less good; take't of my word, I helped my attorney to more clients last term than he will despatch all his lifetime."

Phoenix utters these fine lines:

"Thou angel sent amongst us, sober Law,
Made with meek eyes, persuading action,

No loud, immodest tongue,

Voic'd like a virgin, and as chaste from sale,
Save only to be heard, but not to rail;

How has abuse deform'd thee to all eyes,
That where thy virtues sat, thy vices rise!
Yet why so rashly for one villain's fault
Do I arraign whole man? Admired Law,
Thy upper parts must needs be sacred, pure,
And incorruptible; they're grave and wise:
'Tis but the dross beneath 'em, and the clouds
That get between thy glory and their praise,
That make the visible and foul eclipse;
For those that are near to thee are upright,
As noble in their conscience as their birth;
Know that damnation is in every bribe,

I

And rarely put it off from 'em: rate the presenters,
And scourge 'em with five years' imprisonment,

For offering but to tempt 'em.

Thus is true justice exercis'd and us'd;

Woe to the giver when the bribe's refused!
'Tis not their will to have law worse than war,

Where still the poor'st die first;

To send a man without a sheet to his grave,

Or bury him in his papers;

'Tis not their mind it should be, nor to have

A suit hang longer than a man in chains,

Let him be ne'er so fasten'd. They least know
That are above, the tedious steps below."

The following is a scene between Falso, who is a justice of the peace, and some suitors:

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First Suitor. May it please your good worship, master justice

Falso. Please me and please yourself: that's my word.

First Suit. The party your worship sent for will by no means be brought to appear.

I Finely, nobly.

Fal. He will not? then, what would you advise me to do therein ?

First Suit. Only to grant your worship's warrant, which is of sufficient force to compel him.

Fal. No, by my faith, you shall not have me in that trap: am I sworn justice of peace, and shall I give my warrant to fetch a man against his will? Why, there the peace is broken. We must do all quietly: if he come, he's welcome; and as far as I can see yet, he's a fool to be absent- ay, by this gold is he, which he gave me this morning. (Aside.)

First Suit. Why, but may it please your good worshipFal. I say again, please me and please yourself: that's my word still.

First Suit. Sir, the world esteems it a

common

favor, upon the contempt of the party, the justice to grant his warrant.

Fal. Ay, 'tis so common, 'tis the worse again: 'twere the better for me were't otherwise.

First Suit. I protest, sir, and this gentleman can say as much, it lies upon my half-undoing.

Fal. I cannot see yet that it should be so, I see not a cross yet. (Aside.)

First Suit. I beseech your worship, shew me your immediate favour, and accept this small trifle but as a remembrance to my succeeding thankfulness.

Fal. Angels? I'll not meddle with 'em: you give 'em to my wife, not to me.

First Suit. Ay, ay, sir.

Fal. But I pray tell me now, did the party viva voce with his own mouth, deliver that contempt, that he would not appear, or did you but jest in't?