I might extend the allegory, by mentioning several of the children of False Humour, who are more in number than the sands of the sea, and might in particular enumerate the many sons and daughters which he has begot in this island. But as this would be a very invidious task, I shall only observe in general, that False Humour differs from the True, as a monkey does from a

man

First of all. He is exceedingly given to little apish tricks and buffconeries.

Secondly. He so much delights in mimicry, that it is all one to him whether he exposes by it vice and folly, luxury and avarice; or, on the contrary, virtue and wisdom, pain and poverty.

Thirdly. He is wonderfully unlucky, insomuch that he will bite the hand that feeds him, and endeavour to ridicule both friends and foes indifferently. For having but small talents, he must be merry where he can, not where he should.

Fourthly. Being entirely void of reason, he pursues no point either of morality or instruction, but is ludicrous only for the sake of being so.

Fifthly. Being incapable of having anything but mock representations, his ridicule is always personal, and aimed at the vicious man, or the writer; not at the vice, or the writing.

I have here only pointed at the whole species of false humourists; but as one of my principal designs in this paper is to beat down that malignant spirit which discovers itself in the writings of the present age, I shall not scruple, for the future, to single out any of the small wits that infest the world with such compositions as are ill-natured, immoral, and absurd. This is the only exception which I shall make to the general rule I have prescribed myself, of attacking multitudes, since every honest man ought to look upon himself as in a natural state of war with the libeller and lampooner, and to annoy them wherever they fall in his way. This is but retaliating upon them, and treating them as they treat others.

ADDISON.

C.

observes, that in his time, when the most formidable states of world were subdued by the Romans, the republic sunk into th two vices of a quite different nature, luxury and avarice: accordingly describes Catiline as one who coveted the wealth other men, at the same time that he squandered away his of This observation on the commonwealth, when it was in its hei of power and riches, holds good of all governments that are sett in a state of ease and prosperity. At such times men natura endeavour to outshine one another in pomp and splendour, & having no fears to alarm them from abroad, indulge themsel in the enjoyment of all the pleasures they can get into their session; which naturally produces avarice, and an immoder pursuit after wealth and riches.

As I was humouring myself in the speculation of these t great principles of action, I could not forbear throwing my thoug into a little kind of allegory or fable, with which I shall here F sent my reader.

There were two very powerful tyrants engaged in a perpet war against each other, the name of the first was Luxury, and the second Avarice. The aim of each of them was no less th universal monarchy over the hearts of mankind. Luxury h many generals under him, who did him great service, as Pleasu Mirth, Pomp, and Fashion. Avarice was likewise very strong his officers, being faithfully served by Hunger, Industry, Care, a Watchfulness: he had likewise a privy-counsellor, who was alwa at his elbow, and whispering something or other in his ear; t name of this privy-counsellor was Poverty. As Avarice conduct himself by the counsels of Poverty, his antagonist was entire guided by the dictates and advice of Plenty, who was his fi counsellor and minister of state, that concerted all his measur for him, and never departed out of his sight. While these t great rivals were thus contending for empire, their conquests we very various. Luxury got possession of one heart, and Avarice another. The father of a family would often range himself und the banners of Avarice, and the son under those of Luxury. T wife and the husband would often declare themselves on the tv different parties; nay, the same person would very often side wi one in his youth, and revolt to the other in his old age. Inde the wise men of the world stood neuter; but, alas! their numbe were not considerable. At length when these two potentates h wearied themselves with waging war upon one another, they agre upon an interview, at which none of their counsellors were to t present. It is said that Luxury began the parley, and after havin represented the endless state of war in which they were engage told his enemy, with a frankness of heart which is natural to hin

mitted by you Spectators for the future. We have cashiered three companies of theatrical guards, and design our kings shall for the future make love, and sit in council, without an army; and wait only your direction, whether you will have them reinforce King Porus, or join the troops of Macedon. Mr. Penkethman resolves to consult his pantheon of heathen gods in opposition to the oracle of Delphos, and doubts not but he shall turn the fortune of Porus, when he personates him. I am desired by the company to inform you, that they submit to your censures; and shall have you in greater veneration than Hercules was of old, if you can drive monsters from the theatre; and think your merit will be as much greater than his, as to convince is more than to conquer. "I am, Sir,

"Your most obedient servant,

"T. D."

