Hope on! I pardon thee; but vain and strange, Thy genius serves not Themis' course to change."
A judgment as profound as Bunsby's:
"A poor man a learned sergeant sought and saw,
And questioned him upon this point of law:
'My slave-girl ran away; her some one found,
And knowing her another's chattel, bound
In marriage to his man, to whom she gave
Issue of whom now is that issue slave?'
He ponder'd, and deep por'd in many a book.
Then, turning his arch'd brow, with solemn look,
'To you or him who has the slave-girl now,
Her issue here in case as slave must bow:
But seek out some wise judge; you'll quickly gain
His weightier voice, if true what you explain.””
Another version of the same:
"A plaintiff thus explained his cause
To counsel learned in the laws:
'My bond-maid lately ran away,
And in her flight was met by A,
Who, knowing she belonged to me,
Espoused her to his servant B.
The issue of this marriage, pray,
Do they belong to me or A?'
The Lawyer, true to his vocation,
Gave signs of deepest cogitation,
Look'd at a score of books, or near,
Then hemm'd, and said, 'Your case is clear:
Those children, so begot by B
Upon your bond-maid, must, you see,
Be yours or A's. Now this I say,
They can't be yours if they to A
Belong: it follows then, of course,
That if they are not his, they're yours.
Therefore, by my advice, in short,
You'll take the opinion of the court.""
From the Greek of Nicardeus:
"Two persons deaf as posts invok'd the laws;
A judge than either deafer tried the cause:
One said the other owed him five months' rent,
One that all night in mill-work he had spent.
'Wherefore contend ye?' frowning said the Court,
'Of both the mother, both must her support."
This was translated into Latin by Sir Thomas More. Another version of the same:
"A deaf man cited his deaf neighbour
Before a judge as deaf, to ground
A debt unpaid for quarter's labour:
Defendant swore, so far from sound,
That mites were swarming in the cheese.
The judge, whose mind suspended stood,
At last decreed the marriage good,
And then dismissed them both to pay the fees."
"A thief once consulted a lawyer of note,
How best to ensure from the halter his throat.
Said the sage, as he pocketed gravely his fee,
'Run away if you can, and perhaps you'll be free."'
On the Law of Custom, founded on fact. From an obscure Albany poet :
"A western New-York judge of sterling mental stuff,
Of shaven upper lip, of manners coarse and rough,
Disdaining all such foppery as clean apparel,
Once with a young attorney sought to pick a quarrel,
And with ill-timed severity in court did lash
Th' offending youth because he sported a mustache, –
Saying, 'Young man, that dirty hair about your mouth
You didn't wear till you from Buffalo went south,
And left plain folks like us for the metropolis.'
The bashful but deserving youth blushed deep at this,
But held his tongue, and bowing low to the rebuke,
Waited till summing up, when thus revenge he took:
'The point is, gentlemen, whether a custom's proved,
With reference to which these parties are supposed
T' have contracted, — one, 'tis said, to Buffalo,
Peculiar and unknown as further south you go.
Such case may easily be, for from his honor's talk
You learn what's strange to you is common in New York.
With us they let the beard grow on the upper lip,
But this subjects one here to a judicial nip;
No custom's universal, but customs vary
With each degree of latitude in which you tarry;
A New-York judge takes pride in keeping free from dirt —
Not so with judges here — look at his honor's shirt!'
The bar with loud applause greeting this pithy one,
Acknowledged G―r met his match in F- -n."
The next seven are from "Recreation for Ingenious Head-Pieces, or a Pleasant Grove for their Wits to Walk in," etc. London, 1667:·
"Loquax, to hold thy tongue would do thee wrong, For thou wouldst be no man but for thy tongue."
"If Lawyers had for Term a tearm of war, Souldiers would be as rich as Lawyers are;
But here's the difference 'tween Guns and Gowns,
These take good Angels, th' other take crackt Crowns."
"Our Civil Law doth seem a Royal thing,
It hath more titles than the Spanish king;
But yet the Common Law quite puts it down,
In getting, like the Pope, so many a Crown."
"A lusty old gown-grave, gray-headed Sire,
Stole to a wench to quench his lust's desire:
She ask'd him what profession he might be?
I am a Civil Lawyer, girle (quoth he).
A Civil Lawyer, Sir! you make me muse,
Your talk's too broad for civil men to use:
If Civil Lawyers are such bawdy men,
O what (quoth she) are other Lawyers then?"
"Law serves to keep disordered men in aw,
But Aw preserves orders and keeps the Law:
Were Aw away L (aw) yers would lyers be
For Lucre, which they have and hold in fee.”
"To go to Law I have no maw,
Although my suite be sure;
For I shall lack suits to my back,
Ere I my suit procure."
Upon Anne's marriage with a Lawyer :
"Anne is an Angel - what if so she be?
What is an Angel but a Lawyer's fee?"
The next twenty-six are from Owen's Latin Epigrams:
"If happy's he who knows of things the cause, How happy thou Cause-Pleader with Applause."
"Lawyers are prudent, provident beside;
For prudently they for Themselves provide."
"Physicians and Lawyers in their Trade
Are like, their gain of others' loss is made:
To Patients these, to Clients those, apply
Their helping hand, and help themselves thereby."
"A man lies with a Wife, which is his own,
Whom he supposed Another's, till 'twas known:
Whether the Child by such mistake begot,
Be spurious, legitimate, or not?"
"No Terms determine, no Vacations vain,
Thou wholly Vacant art, by Strifes to gain."
"Rome had one God, called Terminus of old; But Westminster more Terms than one doth hold."
To the Lord Chancellor :—
"Lest Force, the greatest Enemy to Law,
Should violate it, Law keeps Force in awe;
But thou the Law's Extreams hast pow'r t' abate,
And in the Chancery to moderate."
"Thou pleadest for thyself, not client; he
Not for himself, but brings his Gold for thee:
The certain Laws uncertain Causes cross;
Thou sure of gain, thy Client's sure of loss."
"Pontilian, thee Christ'pher sues at Law;
Not thee, but money 'tis from thee to draw."
"Part of thy Life thou to thy wife dost give,
Part to thy Client: When to thyself wilt live?"
"Thou shalt not steal, this Law's for Lawyers writ: Thou shalt not kill, this for Physician's fit."
|