of chancery here, that gives you such a character of my adversary, makes him as black — Old. Pshaw! Away, away, lady! But, if you think the character too long, here is an epigram, not above twenty lines, upon a cruel lady, who decreed her servant should hang himself, to demonstrate his passion. Wid. Decreed! If you talk of decreeing, I have such a decree here, drawn by the finest clerk Old. O lady, lady! all interruption and no sense between us, as if we were lawyers at the bar! but I had forgot Apollo and Littleton never lodge in a head together." Which last sentiment is agreed with by Pope, who says, "How sweet an Ovid, Murray was our boast! How many Martials were in Pulteney lost!" This dialogue winds up with an offer on the part of the major to read a letter about "the coffee-man's case." The widow answers, "Nay, if your letter have a case in't, 'tis something; but first, I'll read you a letter of mine. to a friend in the country, called a letter of attorney." Finally, when one proposes to marry her, she replies, “Oh, stay, sir! Can you be so cruel as to bring me under Covert-Baron again, and put it out of my power to sue in my own name? Matrimony to a woman is worse than excommunication, in depriving her of the benefit of the law." FARQUHAR, In "The Twin Rivals," depicts a vulgar, rascally attorney, Subtleman; but I find only one sentiment in his speeches worthy of quotation. He is endeavoring to induce another to swear to a false will; and when it is objected to as against conscience, he asks, "But, if we make it lawful, what should you fear? We now think nothing against conscience, till the cause be thrown out of court." CONGREVE, in "Love for Love," makes Valentine, who assumes madness, inquire, "Why does that lawyer wear black? Does he carry his conscience without-side? Lawyer, dost thou know me? Buckram. O Lord! what must I say? Yes, sir. Valentine. Thou liest, for I am cannot get a livelihood amongst you. : truth. 'Tis hard I I have been sworn out of Westminster Hall the first day of every term, — let me see, no matter how long. But I'll tell you one thing it's a question that would puzzle an arithmetician, if you should ask him, whether the Bible saves more souls in Westminster Abbey, or damns more in Westminster Hall." After the lawyer goes, he says, ""Tis well: then we may drink a bout without going together by the ears." When the lawyer re-enters, he exclaims, ""Tis the lawyer with an itching palm; and he's come to be scratched · my nails are not long enough. Let me have a pair of red-hot tongs, quickly, quickly; and you shall see me act St. Dunstan, and lead the Devil by the nose." The lawyer runs off in a fright, and the pseudo-lunatic cries to him that he need not run so fast. "Honesty will not overtake you." Congreve shows his acuteness by attributing such sentiments as the foregoing to a madman. Jeremy, a servant, endeavoring to give an adequate idea of his skill in putting off his master's creditors, says, "I have dispatched some half a dozen duns with as much dexterity as a hungry Judge does causes at dinnertime." 66 Scandal, in speaking of his collection of portraits, — as like as at Kneller's," says, "I have some Hieroglyphics too: I have a Lawyer with a hundred Hands, two Heads, and but one Face." FIELDING, who himself was a lawyer, and a justice of the peace, has several gibes at the lawyers in "Don Quixote in England," a comedy little known. Sancho sings the following song : 66 'Rogues there are of each nation, And vinegar, since the creation, A county scarce can guard: One doctor for a churchyard." Brief, a lawyer, is cudgelled, and delivers himself as follows: "I'll have satisfaction: I won't be used after this manner for nothing, while there is either law, or judge, or justice, or jury, or crown-office, or actions of damages, or on the case, or trespasses, or assaults and batteries. I am abus'd, beaten, hurt, maimed, disfigured, defaced, dismembered, kill'd, massacred, and murdered by this rogue, robber, rascal, villain. I sha'n't be able to appear at Westminster half the whole term. It will be as good a three hundred pounds out of my pocket as ever was taken." A physician suggests that the offender is mad. Brief replies, "Pshaw! the man is no more mad than I am. I should be finely off if he could be proved non compos mentis: 'tis an easy thing for a man to pretend madness ex post facto. Very fine doctrine! very fine indeed! A man's beating of another is a proof of madness. So that if a man be indicted he has nothing to do but to plead non compos mentis, and he's acquitted, of course: so there's an end of all actions of assault and battery at once." (This is worthy of study by those emotionally lunatic persons who murder men in a fit of jealousy, and after acquittal for madness, have a lucid interval all the rest of their lives.) Don Quixote argues that the lawyer himself is mad, "or he would not have gone into a scuffle, when it is the business of men of his profession to set other men by the ears and keep clear themselves." The piece winds up with a song, in which it is sung that "Lawyers are for Bedlam fit, Or they never Could endeavor Half the rogueries to commit Which we're so mad to let 'em." In his farce, "An Old Man taught Wisdom," Wormwood, a lawyer, asks, "What would you do without lawyers? Who'd know his own property?" In "Pasquin a Dramatic Satire on the Times," being the rehearsal of two plays, viz., a comedy called "The Election," and a tragedy called "The Life and Death of Common Sense," Law is one of the characters of the tragedy, and conspires with Physic to overthrow Common Sense, saying, — 66 “While that drowsy queen Maintains her empire, what becomes of us? In tongues unknown, or rather none at all, When this proud queen, this Common Sense, abridg'd Physic. My lord, there goes a rumor through the court That you descended from a family Related to the queen: Reason is said T' have been the mighty founder of your house. Law. Perhaps so; but we have rais'd ourselves so high, And shook this founder from us off so far, We hardly deign to own from whence we came.” The Queen of Common Sense enters, and says, My Lord of Law, I sent for you this morning: I have a strange petition given to me; Two men, it seems, have lately been at law For an estate, which both of them have lost, And their attorneys now divide between them. Law. Madam, these things will happen in the law. 2. C. S. Will they, my lord? then better we have none; But I have also heard a sweet bird sing, That men, unable to discharge their debts At a short warning, being sued for them, Have, with both power and will their debts to pay, Lain all their lives in prison for their costs. Law. That may perhaps be some poor person's case, Too mean to entertain your royal ear. Q. C. S. My lord, while I am queen, I shall not think One man too mean or poor to be redress'd: |