" SIB, "When I acquaint you with the great and unexpected vicissitudes of my fortune, I doubt not but I shall obtain your pity and favour. I have for many years past been Thunderer to the playhouse; and have not only made as much noise out of the clouds as any predecessor of mine in the theatre that ever bore that character, but also have descended and spoke on the stage as the bold Thunder in "The Rehearsal." When they got me down thus low, they thought fit to degrade me further, and make me a ghost. I was contented with this for these two last winters; but they carry their tyranny still further, and not satisfied that I am banished from above ground, they have given me to understand that I am wholly to depart their dominions, and taken from me even my sub. terraneous employment. Now, sir, what I desire of you is, that if your undertaker thinks fit to use fire-arms (as other authors have done) in the time of Alexander, I may be a cannon against Porus, or else provide for me in the burning of Persepolis, or what other method you shall think fit.

66 SALMONEUS OF COVENT GARDEN."

The petition of all the Devils of the playhouse in behalf of themselves and families, setting forth their expulsion from thence, with certificates of their good life and conversation, and praying relief.

The merit of this petition referred to Mr. Chr. Rich,* who made them devils.

The petition of the Grave-digger in Hamlet, to command the Pioneers in the Expedition of Alexander.

Granted.

VOL. I.

See Tat., Nos. 42 and 99.

I

The petition of William Bullock,* to be Hephestion to Penketh man the Great.t Granted.

ADVERTISEMENT.

They

A widow gentlewoman, well born both by father and mother's side, being the daughter of Thomas Prater, once an eminent practitioner in the law, and of Letitia Tattle, a family well-known in all parts of this kingdom, having been reduced by misfortunes to wait on se veral great persons, and for some time to be a teacher at a boarding school of young ladies, giveth notice to the public, That she hath lately taken a house near Bloomsbury Square, commodiously situated next the fields in a good air; where she teaches all sorts of birds of the loquacious kinds, as parrots, starlings, magpies, and others, to imitate human voices in greater perfection than ever was yet prac tised. They are not only instructed to pronounce words distinctly. and in a proper tone and accent, but to speak the language with great purity and volubility of tongue, together with all the fashion able phrases and compliments now in use either at tea-tables, or visiting-days. Those that have good voices may be taught to sing the newest opera airs, and, if required, to speak either Italian or French, paying something extraordinary above the common rates. whose friends are not able to pay the full prices, may be taken as half-boarders. She teaches such as are designed for the diversion of the public, and to act in enchanted woods on the theatres, by the great. As she has often observed with much concern how indecent an education is usually given these innocent creatures, which in some measure is owing to their being placed in rooms next the street, where, to the great offence of chaste and tender ears, they learn ribaldry, obscene songs, and immodest expressions from passengers, and idle people, as also to cry fish and card-matches, with other useless parts of learning to birds who have rich friends, she has fitted up proper and neat apartments for them in the back part of her said house; where she suffers none to approach them but herself, and a servant-maid who is deaf and dumb, and whom she provided on purpose to prepare their food, and cleanse their cages; having found by long experience how hard a thing it is for those to keep silence who have the use of speech, and the dangers her scholars are exposed to, by the strong impressions that are made by harsh sounds, and vulgar dialects. Is short, if they are birds of any parts or capacity, she will undertake to

*See No. 44, and Tat., Nos. 7 and 188.

+ See Nos. 31 and 370, and Tat., Nos. 4, 7, 20, and 188.

render them so accomplished in the compass of a twelvemonth, that they shall be fit conversation for such ladies as love to choose their friends and companions out of this species.

SOME months ago, my friend Sir ROGER being in the country, inclosed a letter to me, directed to a certain lady whom I shall here call by the name of Leonora ;* and, as it contained matters of consequence, desired me to deliver it to her with my own hand. Accordingly I waited upon her ladyship pretty early in the morning, and was desired by her woman to walk into her lady's library, till such time as she was in readiness to receive me. The very sound of a lady's library gave me a great curiosity to see it; and as it was some time before the lady came to me, I had an opportunity of turning over a great many of her books, which were ranged together in a very beautiful order. At the end of the folios (which were finely bound and gilt) were great jars of china placed one above another in a very noble piece of architecture.t The quartos were separated from the octavos by a pile of smaller vessels, which rose in a delightful pyramid. The octavos were bounded by tea-dishes of all shapes, colours, and sizes, which were so disposed on a wooden frame, that they looked like one continued pillar indented with the finest strokes of sculpture, and stained with the greatest variety of dyes. That part of the library which

* A Miss Shepheard, one of the very few ladies who are mentioned as contributors to the SPECTATOR, was said to have been the original of Leonora. But Leonora is represented as a widow; and Addison would have been the last man to have ridiculed any lady personally. The character is plainly fictitious. Miss Shepheard did write the letter signed Parthenia, in No. 140, and that signed Leonora in 163. Thus Miss Shepheard's name evidently became associated with that of Leonora, and the mistake about the Leonora of No. 37 was made.-(M.)

+ See Tat. No. 23.